GAY-OK Café!
by Ellawritesficssometimes
Summary: Welcome to the GAY-OK Café! Where all sexualities are accepted! "Lovi! Lovi! Over here!" Tch! I told you already. We don't serve morons! Boy x Boy Spamano, PruCan, RusAme, FrUk, GerIta & AusHun
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm almost certain that Spamano is my OTP. All of my recent stories revolve around them now xD. Personally, I find the idea of this story in particular to be fucking hilarious. I hope that you do too! Enjoy and thanks for reading~!**

 **Cover art: Lunabellz**

 **Edit: Also, to make characters the same age, I've written the Italy brothers as twins. I know it's not canon, so bear with me. One last thing; this story is satire.**

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Ciao fuckers! The name's Lovino Vargas. Call me Lovi and I'll fucking castrate you; unless you're a bella because then I'll politely ask you never to call me that again, flirty wink included. Tch. That's not much of a proper introduction, now is it? Hmmm. It doesn't have much pizazz coming from a writer himself. Oh! There we fucking go! That's a part that I can start from!

Welcome to hell, otherwise known as Hetalia University. In this story, hell is known for it's multiculturalism. It's a prestigious institution known for raising stuck up snobs and corrupt as hell -pun heavily included- politicians. The lies on the brochure tell you that it's an atmosphere for creating unique, inspired young individuals. Which would explain why it's separated from all of man kind. To set the mood, I presume.

The area around the University is a student town. Go there in the summer and you'll spot the cliché moth ball rolling off in the distance. But come here during the school year and you'll drown from all the people, regret, existential crises, and inferiority complexes that you will without a doubt be forced to endure and suffer from. This school is full of hotshots and cocksuckers who believe that they can change the world. I, on the other hand, consider myself to be a realist. Egotism is the only thing that fuels the want to help. It's validation. And lord knows how much people with fragile egos want to be validated.

Take my fratello for example. I have to live in his shadows every day. But here, I'm more than Feliciano's shitty, spiteful twin brother. I'm a writer with dreams and aspirations. Well. At least that's how I like think of myself. The people around me think something much different. Ah. Here come the stereotypes. Feliciano and I are very different yet all the same. We're Italian exchange students. So yes, we enjoy pasta and wine. But you know what we don't enjoy? Girls. Yes. That's right. We're both flaming homosexuals. Well, at least Feliciano is. I'm more of a closeted individual. It's no wonder that we're gay. If you saw how flamboyant our Nonno was you would have called it from the start.

It's quite funny, actually. Feliciano and I compliment each other quite well. One writes but can barely speak. One speaks but is hardly literate at all. The former being me, obviously. Feliciano's enrolled in the cooking school. There he found a stupid-potato-brick boyfriend that goes by the name of Ludwig Beilschmidt. I've never liked that kraut. He always looks constipated and pissed off. It's fucking unnerving.

Not that I should be judging or anything. It's in my nature to be pissed off all the time. In fact, a happy Lovino is something that you should be very, very scared of. It was like the calm before the storm. I was bound to get angered eventually. Literally everything triggers me. I suppose that's why my writing is so vivid. Especially the fight scenes. Heh. Perhaps I am a bit sadistic and twisted. It's no wonder why all the characters that look like Ludwig die in my novels. Blond hair and blue eyes? Die potato scum!

Back to the story. So, basically, a lot of shit went down in my first year of hell. One of them being that I was suckered into working a job that I didn't want nor did I need. Nonno covered all of our expenses. We were pretty well off in terms of money. But, of course, Feliciano just had to sucker me into getting involved with those goddamned puppy dog eyes of his. I couldn't say no to those brown, doe-like suckers. Sadness didn't suit Feliciano. He should be happy or whatever the fuck else he feels. As long as he's not being a depressing, cringy loser like me, we're A-OK. Oh Lovino. You pun loving little shit head…

Apparently, a new café had just opened up on campus. They were looking for two pairs of twins in particular. Ludwig already worked there as a baker and pasty chef. So you can see why Feliciano was so eager to apply there. My first thought when I walked into that joint was 'Oh hell to the no'. It was a gay café. A place where people of all sexualities and kinks and the likes could come to without having to be ashamed of their true selves. Basically, it was a place of the arts and intellectual discussion. Like a salon of some sorts. Even better. And by better I mean that I couldn't give less of a fuck, the café served frilly desserts and hot chocolate. It was supposed to be quaint and elegant. Something that's impossible to achieve when the name of the fucking place is the "GAY-OK Café!"

I mean seriously. The place attracted freaks of all kind. Most of which were borderline creeps. The owner was a third year business student, who went by the nickname of 'Liza'. Only Roderich was allowed to call her Elizabeta. Roderich was her rich, pretentious boyfriend who funded the entire café. Apparently, his family were descendants of Austrian aristocrats. I honestly didn't think that I would be sticking around long enough to find out more. Dio was I ever wrong.

It took one look for Elizabeta to be smitten with Feliciano and I. She practically drooled at the sight of us. We were her yaoi fantasy come true. To this day she still asks us to display acts of incestuous love in front of the customers. Fuck to the no. I worked this job because it was a place where I didn't have to be scared of my sexuality. I also got to admire and check out hot guys while I waited tables. That was always a bonus in my books. Literally. I got a lot of inspiration for my novel's characters by working here. No one was ordinary. Everyone was unique and round. Nothing flat or run of the mill ordinary…

Ask me this in person and I'll deny it. But I actually, kind of-sort-of liked working at the GAY-OK café. The staff were nice. Sure. Feliciano and Ludwig making out in the back kitchen would always prove to be barf-worthy. But the rest of the people weren't that bad. Alfred and Matthew, the other set of twins that worked at the café, were nice enough. Elizabeta was creepy, undoubtedly, but she was very supporting in every other aspect. Working here helped and still helps me overcome my fears of being rejected. I know that it was irrational to be so scared of my sexuality. Who cared what other people thought, right? But I couldn't help it. I've never liked attention. That had always been Feliciano's quirk. But being gay painted a flaming red hot target right smack in the middle of my forehead. Little did I know that I would have a moron of a bull to chase after me because of it.

That bull just so happened to storm into my life today. But not until later tonight. Argh. I suppose that I could enlighten you with a quick catch up. It's the end of September. Feliciano and I are in our second year of schooling. The idiota was supposed to work this Friday- which is today- but I was gracious enough to take over his shift. He and Ludwig had some sort of anniversary to celebrate. I wasn't doing anything and didn't mind taking on the extra shift. I was already ahead of my class work listed on the syllabuses. Syllabi? Ah hell. I don't know. You get the point. And it's not like I had friends to hang out with either. Being a writer inevitably makes you a loner. Writing comes so much easier than speaking I find.

Anyways, I was leaning on the front counter, bored out of my fucking mind. It was just before seven PM. Which meant that the evening rush was coming up. I looked around the café. Very few people were seated in the plush, neon-coloured booths. It was quiet and that's exactly how I liked it. Evening classes wouldn't end for another half hour or so.

I looked to my left and shivered. Ivan shed me with a childish grin before going back to typing up something on his lap top. That Russian didn't sit right with me. Anyone who wore a tan trench coat and scarf during all sorts of weather couldn't be trusted. Don't even get me started on his psycho creep of a sister. Never mind. I already spotted her. Natalia was sitting on the bench just outside of Ivan's booth. Her fingers clawed against the window. She was desperately attempting to get his attention.

Ivan was indifferent to her pleas and death threats. He simply typed away, not giving a fuck in the world while his bat shit crazy sister casually picked her nails with a pocket knife. You see, Natalia was banned from the inside of the restaurant. But, unfortunately, not from the outside. I scowled when I realized that she was making claw marks and finger prints on the windows again. Damnit! I just cleaned those!

I had half the mind to grab a mop and shoo her away. At least with a weapon I stood some sort of chance against her. But…was I willing to gamble away my life like that? Probably not. My life may be shitty but it wasn't entirely worthless. There was always food to look forward to.

I sighed and slumped my elbows onto the granite counter. I let my auburn bangs sweep into my face to block out the blinding, setting sun. I closed my eyes. Maybe I could catch some sleep before the evening rush started. I spoke too soon.

"LIKE! COMING THROUGH!" Feliks hollered. I jolted up and cursed under my breath. Feliks shed me with an unapologetic grin as he glided past the front counter in his glittery pink roller skates. I rolled my eyes and scoffed. Feliks embodied the word flamboyant. He was a Pole who was about as straight as a circle. If the pink mini skirt, shaved legs, green eye shadow, and cropped, pixie hair cut wasn't already an indication of that.

I watched Feliks skate up to his gentleman caller, otherwise known as Toris. Feliks set down the Lithuanian's plate of chocolate cake and batted his obviously fake lashes. Toris blushed demurely and shyly mumbled his thanks. I tore away my gaze when Feliks purposefully dropped a bundle of napkins onto the ground. I've seen his butthole way too many times to count, thank you very much. The sad part was that Liza actually encouraged this. Vulgarity (me) and promiscuity (Feliks) paid the bills, apparently. But still. Feliks could at least wear some underwear for fuck's sake. The bells of the front door should be chiming, not his balls. Ugh. Sorry for the extremely disturbing mental picture. I lose my filter when I'm low on sleep.

The dress code in this establishment was something that I've been fighting against for a while now. Everyone had to be glittered or dazzled up in some shape or form. I simply wore a pair of ripped jeans, a button up black blouse, and a pair of nice loafers. I compromised with Liza by agreeing to wear a sparkly purple waiter's apron. I couldn't wear pink, otherwise I would be on the receiving end of Feliks' death glares. Everything was fine and good until you impeded on the Pole's 'unique' sense of style. Tch. Attention hog. You couldn't claim an entire fucking colour for yourself.

And once again, we fall back to validation. Egos were huge. Especially in a place where the oppressed were empowered. Who knew that a small dessert place could give a person so much confidence? It was a place free of harassment. Well, at least for the customers anyway.

Liza would never cease to stop harassing me. Said harassment came in the form of her hugging me from behind. The Hungarian giggled as she let her head fall on my shoulder. Her honey brown hair dangled over the counter and tickled my forearms. I spoke through gritted teeth. "Can I help you?" Liza sighed. I swatted away her hand. This was the fifth time _tonight_ that she had attempted to grope my butt. Honestly. Even if I'm gay, wouldn't that still be considered as cheating?

"You're standing still on the job," she hummed. "This is what you get for being a naughty boy." I shrugged off her arms, as gently as I could because she was _still_ a girl, no matter how creepy, and span around. Liza huffed and crossed her arms. I made a clear effort not to look at her chest. She was wearing a white blouse that practically screamed boobtastic. Man. If Roderich saw those he would probably have a heart attack. He preferred demure women. And Liza was far from demure. She was downright insane.

"It's not busy and Feliks is hogging up all the customers anyways," I grumbled. I averted my gaze to the ground and avoided Liza's smug, imploring eyes. I blushed slightly. I've always had a chronic face flushing problem. I had a nasty habit of wearing my emotions on my face. Liza cooed and ogled at me like I was a small child.

"Oh Lovi! You're so cute~!" she squealed. My eyes twitched. I. Hated. Being. Called. Lovi. It was too personal of a nickname. It was reserved only for Feliciano and my dumbass, eccentric grandpa. No one else had the right to call me that, damnit!

If that wasn't enough, Liza somehow managed to sneak a hand past my line of sight. I yelped and fell forward when she smacked my butt. Her hand lingered in that general area. Too long! Too long! Oh Dio, this was a full on grope! Class two molestation!

"Fucking hell!" I cursed. "Stop using my butt as your fucking stress toy!"

Everything about that sentence was wrong. I shouldn't even have to explain myself.

Liza laughed. It was more like an evil cackle. I blushed and considered making a fort under the spare pile of unused cooking aprons. "But it's soooo relieving," she purred. Manicured fingers reached up to squish my lips together. I looked down and scowled. My blush deepened.

"Besides," Liza trilled. "You're not working the Tsundere angle strong enough!" I blushed even harder. God damnit. Here we go again. My shyness was being exploited for the purpose of profit. And it wasn't even mine. What fucking bullshit.

"Ah! Much better~!" I yelped when my eyes were blinded with the flash of a camera.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!" I roared.

Liza ignored me. She grinned and flipped through her camera roll.

"The sexual frustration on your face was just too tempting!" she pouted. "It would have been a crime not to capture it."

I snatched the phone from her hands. I held it over her head and thankfully out of reach. It wasn't my fault that she was hobbit sized. I wasn't exactly the tallest person in the room. That title would go to Ivan. But I wasn't exactly short either. I deleted the photo. But not before getting the password wrong three times and locking her phone. Serves that bitch right.

Liza glowered at me. That glower quickly turned into a feigned smile when a group of students poured into the café. Manicured nails dug into my forearm. I bit my lip to quell my scream. Yup. That was definitely going to scar. Just great. She was adding further to my crescent moon collection. Obviously that wasn't enough to satisfy her. Liza skirted behind me and grabbed my butt. AGAIN. She was using the counter to her advantage. It was high enough to cover both of our midsections.

I tried to keep my cool. The customers were looking. It was imperative that I made a good first impression. I smiled through the harassment. I received a lot of odd looks. Couldn't blame them. My face was red. My body twitched enough to make anyone think that I was having a seizure.

"Say it," Liza hissed in a deadly whisper.

I discreetly looked over my shoulder. "Fuck no," I hissed back through gritted teeth.

"Say it or I'll make sure to schedule Feli and Ludwig together; _all the time_."

I scowled. What was a day of Liza's life without coercion? The last thing I ever wanted was to endure Feliciano and Ludwig making out and playfully smearing cake batter onto each other's faces. Fucking disgusting if you ask me. It was a very calculated move on Liza's part, however.

"Oh fine," I huffed.

I grinned a smile so wide and fake that I could practically feel the plastic cracking in my cheeks.

"Welcome to the GAY-OK Café! Where all sexualities and kinks are accepted!"

Liza slapped my butt again.

I didn't have to be a genius to know that there would be many more to come.

…

9:00 PM.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It was a full house. It didn't help that everyone bailed at the last minute. Feliks ditched his shift to go to Toris' poetry event. And Alfred, the one fucking chef that we had for the night, left to go and relieve the sexual tension that he shared with Ivan. Ok. The last one was more of a prediction on my part. What really happened was that Alfred had challenged Ivan to an arm wrestling contest. Which had somehow morphed into a drinking contest else where. They both denied it but everyone knew that they would end up together sooner or later. Even if Ivan was quote on quote straight. Sorry, asshole. You're not fooling anyone. No straight male likes the smell of sun flowers, let alone long walks in the park. It's just unheard of.

The only workers in the café were Liza and I. We were both doing a little bit of everything. She was helping me handle the tables. Right now I was in the kitchen plating and adding the finishing touches to a slice of German chocolate cake. The irony was baffling. The potato bastard had baked that. He didn't even have to try to piss me off. Him existing was the only trigger that I ever needed.

The kitchen doors swung open and Liza doubled over to catch her breath. Her hands fell on her knees. She was wearing a white bandana to keep the straggly, long strands of hair out of her face. Running back and forth had really taken its toll on her. Her face was pink with exertion. She wasn't used to working this much. Most of the time she just watched us employees work, all the while admiring our butts. Today was one of the rare days that she actually got off of her lazy ass and helped.

"They're….all…animals…" she wheezed.

I smirked. "Of course they are. They're hangry students who have nothing better to do than to shit on the person serving food to them. What did you expect?"

Liza's green eyes widened. "How do you do this?"

I shrugged and handed her the plated food. I admired the intricately woven laces of chocolate and caramel sauce on the side of the plate. I wasn't nearly as good as Feliciano was, but I was somewhat decent at art. I suppose you could say that I had a knack for visual appeal.

"I ask myself that all the time," I snorted. "Trust me. It only get's worse." I twisted my waiters apron and grabbed a pen and paper from the front pouch. I grinned when I heard the jingle of money in it. I had made a massive amount of tips so far and the night was far from over. Feliciano was missing out on a small fortune. I grimaced. I really didn't want to think about what he was doing with the potato right now. The box of condoms on his night side table was definitely not a good sign. I inadvertently snapped the pen in two. Black ink dribbled down my wrist.

"Shit," I cursed. Liza grabbed a rag and I quickly wiped off the ink. I couldn't waste anymore time. The longer the customers waited the stingier their tips would be. I pushed open the kitchen doors with my shoulders.

"Has table ten been served yet?" I asked, looking over my shoulder.

Liza shook her head. The serious expression on her face caused me to falter. "Lovino?"

I stopped and let the door fall against my shoulder. "Yeah?" Liza grimaced. You would think that I had just been sent off to war. Wait… Was she pitying me? Oh. This couldn't be good.

"Be careful. 'My friend', Gilbert…he and his friends are sitting at that table. If they do anything that you don't like…" Liza scowled and paused to aim a glance at a nearby frying pan. The girl was swing-happy. In other words, she was always looking for an excuse to whack someone over the head with it. My lazy, sorry excuse of an existence included.

I shook my hand and waved her off with a fake, albeit secretly worried smile. Further explanation was no longer necessary. I've heard many things about Gilbert. None of which were good. He came here every Friday night with his two friends. They were well known seniors through out the University. The 'Bad Touch Trio' as everyone liked to call them. Feliciano talked about them a lot. He typically served on Fridays. I've never had a first hand experience with them before. All I knew was that they were very gay and very dangerous to be around. I kept that in mind when I left the kitchen and headed straight for their table.

The first thing that I heard was very loud, boisterous shouting. I clicked my pen in irritation and stopped to stand at the side of their booth. Three obvious trouble makers sat before me. The one on my right had whitish blonde hair, milk pale skin, and gleaming red eyes. He was sitting on his own. He was also the loudest of them all. His wardrobe spoke volumes. Skinny jeans with all sorts of chains and straps attached to it, a black Metallica t-shirt, and a red bandana tied around his neck. The only thing that set off my gaydar for him was the fact that he actively waved around his hands when he spoke. It was a horrible stereotype, I know, but it often proved to be true. I present to you fuck nugget #1.

Sitting across from fuck nugget #1, was an effeminate man with shoulder length blond hair, which was tied back into a lazy, effortless pony tail, and blue eyes. Eyes that were without a doubt undressing me at this given moment. He was wearing a purple cardigan, with a white t-shirt underneath, loosely fitted denim capris, and brown loafers. I avoided his smirk and silently deemed him as fuck nugget #2.

I moved on from fuck nugget #2 and let my eyes rest on the third person sitting near the window. I didn't see much. Most of his face was obscured by the menu that he was holding to it. The only visible feature that I saw was a mop of messy, chocolate coloured curls. The baggy, black long sleeved shirt that he wore told me that he didn't care all that much about his appearance. Unlike his fashion eager friends. I felt more of a carefree, lax vibe from him. You know what happens next. I reluctantly introduce you to ' _dark and mysterious'_ fuck nugget #3.

Fuck nugget #1 was the first to notice me. His red eyes widened with excitement. His lips quickly formed into a pout when he gave me a quick once over. "Where's Mattie?" he grumbled, crossing his arms and looking dramatically disappointed.

I furrowed my brows. Oh. He meant Matthew. Come to think of it, where was Matthew? I hardly ever saw that bello anymore. Alfred, his slightly older twin brother, was very protective of him. Just like I didn't like Feliciano waiting tables, Alfred didn't like it when Matthew did. We were both very protective of our other halves. It was the only thing that the hamburger eating dipshit and I shared in common. This café was a zoo. It was not for the weak hearted and overly trustful people. Both of which Matthew and Feliciano inevitably were.

"He's not working," I said through an unbearably fake smile. "My name's Lovino and I'll be your server for the night."

Two seconds. It took these fuckers two seconds before they began with their assault. Fuck nugget #1 assaulted me with questions about Matthew and his whereabouts. I didn't have much of an answer to offer him. And even if did, I wouldn't have told him anything. Alfred would murder me if I gave a customer confidential information about his precious 'lil bro'.

Fuck nugget #2 on the other hand, sexually assaulted me. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his slimy, snail lips. My eyes and lips twitched in harmony. No Lovino. Punching him in the face wouldn't be professional. No matter how warranted that it probably - _most definitely_ \- was.

"Pleasure to be acquainted with you, cher," he purred with a wink. "The name's Francis. You can call me Papa if you want. Ah, but only in bed, of course." I wrenched my hand back, completely appalled.

Fuck nugget #1 obviously thought that my reaction was hilarious. "Franny!" he chortled. "Try to be a bit more subtle will ya? You're making the poor guy blush!"

Francis glowered at the cackling albino. "Speak for yourself, Gilberte. You just about man-handled Matthieu last time."

"How could I not! He gave me a free brownie, kesesese. Not to mention that fact that he's soooooo adorably shy!" Gilbert squealed with a dreamy look on his face.

"You won't think he's so cute when he files a restraining order on you," Francis retorted.

I spluttered and coughed. Francis and Gilbert ended their squabble to direct their attention back to me. I could hardly form a coherent sentence at this point. Two minutes and they had already reduced me to speechlessness. This was going to be one hell of a long night. "D-Do you know what you're going to order?" I stammered.

SLAM!

Gilbert slapped his hands against the wooden surface of the table. Francis gave him a ruffled look. Mysterious fuck nugget #3 was audibly murmuring to himself. "Oi! Toni?! What are you getting?" the albino bellowed. Several people in the café looked over in our direction. Oh great. My embarrassment was now the entertainment of the night. Just fucking perfect.

Francis raised a blond brow at me. "Lovino was it?" An ecstatic grin formed on his face. "You must be Feliciano's twin brother!"

I grudgingly nodded my head. I bit my tongue to prevent myself from swearing. Exercising restraint with these fuckers was a miracle in itself. I failed almost immediately. "Congratulations, fuck boy detective! You guessed right! Did us looking exactly alike clue you in? Or was it your dazzling intellect at hand?"

"Ohonhonhon. This one's feisty." Francis elbowed the person sitting next to him. Gilbert wasn't having much success in getting their friend's attention. Chewing up pieces of napkin and throwing the little white balls over the table proved unsuccessful when the person was fast asleep, even if they were sitting up. Francis plucked the menu out of 'Toni's' hands. The idiot started awake, rubbed at his eyes and let out a sleepy - _adorable_ \- yawn.

My jaw nearly dropped to the ground. He had the most piercing, alluring green eyes that I had ever seen in my life. They were captivating. He had certainly grabbed my attention now. My heart was pumping like crazy. The boy rubbed a guilty hand over the back of his tanned neck and shed his friends with an apologetic smile. The world stopped when his eyes locked with mine. His eyes widened for a brief moment before they darkened into something much more sinister. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I felt so bare and vulnerable.

"Sorry, eheh. I didn't think that we would have such an attractive waiter," he apologized. "I got bored and fell asleep," he chuckled. We established direct eye contact again. I blushed red from head to toe. He had a way of looking at a person. And I mean _really_ looking at a person. I wasn't used to such an analytical gaze. It had such a fine attention for detail, which, quite frankly was extremely discomforting. Gilbert and Francis looked back and forth between the two of us. Twin maniacal grins were plastered on both of their faces.

"Oh-oh!" Gilbert guffawed. "Looks like our dear Antonio has the hots for Feliciano's snippy twin brother!"

I shook my fist at the boisterous albino. I had just about had it up to here with their shit. "I'm not snippy, you pasty bastard!" I seethed, woefully contradicting myself and proving otherwise. Antonio's cheeks flushed a light pink. My cheeks were flaming red. Usually this was the tell-tale sign to stop. You know, red means stop. Don't provoke the Tsundere. Shut the fuck up. Clearly Gilbert was illiterate when it came to reading the atmosphere. That jackass just kept going and going and going…

"KESESESE! LOOK! THEY'RE BOTH BLUSHING!….OW!" Gilbert cried out when Francis kicked him in the shin. Righteously so. He was still a pervert but that kick put him far lower than Gilbert in my overall asshole ranking. The perverted ranking was an entirely different story.

"Lovino, will you please excuse us for a moment? We have a very important matter to discuss…" Francis grinned to reassure me. I didn't feel very reassured. "About our dessert choice, of course! We'd like to pick out something truly _yummy_..."

I lost track of what they were talking about. Was I a metaphor for their dessert? What the actual fuck was even happening? I spluttered, and when words didn't come out, I nodded, turned on my heels and walked over to stand beside a vacant table. I could feel their stares on me the entire time. I was especially aware of Antonio's stare. The fact that I could hear snippets of their conversation didn't exactly help to eradicate my blush. Regardless. I understood the basic gist of it.

"Oi! Toni! You better ask that guy out! You saw that, right Franny? It was practically love at first blush!"

"Ohonhon. Gil's right. From the looks of it, that little Italian could use a little bit of sex in his life. It'll help him unwind~."

"Eheh, you really think so? He is pretty cute. He kind of reminds me of a tomato."

"Why?" Francis and Gilbert asked in unison.

"His face eheh. It's just so red and cute. I want to squish it."

Francis and Gilbert exchanged wary looks.

"I wouldn't advise doing that…"

"Oh?"

"Ja," Gilbert added. "It would be very unawesome for you to die so young…"

"Should I ask him out?"

"Oui. I ship it."

"Go for it man."

"Eheh. Any last words of advice?"

"Don't die." Gilbert and Francis snorted.

"Oh Lovino~!" Francis called. "We're ready~!"

I stomped back over to their table. Antonio was fully awake now. A passion that wasn't there before burned in his eyes. The devilish smirk on his face sent chills up my spine. "What can I get for you guys?" I robotically grumbled. I clicked my pen in dreaded anticipation.

"Francis and I will share a slice of chocolate cake." Gilbert hummed, tapping his fingers against the table. I curled my lip into a snarl. Cheap bastards. I didn't bother to record the order.

"And for your friend?" I asked, refusing to look Antonio in the eyes. I knew that he was staring at me. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He was visibly pouting. He opened his mouth. Oh Dio. Here we go again. At least this time I was somewhat prepared for it.

"That's not very fair, Lovi!" he chided. "I have a name!"

"Tell it to the cook. I don't give a fuck," I snapped. "Now what do you want?"

"I would also like a slice of chocolate cake. That and your phone number, Por favor." Antonio's smug grin and rolling of his tongue did numbers on my anger. He looked entitled and just so goddamned attractive. And fucking infuriating. Don't forget about that.

I was livid. Somehow I managed to speak calmly; at first. I didn't hesitate to rip right into that bastard's cocky tirade. "The cake I can do," Antonio's aloof looking smile fell. I didn't stop.

"Would you like a cup of tea with that?" I asked in a sugary sweet voice. "I would highly recommend it. It'll help quench the thirst of your desperate attempts to flirt with me."

The entire café must have been listening to our conversation. No doubt Liza had something to do with that. Regardless, the entire joint fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Or in this case, the crumbling of Antonio's almighty ego.

Antonio, the dumbass, simply grinned as if I was joking. "Eheh, Lovi! You're so funny. But enough playing around. I really would like your phone number." The Spaniard twirled a chocolate curl around his index finger. Keh. As if that flirtatious act was going to win me over. My heart was racing only because of my anger. Yeah. That's got to be it. I'm going to overlook the fact that he called me Lovi. Just this once…

"Try again fuckface. Maybe you should get your friends to teach you how to read."

Antonio chuckled nervously. "Why?"

"Because my numbers not on the _fucking_ menu."

Cue the air horns.

The café erupted in a series of roars and catcalls. I abruptly turned on my heels and stalked off into the kitchen. I received several pats to the back as I made my way over there. I had also earned myself one pat to the butt, courtesy of Liza's all too eager hands. The entire time I felt my stomach lurch with unease. It was only until I reached the safety of the kitchen that I let out the breath that I had been holding in for so long. My face burned. I balled my hands into tight fists.

"The fuck was that?"

…

11:00 PM.

I spent the rest of the night in the kitchen. It would have been extremely awkward to show my face after that whole fiasco. Business slowed and Liza was locking up in the front. All I had to do was give the tables one last wipe down and I was free to go. I scowled as I sauntered over to table #10. Otherwise known as the bastard table.

As if cleaning up their bastard germs wasn't bad enough already, a yellow sticky note was stuck to surface of the table. The tomato caricature on the front was a dead giveaway as to who it was from. I picked up the note and crumpled it in my hand. After an intense moment of stubborn deliberation, I relented and unfolded it. Written on the back was the Spanish bastard's number.

 _Dear Lovi!_

 _You're really cute and you remind me of a tomato!_

 _I like tomatoes. Which means that I like you! (A lot :D)_

 _Call me sometime!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Swiggity Swooty, Get the Fuck Away from my Booty!:**

The past two weeks have been fucking hell. Mid-terms are coming up in a couple of weeks. Which means that it's Satan's time to shine. Satan, being my professors, of course. It's like they get a kick out of making us miserable. I mean seriously. The first two weeks are so relaxed. You coast through, go to class, and take notes like any other diligently delusional student would. Times are good. What a breeze, right? WRONG! Surprise motherfucker! You've got three essays, two midterms and an oral exam due all in the span of three days! My Lit professor literally (ha) assigned us two essays this week. Not one, but two. That bastard. It's not like he's marking those papers either. He has his slave monkeys, otherwise known as the TA's, to mark them for him. Drawing from all of this, you can probably tell that I'm not in the greatest of moods. Go figure. Lovino's pissed off. What's fucking new?

It was Saturday night. The evening rush was always a bit later on the weekends, so I didn't have much to do. It was only five in the afternoon. I was stuck to my usual post at the front counter. I wasn't being in the least bit productive. I refused to look in the general area of table ten. Why? Because there was a certain Spanish bastard currently blowing air kisses at me. My hands twitched. I considered grabbing a fly swatter to figuratively smack them away. But then again, playing along with his twisted schemes would only encourage the moron to keep pursuing me.

My protests obviously weren't working all that well. The bastard 'coincidentally' showed up to the café every day that I was scheduled in to work. I was beginning to suspect that Feliciano was in on this conspiracy. That air head was always trying to hook me up with someone. Apparently, being lonely, grumpy, and miserable wasn't the proper way to live. So his solution was to hook me up with a sleep-deprived, cat-loving philosophy major. You can only guess how well that first date turned out. It goes to say that I drew out my claws when he attempted to pet me into submission.

Oh well. I suppose that Antonio being here all the time wasn't that bad. He does leave me some pretty hefty tips. Even if I wasn't the one serving him -which I never was. I had made it my personal mission to serve tables at the polar opposite end of the café. So far, my plan was succeeding quite well. Not a word has been spoken between us. Sure, he sends me notes from time to time. But I make sure to look him dead in the eye before I use a lighter to burn and destroy them. Overkill? Perhaps. Do I regret it? Not one fucking bit.

The horror in his eyes when I do that is priceless. Kicking down his ego a few notches is always something to look forward to. Unfortunately, this bastard has got a lot of fight left in him. It takes a buttfuck ton of effort to kick him down for good. Which is something that I've been aspiring to do for the past two weeks. I'm getting closer and closer every day. I try to ignore the fact that I get a small pang in my stomach every time that he looks at me. I rationalize it as nervous anticipation. I just couldn't wait to get rid of him. Yeah. That must be it. Don't argue with me on this. I'll fucking wreck you.

I let my elbows fall onto the marble counter. Feliks was gliding back and forth, shouting girlish quips as people dove out of his path of glitter and flamboyant destruction. Liza and her fangirl group were sitting near the front windows. It was a group that I tried to avoid at all costs. I didn't dare to walk past their table. If I did, several things would happen: Liza would try and succeed in grabbing my butt (no surprise there), Kiku would film the entire molestation, and his girlfriend, Mei, would be there to rate and critique my tsundere levels. Don't ask; I'd rather not explain. You don't think in this café. You either smile or run. Most of the time it's running; actually, it's _a lot_ of running.

A gentle hand grasped my shoulder.

"Eh, Lovino?"

"FUCK! CHIGI!" I screamed and started with a jump. Mei sent me a chilling grin. She used a sharpie to write down my score onto a napkin. The Taiwanese girl proudly held up my tsundere rating. I scored a 9.5/10. Just fucking wonderful. It wasn't long before I was assaulted with the blinding flash of the camera, courtesy of Kiku, and a downright predatory grin from Liza.

I spun around. Matthew's face blushed a bright pink. He swallowed and averted his gaze to the ground. Matthew was a thoughtful and pensive Canadian boy. He was probably one of the only people that I could stand working with in this café. He had bright violet eyes, shoulder length curly blond hair, which had a weird cowlick sticking out from his forehead, and a slim build for a body. The Canadian was wearing his usual outfit. Or 'pervert repellent' as Alfred, his American twin brother, liked to call it. The outfit consisted of a red flannel shirt, with all the buttons done up, excessively baggy jeans that just about fell off of his slim waistline, and black leather loafers.

"Oh," I sighed out of relief. "It's just you." My eyes widened. Hurt flashed across Matthew's face. Damnit. How inconsiderate of me. Matthew and I shared the same type of demons when it came to our brothers. They were both loud, social, and overall more likeable to be around. Matthew was often forgotten because of his soft spoken nature. It wasn't his fault. To be brutally honest, Alfred was more memorable out of the two. The American made a much stronger impression on people, albeit it being an obnoxious one.

I struggled to cover up the mistake of my fat mouth. "I mean, not that I mind or anything. I just thought that you were another one of those perverts." I inadvertently jerked my thumb in the direction of Antonio's table. The idiota had the audacity to cup his hands into a heart and coo at me in response. He reminded me of a lovesick puppy.

Matthew pushed up his glasses on the bridge of his slender nose. "Oh," he mumbled. He shed me with a look of pitiful understanding. I reciprocated that gesture with a grimace. Being a server in this café was never easy. It turned you into a magnet for perverts. It's just unfortunate that the one I got stuck with was a persistent little fucker.

"That guy's been staring at you all afternoon," Matthew remarked. I grit my teeth. I didn't have to look to know that he was smirking. The boy was a passive aggressive little shit. Only those who knew him well would realize just how sarcastic he truly was. I suppose that's why we got along so well. We both had a profound appreciation for dark humour and making fun of insufferable customers.

"Don't remind me," I growled in a low voice. The Canadian simply chuckled at my flustered reaction. I could already feel the traitorous heat rising to my face.

To deter the topic, I playfully bumped shoulders with Matthew. If he wasn't so freaking tall I would have draped a casual arm around his shoulders. But alas, Matthew was a willowy, gentle giant -one that didn't hesitate to use his full height advantage over me. Exhibit A; the maple bastard was now fondly ruffling my hair. I smacked away his hand and went for the cheap shot. I had no shame in the matter.

"What about that Gilbert guy, huh?" I inquired. "From what I hear, he's been trying to get in your pants for a while now."

Matthew's blush was instantaneous. He quickly became a stammering mess. I stuck up my chin to the air and harrumphed in triumph. "You like that pasty bastard, don't you?" I grinned.

"N-no. H-he's just a customer. It w-wouldn't be very professional to harbor any f-feelings for him…"

"Lies!" I cackled manically. "Your face practically spells hot and bothered! You're fucking head over heels for him! Just admit it!"

"N-no. I d-don't…." Matthew grew more and more helpless. He looked like he was considering curling up into a ball and hibernating for the rest of the semester. No one was there to save him from my pressing claims.

My lips curled in distaste. I spoke too soon.

The kitchen doors swung open only to slam shut just as violently. Matthew and I both grimaced at the sound of Alfred's booming, ear-deafening laughter. "HAHAHA! Not to worry, Mattie! I'll save you! Those perverts don't stand a chance~!"

Alfred strolled behind us. Matthew and Alfred were very similar in appearance. Well go fucking figure, Lovino! They were identical twins, after all. But where Matthew had violet eyes, Alfred had bright cerulean ones. His hair wasn't a pale shade of blond, but rather more of a dirty wheat colour. Alfred was also slightly taller and more muscular than Matthew. The American was wearing a black, open-collar dress shirt, ripped skinny jeans, and a white cooking apron that was covered in hand prints, smears of chocolate and 'God-knows-what-else' stains. His hair defied gravity, especially that one particular cowlick near his hair line, but today it looked like it had gone through a blender. Flecks of flour covered the lenses of his glasses and the crumbs of what must have been yesterday's dessert were stuck to the corners of his disgusting mouth. Fucking fatass. That's what he was.

Matthew scowled. "Alfred," he scolded, patronizing his twin as if he were a small child. Which Alfred most definitely was. "How come you aren't helping out in the kitchen? And, oh, I don't know, doing _your_ job?"

Alfred waved off his brother's nagging with a chocolate smeared hand. He was eating a hot fudge brownie with his bare hands. I cringed and just about snapped at the sound of Alfred's lip-smacking chewing. He was always one to speak with his mouth open. I bit my lip to quell my nausea.

"Being a hero to my lil bro will always be my top priority!" Alfred held up an index finger to pause his train of thought. He gulped down another massive bite of his brownie and burped. As if that wasn't already disgusting enough, he grabbed a can of Arizona and began to guzzle it down, all the while making sickening slurping noises. Matthew and I spared each other loathing looks.

SLAM! Alfred set down the empty soda can onto the counter, crumpling it into a flat, uneven, metal circle. I took a step back to avoid the spit-soaked soda shrapnel.

Matthew facepalmed. "I don't need a hero. I can handle the customers just fine on my own, thank you very much!" he huffed with about as much anger as a weaning baby chinchilla.

Alfred cackled and draped a heavy arm over Matthew's already slumped shoulders. The latter's knees buckled under the former's weight.

"Just like how you handled that pasty freak the other night? Eh, Mattie?" he scolded. "You shouldn't be such a pushover when it comes to giving people your phone number!" Alfred just about screamed into his brother's ear. He had never been one to master the art of speaking at a reasonably loud volume. Subtlety had never been his strong suit; being an obnoxious, boisterous moron was.

Matthew's response was muffled. Alfred had tucked the Canadian's head under his armpit; it was his way of showing brotherly affection.

"W-who said that I gave him my number?" Matthew stuttered.

"Rumours spread fast here, lil bro. You should know better."

Matthew's ears joined in on the blushing party.

Alfred knew his brother well.

"HA! SO YOU DID GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER!"

"N-no…I…" The mortification game was strong with Matthew. "Y-you tricked me!"

I snickered and stepped back to avoid the rebound from the kick that Matthew had aimed at Alfred's shin. Alfred took the hint and released Matthew from his imprisoning choke-hold.

"Tabarnac!" Matthew cursed. "Just look what you did!"

Matthew scrambled to straighten his waiter's apron. Alfred's chocolate hand prints were smeared onto the front of it. I would have laughed had it not been for Matthew's death glare. That was one bello that you didn't want to piss off. Sure, he was quiet and harmless most of the time, but get him angry and there would be hell to pay. The last customer that did that had had his teeth knocked out with a motherfucking hockey stick. Matthew was right. He was more than capable of handling himself. Alfred's 'mother douche' tendencies was far from necessary.

Alfred, unsurprisingly, procured another brownie from the front pocket of his cooking apron. Matthew was quick to smack it out of his hands and into a nearby garbage can. Now that's what I call a proper slap shot! "Get back in the kitchen and do your damned job!" he growled.

"But Mattttieeee!" Alfred whined. "It's so awkward! Feli and Ludwig are all over each other!"

All three of us winced when the echoes of Feliciano's girly laughter traversed from the kitchen.

" _Oh Luddy~! You naughty, boy! Ve, you touched me there on purpose~!"_

 _"Ja, and what if I did?"_

I shuddered and proceeded to block out the rest of _that_ conversation.

I turned back to Matthew and Alfred. Alfred glared at me. "This is your fault," he accused, crossing his arms. Oh my fuck. Here we go again. Alfred blamed me for Feliciano and Ludwig's relationship. After all, I was the one who had given him my consent to date the potato in the first place.

But only after months of begging and pouting. It didn't matter in the end. If Feliciano wanted something, he would stop at nothing to get it. Alfred was just butthurt because I had failed my duty as the 'older brother' figure. It had something to do with a hidden bro code that involves cock blocking the shit out of the younger. Whatever. A happy Feliciano was much better than a moping one. Trust me. That air head could be miserable to be around if he didn't get his way. I remember this one time where he had banned me from entering his room. It turned out that he had been skyping with Ludwig the entire time. It was just like Romeo and Juliet; pasta-lover and wurst-fucker edition.

"Piss right the fuck off," I scowled. "You know that they would have ended up together regardless of my opinion over the matter."

Alfred sniffed and indignantly turned his head to the side. Matthew had reversed their positions. The Canadian was using a wet wipe to clean off the smudges of chocolate from his twin's mouth, teeth, and grimy fingers. When he was done with that, he grabbed Alfred's shoulders, spun him around and gave him a swift kick to the bum. Alfred bucked forward and squealed like the pig that he was.

"Go make a mess somewhere else," Matthew snapped.

"And do what?" Alfred just about whimpered. He had left the kitchen to take refuge from Ludwig and Feliciano's coddling. There wasn't much else for him to do. Or anywhere to go for that matter.

Matthew shrugged. "I don't know. Why don't you entertain Ivan?" he suggested, most likely sarcastically. I could never tell with that guy.

On cue, Ivan looked up from his laptop and sent Alfred a chilling smile. "Hello little one~!" he sang, waving his massive gloved hand in what was meant to be a friendly manner, but it came across as more of a ' _I'm going to wreck your tight butthole at night and you're going to like it, da_?' type of wave. Fucking creepy if you ask me. An aura similar to the color of his lilac eyes glowed around the smirking Russian.

Alfred fumed. He blushed right to the tip of his snotty, arrogant nose. "5'11 is not little!" he raged. I smirked. Ivan's looming height of 6'1 stroked Alfred's ego in the wrong way. It was obvious that he felt inferior in comparison to the stoic Russian. Which would explain why he was arming up and working out at the gym every day now. Something told me that it wasn't just his height that Alfred was just trying to overcompensate for. I smugly took a sip of my now cold espresso latte. But that's none of my business.

Matthew leaned an elbow against the counter. "20 bucks says that he won't last a minute with Ivan."

I reached into my waiter's apron, pulled out a twenty-dollar bill, and slapped it onto the counter.

"Ha!" I snorted. "More like 30 seconds."

Alfred stomped -more like twitched- over to Ivan's table. Ivan giggled - _yes, giggled_ \- and offered the fuming American a sunflower that he had picked from the garden outside. "Sunflower?" he asked.

Alfred smacked the sunflower to the ground. "Enough flattery, Braginski! What the hell do you want?!" he growled.

That was Alfred's one and only mistake.

Ivan's smile fell.

And… let the chaos unfold.

Ivan moved in a blur of white, presumably from his scarf, and pinned down Alfred, face first, onto the wooden table. The Russian had the American's wrist pinned behind his back. "All I did was say hello, little one. Why must you be so rude? I should teach you a lesson, da?"

The sickening crunch of Alfred's spine could be heard. It muffled and drowned out most of the vulgarity spewing from his mouth.

"Let me go, dammit!"

"What was that? Press tighter? Okay, tehe~!"

Alfred thrashed and squirmed but to no avail. "You're a sick bastard, Ivan!"

"Hehee~! How sweet! I've never been complimented like that before~!"

"Communist asshole!"

Ivan used his free hand to pinch Alfred in the stomach. His lilac eyes twinkled with sadistic delight.

"Capitalist pig~!" The looming Russian cooed.

Alfred roared and reddened all the same. His weight must have been a sensitive subject.

I held out my hand to Matthew and grinned. "Pay up."

Matthew glowered at me and reluctantly slapped a twenty into my open palm.

After that we didn't hesitate to look away.

The sexual frustration between those two was almost too much to bear.

…

7:00 PM

I was going to do it. The orders were coming out way too fucking slow for me not to say or do anything. Feliciano was training as a baker in the kitchen. Ludwig was getting distracted. Customers were getting angry and I was tired of shouldering the blunt anger of their massive egos. Something had to be done. And with that, I sucked up my pride and pushed open the kitchen doors. Feliciano and Ludwig broke apart. Go fucking figure. They were making out again. No wonder Alfred was so quick to leave. Well… that isn't very fair of me to say. A swollen eye was in fact a valid excuse to leave work early.

Feliciano smiled and smoothed a hand through his mussed up hair. He shed me with one of his infamous, quirky smiles. The smile that could light up an entire room and cheer up just about anyone. There would be no cheering up for me today, however. I was beyond pissed off.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Feli and I are fraternal twins. This would explain why we contrast so differently from each other. He has copper coloured hair and brown eyes; whereas, I have auburn coloured hair and hazel, sometimes green, eyes. He was also paler in complexion. I took on more of an olive tone. Aside from the physical, we couldn't have been any more different. I was disagreeable, miserly, and stubborn. Feliciano was agreeable, joyful, and open minded. I was a literal juxtaposition of him. It just sucked that people took this opportunity to constantly compare us to one another. I had never been as social and enjoyable as Feliciano. I preferred being alone. He was one of the few people that I was comfortable being around, despite how annoying and clingy that he could be sometimes. But now he had Ludwig to cling onto.

Whatever. At least the potato knew his place in the matter. The moment that I walked into the kitchen, his entire demeanour shrivelled up. He stood up straight and stiff as a board. The blue-eyed German didn't dare to look me in the eyes. His pale eyebrows shot up straight into his greasy, gel-slicked hair line. I was just that scary. Ludwig was taller and much more muscular than I was, but no one could withstand my death glares for longer than thirty seconds. Ludwig was paler than the white chef's apron that he was wearing.

My eyes travelled to the left. I almost threw a fit when I saw what Feliciano was wearing. It appears that Liza didn't have to do that much convincing with him. Feliciano was wearing a maid's uniform. But it wasn't just _any_ maid's uniform. Oh no. It was a girly one. A green dress, with white trimmings, and frills, and several other girly touches that I won't even bother to mention. The air head had even gone so far as to wear a white bandanna to keep the fringe out of his face.

I grit my teeth. Damnit. Escaping Liza's demands from this point on was going to be extremely difficult. The sex appeal of twins in dresses would be too much for her to handle. I know for a fact that she had already custom tailored a maid's dress just for me. It would go against my entire fucking conscience to wear it. Feliciano wearing his certainly didn't help with the case of my wardrobe rebellion.

I spoke in short, curt sentences. "Feliciano. Your training session with the potato ended over an hour ago. We need you out there serving tables." I looked at the ground while I spoke. I balled my hands into tight fists. I wanted to throttle the both of them for being so incompetent. While they were in here relaxing, Matthew and I were losing our fucking minds. It was about time that they pulled their damned weight.

Feliciano's brown eyes widened into a pout. "B-but Fratello!" he whined. Fake tears welled in his eyes.

"Don't you dare pout at me like that!" I snapped. I pointed towards the plating station. Several ceramic plates lined with pastries and cakes sat on top of the metal surface. "Now help me dish these out."

Ludwig sighed. "Lovino's right, Feli. I can handle things from here."

I bit my tongue. Who gave that bastard the right to refer to me on a first name basis?! The fucking nerve of that potato! I swear if I wasn't so busy right now I'd -!

Feliciano feigned a scowl. It was a pathetic attempt at trying to look angry. "Okay, Luddy," he moped. My fratello's smile brightened for a moment. Before I knew it, he was cupping Ludwig's cheek and smearing chocolate icing onto it. It was some kind of homo Simba moment. I've never been so uncomfortable and disgusted in my entire life.

"Ve! Now I have an excuse to give you a goodbye kiss~!"

I groaned and covered my eyes while Feliciano sloppily licked off the frosting from Ludwig's flaming red cheek. Feliciano grinned at my evident embarrassment and handed me a plate containing a slice of strawberry cheesecake. "This is for table ten~!" he sang before grabbing a few plates of his own, blowing Ludwig one last insufferable air kiss, and prancing out of the kitchen.

I spluttered. No way in hell was I going to serve table ten! "F-Feli!" I spluttered. I looked at Ludwig, who simply shrugged his burly shoulders in a laissez- faire _'what can you do'_ motion. I cursed, flipped off the potato in farewell, and chased after my idiota of a fratello. I almost smacked right into the kitchen door while doing so. I burst out into the restaurant and looked around. Feliciano was nowhere to be found.

I grumbled to myself and ruminated over my options. I could go back into the kitchen and wait until Feliciano was done with his orders. At least that way, I wouldn't have to serve the Spanish bastard. But that would mean spending time with the potato, and that was out of the fucking question. Alright. I'll just have to suck it up and serve the damned bastard. I'll sprint-walk over there, slam down his plate, and leave before he has a chance to say anything.

This plan was the only hope that I clung onto as I walked over to Antonio's table. He was sitting alone, thankfully. His buffoon friends must have been terrorizing some other part of the campus. My face reddened almost immediately. His chocolate curls stuck up in odd places. He looked like he had just woken up from a nap, as always. The warmth and intensity of his gaze made my stomach do somersaults. He _kind of sort of_ did look adorable. I mean seriously. You could practically see his figurative tail wagging at the sight of me. His cheeks stretched out to form an ear-to-ear grin.

"Lovi~!" he beamed. "You finally came to me, mi amor!"

His sorry attempts at flirting went ignored.

"What the fuck is this?" I pointed to five untouched plates of the very same cheesecake that I was currently serving him.

Antonio shrugged and let out a breathless, airy laugh. "I needed an excuse to stay!"

I set down his most recent order onto the table. Just when I was about to turn on my heels and walk away, Antonio grabbed my wrist and beckoned for me to sit. "Join me! I can't finish all of this own my own~!" Tingles of electricity ricocheted up and down my arm, just from his touch. I wrenched away my wrist before I could assess my true feelings over the matter.

"Don't you fucking touch me, you bastard!"

"But Lovi-!"

"Don't call me that either!"

Antonio pouted and crossed his arms. "Why not?" he said through pursed lips. "I think it's cute."

"I'M NOT CUTE!" I raged.

"Eheh! I know. You're actually _very_ sexy~!"

"FUCK THIS! I'M OUT OF HERE!"

I turned around to leave again. This time Antonio reached out to grab me by the string of my apron; the bastard. I spluttered and cried out for help. No one helped. Kiku snapped a picture while Mei and Liza argued over which page in their scrap book would be most appropriate to document this moment in. Fucking traitors, that's what they were.

Here I am getting kidnapped and they're bickering about which shade of red best compliments my 'moe' face. I could just see the title of the photo now. "Love at first eye grope." Shout out to Kiku for being a little bitch and not doing anything to break it up.

Before I knew it, I was sitting next to Antonio, albeit unwillingly. I tried to wriggle free but the bastard still had a strangle hold on the back of my apron. That strangle hold quickly turned into a hug. I shrieked when I felt Antonio's arms wrap around my waist. His - _hard-_ stomach pressed up against my back.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

I thrashed and squirmed. Ignoring the furious punches and elbows that I threw to his stomach, Antonio sighed and let his head rest on the space between my shoulder and neck. I shivered despite the heat rising all throughout my body. He was so warm. I was so warm. Oh Dio. This felt way too good was something that was so, so, so very wrong.

"I'm hugging you," Antonio purred into my ear. "You look like you could use one."

"This isn't a hug. It's sexual harassment," I deadpanned.

Antonio lessened his grip. "If I let go, will you leave?"

"What the fuck do you think?" I growled, twitching all the while. I was this close to spinning around and punching him in the face. Now if only my hands would stop shaking…

"But I don't want you to leave…this is the first time that I've gotten to speak to you in a _really_ long time!"

His voice embodied that of a girl scout who had just been told that their cookie factory had been burned to the ground.

"Oh fine," I huffed, despite internally berating myself for my push-over nature. "I _suppose_ that I can take my break now."

"So you're not leaving?" The amount of hope in his voice was disheartening. It was like he had perked up entirely.

Who was I to crush his spirits?

"Fuck are you ever dumb. Yes, bastard. I'm staying. But only because you've left me with no other choice."

"That's not true," Antonio protested. I felt his body tense up against mine.

My ears reddened. His breath tickled my neck.

"Just shut up and let me enjoy my break," I grumbled half-heartedly. My anger rivalled that of a mewling kitten. It was hard to stay mad at this bastard for long. He was just too fucking happy.

I could feel his grin burn into the back of my neck. He unwrapped his arms from my waist. I pretended to ignore the emptiness that I felt after he did that. His hands still hovered near the back of my apron, however. Not knowing what to do, I slammed my forehead against the wooden, germy surface of the table. If only I was sleeping. At least then I could have woken myself up from this godawful nightmare.

I was too exhausted and embarrassed to face the rest of the ogling customers. From the corner of my eye, I spotted Matthew snapchatting this entire encounter. Feliciano, on the other hand, had joined Liza's group of fangirling/guying twats. I turned my head to the side and glared at them. They were all motioning for me to sit up and face Antonio, and _very_ obviously at that. Feliciano got frustrated when I not-so-discreetly flipped him the finger. Liza and the rest of her perverted herd guffawed at my 'tsundereness'.

"Lovino Vargas!" Feliciano chided, loud enough for the entire room to hear. "Nonno raised you better than to slouch like that, ve!"

Mei cackled. "Yes! Just like that, Feli! Keep getting him worked up!"

"His tsundere levels are through the roof," Kiku remarked with narrowed, freakishly concentrated eyes.

Liza beamed and licked off the drool from her lips. "Mmmmmm. Mama Liza likes."

Likes what? God forbid that I ever find out.

I ignored the rest of their comments and sat up. Feliciano was _so_ dead the minute that we got back to our dorm. "You goddamned, hypocrite! You're the one bending over for your precious 'Luddy' all the time!" I shrieked back.

Feliciano didn't say a word after that. Liza and Mei went into fangirling arrest. Apparently, they ' _couldn't even anymore_.' Kiku futilely tried to revive and resuscitate them by waving yaoi manga in front of their flushed, hot and bothered faces.

A gentle hand rubbed consoling circles into my back. I turned my head to glower at Antonio. He simply grinned back in response. I jabbed an accusing finger in front of his freckled, sun-tanned face. "Just look what you did, you fucking moron!" I growled only to falter when Antonio took my hand into his. He brought it to his lips. I blushed so hard that I nearly passed out from the blood loss.

"Who, me?" he purred. "Why whatever did I do?"

 _Existing. That's what you did._

I choked for words. "Uh…I…um…fuck!"

I wrenched back my hand and let it snap to my side. Antonio chuckled. I scooted towards the other end of the booth. How foolish of me. Antonio scooted closer and draped a casual arm over my shoulders. His eyes glanced over the untouched plates of cheesecake.

"Have some," he encouraged. "I've been here all afternoon and have yet to see you eat something." Ah yes. Thank you for reminding me about how much of a creep you truly are. I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth. _Moronic, honest bastard._

I snatched a nearby plate. What?! I was _actually_ hungry. It's not like I wanted to stay with the bastard or anything. Oh no. Nothing like that at all. My fork stabbed into the soft, creamy mixture. Antonio grabbed a plate of his own and began to eat as well. I wolfed down two slices in the blink of an eye. I was taking out my anger on the food. I chewed furiously. The taste of iron mixed in with the sweet taste of strawberry filling and cream cheese.

Antonio was still on his first. My glare prevented him from commenting on my gluttony. I eyed the third slice. A napkin blocked my view of it. Antonio delicately grabbed my jaw with one hand and tilted my head so that I looked him straight in his smoldering green eyes. I melted into a pile of cringe. I wanted to die. The squeals on the other end of the café didn't exactly help with this sentiment.

Antonio's eyes darkened as he dabbed at my mouth. His face was so close. Dangerously close. "I'm tired of playing games, Lovi," he tutted. I scowled at him like a chipmunk - _remember the food in my mouth?_ \- caught in the headlights.

"Now here's how this is going to work. I like you. And judging by the blush on your face, you obviously like me back."

I started to protest. Antonio placed a finger over my lips to silence me. I stared, mesmerized by those eccentric, passionate green eyes of his. It was like he had turned on a switch containing nothing but fire. He was hot. So very hot. I didn't realize it but I was slowly warming up to his advances. This was the reason why I had avoided him before. He just made me feel so helpless and needy. I hated how much I loved the way that he stared at me. He was giving me his undivided attention. It was scary and new, yet exhilarating all the same.

"But since you're too stubborn to admit it, I'm just going to have to force it out of you. You have two options. Agree to go on a date with me or suffer some _very_ embarrassing consequences." Antonio drew out those last few words for dramatic effect. I wanted to kick myself. Whenever he rolled his tongue, my heart beat indefinitely sped up. For someone who was tired of playing games, he sure liked to start them.

My voice was muffled against Antonio's finger. "Those consequences being?"

"I'll kiss you right now. In front of everyone."

My eyes widened in horror much to his delight. I spoke in a rushed whisper. No one else could hear this conversation. I was treading on dangerous waters here. One kiss could send the roof crashing down on top of us. The catcalls would, quite literally, be just that loud. "You wouldn't dare," I hissed.

Antonio tsked. "I don't hear you refusing my offer~!"

My blush deepened.

The Spaniard smirked, seemingly satisfied with my reaction.

"Oh but I would. I would dare." Antonio leaned closer. His chocolate curls swept over his eyes. I had an irate, nagging and goddamned irritating urge to sweep the pieces of hair away from his face. Several people in the room held their breaths, including myself.

"You have teased me for far too long, Lovi. Perhaps I should just let go and give in to my temptations…"

I squeezed my eyes shut. "One date you said?" I squeaked.

God fucking damnit.

The next few sentences were drilled out very quickly and quietly. It was the verbal equivalent of an intense tennis match. I swung with insults and he returned with placating compliments and deep, alluring stares.

"Si."

"Fuck it. I'll go." Not that I had much of a choice. "When and where?"

"Tomorrow night."

"I'm working."

"What time do you finish?"

"Ten."

"Perrrrrfect." Dio. The rolling of his tongue was going to be the death of me. "See you then~"

I somehow managed to walk away from him after that. But not before bumping into four tables and tripping over my feet a countless number of times. The catcalls of encouragement fell deaf on my ears. All I could hear was the traitorous pounding of my heart in my chest. I didn't like this feeling. I didn't like it one bit.

"Lovino?"

I turned around.

"I'm looking forward to our date~!"

My mouth parted open in horror.

It was mere seconds before I was tackled to the ground, Feliciano being the first person to reach me. I squirmed but to no avail.

I wheezed while Feliciano rattled off into my left ear.

Everything went black after that.

The fangirls had come to claim their booty; literally.

~ _Swiggity swooty, the fangirls have claimed Lovino's mighty fine booty_ ~

…

 _~The afternoon of the following day~_

"Lovi! Lovi! Over here!"

I cussed under my breath. Antonio was driving me insane. Our date didn't start for another six hours. Didn't he have something better to do? Stupid question, Lovino. The idiot brings his school work to the café just so he can see you. Of course he has nothing better to do.

"Tch! I told you already! We don't serve morons!"

"What if being a moron is my kink?"

"Then you're out of luck!"

"Eheh. Want to know about another one of my kinks?"

Silence.

He was still going to humor me with his pervertedness regardless of what I did or didn't say.

"I find it attractive when a man wears a dress…"

My heart stopped. Liza gave me _the look._ The look that alluded to torture and the fruit of her forbidden sexual fantasies. I nearly fainted when she pulled out her sewing kit from her backpack. The tiny silver needle glinted in the sunlight. I began to mourn for the pride and dignity that I would shortly be deprived from.

I had two options: Fight or flight.

Right now, I just so happened to choose fight.

Flight would happen a little bit later…

* * *

 **To be continued….**

* * *

 **Hello again! So, this chapter was pretty wild, huh?**

 **You guys have all been so kind, and I feel like it should be rewarded. During my reading break in October, I'll _try_ (emphasis on try) to get out two chapters as opposed to just one chapter a month. We'll see how things go :D!**

 **For those interested, I'll be uploading yet another new story next week! It's a 21 Jump Street Parody. It will include Alfred (Channing Tatum) and Arthur (Jonah Hill) as the main characters xD. Hopefully, I'll see some of you guys there! Oh, and for those wondering, I'll be keeping on schedule for "The Fault in Your Idiocy". Next week will be a dual upload :p**

 **Thanks again to NebulaZee, my fabulous beta reader who made all of this possible, and all of those who have followed, favourited, and taken the time to review. It means a lot!**

 **Until next time! (A steamy Spamano date, what? ;))**

 **All the best,**

 **-Ella**


	3. Chapter 3

**The 'Fusoso' Cone of Doom:**

Livid wouldn't describe how pissed off and moody I was right now. I was fucking furious. I had just been assaulted. Again. Nothing new right? And it's not like I could go to the cops either. Oh officer? My boss tried to force me into a dress against my will, all the while cackling like a maniac and groping every square inch of my body. I'd be a laughing stock is what I'm trying to get at here.

Although, I did manage to hold on my own. I thrashed and screamed like a wild animal. Liza didn't actually manage to get me to put on the full maid's uniform, however, which was an abominable green, frilly dress if you were wondering. It even had a matching bow, apron, and bandanna. All for the purpose of bringing out my supposedly 'smoldering' hazel eyes. Chigi. I know that I'm sexy. But I'm not an effeminate type of sexy. I'm manly as fuck, yo! Oh Dio. I really needed to stop listening to Alfred. His bastardly slang was beginning to get to me. Shit! I'm assimilating into fatass culture. Next thing I know, I'll be deep throating hamburgers and shooting guns at anything that threatens my entitled white privilege. I totally just got sidetracked on another irrelevant tangent, huh?

Anyways, by the grace of God, if there even was one in this hellish, pathetic excuse of a world, I didn't end up having to wear the maid's uniform. But only because I shrieked like a banshee and screamed bloody murder. In the end, Liza had no choice but to retreat back to her perverted lair - _the storage room_ \- and return her masterpiece - _the dress_ \- to the stock room, where it damn well belonged.

I did suffer from some casualties, however. Those casualties being several blows to my dignity. Liza still made me wear the matching bandana piece to my, ahem, _her_ dress. It was to keep the hair out of my face. I have that bastard Antonio to thank for that. The asshole had been at the café all afternoon, and I had made it my mission to ignore him. All was swell until he got upset, because his ego is just that massive, and filed a complaint to Liza. I was thereby scolded for 'hiding' from the customers. Now Antonio could see my full blushing face. Just fucking wonderful. As if I wasn't already nervous about our date.

Si, pride alone designated me to keep my promise to that bastard. Not that I had much of a choice. Every hour, he looked at the clock, cupped his hand into a heart, and mouthed how long we had until our date. The gesture was kind of, sort of, sweet, I guess. He looked really excited. I couldn't help but smile at how silly he was. Even though I still hated him. Despite my racing heartbeat, and the blush, and just about every other wrong sensation down yonder. No, I will not elaborate. I'm not a flowery type of writer anyways. That's more like the style of this bello in my creative writing class. I never actually learned his name. All I know is that he has massive eyebrows. Hence, the nickname Browzilla. Heh. I can be pretty petty at times. You'll get used to it, eventually.

I let out a resigned sigh and succumbed to my unrelenting boredom. It was now eight PM. Business in the café was slow. They usually were on Sundays. Liza went AWOL the minute she heard that Roderich was back in town. Alfred was working in the kitchen; therefore, more food was being eaten than made. Matthew was waiting the tables by himself, courtesy of my selfish generosity. And as for me? I was standing by my usual post at the front counter. My cheek was pressed up against the cool, marble surface. It helped remove the heat from my face. I know for a fact that Antonio was staring at me. Which would explain why I hadn't bothered to move in two hours. It didn't help that Matthew snorted at me and muttered snide remarks under his breath as he passed in and out of the kitchen. It's true though. I wasn't being very helpful.

I groaned and buried my face into my arms. I still had a full hour of freedom before I would be subjected to whatever torture that that bastard had in store for me. Once fucking again, I spoke too soon. A soft, gentle hand, patted my head. I almost mistook that person for Feliciano, despite the fact that he wasn't working today. Sometimes he visited the café to bring me dinner. It was his turn to cook tonight anyways. Another thing to consider was that Feliciano was explicitly tied up about my date with Antonio. It was all that that air head could talk about for the past day or so. I wouldn't rule him out from coming here to spy on the progress of my 'relationship' with Antonio.

I leaned into the touch and grumbled my protests. When in reality I liked being touched. I liked it when people patted my hair. Even if that fucking bandanna was there in the way. I had this one stray curl that for whatever reason acted as an erogenous zone. Stroke that thing and I'm yours. Seriously. I become incoherent and not like myself at all. Most of the time I would find myself in someone's lap after having that curl stroked. Don't ask me why. I just do. It's one anomaly of mine that I'll never hope to figure out.

The hand hovered dangerously close to that very curl. I tensed. This person wasn't my fratello. Feliciano had the same curl problem and knew better than to touch it in public. Last time that had happened, I retaliated and we both had to hide in the bathroom until our 'problems' went away. It goes to say that we had both learned our lesson and would never try something like that ever again.

I lolled my head to the side only to gasp when I was met with the sight of bright green eyes. They were mere inches away from my face. Antonio grinned. He too had his head, or rather chin, resting on top of the front counter. He was using one hand to soothingly ruffle my hair. I started to move away, but Antonio did this weird shushing sound that uncannily held me in place. His smile brightened and my anger placated on instant.

"What do you think you're doing, bastard?" I grumbled, still nonetheless letting him pet my hair. It felt good and I was far too tired to care at this point.

"I don't see you complaining," Antonio chided, patronizing as ever. I turned my head away in defiance. Another, much fainter, blush crept over my face. I have to admit. This was a very cute gesture on his part. He didn't have to come up here and do this. Brave as it was for him to do so. He's just lucky that it wasn't busy right now.

"Tch," I huffed, ignoring his previous comment. "Our date doesn't start for another hour."

Antonio pouted. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. I knew that he knew that I was looking at him. Which had caused him to smirk, devilishly and frustratingly attractive at that. My hand twitched. So badly did I want to smooth back the chocolate brown curls from his eyes. He really was a puppy in that aspect. His hair was like unruly fur, his personality was always happy and cheerful, and he had an undying loyalty that I would never fathom to understand.

Why me? What made me so interesting to him? I wasn't special like my fratello. I had a shitty personality. Heck, the only thing that I'm good at is writing, a selfish, lonely profession where most people prefer to be _alone_. I never asked for his company, but I still nonetheless secretly enjoyed it. He was dumb, but pleasant to be around. His carefree way of speaking was quite relaxing to say the least. I didn't feel the need to impress him. Although, this was mainly because he was so obviously infatuated with me in the first place.

But still, this guy wasn't one for appearances. I mean for fuck's sakes, he was wearing an over-sized grey hoodie, loose denim capris, and sandals; it was apparent that he too didn't feel the need to show other people up, and I respected this sentiment. Hetalia University was full of fakes and posers. People dressed up and spoke big in order to feel better about themselves. But just by being with Antonio, I felt good, albeit feeling a bit frustrated and impatient. The Spaniard was a low key pervert. Not as bad as his loser friends, but still a pervert nonetheless.

"Can't you get off early?" he whined. The impatience in his voice struck up a chord with me. I haven't known him for that long. But even now, I could sense that he was going to be a needy, clingy sort of partner. I was also clingy. Although, I still did prefer to be alone. I didn't need people. I could survive without them. The way that Antonio was looking at me, however, told me that he wasn't that sort of person. He was someone who always needed to be surrounded by people, and the thought of this worried me. I liked to have my space. I was more comfortable being alone. I liked my privacy, but I liked him too? Well, this was sure going to be interesting. I'm just full of contradictions, aren't I?

"I don't know," I muttered. "Can I?"

Antonio opened his mouth to speak.

A conveniently 'visible' Canadian halted my stalling right in its tracks.

Matthew's head popped out of the kitchen door. "You most certainly can~" he sang, all the while giving me a cheeky, all-knowing grin. I grit my teeth. Damn Maple bastard. "It's not busy. You're free to go, if you want."

 _What I want is to shove a hockey stick up your smug little butthole… Or maybe I should let the pasty bastard have a go at your vital regions…_

 **WHOOSH!**

The next few seconds were a blur. I screamed out of both confusion and astonishment. Strong hands pulled me to my feet. Antonio undid my apron and bandanna, chucked them into the laundry bin under the front counter, and before I knew it, he was holding onto my hand and dragging me out of the café. Matthew stuck two fingers into his mouth and whistled in encouragement. I flipped him the middle finger and nearly smacked into the front door while doing so. That blunder had earned me a childish bout of 'kolkolkol' laughter from Ivan.

I staggered out of the café and onto the cobble-stoned pathway of the campus's restaurant strip. Antonio was speaking a mile a minute in Spanish. He danced on the balls of his feet, prancing around and swinging my hand in wide, joyful arcs. My initial surprise died down. My next reaction was based off of pure instinct. An angry Lovino always resulted in violence. Bitch swerve!

I used my free hand to slap him across the cheek. He quickly switched back into English after that. I shook my head. What a dumbass. "Oh Lovi! I'm so so so happy! We're going to have such a great time tonight! I can't wait to show you my favourite place on campus... _Blah blah blah. I'm a cocky Spanish bastard who enjoys to conquer vulnerable Italian boys. Blah blah. I probably think that I'm so fucking charming. Blah. I'm a suave little fuck…"_

Antonio cupped a hand to his assaulted cheek and chuckled. I attempted to wrench my hand free from his grip. I spluttered and gasped when Antonio brought that very hand up to his lips and kissed it. "The f-fuck…?" I squeaked, and very weakly at that.

Antonio let go of my hand. It dropped like a sack of bricks and fell to my side, numb like my cold, dead heart, which for some reason was beating even faster with each minute that I spent with this fucker. I nearly died from mortification when Antonio burst out laughing. My face couldn't possibly have been any redder. Thankfully no one was around to witness this awfully cringe worthy moment. I could barely handle the hand holding as it was. Him laughing just made this situation so much worse than what it had to be.

"Fusososo! Pft! Your face is so red!" Antonio doubled over and grabbed his knees with both hands.

I unamusedly crossed my arms and bit my lip. I considered pulling out my phone to record this. Perhaps I could film a nature documentary about a brand new species of dumbass. 'El bastardo'. Hey, that actually had quite the ring to it…

Two minutes passed.

"Are you done now?" I deadpanned.

Antonio stood up straight and wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. I felt like slapping myself. No. It _wasn't_ cute how his clothes were baggy and how his sleeves fell past his wrists. It _wasn'_ t cute how he looked like a lost puppy. It _wasn't_ cute how huggable he looked. It _wasn't_ cute how happy he was to be around me. Certainly not! He was a bastard, and bastards can't be cute damnit!

"S-Si…eheh…" Antonio's eyes watered again. "It's just…" he took a large heaving breath in between another round of bastardly sounding fusoso's, whatever the heck those were. Fucking weird if you ask me. "You're just so…ahaha… shy! It's so cute~!" he gushed.

I snorted, spun on my heels, and began to walk off in the opposite direction.

Fuck this. Fuck him. Fuck my life. Fuck everything.

"Wait! Lovi, I'm sorry! I won't laugh at you again! No matter how cute you act… I-I promise!" Antonio wailed, chasing after me with drool trickling out of his perverted mouth.

"Don't call me Lovi!" I snapped.

"Aw! Don't be like that cariño! I was only kidding!"

Silence.

"I have a special treat for you~!"

I stopped in my tracks.

"It's muy delicioso~!"

"Tch!" I turned around. Antonio skipped over to me – yes, skipped- and brought my hand into his. His calloused, tanned hand practically swallowed mine. "What kind of treat?" I inquired with raised brows. It didn't help that my stomach decided to betray me by letting out a traitorous growl.

Antonio winked, and if he hadn't been bribing me with food, I would have punched him in the face. I settled with letting go of his hand instead.

"It's a surprise."

…

Half an hour into our date and I'm still alive. Most of our time was spent walking around campus, however. I suppose he thought that a stroll underneath the moon light was romantic. His attempts to grab my hand demonstrated that sentiment quite well. For the most part, I've been able to resist his advances. I wasn't exactly comfortable with the idea of holding his hand. It's not that I'm ashamed of who I am or what my sexuality is. It's other people that I worry about. Two guys holding hands was unprecedented. It attracted unwanted attention, and just by being with this loud-mouthed idiot, he, or rather we, attracted enough stares as it was. Too many stares for my liking anyways. Being gay meant putting yourself out there, whether you liked it or not. It wasn't 'normal', and I was merely an anomaly who wanted to blend into his surroundings. Antonio finally took the hint after his fifth time of trying and ultimately failing at winning over my hand. He seemed to be a bit disappointed about this, but what can you do?

But, knowing him, his sour mood wouldn't last that long. I had a hard time keeping up with him, in terms of emotions that is. Antonio was like a fireball of passion. He was all over the place. He joked and laughed and flashed off his dare I say charming smile non-stop. He was always happy. Seriously, he practically trotted right next to me. I had the odd urge to ruffle his hair again. I admired how the moon light bounced off of his chocolate brown curls. Or the way how his green eyes glowed in the dark. They shone back at me with a mischievous and playful looking light, complimented by a mirthful grin to match.

Heck. Every time that I looked at him I felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I don't know why someone as lively as him would ever want anything to do with a depressing fuck like me. Although, I can't say that I minded his company all that much. Even if he was a bit of a pervert. He was still adamant on insisting that I wear a dress to work. He had even threatened to pull the 'kink clause' on me, to which I responded with an equally weighted threat of my own. If Antonio ever pulled the café's 'kink clause' on me, then I would end this supposed fling of ours, and rightfully so. That bastard had already pulled enough shit on me as it stands now.

Oh that's right. You guys probably don't know what the kink clause is. Basically, customers reserved the right to pay us employees to perform certain kinks for them. Within reason, of course. But then again, Liza would allow just about everything. We were one step away from becoming a brothel if you ask me. I cringed. The memory of Feliks wearing a saddle on his back, because he was _'like, a fabulous pony that anyone would, like, totally want to ride_ ', was still seared into my brain like a red hot iron. No matter how hard that I tried, I would never, ever, be able to forget the trauma caused by 'Hump-Pole' Wednesday.

Personally, I've never been asked to perform a kink for a customer, nor would I ever be inclined to do so. I was known as the fiery waiter, and no one bothered to mess with me. It just so happened that Antonio was too oblivious to realize this, which would explain why he was pouting right now. My vehement refusal and protests to wearing a dress for him had dampened his normally happy mood. He didn't stop. The bastard pleaded and whined, but I didn't intend on relenting any time soon.

We were walking in silence at this point. Any attempts at conversation were futile. I was too irritated and nervous to speak coherently. I twitched while he pranced. I scowled while he pouted. He looked at the ground, and I looked up at the sky, pleading for God to spare me some mercy.

Well, to be fair, the weather was at least somewhat decent. It was cool, but not a tit-freezing kind of cold. The crisp autumn air was fresh and rejuvenating. I wasn't cold, but I wasn't sweaty and gross either. The wind was slight and comfortable, playing a large part in cooling down the inevitable flushing of my face whenever Antonio looked at me. It was embarrassing how much he looked at me. His eyes carried so much admiration and genuineness that I couldn't help but shy under his gaze. He looked at me as if I was the center of his entire world. I pushed him away over and over again, but some invisible force always gravitated him closer and closer towards me. I wanted to hold his hand, I really did. It was my lack of confidence and fear of ridicule that prevented me from doing so, unfortunately.

Many straight couples were walking about, skipping along the cobble-stoned pathways and enjoying the sight of the surrounding tulip and rose gardens. I still didn't know where the bastard was planning to take us. If he thought that being mysterious would charm me, then he had another thing coming. I've always hated guessing games. Feliciano had the attention span of a fruit fly. I was similar in the sense that I had the same amount of patience as those pesky little fuckers.

I sighed in defeat. I would just have to settle with occasionally brushing shoulders with him. Every time that we touched, however, I couldn't stop myself from shivering. It was an electrifying feeling. It was as if, for that brief moment, that I could feel and tap into his passion, his warmth, and his kindness. One simple touch, despite being simple, was overwhelmingly intimate. I wanted more and yet I didn't want anything to do with him. Being with Antonio was dangerous. I could already feel myself being drawn in by his bastardly Spanish charms.

I turned my head to the side and scoffed. Just what was that moron up to now?

"What are you grinning at, bastard?" I grumbled. Antonio playfully bumped shoulders with me, earning himself a stifled gasp on my part. A brief flash of mischief flared up in his eyes before he masked it with yet another one of his cheek-stretching smiles.

The idiot stepped in front of me, blocking my path, before he took a courteous bow and held out his palm for me to place my hand in. "Our date awaits," he purred.

I deadpanned. "Our date started the moment that you kidnapped me from the café."

"Kidnapping, eh? Well you must be suffering from a strong case of Stockholm Syndrome then because you haven't made any attempts to escape from me," Antonio chuckled.

I groaned. People were beginning to stare. If I didn't do something soon, even more attention would be drawn to us. And so, against my will and conscience of my very quickly wavering sanity, I placed my hand into his. Antonio brought my hand to his lips and kissed it once more. Heat rushed all over my body. I opened my mouth and gaped like a fish.

"What are you-?" I stuttered only to stop and stare. Realization broke over my face. Just to our right was a small gelato shop. Antonio was practically glowing with pride as he led me over to his ' _favourite dessert place in the entire world_.' The idiot wasn't fooling me anytime soon. He was only taking me here because I was Italian. Chigi. These stereotypes would never cease to pester and fuck me from behind.

The shop looked like it hadn't been graced with the presence of a customer for years. If the half-dead neon sign, cracked, mouldy floor, gum-peppered wooden tables, unpainted yellow walls, and lifeless employees didn't already spell bankruptcy and regret.

Antonio's lie fell short when I asked him to order me his 'usual.' The idiot gaped at the menu, which was written in Italian, for a whole two minutes before I called him out on his bullshit and ordered two scoops of triple chocolate for the both of us (you really couldn't go wrong with that option). As if that wasn't bad enough, Antonio declined my offer to pay for the surprisingly decent-looking dessert cones. Tch! Just once it would be nice if he didn't act so damned patronizing.

If I told him how rich my family was, he was sure to trip over his feet. Well, even more so than he usually did. Si, the bastard became clumsy if excited enough. Which, apparently, was all the time whenever he was with me. I'm so fucking lucky. Note the inevitably self-deprecating sarcasm.

With our treats now in hand, Antonio and I found a bench outside to sit at. It was under a large maple tree that was planted right in the middle of a squared-off court yard. Wires containing fairy lights were wrapped around the tree's branches, leaving warm, yellow and orange glows to light up the otherwise dark and murky evening night. I clenched my free fist into a tight ball. So much for not attracting any attention…

It wasn't until we had started eating that I encountered yet another problem. Eating ice cream on a first date was quiet possibly the most awkward thing that I've ever had to experience in my entire life. Even more awkward than my emo, fringe phase back when I was fourteen, where I wrote haikus about pasta and bellas who never gave me the light of day. The fact that people knew that I was gay before I myself came to realize it made a lot more sense now that I think of it.

Regardless, I had to come up with a way of eating my gelato without looking sensual or erotic. My brows furrowed in concentration. I tried my best not to look at Antonio, who was unashamedly diving right into his treat. His tongue danced and lapped across the smooth chocolate surface of the gelato scoop. I swallowed and turned my head to the side for the sake of my own sanity. That didn't stop me from glancing at him from the corner of my eyes, however.

Antonio hummed in contentment as he _licked_ and _licked_ and _licked,_ causing unforgiving tingles to shoot up my spine. The sound of him eating was beginning to become too much for me to handle. I merely stared at my cone and grit my teeth. I silently spited myself for getting aroused by such an innocent action. But damnit! That bastard must have been doing this on purpose!

I mean come on! He was going to town on that cone! His tongue was just so long and the way that it curled… Oh Dio. The way that it curled did numbers on my growing attraction to him. The tension was unbearable. Surely I wouldn't be able to hold myself back for much longer. The Italian 'love hound' in me was just aching to be released. And once I started, I wouldn't be able to stop. We were quick to retreat from our enemies, but chased after potential lovers like our lives depended on it.

The gelato cone stared right into my soul.

 _Eat me, Lovi. Eat me and fulfill your wildest desires_ ….

 _*soft fusoso laughter*_

Apparently the cone spoke in Antonio's voice.

I narrowed my eyes. Lick the cone or nibble on it? I had to make a decision and fast, so that I wouldn't draw any suspicion.

 _Lick. Nibble. Lick. Nibble…._

Antonio cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Lovi?"

I spluttered in astonishment. "LICK! I MEAN NIBBLE! NO-! I….UM! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!"

Antonio's eyes darted to my right hand. The cone was cracked from the grip in which I held onto it with. Chocolate sauce dribbled down my fingers and wrist. Antonio grabbed my forearm, lifted it, and inspected it with bemused eyes before he ducked his head and did the unthinkable. His tongue grazed over the palm of my hand, licking off a small portion of the sugary stream. Sharp, knowing green eyes were met with horrified and denying hazel ones.

The lick was quick and fast, but it did its damage and Antonio knew it. I was rendered speechless. I was a gibbering mess. Both my cone and I wilted and melted under the heat of Antonio's smoldering gaze. My mind whirred. That sadistic, manipulative little fuck-! He did that on purpose, just to tease me!

Antonio's smirk told me everything that I needed to know. My flustered reactions gave him the go ahead. It was only a matter of time before I succumbed to the temptations of his charms. He had already fallen for me, and I was _this_ fucking close to falling for him. I stood up from the bench and shook my head in denial. Any distraction at this point would be welcomed with an open mouth-! I mean tongue-! I mean arms-!

GOD - _FUCKING -! SHIT- _DAMNIT!

"Hey, where are you going?! Wait up!" Antonio called, helplessly fumbling after me.

I went against my better judgement and waited for the bastard.

It wouldn't be long before I lost my shit and acted out on impulse.

Or dare I say 'urges.'

…

I was just about ready to implode from the amount of second hand embarrassment that I was currently suffering from. Antonio was purposely toying with me now. We were walking back towards our dorms at this point. He was holding out his _still_ half-eaten cone before him, biting his lip - _teasingly-_ and parting open his mouth in contemplation - _even more teasingly_ -.

I, on the other hand, had eaten my cone so fast that my stomach hurt. Stuffing my face had helped to block out the pleas of my erotic desires. Turns out I was just as perverted as he was. Go fucking figure. We were a match made straight out of Liza's yaoi-crazed heaven.

The bastard's hair was messed up like no tomorrow. I don't know how many more hair ruffles, lip biting, or twinkling ' _kiss me glances'_ I could withstand. Any light-hearted conversation that we had went straight over my head. Oh, so you're a communications major? Cool, cool. Want to make out with me? Yes, Lovino! That's a totally appropriate conversation starter! You fucking smooth Casanova, you!

God was I ever needy.

What Antonio did next was the final straw for me. The Spaniard, who was still inspecting the gelato cone as if it was the pinnacle of all joy in the world, turned his head to the side and shed me with a mischievous-looking grin.

"What do you think, Lovi?" he asked, his eyes darting back and forth between the final scoop of his gelato cone. "Do you think that I could eat this in one bite?"

I glared at the source of my flusterment and lost the remaining shreds of control and dignity that I had been struggling all night to maintain. "You're a fucking tease, you know that?" I growled.

Antonio raised his eyebrows in feigned surprise. "Why Lovi," he mused. "What ever do you mea-?"

I didn't give Antonio a chance to finish his sentence. In a blur, I smacked the gelato cone out of his hand, letting it fall to the ground, grabbed his wrist, and dragged him off to a place in private. My angered mind settled for the side of a random restaurant.

Antonio spluttered as I let go of his hand, but not before slamming him -none too gently, but not violently either- against the brick wall. I breathed deeply through my nostrils and took full appreciation of the exhilarating feeling of this moment. Being concealed from sight made this encounter all the more mysterious. I couldn't wait. I had to act now. I would go absolutely mad if I didn't.

Antonio's eyes widened before they narrowed into an expectantly half-lidded formation. His breathing sharpened as well. His cheeks flushed a faint pink under the white neon light of the blinking restaurant sign. I looked up at him. He was tall, and I had to compensate for our height difference by grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pulling him down so that our lips and faces were just inches apart.

"L-Lov…ino…" he shuddered with deep yearning. The amount of desire in his voice was intoxicating, transfixing, tempting, dangerous, forbidden, and yet so frustratingly appealing.

Antonio raised a hand to cup my cheek. I tightened my grip on his shirt. I clutched onto the fabric so hard that my nails dug into the soft flesh of my palm and the whites of my knuckles showed. His hand brushed away at the hair that swept over my own eyes.

"Let me see those beautiful hazel eyes of yours," he whispered, lightly breathing his hot breath into my face. "You've been hiding from me all night long, mi amor. I want to see them burn with anger. Show me that fiery boy that caught my attention with just one scowl…"

"Enough with the fucking small talk," I hissed. "Just kiss me already!"

Antonio hesitated.

I rolled my eyes and rushed to fill the gap between us. I pulled him closer and closer until our lips finally crashed together. My chest swelled with a thrilling type of anxiety. Antonio's mouth parted open and I didn't hesitate to intertwine my tongue with his. He was hesitant where I was confident, much to my surprise and partial dismay.

The sweet taste of chocolate and the feeling of his smooth lips on my lips and his rough tongue on my tongue was almost too much to bear. In fact, I was beginning to get frustrated. I wasn't usually the 'dominant' one when it came to kissing. Wasn't the Bad Touch Trio infamous for their fair share of love experiences? What the fuck was this? Why was he holding back, damnit?!

Antonio broke the kiss to answer my question, and ultimately, growing agitation.

"Wait," he panted. "Does this mean that we're...dating?"

A sly smirk crept onto my face. "Take a wild fucking guess, bastard." I knotted a fist through Antonio's thick mane of glossy curls. I was aiming to strike a perfect balance between pleasure and pain, but only by a slight amount. I teasingly, albeit gently, tugged at the roots of his hair, earning myself a startled but delighted gasp from him in response.

"Eheh…?"

"Oh for fuck's sakes! Yes!"

Antonio moaned with pleasure. "Oh…" he wheezed.

"Finally…" he trailed off, leaving my muddled mind scraping for answers.

"Finally _what?_ " I inquired, ducking my head so that I could graze my teeth over the sensitive skin of his collar bone.

Antonio's eyes darkened a shade. "I don't have to hold back anymore."

I paled.

My dominating reign had finally come to an end. I can't say that I was all that displeased, however. In fact, I was elated. That bastard knew how to get under my skin, and not in the perverted way that you most certainly just imagined it in.

* * *

 **To be continued... ;)**

* * *

 **Guess who's back? It's your main bitch, Ella, coming at you with a total of 3 hours of sleep, two red bulls, and a whopping amount of emotional baggage! (haha, kill me).**

 **Sneak Preview of Next Chapter: A fangirl's spy mission/yet another Spamano date:**

 **"** Roderich raised a brow in worry when my body swayed to the side. It wasn't uncommon for me to faint due to over excitement. Especially when that over excitement had to do with the tantalizing fruit of gay love."

 **Until next time! Have a great day/ night!**

 **-Ella**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** To the 'lovely' anon who goes by the name of 'Loki' (Convenient anon is convenient): You do realize that this entire story is a parody on fanfiction and shipping culture in general, right? You look really silly by getting mad at me for discussing something that I'm not even really touching upon. Oh well. You made me laugh. Huzzah.

* * *

 **Hide and Peek:**

I furrowed my brows and leaned back against the wooden frame of my bed. I was in my dorm room, thankfully without Feliciano's presence, but still unfortunately surrounded by Antonio's. Ever since we had decided to give this whole 'dating' thing a go he never left my side. If I was at the café, he was at the café, and every minute not spent at class or work was still spent with him. I can't say that I minded him all that much considering the fact that we suck face literally every opportunity that we get. What?! He was a damn good kisser, alright? Hop off my ass, you self righteous pricks!

Anyways, it goes to say that not a lot of studying has been accomplished by yours truly over the past few weeks. Antonio was very distracting and very needy. If I didn't give him enough attention, he would begin to whine until I relented and gave him some affection. But today, I was determined to get a good portion of my work done, with or without Antonio. Honestly, I don't think that I could bring myself to kick him out either way. He wasn't bothering me at the moment, and having his head rest on my thigh while I typed away on my laptop was oddly therapeutic.

Right now, I was scrambling to finish a last-minute submission for my creative writing class. For our mid-term evaluation, we had been tasked with writing a 30,000-word multi-chapter. The prompt was vague, which left more than enough room for our creativity to fill in the gaps. Basically, we were to write a story that included the motif of something that was both destructive and binding.

For my story, I had chosen to incorporate the theme of love. Romance wasn't typically my preferred genre of writing, but I suppose that that bastard _really_ did rub off his moronic ways on me after all. I can't say that I was disappointed in the way that the story turned out, however. I found it increasingly fascinating to develop the roundness and internal conflict of these characters, and like most writers, I had developed an uncanny attachment to them. They were my creations, and yet, I had learned so much from them as well.

My main protagonist, Lucy, is a strong-willed girl who had had her heart broken by her partner, Anthony. To give a quick summary, Anthony reverted to alcoholism after the tragic death of his friend, and over time, his pent-up frustration took away from his relationship with Lucy. The story begins with their breakup, and takes off as Anthony leaves rehab and seeks to reconcile his broken relationship with Lucy.

It's funny how I based a lot of Anthony's quirks off of Antonio's ditsy, cheerful personality. The way I see it, those who smile more hide the most burdens in life. And what could possibly be more destructive and binding than broken love?

Antonio sighed, turning his head to shed me with yet another one of his puppy dog pouts. I placated him by running a hand through his mop of messy brown curls. If I didn't do this every now and then, the bastard would get jumpy and just downright impatient. Was it a dog or a clingy boyfriend that I was taking care of? Who knows.

"Are you done yet?" he whined, nuzzling his head into my thigh to emphasize his growing impatience. I clicked my tongue in annoyance. Honestly, no one had asked him to be here. I _did_ tell him that I had a lot of work to do this weekend and that I wouldn't have much time for anything else. He's just lucky that I let him into my dorm in the first place.

If Feliciano wasn't working at the café today, Antonio surely wouldn't be here. The last thing that I needed right now was to have Feliciano spying on us for Liza. That pan-happy bitch had spies everywhere, and my dorm room certainly wasn't an exception. Antonio and I couldn't so much as study in the library without having a paparazzi of fangirls stalk after us. Regardless, I enjoyed my privacy, and if I was going to spend any time with Antonio, it would be alone.

I bit my tongue and tried to contain as much patience in my voice as possible. I couldn't stay mad at the bastard when he looked so adorably sleepy. He had slept on my lap for the majority of this afternoon. Hence, the ruffled hair, oversized long-sleeved shirt, and puffy green eyes.

"No. I already told you. I still have another three chapters to write."

Antonio rolled off my lap and onto his back. He tilted his head so that he was ogling at me from an upside-down position. I bit my lip to hide the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. Damn bastard.

"But you've been writing for _so_ long!" he complained. "I'm getting bored."

"Go home then," I huffed. "No one's forcing you to stay here."

Wrong move, Lovino. It was a well-known fact that Antonio liked staying at my dorm room more than anywhere else, and honestly, I couldn't blame him. His other two roommates, Francis and Gilbert, were downright lunatics. Not that I didn't already know this, of course. Those nutjobs were regular customers of the café, and most often enough, I was coerced into serving them.

Moreover, my dorm room was like some sort of safe haven to Antonio. Enjoying spending time with me was only part of the reason why he begged to come here so often. Between having Francis repeatedly bring home new sex partners, and Gilbert's day-through-night frat parties, Antonio had very little opportunity for a sense of peace and quiet in his life. Why he sought out those things in me is beyond my sense of comprehension. Although being called a bastard wasn't nearly as bad as listening to the drunken moans and groans of his friends. Come to think of it, it was no wonder why he liked being here so much.

"But Loviiii! You know how much I like to spend time with you," Antonio raked a desperate hand along my pant leg, which, in fact, confirmed my theory that he was part dog.

"You're spending time with me right now, bastard."

"Ay!" Antonio chided. "It wouldn't kill you to take a break every now and then."

"I can't afford a break. I'm already far enough behind as it is."

Antonio switched tactics, deciding to use his charm to sway me into giving in to his pleading.

"Can you at least 'afford' me a kiss?" Antonio mused. "Por favor." He added with yet another blinding, pearly white grin.

Antonio pursed his lips in anticipation, causing me to scoff and close my laptop. Acknowledging this small victory, Antonio sat up and crawled over to me. I glared up at him. "You're distracting me," I grumbled in a half-hearted voice. "I should have gotten rid of you earlier."

Antonio bent forward and gently pressed his lips to mine. "But you didn't~!" he just about sang. "Which means that you secretly _do_ want me here."

I knotted a hand through Antonio's hair, and firmly, but gently, tugged on the roots. Only for teasing purposes, that is. "Of course I do," I smirked. "Who else would be there to wipe that smug ass grin off your face?"

Antonio was more than happy to comply when I crushed my lips to his once more.

After a timely snogging session, Antonio pulled away and crawled off the bed. There was a lively bounce to his step as he skipped over to the bedroom door.

I cocked my head to the side. "Where are you going?"

"I think the question you should be asking is _where_ are _we_ going?"

"Nice try, moron. I'm not going anywhere."

Antonio bent his knees and patted his thighs with both hands. Suddenly, I felt as if I had become the dog in the relationship.

"Come on! One hour! That's all I ask of you. I'll take you somewhere fun~!" Antonio winked, but wasn't quite successful in pulling off the Prince Charming image. He looked anxious more than anything else. Staying in one place for so long must have really bored him. It would explain why he couldn't stop jumping on the balls of his feet.

I defiantly turned my head to the side. "No."

Cue an explosion of protests on Antonio's side.

It was clear to me now that I wasn't dealing with a man, but rather a screaming toddler.

"Don't you care about what I want?"

I crossed my arms. "You're not being fair, Antonio. You can't always have things go your way."

"But I never have things go my way!"

"What about that time where you forced me into sharing a churro with you?"

"Okay, so maybe one time-"

"Or the time when I agreed to sit on your lap in the library?"

This time I didn't even give the spluttering Spaniard a chance to speak.

"Or how about the fact that I let you call me Lovi now?"

Antonio's shoulders slumped. "I just wanted to make you happy," he pouted.

"Chigi!" I cursed. "Not this again! You are so _not_ going to guilt trip me into going out, dammit!"

Antonio looked up and finished me off with his fatal puppy dog blow.

"Don't mind me," he frowned. "I'm just a lonely nobody whose boyfriend doesn't care about him."

I ignored Antonio until he sat on the ground and began to pray out loud.

"Dear God, I would very much like it if you made Lovino a little nicer to be around. All I want in life is to see him laugh and smile and not be so stubborn! PS. It would be very much appreciated if you could convince him into wearing a dress. I look forward to the day when he finally comes to terms with his cuteness~!"

Antonio grinned and saluted the air for no apparent reason. "Thanks for listening, Carriedo out!"

My hand moved on instinct. Unfortunately, Antonio was smart enough to duck from the now airborne pillow. His stupid fusoso laughter filled the room, and being tired of it, I stood up and stormed out of the room.

"One hour and that's it, bastard!" I called over my shoulder.

Antonio grinned. His precious tomato was all too easy to manipulate.

…

Antonio's short one-hour date was already off to a horrible start. For one thing, I had been forced to cover my eyes and let him lead me to a spot of his choosing. The only solace that I felt was the fact that not many people would be able to see us out here in the open like this. With it being night time, I didn't have to worry about getting the odd, judgemental look from your run-of-the-mill homophobic bystander.

And after several trips, stumbles, curses, and simultaneous death threats, Antonio had finally given me permission to open my eyes. I took a moment to catch my breath before doing so. The bastard had made me climb a buttfuck number of stairs in order to get to this allegedly 'special' location on campus.

I opened my eyes and groaned at the _very_ limited extent of Antonio's romantic creativity. We were on a rooftop and to our right was a glass garden shed. The light from the full moon bounced across the glass panes, unfortunately causing Antonio's eyes to gleam and smirk at me in the darkness.

I turned my head to get a better look. The first thing that caught my eye was the row of potted tomato plants that were placed on the first few shelves. In the center of the shed, there was some sort of lounge, which contained a circle of plush couches, and a wooden coffee table that had no surface space due to the many empty beer bottles and cans that were sprawled on top of it. There were also various shovels, hoses, and bags of soil scattered across the cement floor of the space.

Antonio squeezed my hand. "So…what do you think?"

I shrugged. "What am I supposed to think? There's nothing much to say. It's just a shed."

Antonio moped. "Come on, Lovi! You can at least act a little more excited than that! Gardening is one of my favourite hobbies to do."

My face reddened with disgruntlement. "Oh…shit…sorry. I didn't know." Just to placate the bastard, I playfully bumped shoulders with him. "How come you never told me that?"

"It just never came to mind, I guess."

"What? Were you too busy admiring my ass to think of anything else?" I asked with a cheeky tone. Hey, just because other people glorified my butt, didn't mean that I was excluded from doing it as well.

Antonio's silence wasn't reassuring in the slightest. If it wasn't so dark out, I could have sworn that he was blushing just as red as I was.

The Spaniard was quick to change the topic at hand.

"Come, I'd like to show you something." Antonio swung my hand and lead me towards a bench by the edge of the roof top. It was placed just outside the shed, so that whoever sat in it had a perfect view of the garden beds and cobble-stoned paths below. It was a beautiful place to view the horizon and it was a shame that we hadn't come here at sunset. If the bastard had just said so, I wouldn't have been so stubborn to leave my dorm room in the first place.

We sat down on the bench and Antonio's arm was quick to snake around my waist. I grumbled and let my head fall against his shoulder. The warmth from his body made me feel sleepy. I could already feel my eyelids droop under the heavy weight of fatigue. "You said you wanted me to show me something?" I prompted.

"Oh, that's right~!" Antonio chuckled and raked his free hand through his wind-tussled curls. "I just wanted to show you the view." Well that sure de-escalated quickly.

"How dazzling," I remarked with a smirk. "Tell me, bastard. How is sitting out here supposed to be fun?"

Antonio pursed his lips together in thought. "Well, for one thing, I'm spending time with you, and that's always fun. For me it is at least…"

I pounded a weak fist against Antonio's chest, who gave a giggly oomph in response. "Cut it with the sentimental crap. We both know that your main goal coming out of this is just to get in my pants."

Antonio spluttered and scoffed. "What?! No! That's not true at all! Really! I've always wanted to share this place with someone very special to me. I wouldn't have brought you up here otherwise."

"Okay, bastard. I believe you. No need to get your fucking enchiladas in a twist."

"You know, I can never tell if you're being sarcastic or not," Antonio pouted.

"Hmmm, neither can I," I mused. "So…what makes this place so special to you?"

Antonio's arm around me tightened, and once again, I had very conflicting feelings about how much I liked to be so close to him. "It's a place that doesn't require a lot of thought. It's a great stress reliever, but more than that, it gives me more of an altruistic purpose in life. There's a feeling that's just so satisfying about taking care of something other than yourself. Eheh. I probably sound so weird to you…"

I held up a hand and urged for Antonio continue. I loved to hear him talk, especially when he got comfortable enough to reveal the deeper, intimate secrets about himself. Contrary to what he believed, I actually did enjoy learning about his opinions and unique thought processes. When he was honest like this it was literally impossible to snap at him. He was vulnerable and insecure at first, but if I had my way, I would open up an avenue of communication between the both of us where virtually nothing would be odd for us to talk about.

"Having a hobby you like isn't weird," I reassured. "Unless you sing your tomato plants to sleep every night. Now _that's_ fucking weird."

Antonio feigned surprise, placing a hand over his mouth and mirthfully raising his eyebrows. "Why, Lovi?! How did you know?"

I shrugged. "I have good instincts."

"What do your 'instincts' say about me, eheh?"

"That you're a horny pervert."

The next few minutes were spent bickering, which was more like me making fun of Antonio, and Antonio wailing for mercy against my ruthless jabs at his pride. Our argument ended when a cold wind swept over us, causing me to shiver and hunch in on myself.

"Aw~! Is my little tomato cold?" Antonio cooed. "Don't worry! Boss Antonio is here to warm you right up!" Apparently, I had become the bastard's henchman the moment that I agreed to date his sorry ass.

I didn't have much input over the matter. The bastard got up from the bench, rushed into the storage room of the shed (after all, the well-being of his precious tomato was at stake), and procured a blanket.

"I'm not a fucking tomato, damnit," I muttered to myself.

It wasn't long before he was sitting next to me again, wrapping the knitted, black and white chequered fabric around me in burrito formation. Even worse, the bastard was also included in the burrito. Which would explain why my face was inevitably smushed up against his laughing chest.

Antonio raked a hand through my hair while I growled and fought to sit up. I eventually managed to negotiate more space within the confines of the blanket. I looked up at Antonio and scowled. "I'm about this close to punching you in the balls," I snarled, although most of the spite was taken away when Antonio bent down to peck my lips.

"Hush," Antonio chided. "If you didn't want this, you would have shoved me away by now."

I deadpanned. "I beg to differ. You're currently strangling me with that blanket of yours."

"Tsk! Let's just enjoy the moment, shall we?"

"Fuck, fine."

I mewled like a pissed off kitten and buried my face into his collar bone, embarrassed by the urge I felt to reciprocate his tender affection. Antonio was quick to read the situation, and before I knew it his hands were on my waist, lifting me so that I sat in his lap, straddling him. Our lips crashed against each other and we quickly took up a familiar rhythm of clashing hands, teeth, and moans.

A loud creak echoed from somewhere inside the shed. "The…fuck…was…that…?" I panted in between sucking on Antonio's lower lip. Hmmm. He tasted so sweet, and his kisses were gentle, too gentle even. I teasingly but oh so lightly grinded against his waist, purposefully trying to irk some sort of response out of him. The one time that I wanted him to be a pervert and he just _had_ to go soft on me.

Antonio moaned in pleasure. "I don't…k-know. It's probably nothing. Ay!" he cried out when I nipped at a soft spot on his neck. I smirked and sadistically considered leaving a mark on his collar bone when another bang echoed behind us. Once again, the sound was coming directly from the shed.

"Okay, seriously. What the fuck?!" I wailed. I'll admit, I was spooked. Much to Antonio's dismay, I crawled off his lap and plopped myself down next to him on the bench. The blanket binding us together gracelessly fell to the cement ground of the rooftop, signalling the sinking ship of what _had_ been a very passionate moment.

I crossed my arms and turned around to look back at the shed. The lights weren't on in there, but I could have sworn that I saw the flash of a camera. But then again, I was still seeing stars due to Antonio's expertly-driven tongue.

Antonio shrugged. "Do you want me to see if anyone's in there?"

"Better you than me bastard," I scoffed. "I don't plan on getting murdered any time soon."

Antonio stood up from the bench and shook his head in disbelief. "The things that I'll do for love."

"What was that bastard?!"

"Nothing~!"

 **Liza's POV:**

Whew! That sure was a close one! I didn't anticipate Antonio _actually_ entering the shed. I mean, I did follow him and Lovino all over campus, so surely I knew the risks involved. But, given the fact that I had to drag a very unwilling Roderich along with me, finding a hiding place on such short notice proved to be extremely difficult.

Not to mention the fact that my grump of a boyfriend was _still_ bitching about how the café failed to implement what he liked to refer to as an 'intellectual atmosphere.' Roderich was visiting this week, and since his parents funded my final business project, it was his job to ensure that the café was functioning according to its original purpose. But, if you ask me, the café was doing its job, and quite well at that. It was liberating to encourage differences in opinions and sexualities. Other words to describe it would be inspirational and refreshing. Okay. So maybe it didn't create the grounds for academic discussion. Although, it did facilitate something much more interesting.

As a proper fangirl, I adored anything that had to do with love, and seeing people find their soulmates in the café made all of my hard work to keep it up and running worth it. Besides, I kicked my rival's ass when it came to running a business. Vlad's lame Maiden and Vampire Café couldn't even be compared to my shipping galore of an establishment. Tch. I hated that Romanian with a burning passion. Just the thought of him made my hands twitch, and when they twitched, a swinging of a certain handy-dandy pan typically followed. Unfortunately, pans weren't very helpful when it came to conducting stealth missions.

Anyways, Roderich was currently pouting right now. While an oblivious Antonio grabbed a blanket from another storage closet, I had been left with little choice but to stuff my boyfriend and I in a nearby tools closet. Roderich huffed and whined, as per usual. Given the small space of our hiding place, we had to hunch over, which, of course, incited a whole new string of complaints on his part. I had placated the grump by promising to give him a back rub after our spy mission had been completed.

The door of the shed swung shut, and with a groan and a high-strung whine, Roderich and I piled out of the tools closet. Thankfully, dozens of wooden shelves obscured us from plain view, as tragically enough, the shed was made of pure glass. It made for very poor concealing material.

When I was sure that it was safe to look, I surged forward and hooked a foot on top of a shelf containing potted habanero plants. I struggled and grunted to get a good footing so that I could poke my head above and sneak a peek at the snuggling couple outside. Roderich was offering no help whatsoever while I clung off the shelves, swaying like a badass monkey ninja. All I wanted to do was conduct my yaoi surveillance in peace, god damnit!

"A little help here, Roddy," I grunted, making sure to place a bit of venom into my voice. I turned my head, causing my long honey brown curls to dangle over my shoulders and down my back. Roderich was still too busy straightening out the crinkles in his purple dress shirt. I let out a loathsome sigh when he pulled out a handkerchief from his front pocket, bending over to wipe at the soil that had been smudged onto the pointed tips of his black dress shoes.

Ugh! That outfit though. I mean, seriously. Purple?! Who wears _purple_ on a surveillance mission! And don't even get me started on his shoes! He clacked around like nobody's business, and if he wasn't careful, we were both going to get caught. I had half the mind to scoop him up into my arms and carry him around. But, for the sake of his pride, I decided to let Roderich walk on his own two feet, no matter how slow and out of breath he was while doing so.

You see, Roderich was a delicate little snowflake who needed lots of pampering and love. Right now, he was just upset that I wasn't giving him my full attention. It wasn't very often that he came back from his various music tours around Europe, so when he did come to visit, he expected us to spend all our time together. Hence, the reason why I had dragged him here on this mission in the first place.

Roderich straightened his back. A pair of unamused lavender eyes set their sights on my struggling figure. "Elizabeta," he tutted in a drawling, and obviously bored tone of voice. The only help that my boo thang provided me was the light from his cell phone.

"Get down from there. You're going to hurt yourself."

I grit my teeth. "Not until I get a picture of them first." I reached into my jean pocket with my left hand, while using my right hand to hold up my suspended weight. After an immense amount of struggle, I raised my phone, zoomed in, and took a shaky photo of the coddling couple. It was a pity that Lovino always frowned in the photos that I took of him. What also sucked balls was the fact that his and Antonio's backs were turned to the camera. All I had managed to capture was their side profiles.

Roderich sighed and shook his head. "Honestly, woman. This obsession you have with gay love is really starting to concern me."

I giggled and hopped down from the shelf. I sashayed over to Roderich, making sure to swing my hips while doing so. The all black clothing, and tightly fitted t-shirt and leggings hugged my curves in all the right ways. Roderich blushed and nervously pushed up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. The moon light provided at least some line of vision for us to see. I silently admired the way that the light carved shadows on his otherwise pale skin. His ebony hair was well-kept and slicked away from his face, save for that one unruly piece of hair near his hairline that always stuck out of place for whatever reason.

"Oh, so _now_ you're concerned about me?" I purred, raising a hand to cup his heated cheek. "Silly boy, are you jealous? You know that my love for you will always come first." I looked at Roderich with greedy eyes. I focused particularly on his butt. It was practically screaming at me to grope it. The mighty fineness of Roderich's butt was the one thing that Gilbert, my idiot best friend, and I actually came to an agreement on. I've had to whack that flamboyant albino upside the head many times over because of his pervasive booty obsession. Hahaha. Silly, delusional Gilbert. Roderich was _mine. I_ was Roderich's happy place. Hahaha…I just might kill him one day…haha…

Roderich leaned into my touch. "You got your picture, now let's go. Unlike you, I don't get pleasure out of impeding on other people's privacy," he grumbled half-heartedly.

I dropped my hand from his face and made sure to stick out my chest. After all, a proper business woman had to be well adept in selling her merchandise. I expertly batted my lashes in pleading. "Just a few more minutes?" Roderich made a point to avoid my puppy dog eyes, but it wasn't long before he had succumbed to my erotic boob power. "Pleassssssse?"

Roderich huffed in defeat. Aw, how submissive~! I've trained him well!

"You have five minutes," he affirmed in his ' _I'm tired of your shit, Elizabeta'_ voice. I opened my mouth to squeal but stopped short when the back door to the shed slammed open. Roderich and I froze. I dove behind a shelf. Unfortunately, Roderich wasn't as quick on his feet. The poor guy had tripped over a bag of soil and subsequently faceplanted on the ground. I erratically motioned at a snivelling and dare I say useless Roderich to get up, but it was already far too late.

"You have to be more quiet, Feliciano!" A familiar voice hissed. "You're drawing too much attention!"

"Ve, Luddy! You're so smart!" Feliciano, who obviously hadn't learned his lesson, shouted at full volume. Two other phones were used to brighten the darkness of the shed.

I poked my head around the shelf that I had hidden behind and gasped. "Feli? What are you doing here?!" Standing before me were two of my most trusted employees, Feliciano Vargas, and Ludwig Beilschmidt. Feli was still wearing his neon pink waiter's apron, and Ludwig had splotches of flour on his face to match the handprints on the back of his black cooking apron. I licked my lips. How _very_ delicious.

Feliciano grinned. "We wanted to know why you guys left the café so abruptly, ve," he shrugged. "It wasn't busy, so I thought: what's the harm?"

"Ja," Ludwig agreed. "It was a bit suspicious for you to leave without any explanation."

Feliciano cut in before I had a chance to say anything. "Don't worry! Alfred and Matthew stayed back to serve the rest of the customers." I nodded my head in approval.

Feliciano looked down, noticing Roderich's sprawled over figure for the first time. "What happened to him?"

I hummed in dismissal. "He tripped and fell, so basically nothing new."

Roderich scoffed as Ludwig helped him to his feet. "I feel so loved," he said with a thick amount of sarcasm, routinely brushing off the non-existent dirt from his pant leg. Bad habits were hard to break, I suppose.

I ignored Roderich and walked over to Feli, placing both hands onto his shoulders. "Feli, I'm going to tell you something really exciting, but you have to promise me that you're not going to scream."

Feliciano's head bobbed up and down faster than Roderich's ever crippling dignity. "Ve, okay!"

I carefully cocked my head to the right. "Your brother's out there on a date with Antonio."

Feliciano's eyes widened and I clamped a hand over his mouth in the nick of time. It took a while for him to calm down, but when he did, an impish grin tugged on the corners of his lips. "Did you get any pictures?" he whispered, surprising me a little. I've never seen Feliciano so focused and determined before. Heck, his eyes were even open! That was something that rarely ever happened.

I pulled out my phone and grinned right back at him. "But of course~!"

Roderich and Ludwig groaned, taking solace in the fact that they were the only 'sane' people in the shed. But no matter, Feliciano and I's fangirling coalition easily overpowered their stick-in-the-mud, party pooper brigade.

…

"Ve, Liza? Did you get a picture of them cuddling together?!"

"You bet I did, Feli!"

* _Cackling laughter and a random, unexpected shout of PASTAAAAAA!*_

…

"Ludwig?"

"Ja?"

"I'm relying on you to drag my dead body away from this fangirl war zone."

"Only if you'll do the same for me."

A mutual look of understanding was exchanged between the newfound Austrian and German allies.

"Fair enough."

…

Oh my, were things ever getting steamy! Right now, Feliciano and I had our elbows propped up onto the top gardening shelf. Ludwig and Roderich, despite their incessant groaning, stood below us just in case we fell. I licked the drool from the corner of my lips and inched in closer, Feliciano doing the same. From what we could see, Antonio and Lovino were cuddling like snug little love muffins under a single blanket. My breathing became heavy and laboured when Antonio initiated a kiss.

My free hand automatically went to my front jean pocket, but alas, my phone was no longer there. Both Roderich and Ludwig had confiscated Feliciano and I's phones. Apparently, privacy outweighed the documentation of love.

It didn't help that I had been facetiming with Mei earlier. The poor girl was stuck back in her dorm room, studying with Kiku for their upcoming chemistry midterm. Kiku fangirled just as much as the rest of us, but school always came first for him, and since Mei was his girlfriend, he had taken it upon himself to 'fix' her poor study habits. I bowed my head in mourning. Without my phone, I had failed my fellow fangirl and best friend. Mei would never get to see how this date turned out. It was quite a tragedy, really.

Feliciano's breath hitched. He then shifted and squirmed to better adjust his position. "Liza! Liza!" he trilled. "Look!"

Ludwig grumbled yet another sarcastic comment under his breath. "If only he put this much focus into his school work."

"At least your significant other gives you the light of day," Roderich muttered. I made a silent mental note to myself: ' _grope Roderich's pretentious butt when you get home.'_

I peered forward and instantaneously felt a familiar pressure build up in my sinuses. Any second now and I would get a nosebleed. Or even worse, faint. Lovino had climbed onto Antonio's lap; the both of them were now engaged in an intense make-out session. _HOT! HOT! HOT!_

Feliciano cocked his head to the side in amazement. "Ve! Nonno taught us that trick!"

"What trick?" I asked with furrowed, yet ever concentrated brows.

A sly grin crept onto Feliciano's otherwise innocent face. "The one where you roll your tongue along your lover's lower lip."

Since my back was turned to him, I didn't see Ludwig's face flush to a ripe ole shade of 'hot and bothered red.'

My body quaked with the uncontrollable tremors of a fangasm. Hardly anything coherent came out of my mouth. "Hnnnngggggh," I grunted. The room caved in and I could have sworn that I saw a bearded man hovering over me, waggling his index finger in scorn. I blinked and the bearded man, who oddly had a Texan accent for some reason, was replaced with a floating pan. Feliciano's squeal of delight brought me back from my yaoi-induced acid trip.

Roderich raised a brow in worry when my body swayed to the side. It wasn't uncommon for me to faint due to over excitement. Especially when that over excitement had to do with the tantalizing fruit of gay love.

Surprisingly, I was the one to hold up the longest as Feliciano fell backwards and into a surprised Ludwig's arms.

All was swell until Ludwig stumbled backwards into another wooden shelf, knocking over several potted tomato plants in the process. The sound was too loud for it to go unnoticed by the snogging couple outside. Silent alarm bells went off in my head.

I quickly hopped down from my perched position and every one exchanged worried looks. Ludwig helped Feliciano to his feet, while Roderich erratically motioned for everyone to be quiet. My heart was beating so hard that it roared in my ears. Despite my physiological arousal, I was still able to hear the grumpy grumblings of Lovino, followed by the resumption of soft moans and kissing noises.

I giggled and used the back of my hand to wipe off some sweat from my upper brow. "We really came close there, didn't we?"

Feliciano giggled in reciprocation only to stop and solemnly nodded his head when Ludwig aimed a sharp glare in his direction. We almost got caught, after all.

"It's getting late, Feli. We should go home, ja?"

Feliciano pouted. "Ve, okay," he whimpered.

Roderich crossed his arms and twitched his lips at me in scorn. I suddenly felt the immense, shit-disturbing urge to poke at his mouth mole. Sigh. Such is the life of a fangirl. "We shall also be heading home, isn't that right now, Elizabeta?"

"Inconsiderate, anti-shipping, butthead," I childishly murmured under my breath.

Roderich's face flushed with anger. Before he could say anything, however, a large clapping sound, something similar to the amplified intensity of thunder, echoed across the shed.

"Hello friends~! I am so glad that I ran into you! What a nice surprise, da?" The beaming, round face of Ivan Braginski ominously popped out of… literally nowhere (?). The Russian was one with the darkness, apparently.

My hands weren't fast enough to stop Roderich from letting out a frilly, high-pitched scream. The doofus was very easily scared.

Everyone except for Ivan, who was completely oblivious to the gravity of the situation, dove for cover. Roderich and I hopped into the tools closet, and Ludwig and Feliciano sprinted around the corner to hide behind a row of potted sunflower plants. Oh… that would explain why Ivan was here.

I pulled the door to the tools closet shut, only to open it again when Ivan giggled, and very loudly at that. "Are we playing hide and seek now? Does that mean I'm it? You guys are so rude, tehe~! You didn't even bother to tell me!"

I bravely established direct eye contact with Ivan and wildly gestured for him to climb into the tools closet with us. "Ivan!" I hissed. "You need to hide." I froze at the sound of approaching footsteps. "Like, right now!"

" _Did you hear that, bastard?"_

 _"Si, it sounded like a girl screaming."_

Roderich huffed to himself in 'his' corner of the tools shed. "I most certainly _do not_ sound like a girl."

"That's not the most pressing matter right now!" I snapped at Roderich, who did indeed sound very much like a girl, even more so than me to be brutally honest. The Austrian still nonetheless shrunk at the sharp tone of my voice.

I then turned back to Ivan and had to stifle the urge to facepalm. The Russian was currently counting down from 100, preparing for our alleged game of hide and seek.

"Ivan!" I whispered again.

Ivan uncovered two gloved hands from his face. "Silly girl, Elizabeta! You're not supposed to tell me where you're hiding! I'm supposed to find you!"

I had no choice but to play along with Ivan's falsely misinformed game. "Okay, how about I be it then instead?" I stepped out of the tools closet despite Roderich's whiny symphony of protests.

"Go on," I smiled and cooed to him in a soft voice. "You hide and I'll count."

Ivan's lilac eyes widened with child-like wonder, and I kid you not, he just about scampered around the corner, his long, white scarf trailing behind him. It was almost funny to watch a giant like himself be reduced to actions similar to that of a toddler. The terrified scream from Feliciano on the other end of the shed told me that Ivan was safe from view. That Russian was one creepy fella, all right.

"Is anyone there?" Antonio's voice echoed from just outside the shed's door.

I froze in place, but thankfully Roderich was useful enough to drag me back into our hiding place.

The shed door creaked open, causing rays of moonlight to streak across the room.

"D-do you see anything?" Lovino's voice wavered with uncertainty.

A moment of silence passed. I filled in the gaps and assumed that Antonio had shaken his head in response to my favourite tsundere's question.

"O-oh…g-good."

"So…" Antonio purred seductively. "Where were we?"

The door to the shed closed shut.

The rest of the couple's conversation was muffled from there on in.

It wasn't long before everyone piled out of their respective hiding places. Feliciano was currently seeking refugee under Ludwig's arm. Ivan had always scared the little guy.

Speaking of Ivan, the Russian was now tending to his 'precious' sunflowers, sniffing the yellow florae as if they were crack cocaine. Our game of hide and seek had long been forgotten.

Roderich clicked his tongue to get my attention. "Happy now?"

I turned to my boo thang with a predatory grin on my face. I then reached out to grope/ squeeze Roderich's butt, causing him to splutter and blush in embarrassment. Hmmm. It wasn't firm enough. I'd have to do some more moulding later tonight…

"Are you kidding me?" I cackled like a true mad woman. "I had a blast!"

* * *

 **To be continued….**

* * *

 ***coughs* (Subtle reference to the Fault in Your Idiocy is subtle)**

 **Not sure when I'm going to be updating next... My brother called me a 'Goldfish author' because I keep starting new stories and leaving others unfinished. I get bored easily, okay?! I'll work on the stories that entertain me the most, damnit!**

 **Until next time (whenever that is lmao)**

 **Best regards,**

 **-Ella**


	5. Chapter 5

Damnit, I had slept in again. I groaned and rolled onto my side, blinking harshly at the sunlight streaming through my bedroom window. Today was the odd Saturday that I had off, but alas, my lazy, slob-like tendencies always proved to get the best of me.

I sat up on the side of my bed, stretching my arms and raking a hand through my scruffy bed-head. It wasn't long before I was shivering. The apartment had poor heating, which explained why my body had unconsciously decided to stay in bed for so long. It was fucking cold out and only a moron would enjoy going out in this weather.

I grumbled and pulled a fluffy red robe over my tomato print pyjama onesie. Antonio had gotten me that onesie, so damnit it all if I wasn't going to make good use of it. Speaking of Antonio, I would have to call him soon. Although, he probably wasn't up at this point. The Spaniard was the only person I knew who could out sleep me. On weekends, he typically woke up at 3pm.

After brushing my teeth, and hopelessly attempting to tame my raging bed head, I trudged into the living room. The sight that I saw next nearly made me turn back. I would have done so if I wasn't so damn hungry.

The potato was sitting at the dining room table, surrounded by a stack of recipe books, pencils, highlighters, sticky notes, and the likes. As usual, he had a constipated look of concentration on his face as he recited the notes out loud. The sound of his deep, gravelly voice was already beginning to piss me off.

Feliciano was nearby, having set up his painting easel and canvas at the end of the dining room table. The airhead had the radio turned on, merrily humming along to the bubbly pop song that was playing.

I grit my teeth together and stomped past them, heading straight into the kitchen. "Good morning~!" Feliciano chirped.

"What's so fucking good about it?" I mumbled under my breath. As expected, my spiteful comment went ignored.

Ludwig pushed up the glasses that were perched on the bridge of his nose, narrowing his icy blue eyes in disproval as he checked the time on his watch. Knowing that freak, he probably didn't even need a watch. He was an anal perfectionist who timed out his daily activities the night prior. I wouldn't be surprised if he had his biological clock trained to have pre-determined bathroom breaks.

"Actually, it's two in the afternoon."

I looked over my shoulder to give Ludwig a dirty look. The German simply returned my glare with an indifferent expression on his face. It had taken him a full year, but now he was completely desensitized to my volatile temper. "Got a problem with that, dipshit?" I growled.

Ludwig passive aggressively clicked the pen in his right hand. "Nein, of course not." The potato then proceeded to rip off a yellow sticky note from its respective pad, albeit slowly.

I bit my lip. I was this close to grabbing a lighter and setting fire to his school books. That potato knew how much I hated it when he shoved his kumbaya 'study hard and succeed' work ethic in my face. Shrewd, blue eyes were met with fiery, ' _not taking any of your shit'_ hazel ones.

So what if I left my work until the last minute, pulled off all nighters, and pumped my body with an insane amount of caffeine?! All that mattered was that I got my work done, albeit almost killing myself in the process. Shit. I just delegitimized my own argument, didn't I? What the fuck ever. I would never give that potato the benefit of the doubt anyways. I'd rather be subjected to another one of Liza's butt gropes than admit that his study method worked better.

"What's the frown for?" I leered. "Did you forget to have your morning bowl of 'stuck up prick' cereal?"

Ludwig pursed his lips. "Eat a tomato, Lovino. You're not the same when you're hungry."

"Bitch, did you just use the snicker's bar slogan against me?!"

"Hmmm. And so I did."

Feliciano chuckled nervously, for once sensing the tense atmosphere in the room. "Ve, okay! I think it's time for you guys to take a breather." The airhead then set down his wooden paint pallet.

I broke off my stare down with the steroid monstrosity of a human brick, who I totally wasn't scared of just to be perfectly clear.

"Luddy, why don't you get yourself ready for my next painting?"

Ludwig sighed and nodded his head, standing up from the dining room table. "Ja, okay. I could use a break anyhow."

"What you need is a break to the side of the head."

Ludwig spared me one last unamused look before he shut the bathroom door. "Perhaps. It would make dealing with you a whole lot easier."

I opened my mouth in retort only to close it when Feliciano placed a hand on my shoulder. The little bitch even had the audacity to shake his head at me. "Would it kill you to be nice in front of him?" he whined.

I roughly shrugged off Feliciano's hand, turning on my heels and setting my sights on the fridge. I nearly tore off the hinges of the stainless-steel door as I swung it open in an aggressive, forceful arc. "That shithead's the one who fucking started it," I snapped. "You should have seen the judgemental look he was giving me."

"Luddy's hard on me too when it comes to school! He only wants to bring out the best in people, ve."

"That's bullshit and you know it, Feli. Fuck, there's nothing to eat." I blinked and stared hard at the near empty fridge, hoping somewhere deep inside of me that sheer will power would make a fresh plate of pasta appear out of thin air.

I closed the fridge door and settled on eating the homemade croissants that Feli had baked the other day. Feliciano was no longer hovering behind me like an estranged mother. He had long given up on placating my foul mood and was now back to adding the finishing touches to his painting.

I walked up behind him, craning my neck to the side as I tried to get a good look at what he was painting. It was a child, and a cute one too. The little boy had chubby cheeks, hazel eyes, tanned skin, and curly brown hair. A permanent scowl was situated on the boy's face. He appeared to be very angry about life. Me too, little man. Me too.

"What's that your painting?" I huffed in between shamelessly stuffing half of the croissant into my mouth.

Feliciano grinned slyly. "Your and Antonio's love child."

 **PFFFFFF!**

"Our what?!" Pieces of chewed up croissant flew everywhere. I doubled over, coughing and gasping to get some air into my now struggling lungs.

"Aw~! I didn't think that you would get this excited, fratello! Isn't he just the cutest thing ever?!"

"YES! I MEAN NO! I MEAN…WHAT THE FUCK, FELI?!"

Feliciano looked like a kid who had just been told that Santa wasn't real. "What, you don't like it?"

My answer was cut off short when Ludwig walked out of the bathroom.

For the second time today, I lost my fucking shit.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! WHY THE FUCK IS HE NAKED!?" I screamed, all the while hissing and covering my already blinded eyes with both hands.

Ludwig's brows furrowed in confusion. "Is he not comfortable with nudity?"

Feliciano brought a hand to his forehead and grimaced. "He's not comfortable with anything that breathes."

I screamed and writhed/ twitched my way back into the kitchen. "Feli, where do you keep the bottle of bleach?"

"Ve, under the kitchen sink, why?"

"I WANT TO BURN THIS FUCKING ATTROCIOUS SIGHT OUT OF MY MEMORY!"

Ludwig's cheeks flushed a bright pink. "Did you not think to warn him about this first?"

Feliciano simply shrugged. Most people wouldn't have spotted the hint of a smirk tugging on the corners of his lips. "It was the quickest and easiest way to get him out of the apartment."

…

 _*Several miscellaneous bangs, shouts, and self-induced death threats later*_

 _*Thankfully, our peeled potato in question, Ludwig, had enough sense to put on some clothes. *_

"Feli?"

"S-si, fratello?"

"Liza paid you to make that painting, didn't she?"

An uncomfortable amount of silence passed by.

Said silence ended when the sound of choking and profuse swearing could be heard.

"VE, I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! D-DON'T KILL ME! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO TOP LUDDY YET!"

"VHAT?!"

"COME AGAIN, MOTHERFUCKER?"  
…

"TAKE YOUR SAUSAGE FINGERS OFF ME, YOU DAMN DIRTY POTATO!"

"Not until you promise me that you won't try to strangle your brother again."

"Fuck, fine."

"I'm letting go now…"

"CHIGI! LET ME AT HIM!"

"I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER! I'M WAVING LUDDY'S BOXERS BACK AND FORTH, SEE?! THAT MEANS THAT I'M SORRY! AH! NOT THE BALLS! NOT THE BALLS!"

Said German in question looked down, blushed when he realized that his boxers had been taken off without him noticing it, and sighed out of defeat. This was just your typical day in the Vargas twins' household. He had brought it all onto himself, really.

…

A cold wind swept over the courtyard, causing me to bury the lower half of my face into my woollen scarf. It was just past six, and I had no intention of going home any time soon. In fact, staying out here was my way of praying that God would have mercy on me and permanently freeze my eyeballs shut. As you can see, I'm still suffering from the PTSD of seeing that potato naked. Why Feliciano wanted to tap that is beyond me.

*Shudders*

The sun had set a while back. That's one thing that I've always hated about winter, well, other than the tit freezing cold temperatures. Day time typically ended at five, sometimes even four PM. It was pitch black outside, save for the eager beaver Christmas lights that were strung across the rooftops of the various shops that I passed by. I was in the food strip part of the campus, and the loud, pounding thrums of dubstep indicated to me that Liza's café wasn't too far off.

Chigi! How do I always end up going back there? It's like there's an inherent part of me that secretly enjoys being tortured and embarrassed. I sighed. I would just have to make sure not to get too close to the café, otherwise I was sure to be dragged in there against my will. I had booked this night off solely because I didn't want to get caught up in the chaos that was karaoke night.

Not even the trauma caused by hump-pole Wednesday could compare to the horrors of drunk college students screeching to their heart's content. Last time, Gilbert had almost gotten arrested for public indecency. Apparently whipped cream wasn't an appropriate way of covering one's self up. I agreed with that sentiment whole heartedly.

I kicked at the salted gravel under my feet. The fact that it had snowed last night didn't help to alleviate my grumpy mood. I was also a bit ticked off that I didn't have Antonio to bitch and moan to. I had been so quick to leave that I had forgotten my phone back at the apartment. But, if I had to take a good guess, I would probably find Antonio at the very place that I was trying to avoid.

Although, he must be quite worried about me right now. We usually texted all day long if we weren't spending time together. Granted, he mostly talked about how much I reminded him of a tomato, but his stupidity was a nice refresher from the stress of school and just life in general. I suppose that I would have to go to the café after all.

On my way to the café, terrified shrieking echoed behind me. I looked over my shoulder, only to nearly piss myself out of fear. Two people, both of whom I was absolutely petrified of, were heading straight for me, or rather, in my general direction.

Ivan, who was normally characterized by a sly, stoic expression on his face, had his lips parted open in horror. The Russian giant was running away from his cackling, lunatic sister, who by the looks of it, was reaching out to grab him by the end of his scarf.

"Big brother! Wait! You forgot to take something with you!"

"W-what's that?"

"Me!"

"Go awaaaaaay!"

I ducked behind a tree as the feuding/ sobbing siblings sprinted past me. There was simply no escaping the craziness of this University. It was literally everywhere.

I had found myself a whole new level of crazy when I stopped to stand in front of the café. Bright disco lights flared on and off, reminding me of that one Pokémon episode that had caused dozens of kids to have epileptic seizures. Overkill much?

High pitched scratchy screeching, which was complimented by a soft, feminine voice filled my ears. I peered inside and spotted the make shift stage that had been set up inside of the café, which was really just a whole bunch of tables haphazardly pushed together.

What I saw next surprised me. Gilbert and Roderich, who I'm assuming were drunk out of their minds, were standing on top of the make-shift stage, arm in arm, singing along to a random Taylor Swift song that I had never bothered to learn the name of.

Honestly, I shouldn't have been so surprised. This was just your typical night at the cafe. Although, if Gilbert didn't take his arm off Roderich soon, Liza was sure to beat his head in. It would explain why she was irately pacing back and forth, pan in hand, and with an evil, slightly murderous expression on her face.

I smirked when I spotted a certain goofball sitting in a booth by the window. It wasn't long before Antonio caught my gaze me and sprinted out of the café. The bastard nearly tripped over his feet a grand moronic total of five times.

Antonio pulled me into a crushing hug. "Loviiiiii~! Mi Tomatito! Where have you been?! I was so worried!"

Spluttering for air, I pounded a fist against Antonio's back, causing him to lessen up on his grip. The Spaniard stepped back a little to get a good look at me. His green eyes were glazed slightly, twinkling under the bright lights surrounding us. I had my suspicions that he had been drinking, but I didn't let this fact bother me.

"I forgot my phone back at the apartment," I grumbled, burying my head into the crook of his neck.

"Oh! Okay! Why don't we go inside then? The fun's just getting started~!"

I pulled away and shook my head. "I just came by to say hello. I still have a lot of work to catch up on."

Antonio sighed. "You push yourself too hard, Lovi."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you dare worry about me, bastard. I can take care of myself. Now go on, enjoy the rest of your night. I'll text you when I wake up tomorrow."

I turned on my heels to leave, only to falter when Antonio grabbed onto the sleeve of my coat. "I think that you're forgetting something," he purred.

"Oh?" I deadpanned. "And what's that?"

"A goodbye kiss!"

I paled and swallowed awkwardly. "A k-kiss?" I squeaked. "R-right here?"

With all the people walking around in the area, I felt as if a bright spotlight had been cast onto me. I was suddenly much more self conscious of my actions. I was embarrassed and I hated myself for feeling conflicted over something that any other person would view as natural.

Antonio's face broke out into a wide grin. "Si, right here, right now!"

The Spaniard bent down to kiss my lips. I quickly tilted my face so that he merely pecked me on the cheek. Antonio frowned and moved to kiss me again. This time, I had no choice but to avoid him entirely.

"Do you not want to kiss me?"

"W-what makes you think that?"

"You just look really uncomfortable. Did I do something to make you feel that way?"

 _Fuck that bastard for caring and knowing me so well._

I shook my head back and forth, albeit not making direct eye contact with him. "No, of course not."

Antonio used a finger to tilt up my chin, and it wasn't long before he was kissing me. Ten seconds passed before I forced myself to break away, biting my lip out of frustration.

Anger began to leak into his voice. "Okay, there's definitely something that you're not telling me."

I didn't say anything.

"Lovino?"

Shit, he was being serious now.

"Y-yeah?"

"Are you… embarrassed by me?"

I took too long to answer.

Antonio's face fell, and a new look of hurt crossed over his face. "Wow, okay. I see how it is."

"N-no!" I stammered. "It's not that, I promise!"

"Then _what_ is it?"

My eyes began to burn with fresh tears. "I can't tell you," I whispered.

 _Not without risking you getting the wrong idea_ , I thought, but didn't dare to say.

Antonio inhaled sharply and turned his back to me. "I've been mistaken. Clearly you aren't as committed to this relationship as I thought."

"That's not true!" I croaked. "I…I…"

"You don't trust me. It's as simple as that," Antonio snapped.

For the first time, I heard bitterness in his voice, and let me be the first to say that it didn't suit him.

At all.

My words fell short on my tongue. I was paralyzed by fear, and rendered helpless by my inability to confront it.

Antonio chuckled bitterly. "That's what I thought."

The slamming of the café's front door could be heard.

And because I was such a shitty person and coward extraordinaire, I didn't chase after him.

I raked a hand through my hair and swore under my breath. "Fuck."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Hello! Happy Holidays! Hmmmm. This is my last attempt to salvage my interest in writing this story. I'm getting bored with writing only Spamano, so I'm going to experiment by writing from several different POVs and adding in mini stories along the main one. If I'm bored, I don't force myself to write it, so hopefully you guys like this :) Feel free to PM me or leave a comment in the reviews if there's any couples that you want me to include. I will be accepting requests. If it fits with the plot, I'll do my best to write them in.

Have a great day/ night! And as always, thanks for reading.

 **Edit December 27th:** So...I kinda got a really rude review xD: "This is fucking stupid after the last chapter going straight to different pov and pairing? PEOPLE READ THIS FOR SPAMANO AND WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN BETWEEN THEM"

 **Well friend, if you come back to read this, I'm not leaving you guys on a cliff hanger for that long. I'm uploading the Spamano make up chapter next week, so you can chill your capslock using butt. And no, don't speak for everyone. My dumbass self decided to try something new because last chapter, it didn't seem like you guys cared all that much about their fight. So being the dumb bitch that I am, I was like "Hey, maybe I can make my readers happy by trying something new."**

 **I'm getting hella tired with this fandom. If you wanted to know what happened to them, how come you only chose now to comment? Communication is really important! If you don't tell me that you like something, I'll be dumb and try new things! Also, quick side note, if you want an author to write and continue a story, yelling at them in Capslock is probably not the best approach to take lol.**

* * *

 **When Awesome Meets Passive Aggressive:**

One Day Earlier...

 **Matthew's POV:**

Gosh, it was early. Eliza had scheduled Alfred and I to open the café at seven in the morning, and on a Sunday of all days. You can only guess that I was doing most of the work, as Alfred was currently drowning in a pile of his own drool, snoring beats remarkably similar to dubstep in the kitchen.

I mean, I love him because he's my twin, but man, can he ever be an idiot sometimes. He knew that we had work in the morning, and yet he still chose to challenge Ivan to a vodka drinking contest last night. I concur, he's a moron. Ivan had steamrolled right into Alfred's questionable self-confidence by absolutely destroying him in the competition. Alfred had blacked out after 15 shots, whereas Ivan drank until morning. I wouldn't be surprised if he was still drinking now.

Even after I had dragged Alfred's limp body to work, Ivan was still tweeting victory pics of him sipping vodka out of a wine glass. Honestly, I don't even bother to understand the rivalry that those two share anymore. The sexual tension between them was more than enough to keep me far, far, far away. Like, I ship it, but you don't see me documenting their 'relationship' progress in a scrapbook. Ahem, Liza, cough, Mei. Seriously though, since when is ' _love at first throttle'_ romantic?

I sighed, shaking my head as I knew that I still had a lot of things to do in order to make up for Alfred's lack of input. I swept the floor, cleaned all the tables, and then, after further inspection, I had to sweep the floor again because of Feliks' fabulous tendency to shed glitter everywhere. Thankfully, it was early enough that no customers had showed up yet.

With that done and over with, I headed towards the kitchen and ninja-kicked the swinging doors open, hoping that the sound would be loud enough to wake Alfred. Unfortunately, Alfred was far too deep in his diva slumber, muttering nonsensical gibberish such as 'Ivan, baby, you're cold. Lemme warm you up!' and 'stupid, attractive commie bastard,' under his breath. Like I said before, the sexual tension between those two was unbelievable.

I moved Alfred off the counter and placed him on the floor, where he then curled up into a ball like the little bitch that he was. Oh, sorry. Sometimes I can get really snarky. You'll just have to get used to it, eh? Anyways, if Alfred wasn't going to cook this morning, I was just going to have to make do with my own mediocre skills in the kitchen. I deadpanned upon realizing that I was only capable of making pancakes. Tabarnac, could this day get any worse?

 **DING!**

God damnit Matthew, this is why you should never open your mouth. I grumbled as I headed out of the kitchen to greet my new customer. I stopped by the front counter, ducking gracelessly when I realized that it was Gilbert. My face burned in embarrassment.

Just great, out of all people, it had to be him?! I suppose you could say that I had a crush on Gilbert. He was just so cocky and confident that I couldn't help but be drawn to him. But who cares anyways, right? Why would a guy like him be interested in me? I mean, he did flirt with me whenever I served him, but I've always assumed that that's just who he was as a person.

I slowly poked my head above the front counter, sneakily spotting Gilbert who had now seated himself at table ten, his usual table. Poor guy, his friends haven't been joining him here lately. Antonio was head over heels for Lovino and followed after him like a lost puppy. And Francis? Well, let's just say that Francis had struck a fancy with my grumpy older cousin, Arthur, who was none too pleased about this. Every day now I received a string of angry texts from Arthur, where he ranted about the 'pestering frog' who wouldn't leave him alone. I blame it all on him, really. He knew how crazy this café was, and yet he still came here on occasion to write and work on his stories. It was pretty much inevitable that he would attract an unwanted visitor.

I slowly popped out from my position at the front counter when Gilbert wasn't looking. I walked, more like stumbled over to him, my hands shaking as I fumbled to grab the pen and notepad out from the front pocket of my waiter's apron. I straightened the apron one last time before I stood before Gilbert's table, politely clearing my throat.

"Good morning, Gilbert! What can I get for you today?"

A pair of tired red eyes looked up to meet mine, only to crinkle slightly at the corners when he smiled. Gilbert chuckled roughly, running a hand through his mussed-up silver hair. He must have been out drinking last night. The wrinkled burgundy hoodie sweater and sweatpants that he wore was already a pretty good indication of that.

"Hey Mattie," he smiled. "Just a coffee for now would be awesome."

I smirked when I spotted movement in the front pocket of Gilbert's hoodie. "No problem! Coming right up. Oh, and Gilbert?"

"Ja?"

"You can take the bird out of your pocket. You're probably suffocating the poor thing."

Gilbert laughed again, raising his hands up in surrender.

"Oops, you caught me!" he said, pulling out a yellow ball of ruffled feathers from the front pocket of his sweater. Gilbird hopped onto the table's counter, cheeping tiredly while his owner teasingly poked his feathery little butt. Gilbert always bragged about how good of a twerker his bird was. This was the first time that I had seen the spectacle for myself. Oddly enough, I couldn't have agreed with him more. That bird put Nicki Minaj to shame.

"Liza usually doesn't let him in here. It's not my fault that Gilbird has good instincts and decided to take a dump on Roderich's shirt!" Gilbert huffed, puffing up his cheeks to match that of a chipmunk's.

I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from laughing. Gosh, what I would give to have seen that disaster play out. "It'll be our little secret," I smirked, turning on my heels. "I'll be right back with your coffee."

Gilbert gave me an incoherent grunt in response. I don't know why, but he always seemed to get nervous around me.

I headed into the kitchen, pouring Gilbert a generous mug of coffee. I then grabbed a small dish for Gilbird to drink water out of, nearly tripping over Alfred's snoring form in the process.

When I got back to Gilbert's table, the albino looked up and blushed slightly. "That was…uh…" Gilbert cleared his throat loudly, looking at the small dish of water that I had brought specifically for Gilbird. "Um…really nice of you!" he barked, and quite aggressively at that. Gilbert pointed an index finger at the bowl, causing me to furrow my eyebrows in confusion. Was he thanking me, or challenging me to a duel? Who knows.

I spared him an awkward smile, setting down his cup of coffee. "Not a problem. Can I get you anything to eat?"

 _Please say pancakes. Please say pancakes. Mon dieu, I can't make anything else._

Gilbert hummed in thought. "What would you recommend to me?"

My cheeks stretched into a shit-eating grin. "Why, I would recommend the chocolate chip maple pancakes! They're my favourite thing to eat here!"

 _Ohohoho! Matthew, you sly, conniving bastard._

"Awesome! I'll have some of those…er…p-please!"

I smirked and headed back into the kitchen with a newfound skip to my step.

I hummed to myself as I mixed together the batter for the pancakes. "We're Outstaffed! Outmanned! Outnumbered! Outplanned! I gotta make an all outstand! Ayo, I'm going to need a right-hand pan!"

I poured the batter into the buttered skillet. "Can I be real a second? For just a millisecond. Set down my pan and bitch about my job for a second! Now I'm the model of a modern gay waiter, the venerated Canadian pushover whose men," I looked down to jab an accusatory index finger at Alfred. "Are all snoring up…"

It didn't take me long before the stack of pancakes were cooked and ready to go. I drizzled some extra chocolate sauce onto the side of the plate, grabbed a bottle of maple syrup – ahem, _real_ Maple Syrup. Not that sugary devil heathen atrocity that goes by the name of Aunt Jemima- and headed out into the café again.

Gilbert winked at me as I set down his stack of pancakes before him. "Wow! That was quick!" he remarked.

I shrugged nonchalantly, all the while feeling like a badass on the inside. "N-no big deal," I stammered, immediately feeling self-conscious of myself. Why? Just why? Why did I have to be such an insufferable dork?

"Enjoy!" I squeaked, turning on my heels, only to falter when Gilbert called after me.

"Oi! Do you want to have some? I can't eat all of these on my own, you know!"

I turned around, blushing profusely. "Oh, no, no. I couldn't possibly do that! Besides, I'm on shift right now."

Gilbert swirled around his fork in the air, pointing to the otherwise empty café. "I'm sure that you can afford a break. Now come on! It isn't everyday that the awesome me decides to share his food with someone!"

I let out a defeated sigh and slid into the opposite side of the booth. Gilbird cheeped and moved to rub his head against my wrist. I smiled slightly, gently scratching the bird's tiny head.

"What did I say?" Gilbert said in between chewing on a large mouthful of pancake. "Gilbird has good taste. He only likes those who are almost as awesome as me!"

Honestly, the amount of times that Gilbert had called himself awesome in the past ten minutes flew right over my head. I had long been desensitized to his routine, and dare I say fake, cockiness. I know for a fact that he was a lot sweeter than what he would like others to believe.

I jolted with a start when Gilbert shoved his plate of pancakes in front of me. "Eat," he grunted, taking a sip from his coffee.

I meekly looked at the half-eaten plate of food.

"Oi! What are you waiting for? Are you worried about using the same fork as me?"

I shook my head. "Well no…It's not that…"

"Then what is it?"

"There's not enough maple syrup on it."

"Ahhhh, I see. Well go ahead then. Pour as much maple syrup as you want! You've already proven to me that you have a good taste in food."

I grabbed the maple syrup bottle, avoiding direct eye contact with Gilbert as I tipped it over the stack of pancakes. I blushed and felt clammy all of a sudden as I poured an endless stream of the heavenly brown liquid onto the plate.

 **SNAP!**

I dropped the maple syrup bottle when I realized that Gilbert was filming me with his phone.

"D-did you just snapchat me?!" I spluttered, stuffing my mouth with an impossibly large bite of the pancake. Just like Alfred, I had a bad habit of overeating whenever I was nervous.

"Ja? Why not? You looked cute," he pouted.

"I hope you're satisfied," I shyly grumbled to myself.

A flare of recognition sparked up in Gilbert's crimson eyes. "You were singing."

"Eh?"

"Back in the kitchen," he said, uncomfortably fidgeting with his hands. "I heard you singing…I didn't want to miss my shot to tell you what an amazing voice you have!"

Gilbert and I exchanged matching smirks.

"How come you didn't meet me inside then? We could have sung together!" I mused.

"Ah, but I knew that you'd be back with my pancakes soon enough!"

I laughed. "You like Hamilton too?"

"Yup! Roddy wouldn't shut up about it, and I thought: why not listen to it for myself? I've been obsessed ever since. Don't even get me started on Francis. He lives and breathes for Lafayette."

"You don't just become obsessed with Hamilton. It consumes you," I snickered.

"You're right on the nail with that! Say, you should come over to my apartment. We can listen to it sometime…"

I cocked my head to the side in question.

"Uh…that is, if I can make time in my VERY busy schedule for you! Wouldn't want to get your hopes up or anything…"

I shook my head in disbelief. "Well, if you can make the time, I'd love to listen to it with you."

"R-really?! How about tonight! Uh…er…one second. Let me just check something real quick." Gilbert pulled out his phone and pretended to check his schedule. I sighed and patted Gilbird's head again.

"You're in luck! I'm free!" Gilbert beamed.

"I'm not," I muttered, trying my best not to sound too disappointed. "Liza's hosting a staff meeting tonight. We have a lot to prepare before tomorrow's Cherokee night."

Gilbert deflated considerably. "Can't you come over afterwards?" he moped.

"Um, wouldn't that be too late for you? These meetings usually run all night."

"I don't mind! I hardly sleep that much to begin with!"

I shrugged. It was hard to say no to this guy. "Oh fine. I'll come over to your apartment afterwards."

 _You have a physics midterm to study for, you dummy._

 _Shut up. He's cute. I'll do whatever the heck I want._

Gilbert fist pumped the air, narrowly missing Gilbird who had taken flight to reciprocate his owner's excitement. "Awesome!"

I shuffled sideways, exiting the booth. I could spot customers in the distance heading for the café. "I should probably get back to work now."

"Wait!" Gilbert handed me a napkin that had his number hastily scrawled onto it. "Text me when you're done later!"

I shed Gilbert with one last smirk before I left for the kitchen. "What am I? Your obedient servant?"

Gilbert blushed, causing me to crack up again. This was the first time that I had ever seen him speechless.

I waved back at Gilbert. "Thanks for the food, my dude. Later!"

…

I stomped into the kitchen, grabbed a can of Mountain Dew from the refrigerator, and poured it onto Alfred's face. When that didn't work, I resorted to my last and most dangerous option.

I cleared my throat. "COMMUNISM PREVAILS!" I bellowed.

Alfred jolted awake, snorting exactly how a pig would. "Huh? What?! Let me at those elitist bastards!" he growled.

I grabbed a pan and whacked the now disoriented Alfred on the back of the head. "Get to work and start prepping ingredients! It's going to be a busy morning!"

I smirked, flipping the handle of the pan in my hand.

I was now beginning to understand why Liza was so fond of these things.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Thanks for having my back guys. For being so kind, here's the chapter a few days early :D

* * *

 **Perverted Bastard, Perverted Bastard, Let Me In:**

The past day had felt like weeks. Feliciano knew that something was wrong, but was too scared to pry as I had locked myself in my room, only coming out for food and taking a shower. The dark, and not to mention tired, expression on my face had been enough to keep him far, far away.

Instead of confronting the fight that I had had with Antonio, I wrote from sunrise to sunset, drowning my feelings into the patter-patter of my laptop's keyboard. The uneven beats, weirdly enough, matched the pace of my heart as well. I felt horrible about what I had said, and wanted to fix things between us. But, I still had a multi-chapter to finish, and so, I had spent my entire Sunday in isolation. How a habit could be comforting, and yet so unbearably lonely at the same time boggles my mind.

Gilbert and Francis, understandably, were very angry with me for upsetting their friend. Antonio must not have told them what had happened due to the frantic nature of their texts. I don't even want to know how they had gotten my number. It didn't matter anyways. Once I had handed in my literature assignment, I would make things right, and that's a promise.

Because of midterm evaluations, students had the following Monday off. This would explain why I was currently hiding in the bushes outside of Antonio's dorm building. I was waiting for Liza to give me the go-ahead text. When I had told her about our fight, she had been more than willing to help me make amends. Thus, the reason why I had a black tarp bag folded over my arms. Said bag had a 'special costume' stowed away inside. Ahem, you'll find out about that later, you pervert.

I coughed, exhaling a puff of cold air. The weather was frigid considering the fact that it was only the beginning of November. With my luck, of course, it had also begun to snow. I reached into my jacket pocket when I felt my phone buzz with a new text.

 _Liza: Francis and Gilbert are gone! I convinced them to help me with 'something' at the café._

 _Liza: We took the back entrance so you're good to go :D_

 _Liza: Send me pics pls and good luck, young tomato-hopper ;)_

I rolled my eyes, all the while sighing in relief. I stepped out from hiding and hurried into the dorm building, avoiding the weird glances that were spared in my direction. Other than blushing, my face became exceptionally red when exposed to the cold.

I pressed the button for the top floor, where all the suite apartments were. When I stepped into the elevator, I winced at my scruffy appearance in the mirror. I took off my hat, scrambling to flatten down my hair, minus that one rebellious curl that I didn't even bother to fix. I then zipped out of my jacket and smoothed a hand over the wrinkles in my burgundy dress shirt.

I didn't have much time to fix the rest of my appearance, as the elevator had already reached the top floor. With a determined stride to my step, I walked up to Antonio's apartment, only to swallow nervously when I had stopped to stand in front of his door. I had never visited his apartment before and didn't know what to expect. No matter, I was willing to prove to him that I was serious about this relationship. But first, I would have to do some explaining; _a lot_ of explaining.

I knocked on Antonio's door, shyly fidgeting with the bag in my hands. After one excruciating minute, Antonio pulled open the door. I looked up to meet a tired pair of green eyes. Antonio's curls were sticking up in all directions possible. He was wearing a simple black t-shirt and baggy plaid pajama pants. What worried me was that he wasn't smiling. It was unnerving to see him look at me so blankly, void of any emotion.

Everything moved in slow motion when Antonio's eyes widened for a brief moment, only to narrow as he moved to shut the front door on me. "Wait!" I cried out, recklessly sticking my arm in the way.

Antonio faltered, his expression darkening. "What?" he muttered. "I'm only helping. I thought that you were too embarrassed to be with me."

My eyes stung, even though I totally deserved that comment. "Please," I whispered. "It's not like that. I promise to explain everything if you'll let me."

Antonio leaned against the door, giving me a quick onceover. "I'm listening," he hummed.

"It's private," I bowed my head, averting my gaze to the ground. I could only hope that he would take the hint.

Antonio clicked his tongue, stepping to the side for me to come inside. "Alright," he relented. "But don't think that I'm not still mad at you."

I shed him a guilty smile in thanks as I walked into his apartment, hesitantly shrugging off my boots. The silence between us was unfamiliar, and quite frankly, terrifying. The space of the apartment was fairly large as it included a total of two floors, but even then, I still felt suffocated. Antonio's glare was enough to take my breath away, but definitely not in way that I wanted it to.

I set down my bag onto a nearby bench. I then walked over to Antonio, who was now refusing to look me in the eyes. I grabbed both of his hands, cupping them in between mine. They were just so warm, and call me selfish all you want, but I had missed him dearly. I wanted to be as close to him as I possibly could, again, even though I didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry," I muttered.

Antonio's eyes flickered down to meet mine. "I do trust you," I continued. "And I am committed to this relationship. The only problem is that I don't trust other people."

Antonio knitted his brows in confusion. "I don't follow?"

I swallowed a large lump in my throat.

"I've always been insecure about what others think about me. Now add being gay to the mix. It only brings that much attention onto me. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret my sexuality. I've come to terms with it a long time ago. It's other people that I worry about all the time. You probably think that I'm being really stupid right now, but I'm only being honest.

"I grew up always coming second to Feli. He was my grandpa's favourite. And now, I hold this fear of rejection everywhere that I go. I talk big, but I can't handle criticism. I say that I don't need anyone when I'm just so fucking lonely all the time. I love you, Antonio, and I'm not afraid or embarrassed to say that. Take it or leave it, but just know that even though I might not show it, I truly do feel this way."

A single tear trickled down Antonio's cheek, dripping onto my wrist. "Oh, Lovi," he croaked. "I had no idea that you felt this way, mi amor. I'm sorry, I should have known. You've always been so shy with me in public. I can't believe that I've never put two and two together."

"Oi!" I sniffed, quelling back tears of my own. "Don't cry, you bastard. You're going to make me cry!"

"What's wrong with crying?" Antonio smiled, despite the fact that several tears were streaking down his face. "There's nothing wrong with a man showing his emotions."

I grumbled into his chest as he pulled me into a tight hug. "I suppose you're right. But you better not get any of your tears onto my shirt! It cost a fortune!"

Antonio chuckled, tucking his chin over my head while I clung onto him like a needy koala. "Hush," he chided. "I'm just glad that I understand you now. If you want, I won't be so affectionate with you in public anymore."

I shook my head. "No," I mumbled. "Fuck other people. I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I'm not. As long as you don't feel the need to dry hump me in public, we're good."

Antonio laughed and then began to sob even harder, causing me to pull away and look up at him. "Ugh," I cupped his face with both hands, giving his wet cheeks a playful clap. "Enough. We made up. Why are you still crying?"

"I'm j-just so h-happy and proud of y-you!" Antonio blubbered uncontrollably. "I really t-thought that I had lost mi tomatito forever!"

I raised a hand to the back of his head, pulling him down so that he was leaning against my shoulder. "There, there, big guy. No need to be so needy," I teased. "Also, that tomato nickname has got to go. It's horrendous."

"But I like that nickname!" Antonio protested. "It makes you blush and look so very cute~!"

"Keh, whatever."

It was becoming increasingly hard for me to say no to this bastard. Who knew that love could turn me into such a little bitch? Fuck these feels. I was becoming soft. But, was that really such a bad thing? Hell if I know. I still had a lot to learn in the world of 'love'.

Antonio turned his head to peck me on the cheek. "Te amo, Lovi."

Antonio then moved to kiss my brow bone, followed by my nose, and just about every other place on my face where the skin was exposed. "Muah~! Ah, I feel so much better now," Antonio sighed. "I wanted to kiss you really badly when I first saw you standing at my door."

"You must be a really good actor then," I mused. "For a moment there I thought that you hated me."

Antonio pretended to gasp in shock. "Me?! Hate someone as adorable as you?! Dios mio, it can't be! To think that I used to have a thing for grumpy little Italian boys~!"

I gave Antonio a playful smack to the chest. "Fuck you!" I giggled. "Stop making me laugh, damn it!"

"Never!" Antonio cackled.

"ACK!" I spluttered when Antonio grabbed me by the waist and lifted me into the air. "PUT ME DOWN!"

I felt my face flush uncontrollably. I was happy, but also so overwhelmingly embarrassed. I hadn't been lifted off the ground like this since I was a child.

"Not until you tell me what's in that bag, mystery boy!" Antonio smirked, twirling around just to piss me off.

I looked past Antonio's shoulders, avoiding his gaze once more. "I was going to wear a dress for you. It's my way of apologizing for being such an asshole."

Antonio's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, his cheeks spreading into an ear-to-ear grin.

 **SQUISH!**

Before I knew it, Antonio had pulled me down into a rib-crushing embrace, rubbing his stubble-covered face all over my head. I'll repeat myself again: this man was the human equivalent of a dog.

…

"TSK! LET GO OF ME, YOU BASTARD! I CAN'T BREATHE!"

"Oh~! Lo siento! Lo Siento!"

Antonio's facial expression quickly became devious.

"Stop smirking at me like that! Fucking pervert!"

"Ah, but you promised me that you would change into that dress, didn't you?"

Lovino's resigned silence was like music to Antonio's all too smug ears.

…

 **BANG! BANG! BANG!**

Antonio rapped his knuckles against the door, causing me to jump and nearly bang my head against the bathroom mirror.

"Little tomato, little tomato! Let me in!"

I chuckled, quickly recovering from my initial surprise. "Not on the hair of your ratchet chinny chin chin!"

…

I tied the knots of a red cape over my shoulders and gave myself one last inspection in the mirror. Surprisingly I wasn't embarrassed, but rather pleased with my appearance. I think this had a lot to do with the fact that I knew how much Antonio would also appreciate my outfit.

Other than the cape, Liza had lent me a black maid's dress that was relatively loose on my thin body. Underneath, however, I was wearing a pair of fishnet stockings. So long as no one ever saw me in this, and Antonio kept his blabber mouth shut, I would let myself relax for once. Who knows. Maybe I would enjoy this roleplay too.

I grabbed Antonio's razor and a bottle of shaving cream, placed them into my wooden basket prop, and with that I was off. I opened the bathroom door, spotting my impatient-looking boyfriend sitting on the living room couch. Much to my sadistic delight, he was agitatedly fidgeting with his hands. Said fidgeting stopped when I entered the living room, an innocent smirk playing onto my face.

"Awwww, Lovi!" Antonio gushed. "You look so beautiful, mi amor~!"

"Remember to play your part!" I hissed, before forcing another smile onto my face.

"Riiiiiiiiiiight!" Antonio shed me with a 'wolfish' grin, clearing his throat.

Apparently, we were mixing several fairy tales into this role play. Oh joy.

"You know, my dear, that it isn't safe for a little tomato to walk through this apartment alone."

"Dear me!" I exclaimed. "Where shall I go then?"

"Come to Papi, little tomato riding slut!" he cooed. "My lap is the safest place here!"

"Oh, goodness gracious! How kind of you, Mr. Bastard Wolf," I mused, spreading my legs as I sat on top of his lap.

Antonio grabbed my hips with both hands, his grin wider than the entire circumference of the Earth.

"What a big smile you have," I remarked.

"The better to shave my face with, si?"

"But of course," I winked, reaching into my bag to pull out the bottle of shaving cream.

I sprayed a reasonable dollop of foam into my hands, rubbing them together before beginning to lather and spread the white substance onto Antonio's prickly face.

"What sharp teeth you have!"

"The better to bite into something sweet~!" Antonio pursed his lips together, puckering them in preparation for a kiss.

I bent down and pecked him on the lips, being careful to avoid smearing any of the foam onto my own face.

I grabbed the razor and began to shave Antonio's face in gentle, purposefully slow swipes.

Antonio decided to change things up by switching roles. "What sharp claws you have!" he whispered in a gravelly voice.

"The better to groom your bastard face with!" I snickered.

I finished shaving his face, using a cloth to dab at his cheeks and chin.

Once I was done with that, Antonio grabbed my chin. With his other hand, he used two fingers to spread open the corners of my mouth.

"What a long tongue you have," he observed.

I bent down, bumping my forehead against his.

"The better to kiss my one true love with."

And just like that, the shattered pieces of my heart formed together once more. To see Antonio smile so genuinely at me was all that I ever needed in life.

"C'mere, you grump," Antonio growled, squeezing my hips in anticipation.

"What? Are you going to 'blow' my heart away?" I retorted.

Antonio chuckled deep in his throat, balancing my lower lip between his front teeth. "Judging by your blush, it appears that I already have."

My heart thumped like crazy.

Leave it to that bastard to leave me of all people speechless. The walls that I had put up for so long had effortlessly been knocked down by a force much stronger:

Love.


	8. Chapter 8

**Vlad the Unequivocal Failure:**

 **Liza's POV:**

Oh, Boo. I was feeling heartsick. You see, Roderich had left for Austria the other day. The sour puss had paused his musical tour in Europe to come back and visit me, but it was only a matter of time before he had to take off again. I wouldn't be seeing him until Christmas break now. That's probably what sucked the most. I mean, I didn't even get to mould his butt properly!

But then again, I had wasted a whole day of our time being mad at him. Honestly, I couldn't even blame him for what had happened. It wasn't his fault that Gilbert had drunkenly joined him on the stage at Cherokee night. Not to mention the fact that their duet together was…pretty hot. Ahem, moving on~!

I felt pretty bad for Matthew though. He didn't look very happy when Gilbert had draped his arm over my boo thang's shoulder. I've always suspected that my shy, precious little Matthew had a crush on said demon douche.

I was actually beginning to worry for Matthew. He hadn't showed up to work all week, as Alfred had stepped forward to cover his shifts. Matthew wasn't answering his texts either, and whenever I asked Alfred about my little maple child, he wasn't able to give me a straight answer. It appeared that Alfred was just as clueless as I was. Oh well, those two weren't even working today. I would worry about them later.

I sighed, placing two elbows onto the front counter as I slumped over and cupped my face with both hands. I morosely watched customers come and go, not bothering to smile at them like I usually did. It was seven in the evening, so the rush hadn't quite started yet. I could always try to make budget later.

"Oi! Pan-demon!" I smirked a little when Lovino leaned onto the counter to join me in my moping, wrapping a friendly arm around my shoulders.

"What's the frown for? It's fucking weird to not see you fangirling," he remarked, raising a perfectly plucked brow in question.

"Roddy went back to Austria yesterday," I answered, blankly looking outside at the world of snow. It was dark out, and the sparkling Christmas lights only served to taunt me further. It was the beginning of November for heaven's sake! I didn't need to be reminded of how long I would have to wait until Roddy came back!

"Oh," Lovino faltered. "I'm sorry." He didn't sound very sorry. Said tsundere had never liked Roddy. Or anyone else to be perfectly honest.

"Don't be," I hummed. "I'll see him soon enough."

It was a good time to change the topic.

Lovino playfully bumped shoulders with me. "It looks like Mei and Kiku would like for you to join them."

I followed Lovino's gaze to spot Mei and Kiku sitting at our usual table in the café. Mei smiled warmly at me, waving as she held up the yaoi magazine that we were all supposed to analyze this week.

I spared Mei a weak smile before looking away, much to Lovino's surprise.

"Fuck, you must really miss that jackas-! I mean, ahem, your _boyfriend_."

I leaned my head onto Lovino's left shoulder, grateful that he was at least trying to make me feel better. He had been a lot nicer to me ever since I had helped him and Antonio make-up last week. It had been near impossible to get Francis and Gilbert out of their apartment. In the end, the promise of two certain blond boys had been enough to get 2/3 of the infamous trio to visit the café at a relatively early time in the day. Granted, two in the afternoon was extremely early for those who partied until sunrise. Tch! Idiots!

My response was cut off short when the front bell chimed with the arrival of a new customer, or rather customers. I growled under my breath when I recognized who they were. Vlad, my arch nemesis in the University's business program, and his lame boyfriend, Milen. Lovino and I both straightened up, our chins held high as we prepared ourselves for the insult battle that was sure to ensue upon those bastard's arrival.

Vlad ran the rival Maiden and Vampire café across from us, which would explain why he was sporting a blood-red trench coat (to match his _obviously_ dyed strawberry blond hair), a pair of fake fangs, and knee-high brown combat boots. He was also carrying an oak staff in his right hand for whatever melodramatic reason.

Milen, on the other hand, was wearing a dark trench coat, presumably to complement his jet-black mop of hair and ripped denim jeans. For accessories, he had several silver chain bracelets on his wrist and one cross necklace around his neck.

"Elizabutt!" Vlad cooed. "Looking shitty as ever I see!"

I grit my teeth. I had half the mind to punch that smirk off his unnaturally pale face. Thankfully, Lovino was smart enough to grab onto my wrist. Seriously though, who put on that much make up anyways?! Even if he was 'a vampire', Vlad's foundation and powder had set horribly. Caked much?

"What the fuck do you want, fang bastard?" Lovino glared. Aw, what a loyal tsundere minion~!

Vlad smiled, revealing the exact tooth that Lovino had been referring to. The vamp loser had previously taken the liberty to shave his right canine tooth into a fang.

"Aw, Lovino!" Vlad moped. "Why must you be so fussy all the time? My offer still stands, darling. We'd love to have you working at our café!"

"Rot in hell!" Lovino shot back, crossing his arms.

"Ah, but I'm a vampire, remember? We don't die~!"

Milen pulled out a long wooden stick from his trench coat. It was sharp enough to be a stake…oh.

Forget about this?" Milen mused, teasingly poking Vlad's shoulder with the tip of the stick. "Tsk!" he huffed. "You vampires and your insufferable cockiness! Why, I could stake you right now if I wanted to."

"What is this? Some sort of role play?" Lovino interrogated.

"Duh!" Vlad sighed. "I'm the vampire and he's my hunter, remember?"

"How lame," I rolled my eyes.

"Your lame is our creative," Milen shrugged, absently twirling around the stick in his palm.

A high-pitched shriek echoed behind us, presumably from the kitchen. Lovino and I turned back to see Feliciano sob and leap into a surprised Ludwig's arms. The kitchen doors swung shut with a violent slam.

"Ve, Luddy! The stick man is back!" Feliciano's muffled voice wailed.

I turned to look at Lovino, who reciprocated my confusion.

Milen chuckled, his green eyes smug with amusement.

"What did you do to my brother?!" Lovino roared, leaning over the front counter to come face to face with Milen's devious expression.

Milen hummed, patronizingly clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Perhaps I may have hit him on the head by accident. Oh, don't look at me like that! It wasn't my fault! The guy was sprinting right for me!"

Milen paused as Vlad supported him with an obnoxious, "You tell them babe!"

"Anyways, how was I supposed to know that he was actually running towards the blond muscular guy standing behind me?"

"It's called common fucking sense, you lunatic! Who the hell just casually whacks a stranger with a stick?!" Lovino screeched, his face reddening with anger. "No one's allowed to touch my brother but me!"

"Or Ludwig," I added in.

"Or Ludwig," Lovino echoed, only to explode with anger. "FUCK NO! ONLY I CAN TOUCH FELI."

"Tsk! Tsk! Miss Héderváry," Vlad scolded, placing his hands on his hips. "And here I thought that you were above promoting incestuous relationships!"

"Damn it! I didn't mean it that way!" Lovino fumed. "You're just lucky that there's a counter between us, otherwise I'd-!"

I grabbed onto the cuff of Lovino's blouse, pulling him back. "Hey," I chided. "You should go see if Feli's okay."

Lovino calmed down a bit. "Can you handle them on your own?" he asked. My heart swelled; he was such a gentleman.

"Hell yeah I can!" I grinned, spinning him around by the shoulders. "Go on," I gave Lovino a firm smack to the bum, causing him to stumble forward a few paces.

"I got this!" I winked.

Lovino grumbled a string of incoherent curse words before finally entering the kitchen. The smile on my face faded as I turned around to confront the two asshats who were currently contaminating my café with their douchiness.

"What do you want, Vlad?" I spat, continuing Lovino's previous interrogation.

Vlad raised two gloved hands to his face in feigned shock. "Ouch! So rude! If you don't nicen up, I just might feel inclined to write a negative review on Yelp! But then again, everyone on Campus knows that this establishment is a complete shitshow."

I crossed my arms again. "Really? Because last time that I checked, this 'establishment' was making a lot more money than your lame-ass cosplay café was!"

Vlad's red eyes lit up with amusement. "Speaking of money! Milen, honey, why don't you show Elizahag what we came here for~?"

Milen pulled out a tacky Victorian print flyer from his trench coat. I snatched it from his hand and quickly skimmed over the paper.

"Wow," I remarked sarcastically. "How original. You're throwing a Christmas cosplay mixer. Seriously, I'm drowning in all the creativity."

"That's the spirit!" Vlad cheered, purposefully ignoring my blatant saltiness. "We'll make so much money from this one night that it'll be practically impossible for us not to win 'best student business of the year' come April!"

"Yeah, well, we'll see about that," I muttered under my breath.

"Boom bitch!" Milen chorused. "You just got played."

"Aw~! You know how much I love it when you get worked up~!" Vlad cooed. "C'mere, you!"

I bit my lip when Vlad pecked Milen on the cheek. So…cute…even if I hate them…I must not snap a picture…

I balled my hands into tight fists, digging my nails so hard into the flesh that I could feel blood trickle down my wrist.

"What? Are you not going to document this adorable display of gay love?" Vlad mused. That bastard. He knew exactly what 'feels' strings to pull.

I turned my head to the side, feeling myself blush. No! Do not look! I repeat! DO NOT LOOK!

"Muah~!" Vlad kissed Milen on this mouth this time, bending the latter into a bow.

 **SNAP!**

A camera flashed from the other side of the room.

"MEI! HOW COULD YOU?!" I spluttered.

"I'm sorry!" said fangirl traitor wailed. "I couldn't help it! They were just so cute!"

"I don't give a damn!" I snapped.

"Kiku!" I commanded. "Confiscate that phone from her right now!"

Kiku bowed his head in understanding. While Mei shrieked at her boyfriend, I diverted my attention back to the smirking, manipulative devils standing before me. They were no longer kissing, unfortunately. AND BY UNFORTUNATELY, I MEANT THANKFULLY.

"Oh!" Vlad exclaimed. "Cupcakes, my favourite!" He then took a vanilla cupcake from the platter of free samples resting on the counter. Milen opted for a chocolate flavoured one instead.

Vlad licked the frosting, humming in delight. "How cute," he mused. "We ought to decorate our treats like this, eh Milen?"

Milen shook his head in disbelief. "I'll never understand your obsession with cuteness."

"Are you guys done here now?!" I snorted, no doubt on the verge of leaping over the counter and dragging them out by the scruff of their scrawny necks myself.

"Hmmm, yeah. I suppose so. As long as you know that you're a failure, then my _business_ here is always done," Vlad said, snaking an arm around Milen's waist.

"Ta-Ta for now. Don't bother to keep in touch!" Vlad called over his shoulder.

"I wouldn't dream of it!" I shouted back.

Just as Vlad and Milen were leaving the café, Antonio, Francis and Gilbert were entering.

"Ah! Well if it isn't the other red-eyed person in this University! Gilbert, my dear boy! How are you?"

"Save it Vlad. I'm not in the mood for your mind games," Gilbert grumbled, storming past the ogle-eyed Romanian.

"Hmmph! Who bit his neck the wrong way?"

Milen sighed. "You suck at dramatic exits."

"That's not what you said last night~!"

I tuned out of _that_ conversation when I heard a shriek to my left.

"LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~!" Antonio shouted. The excited Spaniard ran across the café to pull Lovino into a hug, who had just come out from the kitchen.

"Ooof!" Lovino spluttered, having the wind knocked right out of him. "I just saw you this morning! Calm the fuck down!"

I rolled my eyes, leaving my position at the counter to sit at an empty table. I was still furious with Mei and had no intention of speaking to her anytime soon.

The chaos continued when Arthur aggressively snapped his laptop shut. "NOT YOU AGAIN!" he groaned.

Francis stood in front of Arthur's booth, preventing the latter from exiting.

"So I'm just a 'you' now?" Francis moped. "I think that I liked 'frog' better."

"Move, you bearded scoundrel!"

"Ohonhonhon. Your sarcasm is working against you, mon ami. It's such a turn on~!"

My attention switched away from the soon to be French and English couple (don't ask, I just know these sort of things) when Gilbert seated himself at my table, rudely clapping his hands in front of my face.

"Oi! Liza!" Gilbert exclaimed, sounding out of breath. "Where has Mattie been lately? He hasn't been answering any of my texts."

I pursed my lips in thought. "How long has he not been answering for?"

"Ever since last week's Cherokee night, why? Also, way to be totally unawesome and answer my question with another question."

Ah, it all made sense to me now. "Hmmm. I don't know. Maybe he's mad about the fact that you drunkenly danced with _my boyfriend?"_

Gilbert's face paled, if possible. "Oh…" his jaw gaped open in realization. "Shit!"

"Nice going, moron," I smirked. "If I wasn't so tired, I would have slammed your head against this table by now."

Gilbert gulped a very un-Gilbert like gulp. "I've got to go!" he said, abruptly standing up from the table. I winced when his chair scraped against the ground.

"Go where?" I asked.

"I have to fix things! Fuck! I can't believe how stupid I am!"

I cackled and watched as Gilbert ran straight into the glass door, apparently forgetting to open it first.

Looks like I wouldn't have to use my pan, after all.

* * *

 **A/N: AHHHHH! ELLA IS GOING FULL OUT EMOTIONAL ON US AGAIN! *this chick is crazy***

oh good, did I get your attention? Okay, I'm holding true to my promise to update every two weeks.

I'd just like to apologize for being so petty two chapters back. I think that I have a good reason though. When I uploaded chapter 6, I was having a shit week. Simply put, I haven't lived with my Dad for almost three years now. He just recently got a girlfriend, and because he doesn't want to look bad, he calls me up trying to reconnect and all that jazz. I wasn't interested, and he left a message on my Mom's phone saying that I was an ungrateful, selfish bitch and blah blah blah. Now add recovering from an eating disorder (which started when my Dad called me anorexic for being too skinny), depression, anxiety, and the pressure to maintain my 9.5 GPA = shitstorm.

I wrote chapter 6 hoping that I would make you guys happy, so you only guess how sad I got when I saw that I had upset someone. And then I got angry... Honestly, I wasn't in a good state of mind when I wrote that author's note. It takes a lot to piss me off, and a comment that wouldn't normally set me off did. I just want you guys to know that I appreciate your support so very much.

I won't be discontinuing this story. I'll work hard, and all I want is to make others happy. Other fanfics have made a bad day for me good, and if I can do that for someone else, then I've done my job. I will try my very best to update every two weeks. I'm writing a lot of stories right now, and I'm just praying that I don't burn out. Please do review/ follow if you can! It's the only thing that makes the writing process worthwhile.

 **That being said:** I would like to thank **Elizaveta Hedervary - Hungary** for the Romania x Bulgaria prompt!

 **I would also like to thank the authors** of **TalentlyChallenged** for sending me such a sweet PM, encouraging me to continue this story.

If you're looking for a good story to read, they have a fantastic PruCan fanfic called " **Das Biest of the Dark Wood"** If you like darkness + fairy tale themes it's perfect!

See you guys next time. You won't hear me ramble this much anymore! Prompts are still welcomed btw :) until next time, and bless your soul if you actually read all of this. It's sweet cinnamon buns like you that deserve to go far in life.

-Ella


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N** : Hey guys, before I say all this, just know that I'm not discontinuing any of my stories. So you don't have to worry about that. I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible ( _I was so naive lma_ o). First, I just want to thank some of you guys for being so understanding. it warms my heart to see your support.

Okay, no matter how much I want to deny it, the hetalia fandom is dying. It makes me so sad whenever I see how author's on this website are undersupported. Don't believe me? I implore you to check the update page every day for the next week. It's very painful to look at. Anyways, I'm exhausted. Writing for this fandom every week is no longer fun for me anymore.

The **silent majority** is killing this fandom. I'm speaking out, not because I care what happens to my stories (I've written enough, if I was going to become a popular author it would have already happened) but because I care about this fandom. People aren't following, favouriting, or reviewing despite the fact that I attract hundreds of visitors. I've talked to other authors and they're experiencing the same thing. It becomes pointless and more like a chore to upload content if I'm not connecting with people. Again, I'll repeat, I don't get enjoyment from writing for this fandom. All of my creativity has just been drained away. It's not worth it to upload a chapter and be lucky to maybe attract five followers (vs the 50-100 visitors attracted each update). I keep getting my hopes up and am routinely disappointed/ stressed every week.

If author's aren't praised for the work, content will die out. So many authors now are hardly updating now. Why? Because they're not getting responses. And because I'm not a relevant/ popular author, there's no point in me updating every week as well. I would rather devote the time to writing my own original stories. Stories in this fandom hardly grow anymore, basically. Simply put, my updating schedule is up to you guys and your responses (supply and demand!). It always has been.

But forget about me and my stories. There's something so much more important. Let's just speak about the fandom. I'll repeat myself again. The silent majority is killing this fandom. Author's are dropping like flies. How can we change that? Well obviously clicking the button and reaching out to others. A fandom is a community- and if there isn't any interaction, how can you expect it to be upheld?

But Ella, stop bitching and whining, what are you going to do about it? I'm glad you asked that, Ella! From now on, I'll be accepting fanfic recommendations via PM. In each author's note, I'll be recommending fics. The best thing you can do to an author is show your support. The worse thing that you could do is not support them- it's basically the same thing as ignoring them. Personally, I feel used and unappreciated (*sad violin music), but I don't speak for other authors. There are some very amazing people in this fandom, nonetheless. I have to acknowledge them out of gratitude for their support, of course.

Literally, I don't care what happens to my stories. My updating schedule will solely be dependent on my readers. I'll write when I feel like the effort is worth it. What I care about is that those who read this might take something from this note. We need to support our authors otherwise updates will continue to become even more sparse. I love this fandom and want to see it surge in popularity. But none of that will happen unless people become active again.

Thank you for reading this. please do send me your recommendations. I know that I'm not a relevant author, but I do have a decent-sized amount of visitors and would love to help other authors out. We need to stick together. :)

I'm not upset by the way. Might as well change my username to EllaAnxious lmfao. Anyways, to spread the message, join my one man dork team *that's me* and post **#savethehetaliafandom/ #notdeadyet** on your profile. Or don't and make me look like a total buffoon. It's alright. Just crush my nerdy aspirations of assembling a unison of fangirls/ boys.

Enjoy the chapter my fellow cinnamon buns.

* * *

~Morning Shift~

 **Pasty Bastard Refuted:**

 **Matthew's POV:**

Today wasn't a good Saturday morning. Although, I probably shouldn't be complaining right now. Alfred had been gracious enough to cover my shifts all through out the week. Why, might you ask? Well, let's just say that I've been a tad bit heartsick.

Gilbert and I's first date had gone very well, or so, at least I had thought. We had listened to music, talked, laughed, made homemade pancakes, and all that other cute fluff in between that couples typically do. Heck, we didn't even kiss, which had come as a huge surprise to me. The Bad Trio was infamous for their love affairs, but all I had received at the end of the night was a chaste peck on the cheek, and an "I'll text you later," farewell.

Despite this, things took a turn for the worse after last week's karoke night. There Gilbert and I were, enjoying our time together, when all of a sudden Roderich gets onto the makeshift table stage. I look to my side, only to realize that Gilbert has gone up to join Roderich. Much to my horror, they start dancing together.

And sure, I know what all you sassy buns are thinking. It's only dancing, Mattie! No big deal. Uh, hello?! It _is_ a big deal! Those two were just so familiar and intimate with each other! Roderich, mainly because he was drunk out of his mind, but something told me that Gilbert knew exactly what he was doing. Liza looked torn between being angry and amused, but I'm just going to take a wild guess and assume that she was leaning more towards the latter.

I, on the other hand, wasn't having any of Gilbert's over flirtatiousness. I had left the café very upset, and from that night on, I refused to answer any of Gilbert's texts. Last night, he had apparently gone to visit my dorm room, but thankfully, Alfred was there to act as my loyal dumb guard mutt and block him off.

I'll admit, I was jealous. But more than that, I was hurt by how carelessly Gilbert had treated our fling, almost as if it had never really existed in the first place. I mean, I should have known better. Based off his reputation, it was a miracle that we had lasted more than a week. It just sucked that I had been naïve enough to believe that maybe just this once that I was the anomaly, that I was the one person who would stand out in Gilbert's eyes. Whatever, I had never been that relevant or noticeable anyways, and Gilbert throwing me away like a discarded play toy was something that I should have expected.

"Oi! Maple douche!" Lovino mused, walking out of the kitchen with a plate of fresh pancakes sitting on top of his right hand.

Lovino set the plate of pancakes down onto the front counter, aiming a sharp look at me all the while. I was surprised that he had managed to scrounge up so much energy this early in the morning. The bags under his eyes were dark enough to reap souls.

"Keh!" Lovino clicked his tongue at me in annoyance, placing both hands onto his hips.

"What?!" I spluttered, finally caving under his glare.

"Don't you play stupid with me!" Lovino growled. "You're going to go over there and fix whatever the hell happened between you two. I've never seen Frosty the Fuck Nugget so quiet before! It's weird!"

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Gilbert was currently sitting at table ten, alone as per usual in the morning. His other two friends apparently couldn't be bothered to wake up this early. Regardless, he had been staring at me all morning, but I was having absolutely none of his moping. He could sulk for however long that he wanted to.

I giggled a bit in disbelief. "Frosty the Fuck Nugget? That's a new one," I remarked.

 **WHIP!**

Lovino raised his hand and backhanded me across the chin, causing my face to jolt to the left. He hadn't hit me that hard, but it was still pretty rude of him to be so aggressive all the time. Jeesh!

"Ouch!" I protested. "Was that really necessary?!"

Lovino raised his hand again, causing me to flinch. "I'll keep doing it until you grow some balls and serve that damn bastard his food!"

"Why do you care so much? I thought you hated Gilbert?"

"I'll hate him more if I continue to see him make my friend upset. Now go on, you shy, tall ball of cringe. These pancakes aren't going to stay hot forever!"

Lovino was a lot more perceptive than I gave him credit for. I don't know how, but he had somehow managed to force the plate of pancakes into my hands.

"Lovino, I don't know if I can do this…" I trailed off.

"Ugh, you're just full of angst, aren't you?" Lovino groaned. "What would Alfred do if he was in your position?"

"He would go over there and serve Gilbert these pancakes."

"Then do exactly that!"

"But I'm not Alfred!"

"That may be, but I know for a fact that you have just as much courage as him, if not more."

"Um…"

"Fuck!" Lovino rolled his eyes. I know, I know. I was usually a very difficult person to motivate. "Are you a man?!"

"Last time I checked I was…"

"Good. Now prove it and confront your problem!"

I paused, while Lovino facepalmed. "Fine," he relented. "I'll take the pancakes to him then. Keh! And here I thought that you were brave!"

"I am brave!" I spluttered.

"Really?" Lovino drawled, grabbing the plate of food from me. "Because that's not what I'm not seeing right now."

Lovino took a few sauntering steps forward, teasingly looking over his shoulder every few seconds.

"Matthew's a fucking bitch, tall and stout~!" Lovino sang, his hazel eyes narrowing in that shit-disturbing way that I knew all too well.

"Here is his pancakes, and there is that bastard. When he gets all butthurt, here him shout: Fuck me over, and watch me pussy out!"

My face reddened indefinitely, but rather than it being from embarrassment, it was from anger.

"Give me that!" I hissed, snatching the plate of food from him.

"Reverse psychology, motherfucker," Lovino smugly chuckled to himself.

Without even thinking about it, I stomped over to Gilbert's end of the café. When I approached his table, his face lit up with surprise. "Mattie! No wait! Don't leave! Let me explain-!"

 **SLAM!**

I placed his food onto the table and turned around to leave, faltering when Gilbert grabbed onto my wrist.

"I'M SORRY FOR BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE TO YOU!" Gilbert bellowed, causing everyone in the café to turn their heads in our direction. The room was so silent that you could hear my racing, uneven heartbeat.

I crouched down, lowering my voice into a harsh whisper. "Would you keep it down?!" I snapped. "Everyone's looking at us!"

"I DON'T CARE!" Gilbert shouted again. "PLEASE, JUST SIT WITH ME! FIVE MINUTES! THAT'S ALL I ASK!"

I shrugged my wrist out of his grip, grumbling as I slid into the opposite side of the booth from him.

"Well," I sighed. "I'm listening."

Although, that still doesn't mean that I'll believe what he has to say.

Gilbert fidgeted, reminding me of a sad puppy. If he had floppy ears, they would have been turned down.

"I'm sorry for what happened last week. I know that you're probably mad at me…"

"Oh, believe me. I am!" I said through gritted teeth.

"Mattie, I just want you to know that I do stupid shit like that all the time. I don't even mean it. I'm just overly friendly that way."

"This is turning out to be a really shitty apology," I mumbled, frowning.

"I know! I know! Shit!" Gilbert fumbled for words, appearing to be quite flustered. "Look, what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry."

"You already said that."

Gilbert nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "And I'll say it again. I get it. What I did was wrong. I shouldn't have danced with Roderich because of…well…I'd like to say that we have some sort of thing going on. I like you a lot, and nothing's changed that. I wasn't thinking that night. I didn't realize that what was nothing to me would mean a whole lot to you."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Gott, I'm sorry."

"Golly Gee, Gil. Why don't you tell me something that I don't know?"

 **CLANG!**

Gilbert reached over the table to grab my hand, knocking over his cutlery in the process. I jumped a little from the contact, feeling my face flush in response.

"I only have feelings for you. If you let me, I promise not to do something like that ever again. I'll always be flirty, it's just part of who I am, but I can always tone down the awesomeness if that's what you want."

The honest expression on Gilbert's face told me that he was being completely genuine.

I shook my head, biting my lip to prevent myself from smirking. "You don't have to tone down your awesomeness for me. But you're right. If we're going to go any further with whatever 'this' is," I made air quotes with my hands. "I want us to be exclusive."

"Awesome! Wow!" Gilbert smirked right back at me. "I didn't think that you would be so forgiving."

"I haven't forgiven you entirely just yet," I reminded him.

"Fine by me!" Gilbert exclaimed. "This just gives me the excuse to spoil you with a whole bunch of make up dates!"

I sighed, feeling my lips spread into a shy smile. "I don't know how to say no to that smile of yours. It's contagious."

Gilbert squeezed my hand gently. "Just you wait, Mattie. I'll treat you right."

I lifted my pinkie finger to the air. "Promise?" I asked.

Gilbert didn't hesitate to wrap his pinkie finger around mine. "Promise."

…

~Evening Shift~

 **Lord of the Pigs:**

 **Alfred's POV:**

Yep, tonight was another busy shift for yours truly. Feliks was bringing in way too many food orders for me to keep up with. It didn't help that I was still worried about Matt. One of my worst nightmares came true when my beloved brother had told me about the jackass that he had a crush on.

Gilbert. Agh! I was gritting my teeth just at the thought of him. Not only had he totally cheated on my little bro, but he had also had the audacity to buzz our dorm room last night. The nerve! Luckily for Matt, I had managed to get rid of the pasty pest by threatening to call the cops on him. He sure disappeared quickly after that, I'll tell you! All in a day's work of your friendly campus-bound Hero!

When Matt came back from work, however, he appeared to be a lot happier. I hadn't had much of a chance to interrogate him about his change in mood just yet, as I still had my own shift at the café to work. But not to worry! As soon as I got home, I would inevitably wrestle the details out of him.

Well, it was either that, or have a civil conversation, and we all know that that was never going to happen with me. What, you don't think that I'm self aware? HAHAHAHA! Y'all are all so adorably naïve.

The kitchen doors swung open and Feliks poked his head into the room. "Like, Alfred? Ivan has another complaint about his food. He would like to speak with the chef."

I slammed my knife onto the wooden chopping board, easily splitting it into two. "What does he want now?!" I growled, rolling up my sleeves.

Feliks shrugged, batting his neon pink eyelashes at me in boredom. "Like, hell if I know."

"Ugh!" I washed my hands clean in the sink. "Why won't he just leave me the hell alone?!" I grumbled to myself.

With that done and over with, I pushed open the doors of the kitchen. "Ve! Alfred?" Feliciano called out to me.

I walked over to the drinks station where Feliciano was in the midst of performing coffee art for the customers. "Can you give this to Ivan while you're at it?" he asked.

I forced a plastic smile onto my face. "Sure, dude! No problemo!" I grabbed the coffee mug from a very grateful-looking Feliciano. The poor guy had always been terrified of Ivan, whereas I was sure _wasn't._

I look down and scowled at the contents in the mug. Feliciano had drawn a smiling cartoon pig out of the cream. That's it! This meant war!

I stormed over to Ivan's table, slamming down his cup of coffee. "Is there a problem, Ivan?" I said through clenched teeth.

Ivan looked up from his laptop, a devious ear-to-ear smile stretching onto his face. I felt my face redden with anger when I spotted three untouched ham sandwiches resting on his table. Forget the fact that he wasn't eating any of the food. Ivan purposefully ordered anything that was pig related just to drive me off the wall.

"Hmmm. Yes, these sandwiches don't look very good," Ivan answered.

"But you haven't even tasted them!" I protested, making a point to avoid looking at the arm muscles that were protruding out from his beige trench coat. What?! It's not like I wanted to look at them! They just popped out, okay?!

Ivan picked up a sandwich, absently twirling it around for me to see. "So careless in its design!" he mused. "The bread isn't cut evenly."

"Ya know, most people don't care about these sort of things," I snorted.

"I forgot!" Ivan mused. "Piggies like you eat anything that you can latch your big, greedy mouths on."

"Listen man," I bit my lip. "I'm not refunding you for an unevenly cut sandwich."

"Sandwiches," Ivan corrected.

"Yeah, well whatever!" I rolled my eyes. "So, are you going to eat those or what?"

"Nope~!"

"Thought so." I bent over to pick up two plates, stacking one over the other. The last plate was all the way over on the other end of the table.

Ivan put in his two cents by grabbing the other plate for me. When I reached over to take the plate for him, however, something unexpected happened: we brushed hands with each other.

Ivan's face reddened, and before I knew it, he had shoved me backwards. "DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU FILFTHY PIG!" he screeched.

 **CLANK!**

I dropped the plates from the shock of this unexpected outburst. When he called me a pig this time, it wasn't nearly as playful as it had been before. It was malicious, and quite frankly, scary.

Several glass shards surrounded my shoes. Ivan's violet eyes widened as he realized what he had just done.

"S-sorry," he murmured, rubbing his hands together nervously. His voice had dropped to a tone much lower than I had ever heard him spoke before. "I d-don't react well to being touched… W-we're still friends, da?"

I spared Ivan a concerned look. "No worries, buddy. I'm sure that you didn't mean it. Of course we're still friends."

I didn't have time to register that this was the first time that Ivan had ever called me his friend.

"G-good." Ivan bent over, intending to help pick up the broken shards of glass.

"No! No! I got it!" I stammered. "It's fine, really! I'll get a broom. Wouldn't want you to cut yourself, hahaha!"

I've always had a horrible habit of laughing whenever I was nervous.

Ivan's shoulders sank as he nodded his head in acknowledgement. He morosely went back to typing away on his laptop, bashfully ignoring the stares of everyone in the café. Thankfully, Liza wasn't in tonight to witness this disaster.

I passed by Feliks on my way to the backroom. "Like, are you okay, broski?" he asked.

"Yeah man, I'm good. Thanks for asking."

"Like, if you say so."

When I knew for sure that I was alone, I let out a shuddering sigh. "What the heck was all that about?"

* * *

Thank you for reading. Have a great day/ night.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Hey guys! It's been a while. First of all, thank you so much for your kind reviews and PMs. It's very reassuring. So, just to clarify. The fandom is dying in terms of activity. I mean seriously, we're one of the most popular fandoms and we hardly support our authors! The update page has now become a graveyard in the past few weeks. It's just sad and embarrassing for authors who upload. It's also just embarrassing for the fandom in general! *CRINGES* Anyways, let's become a community again, yeah? :D

Thanks so so much for all of the recommendations! I'm still reading through some of them because I also want to leave a review myself.

Lemme just give a quick shout out to the user who gave me a blank recommendation (thou shalt go unnamed, you know who you are lol), and only commented about how my eyebrows are "on fleek". You sir/ ma'am are on the level of troll that I one day inspire to be :')

My first recommendation is the author "Amethystfairy1". I got in touch with the author and they're very sweet. If you do decide to check out their stories, they would recommend their story "Can't seem to recall"

Anyways, enjoy my lovely cinnamon buns. If not on mine, make sure to follow, favourite, and review other stories in this fandom. Let's become a strong fandom again. I have a large list of recommendations to filter through, but I'm still accepting more. Feel free to self-promote your own stories. I really don't mind :)

Take care and have a good day/ night

-Ella

* * *

 **Butter me up, why don't you?:**

~Afternoon Shift~

 **Lovino's POV:**

It was a slow afternoon. Matthew and I had spent most of our shift taking turns sitting at table ten, which if you guys haven't figured out already, had been permanently claimed by the Bad Touch Trio, my lame-ass boyfriend included.

I walked over to said table, clicking my tongue at Matthew, who sighed, realizing that his break was over.

Gilbert wrapped both arms around Matthew, tucking his chin onto the latter's shoulders. "You'll never take my Mattie alive!" he bellowed.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring Antonio's goofy grin to the left of me. Poor Matthew had been sandwiched between Francis and Gilbert on one side of the booth. Thankfully, Antonio had reserved a spot just for me on his side.

"Gil, honey, you're strangling me again," Matthew laughed, raising a hand to ruffle Gilbert's snow-white hair.

"C'est adorable!" Francis squealed. "Ah, young love~! I can practically smell the sex in the air."

Thankfully, everyone ignored this comment.

"Good! It's not awesome for you to leave without my permission," Gilbert pouted, looking up to shed me with a snarky glance.

I placed both hands on my hips and scowled right back at the pasty bastard. "If you're so clingy, why don't you help him serve tables then?"

Gilbert pursed his lips together, albeit not letting go of the now pink-faced Matthew. "Hmmmm. Liza isn't here, so I don't have to worry about airborne pans. Okay! Ja! That sounds awesome!"

Mathew weakly tapped Gilbert on the shoulder. "Gil," he wheezed with a squeak. "Oxygen! I'd like some, if you don't mind!"

Gilbert let go of Matthew, only to grab him by the shoulders and dramatically shake him back and forth. "NO! Don't you die on me, Mattie! We still have many Hamilton references to make in this story!"

Matthew smirked, 'falling dead' onto Gilbert's chest. "Who lives, who dies, who creates awful puns for this story~. Continue my sassy legacy…that would be enough…"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, we get it. You're both horny for Hamilton. Can I take my fucking break now?!"

Matthew rolled his eyes, crawling over Gilbert's lap to exit the booth. "You're such a buzzkill," he muttered.

Gilbert followed Matthew out of the booth, standing up to drape a casual arm over the latter's shoulders. "Don't listen to him, Mattie. Come, let's show him how _real men_ serve tables."

I decided to let that last comment pass as I slid into the other side of the booth, knowing that Antonio would explode with affection in 3…2…1…

"LOVI~!"

 **CRACK!**

I winced when I felt my already bruised ribcage crack indefinitely. Antonio pulled me into a hug, showering my nose and cheeks with many sloppy kisses. Francis' stupid 'honhonhon' laughter only added to my embarrassment.

I pressed a palm against Antonio's forehead, holding him back from kissing me further. His green eyes widened into a pout, and I sighed, letting go so that he could properly kiss me on the lips.

"One day, you're going to grow tired of me," I remarked.

"Don't say such a thing!" Antonio scolded me, grabbing my chin with one hand. "You're always full of so many wonderful surprises. I'll never get tired of reminding you how beautiful you are."

"Same goes to you bastard," I smirked. "Although, it is fun to insult you every now and then."

"Ay!" Antonio protested.

"Oh shut up, you know I'm only teasing."

Antonio and I pulled apart when we heard Francis gasp. And here I thought that he would be creeping on us like he usually did.

Francis slammed a hand against the table, his blue eyes wide with a look that I had never seen on him before. He gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing. Wait, was he nervous?!

"It's him!" Francis exclaimed.

Antonio cocked his head to the side. "Is this 'the guy' who gave you that five-star on your left cheek?"

Francis waved his hand about impatiently. "Details, details," he mused, standing up from the booth. "I'm bringing him to sit with us."

Antonio and I didn't have much time to protest. Francis was gone in a breeze, his long blond hair effeminately billowing behind him. I wrinkled my nose when the scent of his rose perfume lingered in the air.

It wasn't long before Francis was dragging a blond-haired, green-eyed boy towards our booth. He was wearing a black blouse, horribly-designed tweed pants, and brown loafers to match. Oddly enough, he had several piercings on his face, ranging from his ears, his nose, and even his eyebrows.

I recognized him immediately as a student who was also from the creative writing program. The boy must have known me too because his mouth parted open in recognition.

Francis eagerly tugged on the boy's wrist.

"L-let go of me, you baguette-worshipping fiend!" the boy cried out, wildly thrashing his laptop case around.

I bit my lip to stifle my laughter. Only a writer would think of an insult as 'creative' as that.

"Shhhh, mon lapin," Francis cooed. "You should be thanking me. Now you won't have to sit by yourself and be lonely~!"

"I like sitting by myself, thank you very much!" the red-faced boy roared, before aiming a desperate look at the front counter. "Mathew! Oh thank God! I need your help! Help free me from this pervert!"

Matthew chuckled, crossing his arms. "Sorry, cuz. The blush on your face says otherwise. Why don't you enjoy yourself for once and stop pretending that you 'despise' company?"

The boy grit his teeth, faltering for a moment that gave Francis enough time to shove him into the booth. Francis was then smart enough to scoot into the booth, trapping the boy from the inside.

"Come now, don't look so sad, Arthur," Francis chastised. "Making more friends is a good thing!"

"Yes, yes, whatever," Arthur grumbled, looking up to meet my curious gaze. "Oi, I know you," he muttered. "You're in the creative writing program with me."

I nodded my head. "Si, the name's Lovino. Nice to meet you."

Arthur grumbled something unintelligible before unzipping his bag and placing his laptop onto the table.

"Hi!" Antonio beamed. "I'm Antonio!"

Antonio reached over the table to shake hands with Arthur, but the Briton merely looked at his hand as if it were covered in slime.

Antonio rescinded his hand, a confused frown forming on his face. "What did I say?" he bent over to whisper into my ear.

"Who knows," I whispered back. "He's probably just shy."

Francis smiled widely, playfully elbowing Arthur in the ribs. "Don't worry, Antoine. It takes Arthur a long time to warm up to people, isn't that right now?" he asked, draping an arm over Arthur's shoulders, only to choke when said Briton aimed an elbow to his stomach.

"Don't you bloody touch me!"

"See?" Francis wheezed. "He means well, but has a hard time showing it."

An awkward silence fell over the booth. Francis never kept his gaze off Arthur, who was trying his best to ignore the former. All that could be heard was the patter-patter of Arthur typing on his laptop's keyboard.

"So…" Antonio started.

Francis and I both looked up to Antonio with hope. If anyone could start a proper conversation, it was him.

"How do you feel about tomatoes, Arthur?"

I facepalmed, while Francis sighed in disbelief. "Mon Dieu," he muttered. "Could this situation get any more hopeless?"

For the first time in my life, I had to agree with Francis.

This conversation was going nowhere.

…

 **Arthur's POV:**

And here I thought that my day couldn't have gotten any worse. First, I had spilled coffee all over my favourite jumper. Then, I had slipped on said coffee spill. With my motivation to write at home ruined, I decided to visit my favourite café on campus. It just so happened that my least favourite person on campus was always at said cafe.

Francis was an insufferably obnoxious bloke who for whatever reason was smitten with me. I didn't even attempt to make pleasantries with him. No matter how many times that I insulted and ignored him, he just kept popping up at the most inconvenient of times. Apparently, 'shut up, I'm trying to write,' doesn't stop him from incessantly blabbing his stupid froggie tongue. What? His voice was gravelly, but for the sake of ill humour, I'm just going to say that his voice sounds more like a croak.

As of now, I was doing my best to ignore Francis' pathetic efforts to hold a proper conversation with me. The couple across the booth, on the other hand, had given up entirely on speaking to me. Francis could really learn a lesson or two from them. They certainly had the right idea.

Thankfully, I recognized that Lovino fellow from my own program. He seemed nice enough. His boyfriend Antonio, on the other hand, didn't appear to be all that bright. Regardless, it was probably best if I kept my mouth shut and didn't say anything at all. Maybe then Francis would realize that I truly did prefer to be alone.

While the others conversed about irrelevant topics, I took a sip from the mug of tea that Francis had purchased for me. No matter, as I did consider myself to be gentleman, _I_ would be the one leaving a tip. I refused to let that frog be one leap ahead of me.

…

"Well, I should probably get back to work now," Lovino muttered, standing up from the booth.

"Bye Lovi," Antonio whimpered.

Lovino rolled his eyes, pulling out a set of keys from his jean pocket. "Here," he said, handing the keys to Antonio.

"Feli's staying over at the potato's place tonight. Make yourself at home."

Antonio beamed. "Okay~!" he trilled. "When you get back, I'll have dinner ready!"

Francis smirked. It was time to finally set his plan into motion.

…

I looked up from my laptop briefly, only to inhale sharply when I realized that both Antonio and Lovino had left.

"What the hell?" I spluttered. "Where did they go?"

Francis raised an arched eyebrow at me. "Are you just realizing this now? They left close to half an hour ago."

I felt my face heat up. Dear God, I was sitting in a booth with Francis, alone, and I hadn't even realized it. Surely this couldn't be good. Now that Frog would think that I actually wanted to spend time with him, which I _didn't ,_ just to be perfectly clear.

I looked over at the front counter, spotting my twin cousin's smirking right back at me. Matthew grinned, cupping his hand into a heart. Alfred went for the more vulgar option by mouthing a fellatio. I scowled at them, woefully recognizing that they wouldn't be offering me help anytime soon. Blood related or not, those twats were both dead to me.

I quickly went back to typing away on my laptop. None of the words flowed or remotely made any sense, but I needed to distract myself. I still had a multi-chapter to finish, after all. I could always edit it later.

Francis sighed and hummed, glancing at me whenever I paused to think over my words. I stretched out my right hand, hoping to relieve it from the stiffness of a muscle cramp.

"Tsk! Tsk!" Francis tutted. "It appears that you've overworked yourself again."

I jolted when Francis grabbed my hand, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. "Don't touch m-!" I faltered.

"Oh," I hummed. "That actually feels quite good."

Francis shed me with a grin wide enough to match that of the Cheshire cat. "But of course," he purred. "We French know how to please with our hands."

I was too busy melting under his touch to heed any attention to his perverted words.

I don't know how, but Francis had somehow moved on to massaging my other hand.

"Tell me, Frog," I murmured. "What is it about me that you find so interesting?"

"Hmmm, well. Your eyebrows certainly do give you…character," Francis answered. "I also have a thing for boys with a temper."

"Are you insinuating that I have a temper?" I asked. I glared at Francis, unknowingly proving his point.

"Non, non. You're wonderful," Francis drawled, rubbing my knuckles with his remarkably soft hands.

"Nothing says pleasant like being repeatedly berated with insults," he chuckled.

"Hmmmph," I sighed to myself.

"What do you like about me?" he asked.

"Nothing," I answered without hesitation.

Francis stopped massaging my hands. "Come now, certainly there's _something!"_

I turned my head, looking up to meet a pair of too blue-to-be-real eyes. My cheeks flushed slightly as I took in his sharp jawline, letting my eyes rake up again to the faint stubble peppering his chin. Now that I think of it, the stubble wasn't _that_ bad. I mean, I've always preferred a cleanly shaven man, but with Francis, the 'beard' sort of just worked for him.

"Oh fine! You have nice eyes," I huffed, letting my eyes fall down onto the table again. God knows why I was continuing to speak with this Frog.

"Bon fils," Francis cooed. "I've never seen you be this nice to me before~!"

"I'll have you know that I'm a very respectable man!" I snapped. So what if I was sarcastic from time to time? It wasn't my fault that he was an intolerable pervert.

"Oui, I'm sure," Francis patronized.

"Don't you get crass with me!"

Francis shrugged. "It's unbelievable how easy it is to provoke you."

I let my retort fall short on my tongue when Francis cracked my hand, bringing on a new wave of pleasure and relaxation. I closed my eyes, letting Francis do his thing.

 **BEEP!**

Francis sighed, delicately letting go of my hand before reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone.

An irritated click of the tongue prompted me to ask him about it. "Something wrong, Froggie?"

"Non, well, I have to go," Francis mumbled, sounding convincingly disappointed. "Liza just texted me. She wants me to help her design new uniforms for the staff here."

Ah that's right. I think I remembered him mentioning something about how he was in the clothing design program. Then again, this was the first civil conversation that we had ever had together. I usually just ignored him most of the time.

"Well, go on then," I suggested. "You've distracted me long enough. I still have another 3000 words to write before tomorrow morning."

"Is this your way of saying that you'd like to see me again?" Francis mused.

"Since English is your second language, I'll be gracious enough to let that comment slide."

Francis didn't seem to be fazed by this retort.

"How kind of you," Francis said with a wink. He then grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips.

"Adieu, mon chou. I look forward to the next time we meet."

I rolled my eyes as he gracefully slid out of the booth. It was always the dramatics with this first-class pervert.

"Thanks for the hand massage and tea," I mumbled.

"It was my pleasure. Now I really must get going!" Francis smiled, turning his back to me. His navy-blue trench coat trailed behind him for extra effeminate flare.

"Try not to stalk me too much!" I called after him.

"Stalking, pursuing…I don't see ze difference!" Francis called over his shoulder.

"Bye now!" I hissed.

I hadn't realized that I was smiling until I turned back to my laptop, spotting my reflection in the blank screen.

"Bloody Frog," I mused to myself.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Hello again! So guess who's back with more recommendations :D? Before I get to that, I want to thank you for thanking me for writing this story lol. It's always nice to see that my readers are polite and kind. Now, let's keep working on getting this fandom active again. I know ya'll are there! Uni ends for me in two weeks, so if things become more active, I'll become more active, I'm just saying ;)

I'm in a much better place now, if it's any consolation :)

 **ALSO, MY EYEBROWS DON'T COUNT AS A RECOMMENDATION, FOR F'S SAKE LMAO**. I'm not a meme, damn it (although, it'd be a pretty dank/cringey one).

 **Recommendation #1:** "Danse Macabre by **Angelofmusic46** " An eerie, short, sweet and well-written fic about AusHun. My poor boo Liza :(

 **Recommendation #2:** "Cigarette Smoke" by **browsofglory** " *Spasms uncontrollably because it's FrUk* It's beautiful.

 **Recommendation #3** : This one is an author recommendation. Regardless, I've already read most of their stories. **CodeVassie.** This author is fantastic at characterization and writes some very lovely Spamano!

As always, feel free to PM me with your recommendations (still working through them/ waiting for the authors' permission!) I accept self-recommendations too! I am also accepting pairing requests for this story. Thus far, I've promised to include Dennor. Any others?

Enjoy and make sure that this fandom doesn't die! Support! Support! Support! Please don't get annoyed if you see me review every story on the update page. I'm determined to get things rolling.

Adieu, mon lovely cinnamon buns. (I got two hours of sleep last night, leave moi be).

* * *

 **Made to be a Maid: A Traitor in the Cafe?!**

~Afternoon Shift~

 **Lovino's POV:**

I was taking my break at - you guessed it- the front counter, when a certain bastard with a swaggering grin on his face walked up to me.

Antonio was wearing a bright red parka, his cheeks equally as red from the biting weather outside. His brown curls were crusted with snow, and even though he was shivering and absolutely despised the cold, nothing would stop him from visiting his precious 'tomato'.

Antonio grinned at my deadpan expression, bending over to rest both elbows onto the counter, his face falling into his hands as he beamed and waited for me to insult him.

"So," Antonio mused, his green eyes widening exponentially. "How was your day, _honey_?" he teased.

" _Sweetie_ ," I rolled my eyes. "You know how it is. These children-" I pointed to the various customers residing in the café. "-Can never be satisfied. They're always hungry."

Come to think of it, everyone's been acting quite oddly lately. Liza had everyone busy doing something in preparation for the Christmas party that we would be hosting in a few weeks' time. Although, hardly anyone was being remotely productive.

Even Liza herself was bummed out more than usual. Apparently, Roderich wasn't coming back for the holidays anymore as he had just been booked for a last-minute concert in Vienna. Tch! That fiddle-fuck really needed to get his shit together. He was making his poor, lunatic girlfriend lovesick. Any good boyfriend would ditch _everything_ just to be spend time with their significant other. Oi, I'm just saying.

Okay, so maybe I'm just salty about Liza projecting her sadness onto me. If she thought that I was going to cosplay to make her feel better, then she had another thing coming. Either way, Liza was using this Christmas party as a convenient distraction. By ordering everyone around like a pan-happy drill sergeant and vowing to defeat Vlad's rival café, it was very easy for her to forget about how lonely she was truly feeling.

Heck, just today she had made me do more chores than I had done in my entire two years of working here. My hands were still partially frozen from scraping off Natalia's ice fingerprints on the windows outside. I swear to fuck, don't you dare even ask. You _really_ don't want to know.

Oh, and lest we forget about how unhelpful the rest of the café's employees were being. Matthew was off today, so my only hope of bumming around and letting him do all the work for me was crushed. Alfred had been holing himself up in the kitchen, acting much quieter than usual. In retrospect, Ivan wasn't nearly as chummy as he normally was either. I'm going to take a wild shipping guess and assume that something not good must have happened between those two idiots.

The only normal people in the café were Francis and Arthur. It was honestly hilarious to watch their romance unfold. Don't get me wrong; Francis is an extraordinarily creepy (and hairy) bastard. But, it was still nonetheless amusing for me to watch him prey on someone else for once. Besides, Arthur must have at least been somewhat interested in the baguette deep-throater. The Briton's beet-red face was enough to prove this suspicion of mine.

Heh. Every day Arthur would come to the café to write his stories, and because of Francis's 'loving' presence, he would fail to produce anything remotely coherent. Nowadays, we actually talked whilst in class, and he trusted me enough to edit his work from time to time. It boggled my mind how many times Arthur would make the villain in his stories all somehow related back to a frog. Weird as fuck, am I right?

A tanned hand waved itself back and forth in front of my face. "Lovi?" Antonio questioned. "Are you spacing out again?"

"Charming bastard say what now?" I spluttered.

Antonio shook his head in disbelief. "You didn't get any sleep last night, did you?"

I looked down at the counter, avoiding eye contact. "No, I didn't," I sighed. "It's midterm season. What the hell did you expect?"

Antonio grabbed my right hand, clasping it between his still frozen hands. "I expect you to take better care of yourself," he chided. "I've never seen you look this tired."

On completely inconvenient cue, I yawned. "Things will get back to normal soon. Well, after exams are done anyways," I groaned. "Say, speaking of which, what are your plans for Christmas break?"

Antonio shrugged. "I live on the other side of the country. The trip back home isn't worth it for me given how short the holidays are. I'll probably just stay here with Francis and Gilbert like I usually do. After three years, this is the first time that I finally have a partner to spend it with~!" he exclaimed.

Antonio's smile faltered. "Oh, that's right. You're an exchange student… will you be going back to Italy?" he asked, manipulatively batting his eyelashes at me. Well, thankfully for him, he wouldn't have to persuade me to stay back over the break.

"No," I smirked. "Nonno always goes on a cruise over the holidays. The old fart gives Feli and I enough money throughout the year that Christmas is practically pointless for us to celebrate."

Antonio grinned from ear to ear. "The perks of being rich, si?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh please," I scoffed. "You're just glad that I'll be spending the break with you."

"Is that such a bad thing?" Antonio moped. "Feli told me that you spent Christmas alone last year."

"I wasn't about to be a third wheel!" I protested.

Antonio crouched down closer so that our faces were only mere inches apart. "Well, now you won't have to be. You have me, a comfy bed, and all the hugs and kisses in the world."

"Was that meant to be romantic?" I snorted.

Antonio and I both jumped a little when Mei giggled and dangled a mistletoe over our heads. "Kiss and make every fangirl's dreams come true~!" she trilled.

I raised a hand to swat at the mistletoe. Unfortunately, Antonio grabbed the mistletoe for himself, purposefully dangling it over my head. He playfully puckered his lips at me, his green eyes bright with mirth.

"One kiss?" Antonio mused. "Por favor?"

"Oh fine!" I snapped. "Just make it quick."

Antonio crushed his lips against mine, using his other hand to rake his fingers through my hair. Several customers in the café erupted with a series of cheers and inappropriately profane comments, the latter of which were mostly from Francis.

Mei, who was thankfully hobbit-sized in height, hopped up and down on the balls of her tiny feet, struggling to capture the perfect picture of our kiss.

This was the one time that I would ever willingly let my picture be taken. It was a picture that I would want to keep for the rest of my life. I've had many lovers before, sure, but Antonio was the first person whom I've actually had feelings for.

 **Liza's POV:**

Oh boy, was I ever bummed. So not cool! Now I wasn't even sure if I would be able to see Roderich over the holidays. Tsk! Whatever! Life went on, and I still had a café/ yaoi fan group to run. It's not like I missed that sour puss that much anyways. No! Not at all! Hahaha! Happy place! Happy place!

 _Yaoi…Lovino and Antonio licking a juicy tomato together…kawaii ear nips…_

 _Ah…much better_ …

I would just have to focus my efforts into showing up Vlad's butthole café. Regardless, I didn't need to prove anything to him. In our program, I was the leading student business by a wide margin. And to think that I was the only non-senior allowed to run her own business too! Usually it was only those graduating who were able to test out their business plan, but I had been able to start mine halfway into my sophomore year.

No matter, I still had a lot to do in preparation for our own Christmas party. Unlike Vlad, I didn't need to rely on cosplay to spice things up. One thing about the LGBTQ community was that they were some of the realest people to be around. They were all so smart, fun, and beautifully different in their own unique way. I could literally spend hours talking about how wonderful and eye-opening they were. This café inspired meaningful conversation and a place to be your true self. Putting on a mask wasn't fun; it was taking off the societal masks and facades that allowed people to truly enjoy themselves.

Sorry, I got on a bit of a tangent there, didn't I? I just feel so strongly about love, kindness, and unconditional acceptance. Heck, it was these very beliefs that had inspired this café in the first place! Vlad's competition didn't just challenge my ability to run a successful business; it was a challenge as to whether or not these values could be coincided with making money.

But, as hard as this may be for Vlad to wrap his dumbass head around, my customers' enjoyment and satisfaction would always be my top priority. Although, my focus on quality customer experience must have worked, as the café continues to grow in prestige and reputation. People come here because they can feel happy, and their happiness is my pride and joy. Perhaps I was going all out with this Christmas party, but I wouldn't stop until the love in this café prevailed!

I snapped out of my thoughts when several customers were giving me weird stares. I must have been physically miming my train of thought again. One time, I had been mistaken for pretending to be Martin Luther King. Eheh. I have a tendency to get worked up over the simplest of things…

I began to walk around the café, inspecting how my employees were faring with the tasks that I had given to them. Ludwig and Feliciano were experimenting with new cupcake flavours in the kitchen while Alfred gratefully acted as their taste-tester. Lovino and Antonio were making out in a booth, but I decided to let this infraction slide as it served as entertainment for the rest of us. Mei was doing a great job at snapping kawaii photos for us to hang on the café's walls. Kiku was organizing our next yaoi meeting in between studying for his chemistry midterm. Francis, although flirting with an adorably stuttering Arthur, was busy sketching out designs for the new work uniforms that I had paid him to create. All in all, the café was functioning perfectly.

Just when I thought that there was nothing to worry about, a small figure to my right crept past me. He was wearing a burgundy parka that hid most of his face. He was thin, and if I squinted close enough, you could see that he was trembling. From the corner of my eye, I watched him creep over to the front counter. What he did next was enough for me to ring the alarm bells, or rather, fangirls.

The boy pulled out a ziplock baggy from his parka, slipping several of the free sample cupcakes on display into it. I knew it! That bastard Vlad had sent a spy! Oh hell to the no! Ludwig and Feli had worked far too hard to have their recipe be stolen so easily! Not on my psychotic watch!

I stormed over to the boy, ripping off his hood with a clawed hand. Wide blue eyes pleaded for mercy, his lips trembling as he struggled to form a sentence. Everything happened in slow motion as I glared down at him, grinning devilishly.

The boy appeared to be no older than fifteen. He must have been a student enrolled in the young and gifted program here at the University. The scruff of blond hair on top of his head reminded me of a baby bird. Despite his cuteness, I held absolutely no sympathy for one of Vlad's minions.

"What do we have here?" I growled in a suspiciously cheerful tone. "A spy?"

The boy repeatedly shook his head back and forth, his Adam's apple bobbing as he took a large gulp.

"N-n-no! I-I-I…j-just…"

I didn't let him finish his sentence. I snatched the bag from his hand, holding it up to the air. "You're _my_ bitch now!" I cackled, cupping both hands over my mouth to call out to Mei. "That's what you get for trying to steal from me!"

The boy's face paled considerably. He began to stammer nonsensically in another language that I didn't understand.

"MEI! CODE NOSEBLEED! I REPEAT! CODE NOSEBLEED! LOCK IT UP!"

Mei shot up from her seat, scrambling to pull down the blinds of every surrounding window. Kiku walked over to the front door, solemnly standing guard. Nobody was to leave the café until I had coerced every last bit of information out of this boy.

Customers began to protest in confusion, whereas the employees simply expressed their annoyance at my predictable hair-brained scheme.

"What the fuck is going on?" Lovino shouted from the other end of the café.

Ludwig, Feliciano, and Alfred all came out from the kitchen, matching looks of dread and apprehension plastered on their faces.

"Yo, Liza! What's got ya all worked up?" Alfred groaned.

I grabbed onto the mysterious boy's shoulders, purposefully pressing my nails into the padding of his jacket as I spun him around for everyone to see.

"We've got a rat to interrogate!" I bellowed.

Every single one of my employees' faces darkened. There was one thing that we all hated, and that was Vlad and anyone who worked for him.

…

Turns out that the boy's name was Raivis. Or at least that's what I think that his name was. It was hard to understand him when he was constantly sobbing and stammering like his scrawny life depended on it.

As of now, we had tied up Raivis to a chair. Thankfully, Ludwig had been resourceful enough to find some spare rope in the backroom. It took everything in my willpower to prevent my nose from spontaneously gushing out blood. Raivis just looked so helpless and cute! No Liza, God damn it! He's the enemy! Focus!

Employees and customers alike had gathered around Raivis's trembling form. He shyly looked down at the ground, refusing to meet my gaze.

"So, Raivis," I mused. "Do you want to tell me why Vlad sent you here?"

"You go girl!" Alfred hollered. "Give the twerp the justice that he deserves!"

This was the most energy that Alfred had shown all week.

Arthur growled, covering his ears as he had been standing right next to Alfred during his outburst. "You don't have to shout like a bloody ape! The entire African continent can hear you!"

"HAHAHA! YOU REALLY THINK SO?" Alfred bellowed (again), causing Raivis to curl up into a ball as much as his rope confinement would allow him to.

Arthur opened his mouth in retort, but Francis placed an arm on the Briton's shoulder, shaking his head. Arthur angrily crossed his arms, but chose not to say anything.

"Oi! Is this kid going to talk or what?" Lovino rolled his eyes.

Antonio wrapped an arm around Lovino's waist, cooing about how cool and stoic his 'precious tomato' looked.

"Fratello!" Feliciano scolded. "Just look at the poor bambino. He looks terrified, ve. We should cheer him up, si?"

Feliciano reached into his cooking apron to pull out a chocolate chip cookie, bringing the treat to Raivis's trembling lips. I licked my own lips in anticipation, much to the disgruntlement of everyone around me save for Mei and Kiku.

"Come now," Feliciano cooed. "No need to be so shy! I promise you that this cookie is very yummy. All you have to do is tell us why you came here~!"

Raivis whimpered. "I-I-I…can't."

Feliciano pouted his lips. "But, don't you want to eat this cookie?"

Raivis blushed. "I…do…"

My vision blacked out.

 _*We briefly pause this chapter as Liza is currently experiencing kawaii overload_. *

"Then tell us why the hell you came here!" Lovino snapped, losing his patience.

Raivis stuck up his nose to the air, turning his head away from Lovino. "I can't," he stated again, this time more firmly.

"Well fuck your cookie!" Lovino proceeded to slap the cookie out of Feliciano's hand.

Feliciano sighed, stepping back as his plan of bribing Raivis with food had failed.

Raivis's eyes watered as he looked down at the now shattered cookie.

"Look," I started. "If you tell me everything that you know about _Vlad's_ upcoming plans, I'll let you go without any repercussions."

Ugh, just saying that asshole's name made me feel sick to my stomach.

Raivis remained silent.

 _Oh, it's on…_

The _boy_ had left me with no choice…

"Ludwig," I groaned. "Do your thing."

Ludwig's combat boots clacked against the ground as he stepped forward to have a crack at breaking Raivis's spirit. The blond-haired German paced in front of Raivis, firmly slapping a wooden baking spoon into the palm of his hand every now and then.

Ludwig marched with the calculated prowess of a soldier, and judging by Raivis's increased panting, the boy was scared shitless.

"Listen up, you little schiesse!" Ludwig snarled. "I'm going to ask you a question and you're going to answer me right back! Do I make myself clear?!"

"Y-yes…sir?" Raivis stuttered.

"Oh Luddy," Feliciano swooned. "You know how much I love it when you become assertive."

Lovino pretended to gag.

I blinked spots out of my eyes when Kiku none-too-discreetly snapped a photo of the flabbergasted German.

Ludwig flushed a faint pink despite maintaining the hard-ass expression on his face.

"Feli, not now," Ludwig muttered before turning to look at Raivis again. "YOU!"

Raivis squeaked in response.

"WHY DID YOU COME HERE?!" Ludwig bent down so that his face was mere inches away from Raivis's.

"I…c-c-c-c-c-can't say!"

"YOU SEE THIS SPOON IN MY HAND?"

"Y-yes?"

"GOOD! NOW, DON'T GIVE ME A REASON TO USE IT! IT'LL BE IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO BE HONEST WITH ME, JA?"

Cue Raivis bursting out into tears; again.

"CRY ALL YOU WANT! I HOLD NO SYMPATHY FOR LIARS AND THIEVES LIKE YOU!"

I tugged on Ludwig's forearm. "That's quite enough," I whispered. "You did your job well, potato trooper. Allow me to do my _thing_."

Ludwig nodded his head, stepping away as I took back the reigns of this interrogation. Ludwig's job had been to break down the morale of our interrogee. It was now my turn to finish things off with sweet, _sweet_ vengeance!

"Hello again," I grinned, bending down to crouch in front of Raivis.

I then pulled out my phone, turning on the flash option. "Still don't want to talk?"

I took Raivis's silence as my answer.

"That's fine by me!" I exclaimed. "Mei?"

"Yes?!"

"Get me a set of measuring tape!"

Mei left the crowd in a hurry.

I bent down to whisper into Raivis's quickly reddening ears. "You're going to make such a beautiful maid," I teased. "Once I'm done with your makeover, I'll make sure to give you the proper photo shoot that your cuteness deserves."

"N-no!"

"Oh yes!" I cackled. "You'll become quite the star here! And then-"

I faltered when Ivan of all people stepped forward from the crowd.

"Raivis?" Ivan questioned. "What are you doing here?"

"Ivan?!" I squeaked. "You know Raivis?!"

Ivan nodded his head. "Da, he's my little cousin."

Ivan politely grabbed my wrist, pulling me to the side. He then turned around to look at Raivis. "Are you causing trouble again?" he leered. "Did Eduard put you up to this?"

Raivis trembled even more, if possible. "I'm sorry!" he wailed. "W-we were paid!"

"To do what?" Ivan sighed, walking forward so that he towered over Raivis.

Raivis cocked his head in the direction of the front door. "Eduard hacked into the camera system. I was supposed to steal some cupcakes and bring them back to Vlad!"

It was amazing how easily Raivis had succumbed to Ivan's questioning. Then again, Ivan was one terrifying yandere.

Ivan clapped his hands together, causing everyone in the entire café to flinch. I'm almost positive that Raivis wet his pants. "Alright! Because you're being so honest, I won't tell your mother. And I'm sure that Elizabeta won't press charges, da?"

I weakly nodded my head.

"Good~!" Ivan beamed. "Now I want you to apologize and promise not to do something so vile and _disgusting_ ever again~!"

Raivis nodded his head enough times to sufficiently break his neck. "Y-yes…big cousin I-Ivan sir!"

…

 **Alfred's POV:**

The crowd began to disperse, as Liza and Mei had finally decided to end the café's lockdown. Raivis was quick to scurry away, but not before having another private chat with Ivan, who didn't appear to be all that happy with the behaviour of his younger cousin. Serves that little rat right, don't ya think? Heck, if it were up to me, the kid wouldn't have gotten off so easily! Justice had wrongfully been ignored today; I was beyond irked.

Or perhaps my irksome mood had a lot to do with the fact that I was nervous. I was waiting to catch Ivan's eye, but he was busy helping the other workers move the tables back into place. Ever since he had snapped at me last week, things have been extremely awkward between us. He avoided speaking to me entirely, and rarely came to the café if I was scheduled in to work. To put things into perspective, Ivan _only_ used to come to the café when he knew for a fact that I would be working.

Ivan usually took extreme pleasure in bugging me. I don't know why I felt the need to do this, but I wanted to make sure that he was okay. I mean, don't me wrong! I can't stand the guy! But that doesn't mean that I don't care about him. I felt my face heat up for whatever inconvenient reason, but I supressed these nerves by tightly balling my fists together.

From the other side of the café, I watched Ivan carry the last table back into place. When he waved goodbye to Liza, I took this as my opportunity to intervene. I stumbled forward, rushing over to stand in front of Ivan.

"Hey!" I panted. "I just wanted to thank you for catching that thief!"

Ivan stopped before me, his violet eyes widening in a frightened expression that I had never seen on his face before. He just looked so vulnerable and foreign to me. If I didn't despise the guy, my heart would have broken into two. Also, my heart was _so_ not beating at a mile a minute right now. No! Of course not! Hahahahaha!

"That _thief_ is still my cousin, Alfred," Ivan sighed.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Who was this new Ivan and what did he do with the old one? The Ivan I knew was always smiling and happy. He wasn't nearly as serious and forlorn as this… _stranger_.

I nervously rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah, well, thanks again! You really saved the cooks here! Feli and Ludwig have been working on that cupcake recipe for several months now. Hahaha! I can't imagine having to taste test for them all over again. Last time, I almost went into cardiac arrest from the sugar overload."

Ivan smirked at me, albeit faintly. "You talk too much. I almost forgot about how annoying you are."

I grit my teeth together. "Well then why don't you come here more often?" I retorted, looking up at the Commie bastard with an angry scowl on my face. "This place just isn't the same without your _constant_ complaining."

Ivan laughed. "Kolkolkol. I've been busy with a lot of school work lately."

My chest deflated. "Oh, well, um…good luck on your assignments then."

"Spasibo." Ivan reached down to 'fondly' pat my head, something that I had always hated him for doing. Agh! He was just so goddamned patronizing! It made my blood boil.

I closed my eyes, only to realize that Ivan had taken back his hand. He appeared to be very conflicted about something.

Out of nowhere, Ivan abruptly surged forward, skirting around me with ease. "I forgot that I have somewhere else to be," he said in a clipped tone. "I have to go now!"

"Ivan wait!" I called out.

Ivan froze, his back still turned to me. "Da?"

I swallowed heavily. "We're still friends…right?"

"Da," Ivan whispered. " _Friends."_

 **To be continued…**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N** : Hey! Sorry, but my anxiety likes to do this thing where it prevents me from uploading, even though it only takes me five hours tops to write a chapter. This fandom is unpredictable anyways, and I have a chronic fear of rejection, sue me. Nothing's worse than uploading something, seeing people read it, and then...nothing. * **okay, I'll just go in a hole and cry** * Yup. Thanks for being irrational anxiety, truly. Even if this stuff doesn't happen all the time, that's what I fear xD... I can't handle the potential cringe, I just can't...ANYWAYS!

I'm back, and with more recommendations than ever. SO MUCH in fact that I've decided to join tumblr. You can send me recommendations there as well. Follow me! I'll follow back. I'll be limiting each chapter to five recommendations each.

YOU CAN FIND ME ON TUMBLR AT: " **Ellawritesficssometimes** " (pls send help. The website is so freaking confusing :/) Drop by, ask me a question too!

Let's just make the rules clear, because I haven't really done that. Recommendations are for new or recently updated fics that you believe deserves more attention and praise. The story must be in progress or recently completed. Also, if you're going to leave a recommendation in the review section, I'd also like to hear what you have to say about my story, if you're going to take the time. Spare me the awkwardness and excitement next time, kay?

Thanks to **browsofglory** for requesting an additional FrUk scene. It really added to this chapter :)

Recommendation #1 **:** **"Like a Love Song** " by " **GreyLady1575"** A fem! America x England fanfic with lots of feels. It features the characters as popular singers/ celebrities.

Recommendation #2: " **The Europenor Party** " by **"TheFreakZone** " A hilarious/ romantic one-shot entailing England's departure from the EU.

Recommendation #3: **"Stay in Line"** by " **E-quaintance** " A dark, 'what if' alternate AU one-shot, where America loses the revolutionary war.

Recommendation #4: " **Investigasians: The Musical Massacre"** by " **The Xs and the Os"** A thrilling murder mystery with very lovable characters.

Recommendation #5 (Ella's pick) **:** " **The Taming of the Shrew** **"** by " **Shadowcatxx"** Hetalia meets Shakespeare! I shall say no more!

Anyways, y'all Matthews in the fandom need to become Alfreds. The fandom is no fun otherwise! Thanks so much for the support, as well as for the recommendations. Keep sending them to me :) Let's all be supportive and kind! I don't expect everyone to follow/favourite/ review stories, nor do I even expect the majority to. But, you have to admit, this is a serious problem in our fandom.

Enjoy and have a great day/ night, my lovely cinnamon buns!

* * *

 **Iron-Clad Hero:**

 _Early December…_

 **Alfred's POV:**

Jesus fracking Christ it was cold! I was using my lunch break to find someone who I thought that I would _never_ \- in a million years - ever _willingly_ seek out. Ivan was still acting like a weirdo, regardless of what he said. In fact, he's been coming to the café less and less lately. I just wanted to make sure that he was doing all right. Besides, it's not like anyone else would be brave enough to confront the 'ice giant of Russia.'

Just in case y'all were wondering, that was the nickname that Ivan had gotten from being on the University's hockey team. Mattie played on the team too, which was why I had a firsthand account of seeing that persona come to life. Ivan was the defense-man specifically assigned to protect my little bro's back. I can't count how many times Ivan had gotten a foul for checking a player _through_ the boards.

Ivan protected his teammates, but I was beginning to worry that he wasn't looking after himself all that much. When he _did_ come to the café, he was usually nose-deep in paperwork. He wasn't at all like his jolly, infuriating self. There were deep bags under his eyes, and he rarely smiled, let alone bothered to get angry enough to have that creepy-purple-aura-cloud-thingie surround him.

And as your friendly neighborhood hero, it was my duty to make sure that everyone in this University was A-OK. Let me just pause right here to take a bow for my _totally_ cool joke. Ahahahaha! Thank you, thank you, I'll be here for the first third of this chapter!

Anyways! Where was I? Oh yes, I was currently freezing off my jingle berries in this jungle of a blizzard. I was only wearing my handy-dandy bomber's jacket to ward myself from the cold. I didn't feel like putting on my entire winter outfit just to walk the short distance from the café to the dorms.

The University was a complete wasteland, as it typically was during the month of December. We only had one more week of classes before final exams began. Most people were either sleeping in, watching Netflix and procrastinating, or writing a last-minute paper that they had the entire semester to do. Without Mattie and his constant passive-aggressive judgement, I would have been in the same boat as the procrastinators. Thankfully, I was on top of my readings and assignments, so I had plenty of time to spare before I finally cracked down on my studies.

Ivan lived in the dorm building next to mine, so I didn't have any trouble finding it. I tried my best not to look like a creep when I read the directory on the first floor and later sneaked into the elevator. If that Commie bastard had actually bothered to answer his texts, I wouldn't be having this problem; I'm just saying! Geez, he really needed to stop being such a loner!

 **DING!**

I scuttled out of the elevator, in a very manly way, of course, and crept around the corner of the hallway. I'm sure people wouldn't care that I was here, but pretending to be a spy made this visit more exciting. I was looking for room "11989".

I slunk down the hallway, letting the numbers on the apartment doors guide me towards my target, ahem, destination. I turned around the corner, only to retreat and flatten myself against a nearby wall. All I saw was long blonde hair and that was enough to send chills down my spine. I froze, cupping a hand over my mouth to stifle my heavy breathing. Yikes! I really needed to lower my daily bacon intake. I wasn't nearly as fit as I was during football season!

I slowly poked my head around the corner, confirming that it was in fact Natalia standing outside of Ivan's dorm room. I flattened myself against the wall again, weighing my options. Natalia had never liked me, but then again, she didn't like anyone. And a _true_ hero never backs down from a challenge, no matter how terrifying it is. Yep! I'd just have to brave it out and play it cool! Easy, right?!

I gave both of my cheeks a firm slap before finally mustering the courage to walk around the corner and face the wicked she-devil of the hallway. Natalia was standing in front of Ivan's front door, looking bored as she held out her phone before her. She was wearing a slim navy blue trench coat, skin-tight faded denim jeans, and knee-high combat boots. Her long blonde hair fell past her shoulders, thin and fair enough to reflect the light from the chandelier above. I felt my mouth involuntarily gape open in awe; as a bisexual, it would be hard to deny that this woman wasn't a pretty sight for the eyes and well, down yonder... if only she wasn't so intimidating, and well, _crazy_.

Things became even weirder when Natalia opened her mouth and began to hiss, yes hiss, into her phone. "Torissssssssss. Come play with me Torissssssssssssssss…"

I awkwardly cleared my throat. "Uh, what are you doing?"

Natalia gave me a blank stare, her blue eyes not showing a zilch of emotion. "I'm prank calling, Toris. Now shhhh!"

 _Oh, forgive me for being the normal one here!_

Fearing for my life, I didn't dare to say a word.

And neither did Natalia?

A long moment of silence passed before Natalia hung up her phone. "You may speak now," she ordered in a frigid voice. Could she be anymore creepier?!

I gulped. "Was your prank call successful?"

 _Poor Toris, what did the dude do to deserve this?_

Natalia smirked. "They always are," she mused. "Fortunately, it doesn't take much to scare him."

"Oh," I sighed, suppressing a _manly_ squeak. "That's good…?"

To be honest, I've never seen Natalia act this calm before. Usually, she spent her spare time stalking Ivan or threatening people with sharp objects. Perhaps she wasn't as crazy as she led others to believe?

I stand corrected.

I quickly found myself pinned to a wall, a sharp elbow pressed against my windpipe.

"Enough small talk, Jones," Natalia sneered. "What did you do to my big brother? Did you come here to apologize, is that it? I've never seen him this closed off before…" she trailed off. "It's beginning to worry me."

"Whoa," I wheezed. "I came here wondering the same thing! I didn't do anything, I swear!"

"Wondering what, exactly?" Natalia huffed.

I felt my face heat involuntarily. "I've noticed that Ivan's been real quiet lately, and I wanted to check up on him!"

"Well, if that's the case, would you mind making a small wager with me?"

"Yes, yes anything! Just let me breathe, will you?!" I spluttered.

Just so we're clear, I could have freed myself from her hobbit-tyranny at any time. I just chose not to because she's a _girl._

Natalia chuckled under her breath, releasing me from her grip.

I gasped for air while she pulled away.

Natalia took out a way-too-sharp-to-be-legal nail file from her coat. "You see, Jones, I love my big brother _very_ dearly, and only want the best for him. But that can't happen if there's other people in his life taking up all his time. I'm trusting you to protect him when I'm not present. Now, do we have a deal?"

Natalia twirled around the nail file.

"Sure thing!" I barked.

I held out my hand to finalize the 'deal', but Natalia merely looked at it as if it were covered in slime.

I let my hand fall back to my side.

"Good," Natalia shed me with an approving look. Somehow, I had become a dog. "As long as you know that's Ivan's mine, and mine alone, I think that we'll get along quite nicely. If you could help him with…"

Natalia gestured towards Ivan's front door. "…'whatever' he's experiencing, it'd be very much appreciated. For some reason, he refuses to let me into his apartment."

 _I wonder why,_ I thought dryly to myself.

"Alrighty!" I laughed good-naturedly. "I'll make sure to do that."

Natalia sighed. "Well, that's it I suppose. _Please do_ fix him, he hasn't been very enjoyable to be around lately."

In other words, you can't stalk Ivan when he's holed up in his apartment. The girl was like ice; cold and blank, but very transparent in her motives.

"I'll do my best! Pinkie swear!"

 _Sweet Jesus, just let me get out of this with my body still intact! Uh, not that I'm incapable of defending myself…_

Natalia gave me one last forlorn look before turning on her heels and leaving without another word. I looked away when she pulled out her phone and began to hiss into it again. Yep, she sure was a psycho, all right.

When I was sure that Natalia was gone, I knocked on Ivan's door.

"Go away!" Ivan wailed. "I already told you! I wish to be alone!"

I cleared my throat, furrowing my brows in confusion. "Uh, Ivan, buddy? It's me, Alfred."

Heavy footsteps clambered in my direction.

Ivan pulled open the door, his violet eyes wide with surprise. He was wearing a full-body pyjama suit that was speckled with sunflower print. His blond-white hair was sticking up in odd tufts here and there, and the normal pink pallor of his cheeks were gone. He looked like he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep.

"Alfred?" Ivan questioned. "What are you doing here? Did the café run out of food?" he teased, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

I grit my teeth, looking anywhere but at the firm tones of his muscles, or those goddamned creepy _(albeit pretty_ ) eyes of his.

"Actually, the café has plenty of food since you're not there to waste orders," I countered with a chivalrous smile.

Ivan's smirk dropped. "Why are you really here, Alfred?" he leered, never being one to care for repeating himself.

I began to fidget with my hands, feeling my glasses begin to droop due to the sweat building up on the bridge of my nose. "Well, since we're friends, I thought that I'd check up on you. I haven't seen you around lately…"

"So your only solution was to stalk me?" Ivan chuckled.

"Hey!" I protested, balling my hands into fists. "We live right across from each other. It's not like I went out of my way to find you!"

"Sure, you didn't," Ivan patronized, reaching down to pat my head. "You're so caring, little one. It almost blurs out how obnoxious you are~!"

I ducked out of the way before Ivan could ruffle my hair. I was long used to his maniacal schemes.

"That reminds me," I muttered. "What have you been up to lately?"

"Oh, you know, studying…" Ivan trailed off ominously.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you always use to study at the café?" I asked.

Ivan's expression became sheepish.

"Dude, if something's bothering you, you know you can tell me, right? That's what friends are for. It's not healthy to wall yourself off from others! To…put a wall between you and me!"

Ivan shook his head in disbelief. "Ignoring your awful grammar, the only thing keeping us apart is this door."

I glared at Ivan real hard, causing him to sigh. "I don't need your help, Alfred. Sometimes I just like being alone. You can respect that, da?"

I bit my lip, hating how I had just been manipulated into answering the way that he wanted me to. He was very clearly closing himself off from the world. This Ivan was only a small glimpse of his real, true self. A curtain of steely emotion was masking how he truly felt. And who was I to pry if he wasn't ready to talk about it?

"Yeah, I guess I can respect that," I grumbled with slumped shoulders, not even remotely trying to hide my disappointment. I've always been an open book kind of person.

"Spasibo," Ivan smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "It's nice to know that someone cares about me, even if it is _you._ "

"And just what is that supposed to mean?!" I snarled, flaring my nostrils.

"Nothing," Ivan chuckled. "Just a poor joke on my part. I'll see you later, little one. And try not to look so angry, it doesn't suit you."

I saw red when Ivan bent down to pinch my cheeks. "Bye now," he teased, letting go when he saw how furious I was becoming. "Uh-oh, that's not a happy face~!"

"Oh, go fuck yourself, will you?!" I snarled, only to have Ivan slam the door in my face.

All I heard on the other end of the door was smug "kolkolkol" laughter.

I sharply turned around, grudgingly sticking both hands in my pockets. "Cocky son of a bitch," I cursed.

The blush on my face, however, completely contradicted my ill words.

What the heck has gotten into me lately?

…

~Afternoon Shift~

 **Macar-oh My:**

 **Arthur's POV:**

I was having a very pleasant afternoon, despite having a blabber mouth of a frog for company. I was sipping on a mug of Earl Grey tea, the warmth of its liquid contents doing well to soothe my scratchy throat. I had yelled at Francis so much over these past few weeks that speaking had become inevitably difficult.

Don't ask me why, but it had become routine for us to meet at the café after our classes were finished. I would write my stories, as I was now well-accustomed to blocking out irrelevant gossip, and Francis would sketch away in his fashion design sketchbook, always handling the burden of making conversation with an uncanny ease.

Bizarre as it was, Francis and I just worked well together. Correction, we were so different that our chemistries both complimented and rivalled the other. Although, it wasn't exactly clear what our relationship was. Francis was naturally an overly flirtatious person, so I couldn't take anything that he did too seriously. I mean, it's not like I was head over heels for the effeminate fiend! But, I wasn't necessarily opposed to the idea of us becoming something more…

Dear God, Arthur, focus on your work! There was no time to fantasize about the amphibian jerk sitting across from you. I reached for my cucumber sandwich, only to choke and splutter when I took too large of a bite.

Francis's azure eyes flicked upwards, a smile quirking his face as he watched me chug down my still-scalding tea. "Voila," he cooed, bending over to cup his stubble-covered chin with long, delicate hands. "This is a sign from God, telling you zhat you need more variety in your diet!"

I scowled at the frog, using a napkin to wipe the excess liquid from my mouth. One of our most common disagreements was over my choice of food. Being French, Francis was quite the snob when it came to eating. Well, excuse me if I preferred food that didn't have butter as its main ingredient!

I looked everywhere but at Francis, avoiding the smug look that he would without a doubt be giving me now. I spotted Matthew and Gilbert flirting at the front counter, touching each other far more explicitly than they would have dared to should Alfred have been here to monitor their behaviour. Speaking of which, where did that twat head off to anyways? His break was long over now…

"Arthur!"

I flinched when Francis waved a hand in front of my face, causing me to get a large whiff of his strong rose perfume.

"Wot?!" I snapped.

Francis sighed. "You weren't listening to me again, were you?"

I angrily went back to typing on my laptop. I still had my pride to maintain, thank you very much.

"Arthur?"

"Hmmmm?" I growled in disinterest.

The final straw was when Francis forcefully closed my laptop.

"Oi!" I protested. "I was right in the middle of an action scene!"

"Surely, it can wait, non?" Francis hummed. "Besides, I have a small gift pour vous."

I rolled my eyes. He never accepted no for an answer. "Well, go on then. I don't have all day."

Francis tutted, reaching into his satchel to pull out a tupperware container.

My lips parted open in confusion. "What in the bloody hell…?"

Francis placed the container on the table, sliding it over to my side of the booth.

"Open it~!" he sang.

I gave Francis an unamused look, but still opened it anyways. I immediately regretted doing so. Inside there were several neon-coloured macaron sweets. They were so blindingly bright, that I had to close the lid again just to salvage my eyesight.

I stubbornly stuck up my nose to the air. "What kind of ghastly colouring is this? It's absurd!"

Francis chuckled; the sound of it reminded me of wind chimes, it was just that breathless and pleasant. "You won't be saying zhat once you taste them," he purred.

"What makes you think that I will?" I smirked.

Francis's eyebrows furrowed suspiciously. "Remember when we got drunk at zhat pub last week?"

My hands became clammy. "Y-yeah, what about it?"

"I may or may not have taken a photo of you sliding down zhat lamp-post. It's such a shame, really. You would make such a good stripper! If only you didn't need alcohol to become so… _enticing…"_

Francis had me wrapped around his girlish finger; the bloody scoundrel.

I grabbed the tupperware container again, popping it open. "Fine!" I snapped. "Blackmail me, why don't you?!"

"Ohonhohonhon!"

"You better delete that photo!" I warned, reminding myself that strangling someone wasn't gentleman-like at all, no matter how warranted.

Francis shed me with a wolfish grin. "But of course, mon petit~"

I picked up an orange-coloured macaron, inspecting it in the air before taking a small nibble of it.

"So?" Francis crooned, leaning over the table well past the boundaries of my personal bubble. "How does it taste?"

I bit the inside of my cheek. Damn him for being such a good cook!

"It's alright," I admitted.

Francis was fluent enough in Arthur-speak to understand what I truly meant by that.

"Want to know a secret zhat makes them taste even better?" Francis asked, devilishly batting his long lashes at me.

"S-sure!" I blurted out, too nervous to say anything remotely coherent.

I knew that we were being watched. I could feel the beady eyes of Liza's fangirl cult burning holes into the back of my neck. Apparently, Francis and I were on the café's "Most-Wanted Shipping List." Don't bother asking me what that is. I don't want to know.

"Close your eyes then," Francis whispered. "And open your mouth. Oui, just like zhat."

I closed my eyes.

It wasn't long before I felt a macaron being placed between my front teeth.

Squeals echoed across from the other end of the café.

"You can open your eyes now," Francis cooed.

I opened my mouth, deadpanning in realization. No wonder Mei had just fainted. Francis was leaning over the table, the other end of the macaron held between his own front teeth. We were imitating a cliché, albeit iconic, Lady-in-the-Tramp moment.

My face erupted in a fierce blush.

"Eat, mon petit," Francis hummed.

And eat we did, until our lips met and I just about died from embarrassment.

The entire café erupted with catcalls, while several people began to collect money from the bets that they had made several months ago. I was too busy enjoying myself to care.

"So," Francis began, his eyes gleaming with pride. "How was zhat?"

I gave Francis a wry smile. "Perhaps we should try again? It went by too quickly for me to truly appreciate the _taste."_

Francis winked; I melted right on spot.

"I'm just going to take zhat as a metaphor…"

It wasn't long before we were tasting each other.

 _Finally,_ was my only thought.

…

 _~Evening Shift~_

 **The Gay and the Dogeless:**

 **Lovino's POV:**

I was already in a pissy mood because of the weather outside, so you can only guess how put off I was when Feliciano and I arrived at the café for our shifts, only to find that it had been turned into a makeshift pound.

The tables were pushed aside from the center of the room, creating space for a large, fenced-off area. Inside said area were several puppies, yipping and yapping, no doubt intending to give me an even stronger migraine than the one I already had.

Feliciano's eyes became as wide as beach balls. It wasn't long before he stepped over the fence and was being swarmed by a herd of fur. I didn't have to look far to see that Antonio, the dumbass, was also smothering the puppies with several hugs and loud smooches.

"What the fuck is this?" I turned to the front counter, giving Liza an incredulous look.

"These are the café's new guard dogs!" she trilled with a wide grin. "I present to you Vlad I, Vlad II, Vlad III, and Vlad IV!"

Of course, Liza would name the dogs after her arch nemesis. I shouldn't have been that surprised. Ever since that 'spy' incident, Liza was determined to make sure that her establishment was well protected. Although, I'm not sure why she thought that puppies would be able to fit that job description.

"Lovino, mi tomatito!" Antonio called out to me, laughing when a puppy began to growl and tug on the sleeve of his shirt. "Come, join us~!"

I scowled and began to make my way over to the puppy pit.

"Ve, aren't they just adorable, Lovi?" Feliciano swooned. "To think that the breeder was going to put these precious little babies in the pound!"

I stopped at the gate of the fence, reluctant to enter. I had never really cared for dogs; they slobbered all over the place, ate all your food when you weren't looking, and never stopped barking. Not to mention that even though they were puppies, these dogs were unnaturally thick. Their lean muscles were practically bulging out from their tan-coloured coats.

Feliciano waved me forward again. "It's alright, fratello! Luddy's already begun to train them. They're German boxer dogs! They won't bite, promise!"

Ludwig nodded his head, as if to reassure me; which he didn't, just to be clear. If the dogs really were German, I hated them already.

"Fine," I sighed.

I stepped over the fence, wary of the puppies scrambling about on the floor. I tip-toed to kneel on the ground next to Antonio, who was currently giggling uncontrollably. The bastard was holding a very grumpy looking puppy to his chest. Its dark black snout was clenched in a grimace, large brown eyes pleading for mercy. Antonio was probably squeezing it too hard.

"Oi, bastard! Let the poor thing breathe!" I scolded.

"Oh!" Antonio exclaimed in surprise, freeing the canine from his moronic clutches.

The grumpy puppy huffed, its short stubby tail sticking up in defiance. I accidentally caught its perturbed gaze, causing me to smile nervously. "N-nice d-dog…" I stammered, only to cry out when the puppy began to approach me.

"Chigi! Antonio, get it away from me!"

Antonio simply cackled as the puppy sat itself in my lap, burying his chin into my thigh. It closed its eyes and began to doze off, trapping me in place.

"See," Antonio soothed. "I thought that he would like you. You guys have the same…personality."

"That better not be a crack at my temper," I snarled.

Antonio raised his hands in surrender, his sunny smile not fooling me in the slightest. "Of course not!"

"Che, whatever," I huffed, still clueless about what to do with the sleeping puppy in my lap.

"We gave them names," Antonio trilled.

"I thought Liza already named them?" I deadpanned.

"Shhh!" Antonio chided. "She doesn't have to know!"

"That's Gilbean, Gilbert named her." Antonio pointed towards the puppy that was excitedly jumping on Ludwig's leg, much to his chagrin. "She has really large bean toes, eheh!"

"That's Aaron Fur Sir, Matthew named him." Antonio pointed towards the puppy sitting off in the corner by himself. He looked anxious, as if he were waiting for something. As to what, who knows.

"And that's Winston Grrchill, Francis named him." The last puppy that Antonio pointed to had unnaturally large jowls and an exaggerated underbite. It really did look like the late British Prime Minister. The British-named puppy was the only canine listening to Ludwig's commands; it sat with its back straight and its stubby chin held high.

"What about this one?" I asked, looking down at the sleeping puppy in my lap.

Antonio blushed. "He reminds me of you a lot, but I know that you wouldn't like it if I named him after you…"

"Damn straight!" I snickered. "So, any ideas?"

"I was thinking of calling him Jowltito!"

This comment only caused me to laugh even harder. "Pft! You're such a fucking dumbass!"

Antonio nodded his head, taking my insult as an approval. "Perhaps," he mused. "Anyways, we have to find temporary homes for these bebes. At the end of the year, the University is going to adopt them as stress dogs, but for the meantime…"

"What now?" I deadpanned.

Antonio childishly fidgeted with his hands, refusing to look me in the eyes. "Well, Gilbert's taking care of Gilbean, Matthew has Aaron Fur Sir, and Ludwig, Winston Grrchill, so…"

I didn't like where this was going.

"Spit it out, bastard!"

"Do you think that maybe you could like…take Jowltito home with you?"

"FUCK NO!" I exploded, causing Jowltito to raise his head and whine for me to lower my voice. My fucking apologies.

"Pleassssssssssse, Lovi?" Feliciano begged. "I've always wanted a dog!"

Antonio pointed at Jowltito. "Are you really going to say no to such a precious face?" he teased.

 _Yes, actually I can. I'm saying no to you, aren't I?_

"Why can't you or the potato take him?" I deadpanned.

"I already have Gilbean in my apartment, and Ludwig doesn't have room either!" Antonio countered.

I closed my eyes. This was _so_ not happening. "And what about Liza?" I groaned.

"I live off campus, hun," Liza trilled. "My building doesn't allow any pets."

"Che!" I snarled. "What is this, gang up on Lovino day?"

No one bothered to suppress their smirks, those assholes.

"You won't have to do a thing! I'll give him all his walks, and feed him too!" Feliciano proposed.

I cupped my forehead with one hand; my migraine was already ten times worse. "Fine."

Feliciano and Antonio erupted with cheers.

I bent down to whisper into Jowltito's floppy ear. "Sleep in my bed or eat my food and we're done, capiche?" I hissed.

Jowltito responded by snorting in my face and flopping onto his stomach.

Looks like we weren't so different, after all.

 **To be Continued...**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N** : Hello, hello everyone! Sorry it's been a while, but I think **this 10,000 word** chapter makes up for the absence, no? Anyway, happy summer, and congratulations to those who just graduated high school/ middle school, or for those who just survived another year.

I'm going to be busy these next few weeks, finishing a lot of fics, as well as finally taking **"21 Hump Street"** off hiatus and starting a new USUK fic.

That being said, before we get to recommendations, let me be annoying and reiterate something real quick. All the good authors are dropping this fandom – the ones who write long chapters – because they're finding that the effort isn't worth it (although some troopers are sticking through, also, I'm not implying that I'm good lmao). We authors want to hear from you guys, so if you like something, you're gonna have to support them, shocking right? :D We're doing this for free!

 **I MEAN REALLY?!** 10 followers for a 20 chapter fic? (a made up example, but this is what the update page is like now). I'm calling bullshit. I haven't seen a drop in visitors, like at all, so people are still in this fandom, just not active. I haven't lost hope just yet.

Regardless, you guys have been amazing and really supportive here, so thank you thank you thank you a million.

 **Miaw (guest)** : Hello! Actually, I'm drowning out RusAme on purpose. If you have an account, feel free to PM me, it's always helpful to run through the plot and find places to critique. Thank you very much for your feedback.

I'd also like to thank the authors of **TalentlyChallenged,** as in a PM a while back all three of discussed what it would be like to explore Matthew's sporty competitive side ;)

 **RECOMMENDATIONS!**

 **#1:** **"Masquerade of Murder** " by " **1-800fangirl"** A thrilling 2P murder mystery two-shot. As a Criminology student, this is very satisfying to read, as well as for anyone who likes to theorize about the plot.

 **#2:** " **Like a Bullfighter"** by " **LilyChristmas"** A mysterious, charming Spamano multi-chapter that is a quick and pleasurable read. Antonio is the bullfighter (obviously) and Romano is an architecture student. Personally, I think the author got Romano bang on.

 **#3:** " **The A-1 Al** " by " **tclemens"** A sweet, slice of life/ historical AU set in the 1920s. It includes an OC, but honestly, it explores something we've all probably wondered about. What happens when a nation falls in love with a human? Reading breezed for me with this one. It's delightful.

 **#4** : An author recommendation. " **SkylarEQuinn** " I've read a few of their stories, and their writing is amazing and crafty. They also have a similar sense of humour in their teen AUs as you'll find here. But, since I'm a hoe for anything Spamano, I read their Spamano story first: " **I Don't Want To Set The World On Fire** " Just read every one their stories. Honestly. The author themself recommended their story " **Sleep** "

 **#5:** " **Divulging Peculiarities** " by " **DestineyTot"** A FrUk vampire AU with some of the most beautiful prose I've ever had the opportunity of reading. A gem if I've ever seen one, and no, the vampires don't sparkle, but the plot sure does.

For those of you who send me recommendations to my tumblr at **"Ellawritesficssometimes** " I don't answer the questions in the askbox, but I do accept all of them. So just know that I do see them and I am keeping track. I mainly use said blog to upload my dank/cringey Hetalia memes. Seriously, I've gotten way more interaction there than here lmao. If you PM me here, then I respond. So, if you want to remain anonymous, reach me through tumblr.

Anyways, enjoy and thank you, fellow cinnamon buns of Hetalia.

-Ella

* * *

 **A Merry Proposal and a Happy New Union:**

December 23rd:

The entire café was in a state of chaos, so of course I was losing my shit. We were understaffed and overworked. There were just way too many fucking people to keep up with. Orders were going in one ear, and out the other. And don't even get me started on the alcohol. Whose brilliant idea was it to make the event BYOB, anyway? There was absolutely zero regulation of drunkenness, and people were dropping like flies. I can't count how many idiots I've had to step over. Feliks seemed pretty happy about these new obstacles though; it gave him the opportunity to practice fancy jumps with his fabulous fucking roller-skates.

Oh, just in case you fuckers were wondering, this was the big Christmas party we've been planning for months in advance. The café was decked out with excessive holiday decorations. For one thing, us employees were forced to wear elf costumes and slippers that had bells on the tips of them. The rest of the customers were just wearing standard greens, reds, and whites, ranging from suits, to dresses and stockings for the bellas. It was a formal event, requiring tickets and reservations beforehand.

Several tables in the middle of the room had been pushed together to form a buffet platform, covered by a white handmade cloth that Ludwig the wonder potato had knitted. Apparently, said starch fuckboy had learned how to knit because of how often Feli falls and tears his clothes. What the fuck ever.

The back of the café was rearranged into a make-shift drinking area, consisting of a semi-circle bar table with several stools hugging its circumference. The people there were more focused on the hockey match playing on the flat screen TV above them, shouting slurred insults, and lazily draping their arms over each other. I tuned out of their lunacy, having way more important things to do. As long as they weren't beating the crap out of each other, we wouldn't have a problem.

Other entertainment for this event included a photo booth and a puppy pit, where Jowltito and Winston Grrchill were on guard duty in the front. The two pups were dressed up as reindeer; fucking adorable, right? Well, maybe if Jowltito wasn't such a sour puss it would have been cuter. And no, I totally did not see his wide brown eyes give me a sad, pleading look. No. No. No. I didn't see it. Nope. Fuck to the fucking nope…

Next to said pups, Liza and Mei were manning the entrance and ticket area. They both looked stunning; Liza was wearing a halter dress that matched her eye colour and her hair was pinned up in an artful bun with a few strands hanging in her face, while Mei was wearing a strapless burgundy dress, her long brown curls cascading down her chest elegantly.

The softer, non-cold-hearted bastard side of me felt horrible upon realizing how miserable Liza was feeling. The smiles on her face weren't fooling me any time soon. The crazy bitch was depressed since Roderich wouldn't be coming home for Christmas.

The aristocratic asshat hadn't even given her two days' notice; he had let her get excited about him coming home for weeks. Apparently, some last-minute concert was more important than seeing his girlfriend of almost three years. I swear, even though she could be unbelievably nosy and annoying at times, Liza deserved better. Weird as it was, I saw Liza as an older sister, and didn't like seeing her get hurt. Roderich better watch himself the next time he comes here, because the inner mafioso within me was itching to break that perfect nose of his.

Once this party was over, I would have to check in on her. Now, she seemed a bit preoccupied with beating Vlad at his own game. The Romanian was hosting an alternative Christmas party at his cosplay café. The loser actually thought that people would want to dress up likes it's Halloween in December. Ha! As if! Our café was kicking ass in terms of revenue. Alfred was also making sure to document this on the campus's snapchat, just to rub it in our competition's – if you could even call them that – faces.

"Lovi! Mi amor!" I turned around, flushing when I saw Antonio struggle through the crowd to get to me. As always, the idiot looked frustratingly gorgeous. Literally, he could be wearing a paper bag and he'd still be hot. He was wearing a bright red blouse, which was something only he could pull off, dress pants, and a black tie. His normally messy brown curls were tamed with a half-ass amount of hair gel; you could tell that he had given up half-way through. Instead, he had opted to tuck his bangs behind his ears.

I stopped for Antonio, looking anywhere _but_ him. He must have caught on to my embarrassment because a smug wisp of a smile crept onto his face. "Lovi, darling. Don't you just look muy adorable tonight," he crooned, bending down to place his face in front of mine.

"Shut it, bastard," I grunted. "Let it out. Make fun of me. I'm giving you one opportunity to do so before I completely lose it on you."

I spread out both arms, giving Antonio a twirl. I also stuck up both middle fingers at him, but Antonio knew that I was only joking. Well, kind of. We had a hate-love-hate relationship that allowed for these kind of things.

Much to my displeasure, Antonio whistled, his eyes drawn primarily on the tight, bright neon stockings I was wearing. I think it's already been established that I have a nice ass; ahem, moving on.

"Acts like the Grinch with the looks of an angel," Antonio remarked, chuckling. "Oh, Lovi. Don't give me that look. Here, I know what will cheer you up~! See! I brought wine! Just for us to drink!" he winked.

I held out my hand expectantly. "Fork it over. I'm going to need some to get through the rest of the night."

Antonio opened the wine bottle, but, being a shit-disturber himself, he took a large sip from it first.

"Oi!" I whined, while Antonio proceeded to take a massive chug from the wine bottle. "You don't know what I've been through so far! Antonio!"

Antonio finally lowered the bottle from his lips, licking the excess wine with a playful flick of the tongue. I just about ripped off his hand as I grabbed the wine bottle from him and took a 'tasteful' chug. I was too agitated and cranky to even bother worrying about glasses or 'etiquette'.

Once I finished drinking, I sighed, lowering the bottle. I could already feel most of my nerves calming and relaxing. Feliciano and I were massive light weights, after all. "Fuck, that's strong," I giggled.

"C'mere," I motioned for Antonio. When he didn't move fast enough, I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him down to eye level. "No mistletoes this time, I'm afraid. You'll just have to deal with being forced to kiss me on a regular occasion."

"Is that really so bad?" Antonio breathed into my face.

"Nope, not at all," I smirked.

I pressed my lips to Antonio's, savoring the sweet taste of wine on his lips. Unfortunately, we couldn't deepen the kiss because Kiku – Liza's hired photographer for the night and full-time shipper of anything yaoi – began to snap photos of us.

Kiku slyly smirked to himself before slinking off to another part of the café. "Decisions, decisions. Which tsundere should I target next?"

I pulled away from Antonio, blinking spots out of my eyes. "Don't you dare get wasted on me tonight. We'll continue this later," I warned, jabbing an index finger into his chest.

Antonio raised both hands in surrender, playfully pouting his lips at me despite the want flickering across his eyes. His retort was cut short when Jowltito let out a massive whine from the puppy pit.

I groaned when Antonio's eyes began to water. That tended to happen when our 'son' became sad and lacked attention.

Before I knew it, Antonio grabbed my wrist and was dragging me towards said puppy.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Antonio whimpered in sympathy, bending down. He reached over the picketed velvet-covered fence to scratch Jowltito's ear. The flashing disco lights made the canine's reindeer outfit shimmer.

"Has Lovi been neglecting you again?"

I crouched next to Antonio, rolling my eyes. "Of course not!" I huffed. "I've been giving him treats all night. Isn't that right, you melodramatic little shit bag? Or are you pretending to have a selective memory again?"

Jowltito was too busy wagging his tail and rubbing his head against the back of Antonio's hand. The little bastard was a moody puppy. At my apartment, he acted lazy and shy, refusing to acknowledge me unless I had food to bribe him with or a soft bed/belly rub to offer. But, with Antonio, he suddenly became a tail-wagging hyperactive growling machine that thrived off attention.

Exhibit A: Antonio picked up Jowltito, and said little bastard proceeded to whine his head off, his frumpy, stubby tail wagging so excessively that his entire butt shook.

"Tsk!" Antonio scolded me, bouncing Jowltito as if he were a baby. "Don't swear in front of him! You know how sensitive he is."

I repressed a scoff. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'll try to remember that the next time he pisses on the rug because I've stopped feeding him bread rolls."

I bent down, lifting Jowltito's floppy ear to hiss my warning. "Knock it off. You're not fooling anyone," I growled.

Jowltito responded by smugly licking my face. "Agh!" I grunted, wiping at my cheek.

Antonio, the dumbass, then had the brilliant idea to hand Jowltito over to me.

Jowltito sniffed my chin, moving downwards until he reached my breast pocket, which, you guessed it, contained another treat. "And why exactly should I give you this treat?" I snarled. "You've done nothing but whine all night, take naps, and let Winston do all the work for you."

"See!" Antonio exclaimed proudly. "You two really are meant for each other. You do the same things~!"

"Do not!" I snapped.

I actually felt Jowltito's chest swell with pride (-?!). He continued to sniff my breast pocket, tickling me with his twitching whiskers.

I gave in when the puppy began to drool with want. "Oh, for the love of fuck. Here, you greedy little monster. When you grow up spoiled and pampered, don't blame me. It's your own stubbornness that's at fault!"

Antonio wrapped an arm over my shoulder, beaming down at his 'family.' "You're the one spoiling him, Lovi," he sighed, red-faced as the alcohol began to set in. "But, isn't he just precious?"

Jowltito was beginning to fall asleep on my shoulder. You can only guess how disgruntled he was when I set him back into the puppy pit. The little bastard even had the audacity to turn around and stick up his butt at me.

Antonio suddenly became handsy. He wrapped both arms around my waist, hugging me from behind. His chin rested against my shoulder. "Hey," he rasped into my ear, causing me to flush from head to toe. I knew that voice, and it usually resulted in me being tackled onto the nearest bed or couch.

"Hey," Antonio repeated, rubbing his cheek against mine. I reeled back a little; he really needed to shave more often. Also, why did he have to become so needy every time he drank? Ugh.

"You already said that," I deadpanned, reaching down to remove the hands he had clasped around my waist.

Unfazed, Antonio continued to enlighten me with his perverted drunken philosophy. "What came first, the bastard or the boyfriend?" he giggled.

"Well, that's easy," I smirked. "I called you a bastard first."

"Oh."

"You're a dumbass."

Liza looked over her shoulder from the ticket booth, angrily motioning for me to get back to work. Although being a bit disheartened that she wasn't ogling over Antonio and I's questionable position, she was right. Seriously, though! What had Roderich done to her?! Usually her nose would be full-on bleeding by now!

I pointed towards a random corner in the café. "Look, bastard! There's a plate full of tomatoes!"

Antonio's eyes became as wide as saucers. He looked like a kid in a candy store. "Really, where?"

"There!"

Antonio let go of me in an instant, drunkenly promising that he would steal every one of the tomatoes for us to eat. I watched with amused eyes as he staggered forward, like a bull in a china shop. Francis was quick to intercept him, as he had knocked over several people's drinks in his clumsy wake.

I looked away when Francis escorted Antonio into a booth, where an equally red-faced Arthur was teaching grammar lessons to the "savage-minded, ungrateful text-mongers" of today's generation. The only person listening to him was a silent Norwegian boy named Lukas.

Lukas was probably just trying to distract himself from Matthias, his best friend and roommate, who had his arm wrapped around the Norwegian.

Reassured that Antonio was in safe, albeit paradoxically perverted hands, I set off towards the kitchen. Almost immediately, an agitated customer snapped his fingers at me.

"I ordered a soda for my little sister over half an hour ago!" Vash, a stuck up stingy Swiss man snapped. I always gave the cheap bastard horrible service, seeing as he regularly refused to tip his servers. For those of you out there who never tip, I hope you die a slow, horrible death. Your mama did a poor job in raising you.

Lilly, Vash's younger sister, waved her hands at me in apology. "Really, it's all right!" she smiled sweetly. "Just bring it when you can. I know you guys are super busy."

I smiled at Lilly, flirtatiously winking at the young girl – who wasn't actually young, just to be clear. She was a first year, but Vash treated her like she was a fucking toddler – just to get on her brother's paper-thin nerves.

"My apologies, bella," I purred. "Here at the café we strive to satisfy, good, _patient_ girls like you. Your kindness will soon be rewarded with an extra gift."

On cue, Alfred burst out of the kitchen in his Santa Claus outfit, handing out free sample cookies to those customers who hadn't received their orders yet.

I nearly collided with the boisterous American; the sweat beading on his forehead had caused his glasses to fog up.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas, y'all!"

Alfred moved on to serving Ivan's table, which was occupied by the Russian himself, Toris and his younger sister, Natalia. What the hell?! Who let that psycho in here?!

Toris looked like he wanted to be anywhere _but_ sitting next to Ivan. It didn't help that Natalia was glaring at the Lithuanian as if he had just run over her dog.

"Animal cut-out cookies, made specially for you," Alfred-Santa grinned from ear to ear, handing Ivan a plate of shortbread treats.

Despite being seated across from his sister, which was enough to ruin any normal person's mood, Ivan smiled. Except his smile wasn't creepy like it usually was. It hinted towards genuine happiness and child-like wonder.

"Just for me?" Ivan gasped.

"Yep!" Alfred-Santa exclaimed. "You've been a good boy, Ivan. And you have a big heart, too. You help others… but don't forget to ask for help yourself, if you need it! There are many people around who love you just as much as you love them."

Ivan clearly didn't recognize that it was Alfred behind the costume. "Okay~!"

Alfred and Natalia exchanged nods with each other, before Alfred hustled off to serve other tables. What unnerved me most was that I've never seen Natalia act so calm before.

Something in my gut suspected that she must have been blackmailing Alfred with something. It was the only explanation I could think of. If Alfred wasn't so prideful about his 'hero' status, I would help bail him out. But, we all knew Alfred would never let that happen.

Upon passing under the make-shift bar and flat screen television area, I turned back in shock when I heard Matthew, of all people, swear violently in both French and English.

Matthew, Gilbert, Berwald and Tino were watching the Olympics. There was some sort of hockey match going on. Shocking me once again, Matthew slammed his beer on the counter, sticking up the middle finger at the screen. His face was red from yelling and drinking. In other words, the Canadian was plastered and enraged; a deadly combo.

"Tabarnac! Does that _moron_ of a ref not know how to call a fucking penalty?! That bastard nearly took off Subban's head!" Matthew growled, angrily taking a sip from his beer.

Matthew was wearing a standard Canadian jersey (on top of his elf outfit), while the Swedish and Finnish couple next to him were donning their own country's respective jersey. Meanwhile, Gilbert cluelessly watched the TV, piss drunk. He was whining about how unawesome it was that Matthew kept elbowing him accidentally. Gilbert also became handsy and needy when intoxicated.

The hockey match, from what I could tell, appeared to be between Canada and Sweden. The game was tied with both teams having not scored a goal. I leaned against the wall outside the kitchen, amusedly deciding to observe this new side of Matthew I had never seen before. What a mistake that was.

When Canada scored a goal, Matthew procured a serving towel from nowhere and began to wave it around his head like a helicopter. "Ole ole oleeeeeeeeeee!" he cheered, smugly fisting his hockey jersey.

Gilbert looked at Berwald, who didn't seem to be very happy about Matthew's loud gloating. Tino was patting the stoic Swede's shoulder, knowing that he was secretly fuming on the inside.

"Hey, Mattie? You might want to tone it down a little… it's only a goal…"

Matthew just about exploded, looking like he was about to bitch slap Gilbert with his serving towel. Woops, I spoke too soon.

 **SLAP!**

Fuck, where was a camera when I needed one?! Kiku? What's Gucci, you closet perv?

"Just a goal?" Matthew spluttered. "Just a goal?! This isn't just about a goal, you jackass! It's about national pride! And I, Matthew Williams, as a citizen of a glorious, questionably tolerant nation, must show my patriotism by cheering on my brothers to victory! IN ALL THY SONS COMMAND, EITHER SHUT THE FUCK UP OR PRAY TO THE MAPLE GODS THAT WE WIN THIS MATCH!"

Gilbert rubbed his sore eye, shrinking back into his seat. "Note to mein awesome self: never question or insult Mattie's obsession with hockey. Even better, just stay clear of the subject all together."

Matthew grabbed Gilbert by the cuff of his shirt when the latter attempted to slink off somewhere else. "Not so fast, Gil!" Matthew growled. "I need someone to refill my beer and give me moral support!"

"Moral support?" Gilbert complained. "I'm the one in need of emotional support. I still can't see out of my left eye!"

Another few minutes passed before the first period concluded. Canada had scored another quick goal and was now leading the game with a 2-0 lead.

Smugly, Matthew turned to grin at Berwald, who was agitatedly gripping his own mug of beer. The whites of the Swede's knuckled were showing. Tino nervously flitted back and forth like a bird sensing the oncoming of a storm.

"Calm down, Tinny, everything will be fine! Just fine! Hahaha!" Tino laughed, pain and fear evident in his violet eyes.

Everything was not 'just fine'. It didn't take a genius to realize that.

"Hey, bonjour, loser!" Matthew cackled, yes cackled. Who was this person and what did he do with Liza's preciously shy maple child? "How does it feel to lose, Waldy? Your team is full of wussies. Aw, is that a tear coming out of your eye? Might as well just give up, eh?"

"Shut your tr'p bef're I shut it f'r you," Berwald glared at Matthew, blue eyes glinting with rage behind his glasses.

Gilbert tensed. If he were a dog, the shackles on his back would be raised.

"Speaking of shut, did I mention that our goalie is going for a _shut_ -out tonight?! HA! Suck it! No one likes a sore loser, Waldy. Go wah wah wah all the way home once you're eliminated. For now, just be grateful that us Canadians are going easy on you Swedes."

Berwald had had enough. He stood up from his chair, a towering giant in comparison to Matthew, despite the Canadian being tall himself.

"You t'lk too m'ch when you're dr'nk," Berwald grunted. "Perh'ps we sh'uld change th't?"

Matthew stood up from his own seat, tilting his chin at the furious Swede, an unfamiliar confidence gracing his facial expression. "Do you have a problem with me supporting my team?"

"Kesese," Gilbert laughed nervously. "Mattie, _sit_ down. People are starting to stare. We shouldn't make a scene."

Tino tugged on Berwald's forearm. "Just ignore him, Ber. We can watch the game without having to talk to them."

Matthew held up a hand to Gilbert's face, silencing him for once. "Screw worrying about making a scene. I'm concerned that fish-boy still thinks his team can actually win this."

Tino let out an exasperated sigh. He stepped away from Berwald, accepting that a fight between the newfound sports fan rivals was inevitable.

Luckily, help was already on its way.

"You asked f'r it, k'd," Berwarld warned, raising two massive fists to the air. "F'rget ins'lting me. I w'n't let you ins'lt my country with'ut any reprec'ssions."

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

"Oh, mein Gott," Gilbert facepalmed. "Of course _now_ of all times he decides to speak up for once."

"Get him, Ber!" Matthias cheered from the other end of the café, earning himself a smack on the back of the head from Lukas.

"Imbecile," Lukas muttered under his breath.

Matthew raised his fists in reciprocation, arrogantly hopping up and down on his feet. "With glowing hearts, we see thee rise," he smugly kissed both fists before looking Berwald directly in the eye.

Matthew then made a come-hither motion at Berwald. "Come get, biyatch."

I looked at my friend's impending doom through my fingers. What?! Did you really expect me to get in the middle of that fight?! Berwald was a fucking giant, and I liked my face the way it was! It wasn't my fault that Matthew became a cocky little shit when drunk!

Just when the feuding hockey partisans were about to have at it, Alfred-Santa stepped into the figurative arena to separate them, saving the party.

"Woah ho-ho-ho-ho! Looks like you boys have had enough to drink!"

Somehow, Matthew was slung over Alfred-Santa's shoulders. Gilbert followed the two feuding twins, head bowed in shame of his boyfriend's rowdy behaviour. The fact that Matthew almost got his face punched in must have sobered the albino.

I let myself sigh in relief when Alfred-Santa used his belt to strap Matthew to a chair.

"You can watch the game from here," Alfred-Santa lectured the hissing Canadian.

" _Mon tabarnak j'vais te décalisser la yeule, calice_!" Matthew looked over Alfred's shoulder, glaring at Berwarld's turned back.

"Ho Ho Ho! I don't know what that means, but Santa knows it's something _very_ naughty!"

Relieved that Matthew would survive the night, I turned on my heels and entered the kitchen. As expected, Ludwig and Feliciano were getting drunk off beer and wine as they prepared the long string of orders I had given to them.

"Luddy, ve. When we get home tonight, can we cuddle?"

Ludwig laughed, yes laughed. Holy fuck, he really was drunk. "Sure, but only if I get to be the big spoon, ja?"

AH! AH! AH! My ears! The pain! Where was the holy water when I needed it?! I couldn't stop convulsing. Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!

Thankfully, the potato and airhead couple didn't notice me hurriedly cut two slices of apple strudel. I plated the two desserts with trembling hands and left the kitchen with my ears still burning.

I practically sprinted over to the ticket booth with my tail – more like the black flap of my elf outfit – between my legs.

And no, I didn't hear Antonio's catcall or Jowltito's equally as needy whine.

I placed a hand on Liza's shoulder, clearing my throat. "So, how are my two favourite crazy bitches doing tonight?"

Mei handed a girl a ticket before sighing in exasperation. "Just great!" she said sarcastically. "We're definitely winning this competition in terms of revenue, but at what cost? Our sanity? I'm getting blisters just from stamping people."

Liza cupped her face with both hands. "Could be better," she answered. "I'm starving." She perked a little when I handed her and Mei their slices of apple strudel.

"Thought so," I smirked. "I've known you guys long enough to know when you get your hunger pangs."

"Thanks, Lovi!" Mei trilled, already half way through her treat.

Liza smiled weakly at me, sourly blowing stray hairs out of her face.

"Hey," I chided. "Cheer up, will you? You're kicking that vampire bastard's ass. That's always a reason to celebrate."

"True," Liza hummed before narrowing her eyes in a shrewd scowl. "Speak of the devil."

Vlad, Milen, Raivis, and a blond spectacled boy with a bowl cut meekly approached the café from the outside. Vlad and Milen were dressed in their usual vampire and vampire hunter attire, while Raivis and the other boy were wearing skeleton-themed clothing.

"Vlad, what a displeasure it is to see you," Liza smiled coldly, baring her teeth.

Upon hearing Vlad's name, Jowltito and Winston circled their pen, growling lowly. They were trained to respond negatively to any mention of the Romanian.

Vlad spared a wary look at the 'menacing' reindeer puppies off to the left.

Meanwhile, Milen looked content with using his 'stake' to play and poke fun at the growling puppies. Winston, stubborn as a mule, clenched his jaw around the 'stake' and refused to let go.

"Liza, Mei, Lovino," Vlad acknowledged dryly.

"Oh, for stakes sake, get over here, Milen!" Vlad grabbed Milen by the collar, pulling him away from the puppy pit.

"But my stick!" Milen wailed, closing his mouth when Vlad levelled him with a cold glare.

 _That's one point for Winston and Jowltito, and another step for canine kind._

Liza crossed her arms, while Mei took out her phone to film this momentous occasion. "What can I do for you, asshole?" she asked the Romanian, curling her lip at him for good measure.

Vlad appeared flustered at this comment, nervously tugging at the collar of his cape. "Well," he sighed. "It appears that my café has emptied itself of all customers. And, seeing as it is the holidays, and trusting that you're not really a stone-cold bitch, I assumed you wouldn't mind a few extra guests traversing this so-called 'party' of yours."

"That's where you're wrong," Liza grinned. "I do mind. _Very much,_ in fact. You see, for someone to be a guest of mine, they must respect my business. Since you do not respect my business, or anything it stands for, I am very much inclined to refuse you service. Do you understand where I'm coming from?"

Liza didn't give Vlad a chance to answer.

"But, you are right about one thing. I'm not a stone-cold bitch. I'm a ruthless, petty bitch. Now, this situation can end in two ways. One, you refuse to respect my business, and I'll kindly turn you away. Or two, you respect my business and I welcome you into this wonderful establishment with kind, loving arms. Your choice."

"And how exactly do we respect your business?" Milen asked.

Liza drummed her nails against the ticket booth table. "You get on your knees, beg for forgiveness like the dogs you are, and admit that my café is the leading business on campus."

Damn. She _was_ ruthless!

Liza turned to spot Raivis and his friend for the first time. "Raivis, honey," she cooed. "I didn't see you there. Come in, come in. Bring your friend too. Welcome to the Gay-OK café! Where all sexualities and kinks are welcome~!" she recited at the top of her head.

Raivis squeaked, no doubt remembering Liza's obsession with turning him into a maid, before his bespectacled friend shoved him forward. "Let's go before she changes her mind."

"O-o-okay!"

"Raivis! Eduard!" Ivan called out. "Over here."

I made the sign of the cross, praying that Raivis and Eduard made it out alive at the end of the night. Even if they were my enemies, I wasn't a complete monster.

"What. The. Hell," Vlad turned his head to whisper harshly into Milen's ear. "The hag is really asking for it now."

"Shh! Just do as she says!" Milen snapped. "I want to get drunk. You already abandoned your pride the moment you underestimated that crazy-pan-chick."

Milen was right. A stick would never fare well in a battle against Liza's pan.

"Don't you dare start with this again!"

"Say it, damn you!"

Vlad sneered, looking as if he wanted to rip out Liza's throat with his fake fangs. " _Fine_. Your business is agreeable, there!" he huffed, dramatically swinging his cape. "Now, let us in, woman!"

Liza waggled an index finger back and forth. She smirked, knowing this was the best admission she would get out of Vlad. "Ah-ah-ah! I'm not done just yet. I'm flattered at your pathetic attempt to, well, _flatter_ me, but there are two other things that must be done before I allow you guys in."

"And what is that?!" Vlad exploded, comically stomping his foot against the ground.

"I want a photo of you two kissing at the photo booth. For, um… a trophy of my victory, that is!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Done," Vlad crossed his arms, chewing on his bottom lip. "And…?"

" _And,_ I want you to let me fix your foundation," Liza wrinkled her nose. "If you're going for the pale, dead look, at least bother to color your neck, you outdated fashionless baboon."

Milen laughed, cupping a hand over his mouth. "Oh, shit. She got you good there, sweetie."

Mei, Milen, and I all watched in amusement as Liza pulled out a wet-wipe and several blending sponges from underneath the ticket table. Vlad sat on his knees before Liza, grudgingly allowing her to fix his makeup. Mei and I took shots every time Liza said "good boy" to the deranged Romanian, treating him as if he were a dog.

By the end of it, Vlad's make up looked remarkably better. Rather than caked and splotchy, his ivory skin looked like it had been carved out of marble; smooth and clear-cut with sharp angles.

However, the world would likely end before Vlad ever admitted that to Liza.

Milen grabbed Vlad's hand. Just when the couple was about to walk away, Liza called out to them.

"Hey!"

"Da?" Vlad cocked his head to the side in question.

Liza smiled faintly, sadness lurking at the corners of her eyes. "Merry Early Christmas," she muttered.

Vlad's expression faltered before he cleared his throat and reciprocated with a wider, fang-filled grin.

"Merry Early Christmas to you too…"

Vlad turned his back on Liza.

"…you insufferable, yaoi-happy lunatic."

…

It was just past two in the morning when us employees began to clean up the ragged mess that the Christmas party had left behind. Thankfully, I wasn't on mopping or bathroom duty. Ugh, just ugh.

Antonio had left to take a sleep-logged Jowltito – who, once wrapped in a blanket had been deemed as a 'puppy burito' – back to my dorm room.

As of now, I was sweeping the floor and moving the tables back into place.

I spotted Liza looking out the front glass window, her expression morose and unfittingly bland. Wanting to do something about it, I set down my broom and jingled over to the Hungarian – I was still wearing my elf costume, remember? – with the full intent of cheering her up.

I draped an arm over Liza's shoulder, joining her in her snow-gazing. "Don't look so sad, Liz," I simpered. "You're killing me here. I'm sure he'd be here if he could."

Liza sighed, resting her cheek on my shoulder. Okay, she was seriously scaring me now. "That doesn't change a thing, Lovino. He picked a _concert_ over me. We've been together for so long. I don't know, I was just expecting…more I guess. I feel like we're growing apart, and I just keep pushing it all away. I'm pretty enough, right? You don't think he's found another girl?"

"What the fuck?!" I spluttered. "Of course, you're pretty enough. You're fucking gorgeous. Only an idiot would cheat on you. Have you even looked at your body lately?! Men love curves! Roderich may be stubborn, but he's not blind. Okay, he wears glasses, but that's besides the point. Look, when he gets back, just talk to him, all right? And make sure to give him hell too! You shouldn't have to put up with this crap!"

Liza pursed her lips together, not quite a smile, but something close to it. "You're right. Thanks, Lovi," she said, pulling me into a hug. "I can always rely on you to be there for me."

"Of course. That's what friends are for." I returned the hug, breaking away from it when Mei came scurrying towards us from the back room. There was a sense of mission in her eyes that made me feel suspicious. The Taiwanese girl was holding Liza's faux winter coat jacket.

"Why don't you go home early, Liz?" Mei suggested, handing Liza her winter coat and helping her into it. "We can take care of things from here."

Kiku nodded his head, opening the front door while Mei just about shoved Liza out of the café. "Get some sleep," he fondly told the Hungarian. "You look like you could use some."

Liza looked suspicious of Kiku and Mei herself, but was too tired to question them. "Well, if you guys say so. Night," she yawned. "And thanks for being such good friends."

"Any time!" Mei trilled, speaking for Kiku as well. "Now get going before you catch a cold!"

I waited until Liza was out of sight before I turned to glare at Mei and Kiku, who were looking more and more suspicious by the minute. "Spit it out," I barked. "What the fuck are you two planning?"

Mei placed a finger over his lips. "Shh! You'll find out soon. Get changed, and tell everyone to meet me at my apartment in ten. We can clean up the place tomorrow, since everything is closed."

"Heh?" I frowned.

"Just do it, trust me!" Mei winked.

I looked to Kiku for help. Instead, I received a firm nod in agreement.

"Fine," I relented with a grumble, pinching the bridge of my nose as if it would help make my migraine disappear. "I'll go tell everyone."

The only reason I was helping them was because whatever they were planning would likely result in making Liza feel better…

Just to be clear.

..

We were all gathered in Mei's apartment, which was only a two-block walk from campus. It was a large one floor space with a separate kitchen, living room, lounge, bathroom, jacuzzi room, a terrace, and one master bedroom.

Most bizarre about the place was how cute it was; every decoration, pillow, cloth, or rug was styled with bright colours such as pink, blue, green, and purple. Several posters of manga and anime cut-outs were found in every corner and on every wall. Even so, the leather, custom-made furniture, bar island, and heated flooring were features much too luxurious for just a simple college student.

Seeing as how Mei lived across from Liza, who had all her school and living expenses paid for by Roderich, her parents were probably rich too.

If only Nonno let Feliciano and myself live in an actual apartment. We lived in the suite section of our dorm building, but hey, you guys probably don't want to hear me complaining about rich kid problems. It was for this exact reason that Nonno didn't let us live off campus. He wanted us to have the 'traditional' college experience. Ack, whatever. I'm rambling now, aren't I?

But can you blame me?

I had a tipsy koala Spaniard hugging me from behind, refusing to let go. Gilbert warned me I was lucky he was just tipsy, if you can even believe it. Apparently, when Antonio was _really_ drunk, he became violent. Either way, it's not like I minded his bastard presence. I was still cold from the walk to Mei's apartment. I hadn't been wearing a warm winter coat either, so I'd take all the warmth I could get.

We were all sitting in the lounge, which consisted of a semi-circle of black leather couches. Antonio, as stated before, opted to hug me from the side instead, resting his left cheek against my collar-bone. I absently pet his head, while everyone continued to chatter at an obnoxiously loud volume. I would need to get some water in me if I didn't want to suffer from a mild hangover in the morning.

Mei and Kiku had gotten a large number of people to come here on such short notice. There was myself and Antonio, the potato, Feliciano, Gilbert, Matthew, Alfred, Francis, Arthur, Toris, and a very excited and very drunk 'unicorn' who went by the name of Feliks. I say unicorn because Feliks had tied his short blond hair into a front ponytail.

"Yo! Toris!" Alfred bellowed across the room. "Where's Ivan at?"

Toris squirmed on the opposite couch from Alfred, attempting but failing to pry a giggling Feliks off his back. "He, uh, Feliks, will you quit acting like such a child? Oh, there, there. Don't cry, Po. I just need to see who I'm speaking to, that's all. Yes, you're still as fabulous as ever. Of course, I still love you. No, I won't leave you. Yes, I'll take a selfie of 'how cute we are'. But in a minute, kay? Oh, don't give me that look. We both know you can wait."

Feliks whined, burying his head under Toris's armpit.

Toris cleared his throat, staring back at Alfred again now that his Polish boyfriend was placated. "I'm not sure," he answered. "Ivan disappeared before the party ended. He said something about needing time to cool off. He…doesn't exactly feel comfortable in large social gatherings."

Alfred's expression faltered. "Oh," he murmured. "That's too bad. Thanks anyway, buddy."

Toris smiled kindly at the now forlorn American. "Any time. And, Alfred? I wouldn't worry too much about Ivan. I think he just wanted to feel at peace again. To find a quiet space, if you will."

"All right," Alfred pursed his lips, still unsatisfied with the answer the Lithuanian had provided for him.

Antonio blew hot air into my ear, causing me to flinch sharply. "Chigi!" I cursed, blushing when the bastard began to laugh his idiota head off.

"Mi Lovi is so cute," Antonio sighed, nuzzling his head back into my chest. "I love you and your tomato face very much."

I raked a hand through Antonio's curls. Any minute now and he would fall asleep on my lap. "Yeah, yeah, bastard," I grunted, unamused. "I love you too. And please, for the love of God…"

I paused to stop Antonio's hand from sliding down my thigh. "Keep your hands to yourself."

Antonio's eyes watered.

I let out a loathsome sigh, bending down to whisper into his ears. "If you can wait until we get home, I'm all yours. Feli's staying over at the potato's tonight."

Antonio perked up like a dog who had just been given a bone. He looked up to meet my gaze, his green eyes adorably lighting up with excitement. "Really?" he mouthed.

I nodded, sparing him with a sly smile. "Si, really."

Antonio grinned from ear to ear, and I just about died from embarrassment. He was giving me the "Nala" look. Now everyone in the room would know what we planned to do later tonight. The idiot was like an open book, shameless in making his intentions vulnerable for any stranger to read.

"Could you be a little more subtle?" I hissed at him.

Antonio giggled, yes giggled. "I can't!" he wheezed. "Mi amor, you just look so adorable. I want to hug and squeeze you all the time."

Concluding that Antonio was a lost case, I gave up on scolding him. I just let the bastard smother himself all over me, ignoring the amused looks that were thrown our way.

Thankfully, Mei whistled to get everyone's attention not long afterwards. Kiku stood beside his girlfriend, turning around briefly to open the curtains in front of the balcony to peek outside before closing them shut again.

"Hey! I'd just like to thank you all for coming. Now, I know what you're all wondering. Why am I here, when I could totally be spooning my same-sex spouse? Well, fear not, children, for I have some very good news for you!"

Mei clapped her hands together, her large brown eyes sparking with uncontainable anticipation.

"Turns out, Roderich was never going to miss Christmas with Liza. He wanted to surprise her tonight, that's all! He plans to propose to her, and it'll be happening any minute now. I just thought you would all want to bear witness to it, seeing as how supportive she is of everyone else's love life."

"Here, here! To l'amour!" Francis cheered, prompting the rest of the room to clap and squeal in excitement.

Arthur draped a lazy arm over Francis's shoulder. "To l'amoo or whatever it was you called it," he slurred with a horrible French accent, placing a sloppy kiss against Francis's jawline.

This was the first time I've ever seen Francis blush. What's more, I've never seen him be silenced so easily.

Kiku cleared his throat, reaching for his camera. "We must be quiet now. It appears the Liza-san has entered her apartment."

"Wait, a minute," I called out. "Did Roderich tell you this himself?"

"Hai," Kiku nodded his head, waving his hands frantically to get everyone to shut up. Ludwig had resorted to clamping a hand over a babbling Feliciano's mouth.

Mei opened the curtains, revealing a full view of Liza's living room across the street. The crazy bitch had nothing to hide, which is probably why she left her curtains wide open.

"Does he know we're watching this?" I inquired again.

Mei placed a finger over her lips, shushing me. "No, but he'll thank me later."

"Dio," I facepalmed. "Don't you fangirls have any shame?"

The cryptic expression on Mei's face answered my question. Not to mention the walkie talkie she had in her hand, which broadcasted sound from the Hungarian's apartment.

"Shit!" Gilbert sniffled, rubbing at his eyes. "It took that arsehole long enough. I don't know how many times I've told that crazy chick she deserves better though..."

Matthew, who had long been sobered, rubbed Gilbert's forearm in comfort. Meanwhile, Gilbird nervously flitted around his owner's head, cheeping with worry. Where the heck did that bird come from anyway?

"Oh, Gil," Matthew simpered, reaching over to hug Gilbert. "Are you crying? It's all right if you are."

"I'm not crying," Gilbert whimpered, pouting childishly. "My eyes are just happy for her."

Matthew rolled his eyes, knowing better than to poke at his boyfriend's questionable pride. "Anything you say, Gil."

Kiku gasped, yes gasped. "Oh my! It's happening!" he exclaimed.

Mei giddily jumped up and down on her feet while everyone raced to the window to see this spectacle for themselves.

And yes.

I was one of those people.

I could be happy for Liza too, damn it.

…

 **Liza's POV:**

Despite the success of the Christmas party, and the copious amounts of yummy gay love in the air, I was _so_ not feeling all that great. Not even triumphing over my arch rival could lift my foul mood.

I felt hollow and empty. Roderich and his unreliability always seemed to have this effect on me. Didn't he realize how much I missed him? Why would he let me become hopeful all these months, only to tell me at the last-minute that he wouldn't be coming after all?

That's what stung the most. After he graduated early last year, we've only grown farther and farther apart. Of course, I was still proud of him. Heck, he was making a name for himself in Europe with his concerts. Don't get me wrong; I didn't expect him to drop and sacrifice his career just to spend time with me. But I at least expected him to call me, and lately, he couldn't even bring himself to do that.

I couldn't help but feel paranoid. I was lonely, and was becoming insecure. What if Roderich had found himself a better life in Europe? A better life with a better woman, who could actually play music? We've been together for three years, three wonderful years. He used to be so sweet and thoughtful. Now, I wondered if he even thought of me at all.

I shook my head free from these thoughts. The loneliness would only get worse over the next two days. I wasn't going home to Hungary to spend the holidays, as I had thought I would be spending it with Roderich. Not anymore, though. Now I would be spending them in my pyjamas, eating ice cream and reading lots of fanfiction to distract myself from realizing how sad and depressed I was.

I jabbed my key into the lock of my front door, pushing it open. I stepped inside my apartment, shrugged off my coat, and hung it up on a nearby rack. I then flicked on the lights – half of which had already been turned on, unbeknownst to me –, stretched my arms, and yawned. I wanted nothing more than to change out of this suffocating dress, rub off my makeup, and go to sleep.

A part of me longed to call Roderich, but I knew I wouldn't get anywhere with that.

I stepped into the living room, halting mid-stride when I spotted Roderich sitting on the couch, glasses off and resting on the coffee table in front of him. The goof thought he looked less plain with glasses, but he didn't actually need them to see. He had such beautiful purple eyes; it was a shame that he covered them most of the time.

He was absently reading a pile of sheet music, one ankle crossed over the other. He looked like he had just gotten off a plane, judging by the slight messiness of his hair and semi casual-blouse and dress pants he was wearing.

Roderich looked up to meet my gaze, causing me to inhale sharply. I hadn't been expecting him and seeing him right there in front of me was all too much to handle at once.

"Elizabeta," Roderich spoke as if he were robbed from all air. His eyes raked up and down my body, not greedily mind you, but in subtle and polite appreciation. "My dear, you look so beautiful tonight. How have you been? It's been so long, I'm afraid. Shamefully long, even."

Roderich stood up to greet me while my vision blurred. Before I knew it, I was crying.

"Elizabeta?" Roderich repeated, this time he sounded alarmed. "Oh, my, my, darling. What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Roderich placed two hands on my shoulders, his expression filled with concern. "Liebling, are you happy to see me? Is that it? I hope I didn't surprise you too much. I'm so very sorry, I've just been so busy lately and I-"

"Let go of me," I hissed, shrugging away from him. "You have no right to say such things to me. Not after how long you've made me wait. You can't possibly just act like nothing's happened between us! How has Europe been treating you? It must be just dazzling, seeing as how you never bother to tell me how you're doing lately. Has your 'darling' gotten too boring for you? Is she not worth five minutes of your time? Damn it, Roderich, how dare you. How dare you come in here and rip out my heart as if it meant nothing to you."

Stunned, Roderich's lips parted open. "I don't understand," he stated, evidently hurt by my rejection. "Elizabeta, where is this all coming from? Is that what you think of me? You've never been boring, perhaps a bit too eccentric at times but never boring. You're not just worth my time, you're worth the world to me. Please, tell me what's wrong. Tell me so I can make things right between us."

I sniffled, letting Roderich cup one hand over my cheek. "You scared me, Roderich," I admitted sullenly. "I was scared you moved on. You've hardly spoken to me these past few months. Didn't you ever think how that'd make me feel? You have a bright new life in Europe, and here I am, left behind, wondering if you're even thinking about me. Was one phone call really too much to ask for?"

"No, of course not," Roderich said, moving his hand to the back of my head; I let it fall against his chest as he brought me into a hug. I knew him well enough to know he was being honest with me.

"I've never stopped thinking about you. These past three years have only been about you and I, together. You've always been my muse, Elizabeta. I thought you knew that already. What happened between us was a mere miscommunication of intentions. My tour manager limits the time I spend on my phone. There's nothing I can do about that, and I apologize that you misinterpreted this as me not wanting to speak with you. There were many times I argued with my him, but he wanted me to be for the most part, distraction free. I can't help it that your beauty poses a major distraction to me. Especially now, darling. You look absolutely stunning tonight."

Roderich patted my back when I hiccupped. "Silly girl," he chided. "I'm so sorry you felt this way. Now that I think of it, I really did come off as horrible, didn't I? Oh, shhh. Shhh. That's better now."

"You could have snuck a phone call," I grumbled into his chest, taking in his familiar sweet scent. "I missed you and your grumpiness."

Roderich tucked his chin over my head, gently swaying me from side to side. "You know how terrible I am at being sneaky. Shall I remind you of how awful our last spy mission together went? And yes, yes, I've missed you horribly too. The concert administrators constantly complain about how sullen I've been acting behind the scenes. It must be because I didn't have your smile to brighten my day."

Roderich always knew the right things to say to me.

"Why are you here anyways?" I asked, looking up to nuzzle my nose against his jawline. "You said you weren't coming back until January. Not that I'm complaining! I mean, I just…crap. You have this bad habit of making me speechless," I admitted sheepishly. "I'm just really happy you're here."

"As am I," Roderich smirked knowingly. "I wanted to surprise you while you hosted that, ahem, party of yours," he crinkled his nose in distaste, the snob. "Unfortunately, it looks like I've greatly upset you. Tell you what. Close your eyes, and I'll show you the real reason I came here to surprise you," he suggested. "Hopefully it will make up for how inattentively I've been treating you."

I raised a wry eyebrow at him in question. "Roddy," I mused. "What are you up to?"

"Hush, just close your eyes."

I did as Roderich said. I felt him grab my right hand, pressing a light kiss to the back of it.

I giggled.

"You can open them now."

My eyes fluttered open. I was so shocked by what lay before me that I almost closed them again. Roderich was kneeling on one knee, a velvet case holding a diamond ring in his right hand.

"R-Roderich," I stuttered. "I…"

Roderich smiled at me faintly, squeezing my hand before clearing his throat. "Elizabeta Héderváry, never in my life have I met a woman as caring and wonderful as you. I would say you make me speechless, but you already said that, and an artist must never plagiarize, even if it was a phrase wisely articulated by a loved one very dear to my heart.

"Instead, I'll say that you inspire me. You inspire me to take risks in life. Asking you to be mine was the greatest risk I ever took, and I don't think we'd be here today if you didn't get frustrated half way through and decide to ask me out yourself. Now, it's my turn to do the asking.

"You're brave. You're kind. You're fearless. You're everything I aspire to be one day. If only you knew how much influence you have on my music. Nothing that I write is written without thinking about you…without thinking about all the precious moments I've had the honour of spending with you.

"I promise to cherish you for the rest of my life. To treat you well. To shower you with enough attention to make you sick. I've learned now just how much I mean to you, and it breaks my heart to know that you were uncertain if I felt the same way. I do feel the same way; I always have and always will. I'm willing to dedicate my whole life to proving this to you.

"With that said, Elizabeta Héderváry, will you marry me?"

"Yes," I whispered, my eyes widening as the realization of what was happening fully sunk in. "YES! YES! OH, GOD YES!"

Roderich gasped and spluttered when I picked him up by the waist and twirled him around. "Usually, it's the man who's supposed to do this," he blushed, thoroughly embarrassed but still nonetheless very happy and relieved.

"Oh fine," I relented, setting Roderich on his feet.

Roderich laughed, taking the opportunity to sweep me off my feet this time. "Ah, equality at last," he mused, eventually bringing me down into a hug.

We kissed passionately, messily, hungrily. It was everything I could ask for and more.

But then something dawned on me.

I pulled away, grabbing Roderich firmly by the chin. "Wait!" I huffed with a playful growl. "I still have a few conditions to run by you."

"Yes, dear?" Roderich groaned.

"I want you to call me at least once a day, no excuses."

"Agreed."

"I want you to watch anime with me when I ask you to."

"…Agreed."

"Lastly, when we're not in public, I want free reign over your butt. And no, don't you dare give me that sour look. It's corrupting your handsomeness."

"I don't suppose you'd react well if I said that I wanted free reign over your breasts?"

Roderich facepalmed upon seeing my perverted expression. "Dear God, woman. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

I cackled evilly, answering his question.

I buried my head in Roderich's chest, sighing in content when he unclipped my hair from its bun and let it fall over my shoulders. "That's better," he murmured, raking his hands through it. "Your hair's gotten longer since the last time I saw you. It's beautiful; you're beautiful."

A pounding against the window near my terrace caused us both to jump apart from each other, interrupting our heartfelt moment.

I turned around, looking directly across the street where Mei's apartment was. There I was met with at least a dozen extra pair of eyes. My employees were jumping up and down, pounding their fists against Mei's apartment window in excitement.

Feliks was even wild enough to go onto Mei's balcony and drunkenly wave a pink gymnastic ribbon back and forth. Toris was quick to drag Feliks inside after the latter had almost toppled to the ground; it was like a hawk swiping at a helpless, clumsy kitten.

I laughed, giving Roderich an incredulous look. "Did they know about this?" I asked him.

"I told Mei and Kiku, but I didn't expect them to spy on us," Roderich huffed and puffed, sternly crossing his arms. "This was supposed to be a secret. I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, you sure did surprise me," I snickered. "I wasn't expecting you to be here. This is just the cherry on top of the cake."

My window thumped again.

 **CHEEP! CHEEP!**

I walked forward, furrowing my brows in confusion when I saw Gilbird flying outside my balcony.

I opened my living room window, holding out a hand for Gilbird to perch himself on. Sadly, I was used to this type of communication by now. The canary cheeped and shivered while I untied the note clasped around his foot. I immediately recognized Gilbert's messy hand writing:

 _It's about fucking time, Roddy! You're such a sissy!_

 _Liza! Quick! It's not too late!_

 _Remember how we shared our first kiss, and then I came out to you as gay?_

 _There's still time for you to come out as a man, because deep down, we all know that you're the one wearing the pants in this relationship. Kesesese._

 _Oh well. Enjoy your lesbian relationship then._

 _Yours truly,_

 _The future Godfather of your children_

 _-Gilbert_

Roderich spared me a worried look when I slammed open the patio door and walked out onto the balcony. "Elizabeta, darling? You're going to catch a cold! And you're not even wearing shoes. What are you-?!"

Gilbird, sensing my rage, flew over to Mei's apartment so fast that he was merely a blurred, yellow blob in the sky.

 _*Terrified screeches and cheeps*_

Translation: Gilbert, you fucked up man. Retreat! Retreat! You made her angry! Oh mother cheeper, you made her really, _really_ angry!

"GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT! HOW DARE YOU MOCK MY ENGAGEMENT! NO! HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF MY BOOTHANG! YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS DOWNSTAIRS SO I CAN KICK IT PROPERLY."

With that said and done, I stormed back into my apartment, heading off towards the front door.

"What in Gott's name are you doing?" Rodereich asked me, horrified by the wild look in my eyes.

 _Happy place! Happy place! Roderich is my happy place~! Ahahahaha!_

"Defending your honour!"

…

 **SLAM!**

Roderich winced as he watched Elizabeta slam a long unconscious Gilbert on the snow-covered asphalt. He strongly disliked the buffoon, but even Gilbert didn't deserve a punishment so harsh and brutal.

Everyone had gathered to the streets to witness this potential murder.

"Oi! Liza! I think he's had enough!" Lovino protested.

"She needs to teach me how to do that," Ludwig muttered, shielding a sobbing Feliciano's eyes with a massive hand.

"Yikes, that's a lot of blood," Alfred winced.

Matthew facepalmed. "Why do I even bother? He did this all to himself."

"You stupid, cocky fuckboy! I will wreck you, and everything you stand for. Remember this the next time you dare to disgrace my hubby's dignity."

 **SLAM!**

 **CRACK!**

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh," every single murder witness cringed.

Gilbert moaned. "I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory…"

"Great, now he's delirious," Matthew deadpanned, clawing at his hair.

A small smile crept onto Roderich's face as Elizabeta released Gilbert's semi-unconscious form, letting it thud to the ground.

 _That's my girl._

 _No._

 _That's my fiancée_ , he thought to himself contently, wondering why he had ever been blessed with such a crazy, amazing woman.

 **To be continued...**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** Hey guys! I'm not dead! Sorry, but I wrote a book last month ( _I love how casually I say this, yes I'm talking to you past Ella, what's gucci?_ _I'm editing your boring incoherency_ ), so that consumed a lot of my time. I'm editing the book now, so it's still pretty consuming. That's why I'll make the effort to write longer chapters, so it's like 2.5 updates in one ;) Reading and reviewing the recommendations also slows the updates, but it's totally worth it!

I'm still shocked by the better responses I've gotten on tumblr. Man, I might start uploading most of my fics there :D Thank you if you're one of my almost five hundred followers :O **(WHAT?!)** I just make memes lmfao. Why am I more successful at that than writing fics I take hours and days to make?

Without further ado, let's get to dem recommendations.

 **#1.** " **The 50 States of America** " by " **Greyrabbit14** " A multi-chapter where all States, Territories and Capitals are personified. It's a wonderfully creative fic with just the right dose of chaos and hilarity. Oh, and America acts as the father to the states :p

 **#2.** " **Playwright Meets Playboy** " by " **SodaWizard** " A witty, USUK one-shot with playful, sarcastic banter. Arthur loves both Shakespeare and Alfred. It's a pity that the latter is unaware of this. Really though, this is just too precious and it's very well thought out.

 **#3.** " **Coffee Café"** by " **Guiltipleasures"** A recently completed PruMano with a side of Spamano multi-chapter. You guys know how much of a hoe I am for Spamano, so you know that this story is good if I like it. In other words, the plot was lovely, the dialogue was humorous at times, and not to mention that the relationships were actually realistic :D A rare gem, if I've ever seen one.

 **#4.** " **Break Down: A Historical Berlin Wall Story** " by " **Hetalia-Girl-5000"** GUYS! I've been reading this from near the start! It's literally so awesome, as Gil/ Prussia is the main character. It explores the Soviet bloc and how Russia runs his house with an iron fist. The characterization is out of this world. I'm always left pleasantly surprised/ horrified with every twist and turn.

 **#5.** " **Anything for You** " by " **RaindropsOnMyTeaCup"** A FrUk celebrity AU where Francis is a famous singer and Arthur is his manager. Literally, I get a cavity during most chapters (lol most, there was the odd chapter where my heart broke, but eh, still an amazing story).

Well, onto the chapter, my smol cinnamon buns! Thank you for the support, and keep it going with the recommendations :D Have a great day/night!

-Ella

* * *

 **Travelling Ships:**

 **Arthur's POV:**

It was the morning after the café's Christmas party, more like afternoon, and I was suffering from a massive hangover. When I woke up, I was surprised to see that Francis had left. Knowing how overly touchy he was, he would have wanted to stick around, just to see what drunk Arthur would stupidly spew from his mouth. I was pretty uptight when sober, so it would have been the perfect opportunity for him to pry into my mind like the sly little manipulative cunt that he was.

I had gotten plastered drunk last night, and had said some awfully embarrassing things. I could only hope that Liza's marriage proposal and engagement would erase most of what I had done – congratulations to them, they made a truly lovely couple.

For the most part, I had enjoyed myself, but the toxic headache I had right now was really making me regret drinking so much. I drank to make it easier for myself. Francis both tempted and irritated me, and I didn't want to be restrained by formalities or nervous inhibitions. I wanted to celebrate properly without having a care in the world.

All I remembered was making out with Francis, a lot, oh dear god, and him taking me home last night.

Next thing I knew, it was noon, my one-bedroom apartment was empty – as if I would ever go through the troubles of having a roommate – and I had four hours before my flight for England left. Thankfully, I was already packed and ready to go, having done so the minute I came back from my last exam a few days ago.

I liked being prepared, a routine if you will. That's why it boggled my mind how I had actually taken a liking to Francis. He was just such a flimsy and shady character. He didn't follow any routines; he was spontaneous and all over the place, charismatic and erratic. He overwhelmed me, keeping me on my toes with whatever cheesy, ridiculous pick-up lines he decided to thrust my way. Yes, I meant to say thrust. Francis was a dirty little bugger, especially when he was under the influence.

Still, whatever we had, I didn't mind it. I just wish he would be clearer with his intentions. I didn't know if I was his play toy or if he wanted to take our reciprocal liking for each other farther. That's why I kept my guard up when I was with him.

I didn't have to get attached to enjoy kissing him. He was actually an amazing kisser, but you'll never hear me admit that to him, at least not willingly. Francis was also a double cunt for always finding something to blackmail me about. Usually said blackmail involved me displaying or voicing my affection for him. It was all just so contradictory if you ask me.

Francis was full of mixed signals. Usually, I could read into people, see into their mind just by giving them a quick once-over. But, oh no, not with Francis. He was impossible, a complicated specimen. At first, he had come across as a huge douche to me. It was only now that we were beginning to go on dates that I realized he wasn't all that bad. He even went so far as to wait outside my lecture rooms, walking me home before he attended his own lectures…

He was kind, thoughtful, and went out of his way to compliment me, which only made me feel more embarrassed. I couldn't return the favor, out of sheer mortification that he would laugh at me if I said that I loved how blue his eyes were, how they shined when he smiled, or even that infuriating stubble that peppered his chin and roughly rubbed against my cheeks when he kissed me, gently feathering his lips against mine as if I would break if he held me too hard.

It was his hesitation that made me wonder about where our relationship, if you could even call it that, was going. We were at a romantic stalemate. Kissing was all we ever did. I was too awkward to initiate anything, as it was always Francis who made the first move.

Perhaps that's why I was so disappointed when I woke up without Francis at my side. I had been hoping that maybe, just maybe, he would have at least slept in the apartment. Unfortunately, I've always had rotten luck.

Oh well.

I had four more hours before Alfred was supposed to drive me to the airport. This was the last chance I would have to see Francis before leaving for two weeks. If he wasn't going to say goodbye, then so be it. I wouldn't let it bother me.

I didn't care for going to family gatherings, but since I had spent most of my time in North America with my aunt and uncle, it was high time that I visited them. I wasn't looking forward to seeing my older brothers, as they were all mongrels, but it was the right thing to do. I would likely just keep to myself and spend most of my time in my bedroom. Although, last time I did that, Alistair had lit my door on fire… please… for the love of God – catholic, protestant or whatever the hell else – don't ask.

Somehow, I found myself thinking about Francis again, which prompted me to press my face into my pillow, letting out a pathetic croak. It was disturbing how much the thought of not seeing him before I left bothered me. It made me doubt myself a lot. I was pining about like a lovesick school girl and it made me want to slap myself for how cliché and needy I was being.

To keep my mind off Francis, I got out of bed, groaning as I drew all the curtains shut. My eyes were still sensitive to the light, and my temples wouldn't stop throbbing. Several teas later, and I was still blankly staring at my laptop's keyboard, expecting the words to magically formulate themselves.

I intended to get some work done before I left. If all went as planned, I would get back late on Christmas eve, meaning that I would miss the party and not have to socialize.

I wanted to take some time to write, selfish as this may be of me. The exam period had absorbed most of my free time, and I hadn't had the chance to indulge in one of my recreational stories, those of which were not up for grading.

It was a pity that my hangover still lingered, both emotional and physical. For every sentence I typed, I would pause, staring at my window in the hopes that I would see Francis standing outside – the front window was the only one I hadn't covered. Catching myself in the act, I would then slap my face, mentally scolding myself for stalling. It was humiliating how flustered entertaining the thought of Francis arriving at my apartment made me.

Despite this, my gaze always fell to the window. Time escaped me, and another hour passed. I had been staring for so long, void of emotion that I nearly jumped three feet in the air when someone knocked on my front door.

"J-just a minute!" I stammered, scrambling out from underneath the covers. I had been resting against the headboard of my bed, a pillow on my lap, and my laptop on top of the pillow. It was my favourite writing position, but to an outsider, it would appear as if I had never gotten out of bed.

Technically, I hadn't, as I was still wearing loose sweats and a grey long-sleeved shirt. My hair was beyond messy, it was catastrophic. Usually, I didn't put much effort into it, but at least I bothered to comb it through, unlike today. I was lazy, not expecting to see anyone before I went on my flight. Of course, that didn't mean I didn't want to see anyone…

The person at the door gave another firm rap, the sharp sound of it irritating my still ever present migraine.

"I said one minute!" I snapped, wheezing a little as I shuffled towards the door. My body was still weak from the alcohol. I hadn't quite detoxified yet, even with all the tea I had been drinking.

I opened the door and my jaw dropped open. Francis was standing on my front mat, casually whistling with his hands behind his back. He was holding onto something, I just didn't know what. He was wearing a black trench coat, casual jeans, and had his blond hanging loose around his shoulders. The simultaneous wink and smirk he gave me made my heart skip a solid beat.

"Bonjour, mon chou!" Francis happily exclaimed.

Suddenly, I felt inferior, self-consciously glancing down at the atrocious Christmas fuzzy slippers I had on.

"What are you doing here?" I sighed, biting my tongue. It took a lot of effort not to be rude to him. Besides, it was the holidays. I could be a grinch-type figure for the rest of the year. As a writer, I loved to sprinkle irony and sarcasm everywhere I went.

I held onto the door frame, feeling my knees wobble.

"Oh mon dieu," Francis simpered, pouting his lips in concern. I forced myself not to look at them, I was already weak as it was, I didn't need my willpower to cave as well. I'll have you know that I was a gentleman with pride. "Are you feeling unwell? You look hungover," Francis observed.

"That's because I am," I grunted. "Now are you going to answer my question? I have a flight in three hours, and I don't need you wasting my time with your unconcise flamboyance."

"I came to say goodbye, of course," Francis stated with an indignant huff. "What kind of man do you take me for? Was I not the one to take you home last night? Was I not the one who tucked you in bed and ensured that you had a glass of water at your bedside for when you woke up?"

Oh, so that _was_ him.

I furrowed my brows. "I can't give you a definitive answer. I honestly didn't expect much, but thank you for last night. That was very kind of you," I paused to peak at what Francis was holding behind his back. "What in God's name are you holding there?"

"Arthur," Francis rolled his eyes. "What I'm holding can wait. Judging by how cold you're acting towards me, you didn't expect that I would come to say goodbye, did you?"

I didn't respond.

Francis's shoulders deflated in disappointment. "Ah," he muttered. "Desole. I should have made more time for you, but you know how busy school gets at this time of year. I want to cherish what little time we have left. Other than last night, I haven't gotten to see you lately. I miss your grumpiness and permanent scowl. It's really quite endearing," he chuckled, before faltering, a sad expression crossing over his face.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked me.

"Yes, you may," I said in a stiff voice.

"What am I to you?" Francis inquired, his voice far more serious than what I was used to.

"Well, what am I to you?" I angrily retorted, becoming defensive.

Francis shook his head in disbelief. "If this is what it takes to get you to open up to me, then fine. You're very important to me, Arthur. I believe that what we have is special. You're the first person I haven't ever gotten tired of. At first you were interesting, mysterious even since you hardly ever spoke to me, and when you did it was nothing but insults. But then, I got to know you, the real you. You're kind, intelligent, and even funny at times. You bring a smile to my face every time I see you and those alluring green eyes of yours. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you confuse me. I want to be closer to you, but I can't help but feel like you don't want me for more than I'm known for; someone to play around with."

I blushed. "You're an idiot, a moron, no! A fool!" I shouted, too many emotions freeing themselves at once. It was a giant clusterfuck. "I want to be closer to you too! But then you have the audacity to leave me all on my own last night. Whenever I try to take things farther, you always back away and chuckle your obnoxious 'honhonhon' arse off!"

"That's because I don't want to take advantage of you, you imbecile!" Francis retorted, looking like he wanted to wave a fist at me, but was unable to do so due to the mysterious object (s) he was carrying behind his back.

"All the time, I'm trying to get inside your head, and voila, there is nothing but a stubborn blockhead! I don't know what you want and it scares me! So I don't do anything because I know how sensitive you are! You never tell me what's on your mind! And excuse you! Is that how you react to me being romantic, by insulting moi?! Oh! And another thing! Just so you know, I only left you so that I could wake up early and make you t-this! You'll need good food if you're going to be spending your holidays in ze plain food black sheep country!"

Francis thrust forward several glass Tupperware containers of homecooked meals.

I inhaled sharply, accepting the containers from him.

Francis's cheeks were now dusted a light pink.

I know it wasn't the appropriate or right time, but I burst out laughing anyway.

"That's it! I'm done! There's no winning with you!" Francis said in exasperation, raking a hand through his hair.

"No! No!" I protested, grabbing my sides. "I'm flattered, really I am. But, you do realize that you can't bring food on a plane, right?"

Francis's lips parted open in realization. "Oh… I was still very drunk when I cooked this…"

"You must have been," I snickered, placing the Tupperware on the front table by the door, next to my keys.

Francis pouted.

"Francis," I started.

"Non, don't talk to me," Francis whined, turning his back on me on shame.

"Francis," I repeated, placing a hand on his right shoulder. "Look at me, love."

I gently turned the stubborn Frenchman around, surprising him when I stretched on my toes to give him a quick peck on the lips. A surge of warmth spread through me, he smelled as sweet and savory as he always did, a pleasant mix of cinnamon and nutmeg. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I suppose that we've both had a serious miscommunication with each other. I was under the impression that you weren't looking for anything serious, and yet I still wanted to do things with you… I still do. I know that's not the truth now. Honestly, this is perhaps the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, even if the logic of it all is severely faulted. Point is, I appreciate you and everything you've done. Thank you, from the bottom of my cold dead heart," I teased.

Francis's smirk returned, giving me a sense of hope. "Still as insufferably sarcastic as always," he mused. "But I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad we were able to tell each other what we want. I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have lost my temper like that. I adore you, Arthur, I always have."

My agreement was muffled when Francis wrapped his arms around me in a hug, letting my head rest against the crook of his neck. "I suppose you can still keep the food," he murmured. "You can put it in the freezer and eat it when you come back after the break."

"Hmmmph," I grumbled. "What I cook for myself is perfectly fine."

Translation: I'll eat the damn food, but you won't hear anything about it. No, you don't get any bragging rights. Gloat and I'll stuff an entire scone down your stupid, raspy throat.

Francis understood me well enough. Chuckling, he closed the door behind us, taking off his coat to reveal a fitted white blouse underneath. Immediately, his maternal side came out, and before I knew it, he was pushing me towards the bed, bluntly telling me that I looked awful and insisting that I get some rest before leaving for my flight. His flight wasn't for another day, so unfortunately, I had no retort for that.

While Francis busied himself in the kitchen, putting away the leftovers and brewing some new tea for me to drink, I settled down on my mattress.

Francis got angry again when he saw this, placing the tray of tea on my bedside table. "What part of rest do you not understand?" he deadpanned. "Mon petit, you're only going to give yourself a headache. You need to eat something too, I don't like how pale your complexion is."

Sighing, I put my laptop to the side. Francis joined me on the bed while I half-heartedly nibbled on a croissant he had buttered for me. "I haven't written anything for a long time," I scoffed.

"That's your entire program, non?" Francis asked. "Writing stories, that is."

I sighed when Francis wrapped his arm around me. The warmth felt nice. My head was still all over the place from the slowly diffusing alcohol. "It's not the same," I weakly argued. "Those stories are being judged and graded. It takes the fun out of everything. I'm always worrying about how to impress the reader, rather than just writing for myself."

"Oh, I see," Francis remarked. "No wonder you're so stressed all the time."

I rolled my eyes. It had become habit for Francis to confiscate my laptop. I brought it with me everywhere. Either way, it wasn't like I could write with Francis around. He was a lovely distraction that always messed with my schedule. Thankfully, I worked ahead of time, and was never put too far behind.

Although, what he had said earlier was true. The last week or so we hadn't seen much of each other. In between studying, I found myself to get bored without his presence; his absence left a waking hole once you had gotten used to it. We hadn't had the chance to go the café or meet up.

Spending time with him now was… nice. It made me not want to leave. The moment was perfect and calm. I didn't see this side of Francis often, one where he wasn't being smug all the time. He was letting himself relax. The way he was gently holding me made me feel loved. He wasn't asking for anything more than my company. We didn't have to be sexual to be physically and emotionally intimate.

It was the simple things that mattered. He was the first person to brush past my anger; he took the time to get know the real me. I snapped at people because I had little self-esteem and was reluctant to trust others. That was the best trait about Francis; short-tempered as he may be like me, he was paradoxically patient when he needed to be. Sure, he was irksome most of the time, a tart if you will, but he was my tart. He accepted me for who I was, and I wanted to do the same for him, to let him know that even if I didn't show it all the time, I cared about him just as much.

Since he was relaxing, I would let myself go too. I was still pretty stubborn about it though. I wasn't going to tell him to keep petting my head like he was, but I wasn't going to stop him either.

The words left my lips before I could filter my thoughts. "I don't want to leave," I whispered. "I'm going to miss you."

I felt Francis's chest stiffen. "Then don't," he hummed.

I pulled away, turning back to look at him with an incredulous expression. "Pardon me?"

"I said don't. Come to France with me. We can spend Christmas together. My parents won't be home for the most part, and we can exchange your ticket. If not, I'll just use my credit card to purchase you a new one," Francis stated, his eyes dead serious.

"I-I can't just blow off my family! And I don't want to owe you money!" I protested, even if I did fancy the idea of spending Christmas with him.

"It doesn't matter, don't you see?" Francis exclaimed, a wide grin spreading across his cheeks, causing the dimples to pop out. "Money isn't an issue. And if you want to spend time with your family, we can always fly there for a quick visit before the semester starts. You're always telling me how much you despise going to family reunions. You can still give them a mandatory visit, but you should spend Christmas with someone you want to spend it with."

I raised a wry brow at Francis. "Are you saying that I would want to spend Christmas with you?"

"Angleterre, we've been cuddling for the last hour and a half and every time I stop petting your hair, you fidget until I start doing it again. You're not fooling moi. This time I truly know that you want to be with me, and I'm not going to let you slip away so easily, not when we've established such good communication. This a chance for us to truly get to know each other, to become best friends on top of being lo…ah, ahem, partners. So, what do you say? Will you come?"

I blushed profusely. Everything Francis said sounded romantic with that his gravelly voice. Now that he was actually being romantic, I felt like he had just asked me to marry him. Warm, sapphire eyes locked their sights on me, hope sparking across the surface.

I hated to admit it, but money wasn't an issue with Francis. His family owned a very successful and well-known designer clothing company. Similarly, as long as I visited my family at some point during the break, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. It's not like they noticed me all that much anyway. So what if I wanted to be pampered like a spoiled brat. I deserved it, didn't I? Francis made me feel so important and I too didn't want this newfound affection of ours to end so abruptly.

"Fine," I relented. "I don't even know where to start on how to make this up to you. Please, for the love of God, if you bought me something for Christmas, return it."

Francis excitedly pulled me into a hug, squealing and honhonhon'ing to his heart's content. Bloody attractive fool. "You coming back with moi will be my Christmas present. And all right, all right. I was planning to get you something on boxing day, but if I must, I'll agree with you on something, just this once."

"Good," I said, allowing myself to smile as I bumped my forehead against his. "I'm glad we're on the same page. I still can't believe that I'm going to France with you."

The giddiness had yet to set in.

"Want to hear something else that you won't believe?" Francis mused.

"What?" I asked, feeling dread claw at my stomach.

"When you were drunk last night, you told me something really interesting. I didn't take it to heart, but now I must now if it's true…"

"Well, get on with it then!" I growled.

"You said that you love me? Is that true?"

I felt an intense urge to punch myself and then Francis for making me experience such a confusing string of emotions.

True to myself, I responded sarcastically.

"I wouldn't be sitting in your lap right now if I did."

Francis's face was no longer pink.

It was red enough to match mine, resolving much of my previously crumbled pride.

…

 **Lovino's POV** : (December 25th)

It was Christmas day, mid-morning. Rather than opening presents right away, Antonio wanted to bake first for some reason. So that's what we did. We had gotten the chance to sleep in a little, as we had spent most of Christmas Eve casually sipping wine, watching movies, cuddling, and just chatting for several hours on end.

It wasn't an overly special way to spend the night, but it was definitely memorable. I enjoyed spending time with Antonio, even if I wasn't the most vocal about this with said bastard. He was just happy to sleepover, seeing as how Feliciano was staying over at Ludwig's single dorm room. Since Antonio's family had immigrated to America and lived on the other side of the country, he was the only one out of his friends group who stayed back at the University during the holidays. Hence, why he was fucking ecstatic to have someone, aka me to spend the holidays with.

I was also happy about this, as it was my first time celebrating the holidays with someone who genuinely wanted to be with me, rather than out of pure obligation as blood-related family. Stupid bastard, making me get all sentimental and crap.

I was still sleepy, but Antonio was as cheerful as ever, chirping about anything he could get his perverted lips on. Spanish music was playing from his phone on the counter as he mixed the ingredients for sugar cookies in a stainless-steel baking bowl. The idiot was bare chested, wearing a pink apron that spelled "Hot Papi" on the front in bold red letters, and black sweatpants that hung loose around his back dimples.

Antonio absolutely refused for me to turn up the heat, as he wanted an excuse for me to cuddle closer to him, especially during the night when he had none too discretely turned down the heat to a frigid low. Thankfully, Jowltito's disobedience came in handy, and there was a third prescence to warm up the bed.

Speaking of that melodramatic shitbag, Jowlito, oddly enough had taken an extreme liking to me. In other words, he liked me the best out of anyone, even Feli, who fed and walked the pup. He followed me around everywhere that I went, his big brown eyes wide with adoration. I swear, his stubby little tail never stopped wagging whenever he was around me. At first, I had been creeped out by this, but with time, I got used to him always sitting on my lap, begging for food, or snoring in a curled up pile of fur at the foot of my bed. He was like a stress ball, albeit annoying when he began to whine if I wasn't giving him enough attention.

Kind of like how he was now. I was sitting on the couch, bundled up in all kinds of sweaters and blankets as I grudgingly watched Antonio parade about the kitchen half-naked. Jowltito was sprawled on my lap, sleepily sniffing in content. I absently scratched the back of his floppy ear in between shivering and closing my mouth to stop it from chattering too loudly.

Jowltito shifted, his sharp elbows causing me to yelp in pain. The pup was already close to thirty pounds; he was no longer the tiny little thing I had first grudgingly welcomed into my apartment.

"Ah! Fuck!" I cursed. "Tito, you're hurting Papa!" Oh yeah, Antonio was 'Tito's' Papi, and I was his Papa. Moving on, and yes, I know you're grinning like a total dork right now. Fucking stop, you smug little fucks.

Jowltito responded with a grand sigh, but didn't bother to correct his position. Go figure.

Antonio laughed from the kitchen. "The smell of Papa's muy tasting cooking must have woken him up," he trilled with a smile, his posture practically screaming self-inflated pride.

I rolled my eyes, mercilessly moving Jowltito off my lap, and by mercilessly, I mean gently placing him to the side because I didn't want him to rouse him. "Or maybe it's the fact that it's fucking freezing in here," I growled under my breath.

As soon as I stood up from the couch, Jowltito conveniently rose from his slumber. I nearly tripped over him several times as I made my way into the kitchen.

"Nope, I'm having none of your attitude today," Antonio lectured, pulling out a tray of finished sugar cookies from the oven. The treats were a little plain from my tastes, but you know how stubborn Antonio is. Once he had set his mind on something, there was no changing it. This would probably explain why we had ended up together in the first place.

"You promised to be nice today," Antonio finished, setting the tray aside. He then plucked a cookie from a plate containing an already cooled batch. "Cookie?"

"Fine." Grumbling, I accepted the cookie from him, breaking it in half. I already knew the drill.

Jowltito barked, rubbing his head against my calves, which were covered by ugly fuzzy Christmas socks.

I looked down at the pup and deadpanned, waving the half-broken cookie in front of him. "This isn't good for you," I snapped. "Do you want to die?"

Jowltito barked again; his tail had yet to stop wagging.

"Same," I sighed, bending over to give Jowltito the other half of the cookie. All dog owners can probably relate. Your food is automatically their food too.

Antonio smiled at the sight of me babying our 'son'. "Aw, don't you just love family?" he cooed, placing his hands on his hips, filling the motherly role suspiciously well. Uh, not that us gays had to live up to heteronormative standards or anything. It was just funny seeing Antonio wearing an apron, that's all.

I smirked. "So, what now? Presents?" I asked impatiently.

Antonio shook his head in disbelief, taking off his apron, folding it and putting it away in a drawer. I pretended to ignore that he was leaving a shit ton of unwashed dishes in the sink. Besides, it wasn't as if I was going to wash them. Feli always did the cleaning around here. He was slightly lazier though, as he was an avid user of the dishwasher.

"You're just like a child," he mused fondly. "Grumpy, moody, and hungry all the time. But yes, I think it's a good time for presents. Are you still okay that we're meeting up with the others later? We can just stay home if you want…"

Antonio shifted slightly, pouting his lips. He knew that I couldn't say no to him. Either way, I wasn't a total asshole. Gilbert and Ludwig were staying back at the University as well, as they now had boyfriends to enjoy the day with. Unfortunately, Christmas last year was when my brother had gotten with the potato (on the phone, mind you), so they were hosting a dinner at the latter's apartment, celebrating two things in one. December was the one time of the year where I forced myself to be social.

Still, being around so many people always turned out to be exhausting. Antonio knew my preference to be around less people, but was adamant that I got out of my apartment more when I wasn't working.

"I said yes, didn't I?" I asked. "Now come on, I have a really good present for you."

I took Antonio's hand to lead him out of the kitchen, faltering when I saw the hesitant look on his face. He was nervous about me spending too much money on him for his present, guilty too as he couldn't afford to get me a big present. No matter how many times I told him that I didn't care what he got me, he still felt inferior in comparison. I had a habit of spoiling him rotten on random shopping trips, as he was completely clueless when it came to dressing himself. He felt like he owed me; little did he know that his love and affection was more than enough to act as compensation.

I gave Antonio a side-glance. "If it makes you feel better, your gift hardly cost me anything."

In truth, I was impatient because I really wanted to make him even happier with my present.

Antonio's green eyes lit up considerably.

I chuckled, letting go of his hand. "Go, put something on first. You're shivering like crazy, dumbass. I'll be waiting in the living room."

"Okay," Antonio eagerly nodding his head. "I have to get your present from my room anyway!"

With that said, Antonio headed back to my room to get into something warmer. He'd slept over enough times that he had a few spare shirts of his own lying in my closet. The closet was also where he had hidden my present – for the past two days, he was the only one allowed to pull clothing from it. Keh.

Meanwhile, I sat cross legged on the living room carpet. Jowltito curled up next to my thigh, sniffing my hand in confusion, wondering what I was holding. His whiskers and wet nose tickled me, almost causing me to smile, almost. The pup was more irritating to me than endearing. I was still traumatized from Feli's initial failure to potty train him.

Antonio came back wearing a grey turtle neck sweater that I had bought for him. His hair was sticking up funnily from static electricity, but the real fire was in his eyes. He looked at me as if I was his entire world. It was embarrassing how huge his grin became the moment he locked gazes with me.

Suddenly, I was surrounded my two puppies as Antonio ordered me to close my eyes. I heard him happily shuffle about, knocking into several things, yelping and likely stubbing his toe before he gave me the okay to open my eyes.

When I did, I tried my best not to act confused when I saw Antonio holding a plant pot with soil in it. He was sitting across from me, so I couldn't do much to hide the perplexion on my face. "You got me a pot?" I asked.

I didn't sound rude, but I didn't exactly sound overjoyed either.

Thankfully, Antonio's grin didn't fade. "No, silly! I got you a tomato plant! You know how much I love tomatoes and gardening, so I wanted to share my hobby with you! You, also, um, remind me of a tomato… did I say that I love tomatoes? You also eat a lot of tomatoes too, so I thought that it would be helpful to have some right at your own home," he trailed off shyly, his cheeks a bright pink as he looked up at me through bashful lashes. "I'm sorry, this is all I could really afford…"

"Oh," I said blankly.

And then came the waterworks. It was a simple present, but the sentiment was too sweet for words.

"No, Lovi! Don't cry!" Antonio panicked. "If you don't like it, I can always get you something else."

"No!" I blurted out, causing Jowltito to flinch. "It's not that. I love it, don't you fucking dare even think of taking it back. God, you're such a moron."

"This," I said, grabbing the plant pot from him, hugging it close to my chest. "Is the most thoughtful and sincere present I've ever received. I couldn't have asked for a better gift, Tonio," I admitted. "Truthfully, I've always wanted to have my own garden, but Nonno didn't even trust me to have a goldfish."

Antonio let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you like it. I didn't want you to cry this much, it's really not that big of a deal. Although, I kinda do agree with your Nonno; I have yet to see you walk Tito," he mumbled. "Even I've walked him, and I don't even live with him all the time!"

I only heard the first part of his statement. My ears were still buzzing from the shock and glee of sharing such a precious moment with him.

Oh, but it was a big deal. Even if Antonio didn't realize it, he knew me so well that I didn't have to tell him what I wanted. The plant was the perfect thing to remind me of him whenever he wasn't with me.

I indulged myself further by letting myself smile at him, chuckling lightly as I rubbed at my eyes. Antonio surged forward to bring me into a hug, but I protested right away. "No! Wait! We can hug and make out in like thirty seconds, damn it! Let me at least give you my present first! And of course, I liked it you dumbass! These are happy tears, I'll scream it if I have to!"

Antonio whined, but did as I said.

I un-fisted my right palm, revealing the golden key I had been holding this whole time.

"Here," I said, handing it to him.

Antonio palmed the key, inspecting it with furrowed brows. "Thanks, but don't I already have the key to your apartment."

"No silly," I repeated in teasing. "This is the key to the lake house my family vacations at. I want to bring you with me this summer."

"So, what you're saying is that you're taking me to Italy?" Antonio perked up. Another smile was beginning to poke at his lips.

"Yes."

"Really?"

I scoffed. "Yes, really! And you don't have to worry about paying for anything either, I've got it all covered."

Antonio fist pumped the air. "Oh Dios mio! This makes me so happy! I can't wait to meet your family! It'll be so much fun, and we can bake, cook, and lay out in the sun all day! If that's the case, I also want you to come and stay with my family in New York for some time too! There's so much I want to show you back home!"

"Sounds like a plan." I aimed a flirtatious wink at Antonio, enjoying how I was the reason he was giddy with excitement. "Now you can hug and make out with me."

Antonio and I moved forward. It just so happened that Jowltito sensed the sexual tension in the room, and wanting to join in, he stood up and walked between us.

Still, I reached over Jowltito's happily wagging butt to cup Antonio's face. "I don't care if you don't have a lot of money. Sooner or later, I'll have to move out too, and I'd rather not rely on my Nonno's money. Writers don't make all that much, so if we struggle, we'll struggle together. I know there's still another two years before I graduate, but I really do see myself moving out with you some day. No one's ever stuck around this long with me. I have yet to grow bored with you; you're always making me laugh, and I feel like I can be myself with you. More than that, I'm just so fucking thankful to have someone finally understand me. So thank you, bastard. Thank you for sticking around. Oh, and for that kickass present too, I'll treasure that plant and guard it with my entire fucking life force."

"Of course," Antonio smiled, leaning into my touch. "It was pretty obvious to me from the start that you weren't as mean as you led others to believe. I saw a lonely boy who just wanted someone to talk to. That's what I love so much about us. You're my best friend. You're smart, and you always bring a smile to my face. I want to be around you as much as possible, and no, don't give me that look. You know full well that you enjoy me 'stalking' you just as much as I do. I'm giving you company, so you can take that foul mouth of yours and kiss me until I can't breathe."

"I'm trying to do that right now, but a certain someone is getting in the way," I sighed.

Each time Antonio and I went in for a kiss, Jowltito intervened, cheerfully licking our cheeks instead.

Strangely, after the fifth time of failing to kiss Antonio, something by the window caused Jowltito to run towards it and start barking madly.

Shrugging, I bent over to capture Antonio's lips, frowning slightly when I felt his stubble rub against my chin.

"I love you," Antonio murmured.

"Merry fucking Christmas, bastard."

Translation: I love you too.

…

 **Feliciano's POV:**

Lovi wasn't answering his phone, and since it was Christmas morning, Luddy and I didn't want to intrude. Well, at least not openly…

My next best idea to test if the waters were clear enough to enter the apartment was to go on the rooftop adjacent to our dorm building – I didn't want to walk in on anything. If I did, Lovi would probably kill me. I needed to live because I wanted to top Luddy. One day…

I could see my and Lovi's apartment from here (the curtain over the living room window was strangely and conveniently left open?), and by the looks of it, he and Antonio were having a super cute moment! Ah! It just made me so happy! I wish that Liza were here to enjoy this moment with me! Oh, si, si. She was probably busy making lots of love with Roderich…

Anyways! Luddy had dressed me in an obsessive amount of scarves, mitts, and extra sweaters. He didn't want me to get frostbite. It was funny because his clothing practically swallowed me. I took one look at myself in the mirror before we had left his apartment and told him that I looked like a toasty marshmallow; he agreed and even smiled a little. I really like it when he smiles. His eyes become even prettier when they're soft with affection, kind of like how they are when he looks at me.

"Schatz," Ludwig sighed, grabbing me by the shoulders so that I faced him. The entire lower half of his face was covered in a red scarf. He kind of looked like a ninja, a _sexy_ ninja. "What did I say about zipping up your coat all the way?" he muttered.

I gave Luddy a helpless look, a slight pout of my face. He sighed and began fixing my coat. Heh. I had no problems with zipping up my coat or tying my shoelaces. I just really liked it when Luddy did these things for me.

"There," Luddy said in a definitive tone. He sounded so assertive. It turned me on, a lot.

I went back to shamelessly watching my fratello and Tonio have their special moment. Luddy wanted to go home and prepare food for the dinner we were hosting tonight, but I wanted to burn this moment forever into my fanboy noodle brain – that's what fratello calls me when he's angry. He's angry all the time; I don't know why.

Luddy was getting antsy, though. He had planned to get up at six this morning. Ha! As if I would ever let him stop cuddling me. It was our anniversary too! I wanted this day to be special, not full of boring work.

"Oh no!" I exclaimed.

Antonio and Lovi were trying to kiss each other, but Jowltito was getting in the way.

Luddy sighed, reaching into his coat pocket to pull out a dog whistle. He blew into it. By the grace of God or another convenient Christmas plot miracle, Lovi must have left our living room window open by just a crack. He texted me that they had been baking this morning…

Hearing the whistle, Jowltito scrambled towards the sight of the sound, stopping to bark at the window. He was so cute. He looked almost exactly like Winston, who was back at Luddy's apartment sound asleep in the bundle of blankets I had wrapped him in.

Tonio and Lovi were finally able to have their kiss. It was adorably sweet.

"All right, you've had your fun," Luddy chided, grabbing my hand. "Let's give them some privacy, ja? We'll see them later."

I bent up on my tippy toes to kiss Luddy's cheek. "Okay," I smiled.

For some reason, Luddy opposed the idea of us skipping back to his apartment.

…

 **To be continued...**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** Hey guys! I'm back! So, yeah! We're about 3/4 through this fic omg yay :) Anyways, school's starting, but I don't think it'll affect my updating schedule. I have a smaller list of fics to rotate through now :p

 **Side note** : I think a lot of you guys got excited for oversea trips I intended to skim over in a time skip. BUT, I can always write them in bonus epilogue shorts if you guys are up for it. I'll bring it up again when the time comes.

So yeah, I'm not the only one recognizing the drop of activity in the fandom. There's an event on tumblr running from September 3rd- 9th. It's called the **HetaliaExtravaganza2k17**. It intends to revive activity and celebrate artists and writers. I'm participating, and I highly recommend that you guys too. The prompts are super fun! Remember the FAN in fanfiction y'all.

 **Recommendations!**

 **#1. "Fire Ball Outfit** " by " **ChocolateTurnip"** A modern AusHun circus multi-chapter (Human AU). It's a fantastic murder mystery and is nearly completed. Overall, very well plotted and written. The characterization is godly. It always keeps you on your toes.

 **#2. "Red on White"** by " **December Writing Dragon"** A brief, RusAme multi-chapter (Human AU). Angst is angst. I don't know, it really tickled at the heartstrings. What would you do if your beloved got hit by a car? I'm really living for the heroic symbolism it portrayed.

 **#3. "The Nefarious Mathilda Jones"** by " **missycanucks"** A mob/mafia multi-chapter (Human AU). It explores criminal activity between three criminal gangs, and how a wanted fugitive *Mathilda* messes with them all. What's more, it's fun to read how the police are constantly duped – the one time I'll ever side with the bad guys ;p This is an amazing thriller to read! Weekly updates are on Thursdays!

 **#4. "Spellcaster, Secretkeeper (1 of 4)"** by " **Quizicalcoatl"** A FrUk war + magical nations AU. England has a solution to end the war, but at what cost? His life?

 **#5**. **"Ghost Stories"** by **"everythingisdragons** " A sad one-shot where Alfred grows up seeing a ghost that looks like him, but not quite. *sobs* (Human AU).

Thanks again for the recommendations! Keep sending them! (With the amount I have, I'll continue recs on my tumblr once this story is done, but that won't be for quite a bit. I still review every rec btw). Have a great day/ night!

-Ella

* * *

 **We Wish You a Merry Scary Christmas:**

 **Alfred's POV** (December 25th)

After the café's Christmas party, the next few days passed by in a blur. Yours truly was surrounded by couples, and not to be a downer yo, but it made me feel hella lonely.

Christmas morning (today) was cool and all, as I got to spend the first part with my little bro, exchanging presents. He had gotten me a lot of fast food gift cards, while I had somehow managed to get him a signed hockey stick from eBay. It all worked out though, because we were both super happy.

Not to brag or anything, but it was totally better than Gilbert's gift, which was just a recording of him covering several Hamilton songs. Mattie didn't seem to think so, but my pride as a hero wasn't having any of it.

As you can probably guess, the second half of Christmas morning was spent being an awkward third wheel. At least I had little dude Aaron (short for Aaron fur sir) to keep me company. It was still pretty lonely, and having Christmas dinner surrounded by three couples wasn't something I looked forward to.

I hadn't dated anyone in a while, and I wouldn't mind doing so again. I never let my heart get broken because I treated every relationship as something to learn from, regardless if it was a fling, one-night stand, or a full-fledged commitment to another person. I suppose you can say that I liked being close to people; being alone made me feel uncomfortable because I didn't know what to do with myself.

That's why the holidays this year sort of sucked for me. I was the bigger person and decided to let Mattie have his space. I took lots of walks on campus, bringing Aaron along with me. The pupper attracted a lot of girls, and I had received several numbers in return. I needed interaction, but for some reason, seeing and talking to these strangers did nothing for me. I wasn't stimulated. I was just as bored as I was before.

So, when I got a text from Natalia, asking me to check up on Ivan, I practically leapt at the opportunity, agreeing right away. Ivan, annoying as hell and smug as he may be, never left me bored. Even if we were arguing, getting in each other's faces, Ivan brought about a thrill I masochistically sought out.

Similarly, if I wasn't making him angry, I enjoyed making him smile. We were rivals, which meant that only I could make him feel irritated. Lately, he's been really distant with me, and hasn't been coming to the café often. Normally, I would blame this on exams, but something deep down told me that Ivan was dealing with something, something that was making him morose and less energetic and happier than usual.

Believe me, I've tried getting through to him, but we weren't close like that. I've told him that he could talk to me if he wanted to, but so far, he hasn't taken me up on that offer. I couldn't force him to talk if he didn't want to, you know? All I could do was visit him, and if he accepted, give him some well-needed company.

Natalia had informed me that he hadn't left his apartment since the party. Her and her older sister were getting worried, but since he wasn't answering his phone – or door – they thought it would be best if someone else checked up on him.

I didn't mind doing this at all, as I had already promised Natalia to look after Ivan. Also, getting on that chick's bad side would be an inevitable death wish.

It was no trouble either, as our dorm buildings were next to each other. Besides, Mattie and Gilbert were being obnoxiously clingy back at our own apartment. There weren't that many places for me to go; I didn't have many single friends left. Ivan was the only one I could think of.

A big part of me wished to spend the day with him, to get away from couple life and to just hang out with someone. It's not like Ivan and I haven't hung out before too. When I was a freshman, we used to go out drinking, a lot. We did a bit of that at the beginning of this school year too, but that had stopped later into the semester…

Ivan was scaring me. He had never been this quiet and reserved. Ivan was always trying to make friends, even if he ended up terrifying most people with his big stature and crushing hugs. He used to be so social. I couldn't help but wonder what had happened to change that.

Truth is, I genuinely cared about this dude… I missed seeing him, yelling at him…anything to do with him I missed.

I wanted to cheer him up.

My plan was to get him to spend an afternoon with me. We didn't even have to talk about anything... or at all. I just needed to know that he was okay, and if I could make him smile, then that would be an awesome bonus.

Since it was too cold to walk Aaron, I had tucked him underneath my winter coat, letting his head pop out of the collar. The zipper supported him well enough, and surprisingly, he behaved himself by not moving or squirming too much – he really was like a canine version of Mattie, patient, calm, and obedient.

In my other hand, I held a bouquet of sunflowers. Ivan and I weren't close like… ya know, but it was a well-known fact that he adored these things. It was more like a peace offering, to bring a smile to his face.

He had never let me into his apartment before…

Still, no one should be alone on Christmas.

It would be a pretty miserable way to spend the day.

After muttering myself a quick pep talk, I finally mustered the courage to knock on his door. I swallowed heavily as I heard the sound of heavy footsteps walk towards the door; it was opened by a slight crack.

Ivan's head popped out into the hallway. His face was pale, the cheeks sunken as if he hadn't gotten much sleep lately. He was wearing heavy clothing as per usual, including his favourite white scarf, a grey v-neck sweater, and black jeans. The articles hugged his physique in all the right ways, proving that he was in fact big-boned and not just overweight like the entire campus had rumoured him out to be.

He usually wore that large tan trench coat everywhere, so it was odd to seeing him like this. When his violet eyes met my gaze, they switched from dread – presumably because of Natalia's easier visits, which he had likely anticipated – to wonder and curiosity, and finally to this strange sort of longing and sadness that I still couldn't quite wrap my head around.

There was something wrong with Ivan; I just didn't know what it was. The problem was that I didn't want to push him too far. He reminded me of a cornered animal with the guarded expression on his face. I had to get him to trust me before he opened up to me, that is, if he even wanted to.

"Merry Christmas, Ivan!" I greeted merrily, jittery in my movements as I thrust the bouquet forward. My cheeks suddenly felt warm. God, what was I thinking? He was obviously going to interpret this as me being weird. Why was it that with him I had a problem being straight-forward? What made him so damn special?

"A-Alfred?" Ivan stammered, raising a brow as he accepted the bouquet from me. "What are you doing here? The flowers are lovely, thank you, but this is weird even for you, little one," he trailed off with a mumble.

"Just enjoy them, will ya? I walked through a freezing cold blizzard to get here!" I puffed out my cheeks. Like, hello? Look at me dude! I have a puppy stuffed in my jacket! If he would just open the door more…

Ivan sighed, giving me a weary look as he reciprocated my gesture. He still looked so hesitant; it was unnerving. "Merry Christmas. I'm afraid I didn't get you a gift; we celebrate the holiday much later in my country… I also didn't know I meant that much to you. This was very considerate, even if your walk through this so-called blizzard was perhaps two minutes at most."

Aggressive as always, that smug, ungrateful bastard!

"Uh, no!" I exploded. "I had to walk to the flower shop, thank you very much. I don't care if you didn't get me a present. This is all on me; we never agreed on anything. Now are you going to open up that door or what?"

"Why?" Ivan said, an incredulous look on his face.

"Because it's Christmas dude, and no one should spend it alone," I replied without missing a beat. "I didn't come here all this way for nothing. Besides, I have one last surprise."

"Again, this is a very nice gesture, Alfred, but I can't repay you. You don't under-" Before Ivan could shut the door, Aaron let out an irritated bark. He was probably getting hot now that we were indoors. Whatever it was that was bothering him, he just saved my ass.

"What was that?" Ivan asked, his voice raising an octave. Some excitement lingered in his voice.

"Open the door and you'll find out," I snorted.

Rolling his eyes, Ivan opened the door, muttering something about how annoying I could be despite the endearing moment. Yadda, yadda, you get the point.

When Ivan saw Aaron lying in my coat, his violet eyes widened into saucers. "Is he from the café? Oh! That's right," he exclaimed. "Your brother is taking care of this one. He told me that last week at hockey practice. He's gotten so big; what are you feeding him?"

"I'm feeding him kibble like I'm supposed to! Stop implying things!" I snarled, gritting my teeth. Okay, so maybe I fed him the occasional hamburger, but it wasn't going to kill him! "I'll ask you this again, Commie. Are you going to let us into your apartment or what? I got you flowers, and I brought a puppy. If that isn't going to bribe ya I don't know what will!"

Ivan reached out to let Aaron sniff his hand. "Bribe? What are you trying to bribe me with?"

"Geez, I'd like to have one conversation where you're not interrogating me. Oh, and just so you know, the bribe is to…it's to let me spend time with you…" I admitted, biting my lip.

Ivan's cheeks became dusted with pink. "Do you really want to spend time with me, _that_ bad?"

"Of course, I do!" I snapped. "I miss my drinking buddy. Remember all the stupid shit we used to do? We haven't hung out in so long; I want to fix that."

Ivan finally allowed a smile to grace his face. "Fine," he relented, placing the bouquet of flowers on a table near the door. "You may come in. I don't know why you would want to spend today with me of all people, but I can't let something this cute leave on my watch."

Silence.

"I was talking about the dog, Alfred," Ivan snickered, taking Aaron from me as I shrugged off my coat and shoes with slumped shoulders.

"Oh," I muttered.

After putting the flowers in a vase on the kitchen table, Ivan led me into the living room, cradling a very happy Aaron in his large arms.

The apartment was meant for two people, but rumour has it that no one's lasted being Ivan's roommate for more than two weeks. Maybe it was the fact that the air in here was frigid. It was also freakishly neat; minimalist even. It was just tables and furniture, there was nothing used to decorate the space with.

I hadn't been to his apartment in months, likely since the beginning of the school year. Nothing had changed.

Ivan sat us down on the leather couch in the living room, scratching Aaron's ears as the pupper happily laid in his lap.

Unsure of what to say, but still wanting to end the silence, I blurted. "See! He likes you!"

My voice rang off the walls, causing all three of us to flinch.

Ivan fondly cupped Aaron's snout. "I don't know why," he murmured. "Pets usually don't like me."

"How come?" I asked.

Ivan paused to think. Either way, I just happy that I was getting him to speak more. Our conversations lately had always been cut short with him finding some excuse to leave. Even though it hurt my pride, I recognized that the puppy was likely the only reason he was letting me stay here.

"I don't know," Ivan responded. "All I can remember is my big sister not letting me have hamsters. They would always flinch away from me when I pressed my face close to their cage. I used to poke them with markers, hah, and then they would bite my fingers. They were so chubby, like this one," he teased, poking Aaron's belly that was totally not fat, just a bit husky, okay?!

I deadpanned. Sometimes, I wondered if he even realized his cruelty, unintentional as it might be.

"Uh, yeah, it's a total wonder why those hamsters didn't like you," I said, my eyes widening. This guy could be such a psycho sometimes, honestly.

"So, what do we do now? Drink?" Ivan proposed.

I shivered, rubbing my arms. I hadn't even bothered to take off my bomber jacket, which I had worn underneath as a second layer. If I didn't know any better, I would have suspected that he hadn't turned on the heat.

"Nah," I shook my head. "Not on Christmas. We can save that for New Years. How about we order some take-out and like, uh, I don't know, watch some movies?"

"Horror movies?" Ivan perked up, knowing that I hated watching anything paranormal.

Sighing, I nodded my head. I knew him just as well as he knew me. It's why I had brought over several horror movies despite my severe aversion to them. Well, I wouldn't say aversion. I liked watching them, just not alone.

"Yeah dude, I brought a ton. Enough to last us all day."

"Okay, but I'm a little short on money," Ivan trailed off sadly, seeking comfort by bringing Aaron closer to his chest. "I'm sorry I don't have anything to offer you either. I can't afford much these days."

"Ah, don't worry about it!" I exclaimed. "I get it, we're all on a strict college budget. It's cool, really. I actually won a few coupons back at the café, so our meals are already paid for. Really, buddy, I planned this all the way through. All you have to do is sit back and relax."

"Sit back and relax, huh?" Ivan chuckled. The sound of it caused warmth to spread across my chest. He was smiling again, thank God. "I'll be finding that hard to do with the garbage you're about to force down my throat, not to mention having to deal with you shrieking like a little girl at every poorly executed jump scare."

"Hey!" I protested. "I frighten easily, all right?!"

"Da, I know. I just don't understand why."

"Tell me something," I growled. "If there was a ghost in this very apartment _right now_ , what would you do?"

"Pretend you're a female virgin and sacrifice you," Ivan smirked. "We can skip the virgin part if they get curious."

"Haha, very funny," I said dryly. "But, really, what would you do?"

"Hmmm, I would probably grab a weapon from the kitchen, like a pipe!" Ivan concluded.

"Wrong!" I bellowed, causing both Aaron and Ivan to flinch. "You're right about the kitchen part, though. Ghosts can't be beaten with fists or physical weapons. You need to make a ring of salt and hold a bible or something. I would know. I googled this shit."

"Why am I not surprised?" Ivan sighed.

"Dude, if the world ever got overrun with ghosts, you'd be the last person I'd ever want to be paired up with," I groaned.

"You watched Ghostbusters recently, didn't you?"

"N-no!"

I abruptly stood up from the couch, ignoring Ivan's smug glare as I ordered from the campus's McDonalds. Seriously, these guys had it right. They should have delivery everywhere, not just at select places.

While Ivan made us something warm to drink in the kitchen, I played with Aaron, throwing a sock ball back and forth in the living room. The pupper was getting antsy. If I wanted to have a movie marathon I needed to tucker him out so that he would be sleeping the whole time.

By the time the delivery guy got here, Aaron was already fast asleep and I had half a mug of cocoa in my system.

Obviously, as a waiter myself, I wasn't an asshole and gave the delivery guy a tip.

Ivan looked guilty about me paying, but I waved it off, since back at the café he was the best tipper out of the regulars. I was only returning the favor.

We were now sitting on the floor, in front of the coffee table in the living room. Aaron took one whiff of the food and was awake in an instant, pawing my thigh as be begged for me to feed him. I gave him the occasional fry, but I didn't want to give Ivan proof that I was making the pupper husky.

Meanwhile, said Russian held up his Big Mac in disbelief, inspecting it from all angles in the air. "There is grease in the bun, how is that even possible?"

"Just eat it, man. You won't regret it."

Instead of eating the burger, Ivan went on to inspecting his fries. When he began to squirt the ketchup packet onto the fries instead of individually dipping them, that's when I had to step in.

"Woah! Woah! Woah!" I shouted. "No! You have to dip them!"

"What?" Ivan deadpanned, irritated by how loud I was being.

"Look," I said, scooting over. "You mix the ketchup with mayonnaise and then you dip each fry."

After watching my demonstration, Ivan miraculously mimicked me. He licked his lips, sighing pleasantly. "Oh, this is pretty good. There's a lot of salt, though."

"If you already know the food is bad for you, don't let it ruin your enjoyment," I chided, taking a massive bite out of my burger. And no, I didn't feel Aaron clawing my thigh for the fiftieth time.

But Ivan sure did; he gave Aaron his burger without me realizing it. "Eat, furry friend. Your heart is young, it'll survive the extra cholesterol," he whispered.

When we were finished eating, I crumpled my wrappers into a ball, placing them in the brown paper bag the food came in. "Do ya have any soda?" I asked.

"No, I'm not addicted to sugar, unlike you," Ivan retorted.

"S-says the guy who had more marshmallows in his drink than hot cocoa!" I spluttered.

Ivan blushed. "I like how fluffy they are… They kind of remind me of you when I poke your cheeks."

"HEY!"

Ivan laughed, refusing to take back his insult.

I pretended to ignore him as he grabbed a stack of napkins and began to clean the coffee table. When he proceeded to poke my cheek, that's when I drew the last straw. "What am I? An animal to you?"

"Da, a piggy," Ivan responded.

"Hmmph!"

"Alfred?"

"What?"

"You have ketchup on your face."

"Oh."

Reluctantly, I turned around to grab a napkin, only to falter when Ivan reached over to dab at my cheek.

"Why is your face red?"

"My face isn't red, you stupid Commie. I'm just cold."

"Oh, sorry…" Ivan's expression fell.

"It's okay. The buildings here have really poor heating…"

Hopefully, Ivan would take the bait and accept my excuse for him.

He did, not saying another word about the topic.

Sighing, we both fell against the back of the couch, still sitting on the ground.

"Man, I'm exhausted."

"It's because of the food you eat," Ivan retorted. "I feel tired too. It weighs you down, makes you sleepy. How do you eat this everyday? Doesn't it get hard to balance school and work?"

"Nah, if I keep drinking Mountain Dew every hour I stay awake."

"You worry me, Alfred. You won't make it past fifty years old if you keep it up like this."

"Speaking of which," I intervened, albeit not very smoothly. I didn't like talking about my weight, period. "Are you doing all right lately? I've barely seen you. Did exams go well?"

Ivan remained silent.

"Ivan," I started, lowering my voice. "I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I won't force you, but I'll be there for you if you need me. Like now."

Ivan turned to look at me, violet orbs that were before filled with teasing now reflecting stress. He seemed lonely, his shoulders sagging along with his smile.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Now go on, at your own pace of course!" I added in with a stammer. "I won't judge or tell anyone. This is between me and you, buddy."

The reassuring smile I gave must have done it for him.

"I'm just stressed…"

I nodded my head, urging for him to continue.

I had never gotten this far before.

"My family… we've never really had it easy. Our parents died when we were little. Katyusha… she was only eighteen when she became Natalia and I's guardian. Since I'm older now, I feel like I should be helping out more. But Kat is insistent that I finish my education first. She's an administration worker here, so our tuition is mainly paid for. Still, I can't help but feel like I'm a burden.

"As a man, society tells me it's my duty to provide. But how am I going to provide if I have a useless degree in poetry? I've always been told to do what I want; to follow my dreams. But what if my dreams are not what I need? What if my dreams are selfish? What if I'm not good enough? I want my sisters to not have to worry about money. And even if it means giving up what I like, I'd be more than happy to make this sacrifice for them. I've been thinking about this for a while now, of starting over and picking a new degree, one that would eventually give me the salary I need to prevent Natalia from going into debt and to put Kat into retirement, where she can finally have the relaxation she deserves after so many years of hard work.

"I just…I'm guilty, Alfred. There's no other way of putting it. I… don't know what to do. I've even considered dropping out to work full-time."

"Ivan?"

"Da?"

"You're being stupid."

"W-what?"

"You heard me. You're being stupid," I repeated. "That Kat you mentioned raised you to believe in yourself. She wants you to be happy, and to do what you want to do. Do you really think she'd want you to be miserable with your job? There are plenty of possibilities out there to do with your degree, some conventional, some not. The point is, it doesn't matter. Y'all seem to be doing fine now, and wanting to repay your sister is good and all, but I don't think she'd want you to feel like you owe her. You're family; family makes sacrifices for each other.

"Focus on yourself first, get your degree, and then find a job. If you really put in the effort to build yourself a platform, then I'm sure you'll be able to make a great living. I've been to your poetry events, you have talent, but you lack confidence in yourself. Keep working hard, and the success will come when you least expect it. At least, that's what my Pops told me. Your sisters love you, Ivan. They only want you to be happy."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do," I retorted stubbornly.

I glared at Ivan, forcing him to look me in the eyes. When he looked away, I knew that I had won the argument.

"I see your point, it's just hard to change the way you think, especially after so many years."

"I get that," I nodded my head. "The first step is recognizing these thoughts. If you catch yourself in the act, then you'll be able to flag them better and prepare yourself for the next time."

"You sound like you speak from experience," Ivan remarked.

"Yeah," I admitted sheepishly. "There was once a time where I was afraid of my family rejecting me for my bisexuality. And then Mattie of all people braves it out by telling our parents that he's gay. Their acceptance encouraged me to stop feeling ashamed of myself and to come out as well. It's been a rough road, but I figured if I treated people the way I wanted to be treated, I would, for the most part, attract kind, accepting people like myself.

"I do suffer from depression from time to time. It's nothing to worry about now, though. I got over it and got help."

"That's good. Hearing that gives me a lot of hope," Ivan whispered. "I've always looked up to you. You're just so, _happy_. I've always wondered what it would feel like to not have to worry about things constantly, to not be so…anxious all the time. I want to make friends, but I guess I come off too strong."

"Well, you don't come off too strong on me!" I declared, taking my cue to liven the mood in the room. I was supposed to be cheering him up, after all. "I like ya, buddy. I already told you that. Being happy, it's subjective. You've just gotta learn how to appreciate the small things, and eventually they'll matter a lot more than they did before. Now how about we settle down, like friends, and watch a shit ton of movies together? How does that sound?"

Ivan reached out his hand, his fingers ghosting my cheek before he let them rest on my shoulder. His expression was determined despite the uncertainty in his voice. "I like that idea."

The remainder of the afternoon was spent watching horror movies. I may or may not have borrowed Ivan's trench coat to hide behind. It was because I was cold, okay?

Also, I totally didn't have an unhealthy amount of popcorn… or shift closer and closer to Ivan with each passing movie.

We didn't even realize that it was nighttime until I received a text from Mattie. He was asking where I was, since we had a dinner to go to over at Ludwig's apartment.

Now that I had someone to spend Christmas with, I declined at the last-minute, choosing instead to watch several more movies with Ivan until midnight. I was tired of being the odd one out, pun not intended but graciously taken.

Time flied by when I was with Ivan. He cracked smug remarks to make watching the horror and gore easier for me to withstand. I found myself smiling and laughing a lot more than I usually did during these type of movies.

When it was time for me to leave, I was surprised to find that Ivan looked disappointed. Either way, I promised to come over if he ever wanted me to, as we still had a good two weeks to kill before classes started up again.

I even let him keep Aaron for the night – I had never seen the guy look so happy.

The next day, Natalia came by to return the pupper, a disbelieving look on her face. Aaron looked absolutely petrified; I honestly couldn't blame him.

"Jones," Natalia growled, handing a shaking ball of fur to me. "I don't know what you did, or how you did it, but thank you. I've never seen him smile this much before."

I patted Aaron's back. "What can I say? A hero's charm always prevails," I grinned, suppressing a relieved sigh.

Natalia rolled her eyes. "You're lucky you're holding that…thing right now. Otherwise, I'd punch you in the throat."

I swallowed heavily. "Good to know."

…

 **Matthew's POV:**

Christmas, as always, was such a pleasant day. The moods were high, there was snow outside, and I had had several mugs of maple syrup-filled coffee this morning, that is, after exchanging presents with Alfred and Gilbert.

Let's just say that despite how family-oriented this holiday was, when you're young and in a relationship, three becomes a crowd after a while. Alfred hasn't shown any hints of liking Gilbert, only talking to him when it was absolutely necessary, albeit in a clipped, stiff tone. Hence, the simple beer mug present he had given to Gilbert for Christmas.

Gilbert was no different though, I was done defending my idiot boyfriend, or partner in crime as he liked me to refer to him as. He had gotten Alfred a massive chocolate bar from a sweets shop on campus – I believe it was owned by one of Francis's cousins if I'm not mistaken.

Anyways, the two seemed to be getting along well enough. Gilbert had no real reason to protest to his beer mug, and Alfred had already eaten the whole chocolate bar in one go.

Now, I know what you're all probably wondering: Matthew, you intelligent, shy Casanova, what did you get Gilbert for Christmas? – Fight me ( _don't actually, pls_ ), sass runs in the family –

Well, friends, since we went with the Hamilton theme this year, as Gilbert had recorded several covers for me as his present, I had gotten Roderich to do me a solid. I was already on the Austrian's good side for being such a 'devoted' worker, so it really wasn't too much of a problem to ask for his help.

Because Roderich was travelling across Europe for his tours, he had been able to get a signed autograph of Lin Manuel-Miranda for me. I could never repay him for the favor, but something told me that Roderich was doing this mostly for Gilbert. Despite how much they fought when they weren't drunk, they were still good friends having gone to the same international boarding school since they were in middle school.

All in all, everything worked out, and that's all that really mattered.

After cleaning up the mess of gift wrap and calming down Aaron – as he had barked at the vacuum cleaner like his life depended on it – I sat on the living room couch with Gilbert, letting him wrap an arm around my shoulders.

Arthur had knitted all three of us red Christmas jumpers to wear, although Alfred wasn't wearing his. He looked like he was dressed to go somewhere, constantly checking his phone in between throwing a sock ball for Aaron to chase after.

Aaron was happily running back and forth across the apartment, happy to get his stubby, clumsy legs moving after sitting for so long.

The serene silence in the room was beginning to become unnerving. I loved Alfred, I really did, but I just wish that maybe, just maybe, he would choose to read to the atmosphere for once and give Gil and I a couple of hours to ourselves.

When Alfred stood up from his previous cross-legged position on the floor, I raised a brow, trying not to sound too excited. Obviously, I didn't want Alfred to feel like he wasn't wanted, as we were invited to a dinner tonight, but again, some time alone would be nice.

Okay, yes, I felt guilty for wanting him gone, but I deserved it, didn't I?

"Going somewhere?" I asked Alfred as he began to layer himself up in preparation for the cold weather outside.

"Yeah," Alfred answered. "I thought I would get out of your guys' hair for a bit and give you two some space," he paused to leer at Gilbert in warning. Something about his expression told me that he wasn't leaving just for us. "I got somewhere else to be. I'll be taking Aaron too if ya don't mind. The pupper hasn't been out since early this morning anyway."

"That's a great idea!" Gilbert blurted out, only to give a surprised oomph when I elbowed him in the stomach.

"Could you be a little more subtle?" I growled under my breath before returning my gaze to Alfred. "It's nearly -40 out," I sighed. "Aaron shouldn't be outside for long; his fur is short, it's not meant for this weather."

"Nah, it's alright," Alfred countered, waving his hand at me in reassurance. "I'll tuck the little dude in my jacket. Besides, I'm going to be indoors for most of the time."

"Oh?" I asked. Alfred didn't take the hint. He was being really secretive lately, but only when I felt like there was something truly wrong would I intervene. We had a twin bond like that. I didn't sense anything that was immediately troubling with him, so I decided to let him have his privacy.

"By all means then," I smiled. "Enjoy yourself. And remember that we're having dinner at Ludwig's tonight."

Alfred rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom," he laughed, before bending over to pat the pantlegs of his jeans. "Come on, Aaron. Wanna go for a walk? You do, yes you do," he cooed in his motherese voice.

Aaron stopped wagging his tail, his paws clicking against the wooden floor as he padded up to me. He looked up, as if asking for permission. I reached down to scratch his ears. "Go on," I reassured the puppy. "Uncle Al will take good care of you. Go," I cooed again. "Have fun."

 _He's just like me: patient, loyal and obedient._

"Your vati loves you!" Gilbert snickered, fondly batting Aaron's backside, giving him a gentle push. "Don't do anything too reckless."

I gave Gilbert a look that communicated the universal expression for 'like you're the one to talk'.

Aaron snorted before turning on his heels and happily running into Alfred's arms.

"I wonder what he's up to," I whispered, aiming a pensive glance at Alfred's back.

"Who cares, let him be," Gilbert shook his head, not fooling me in the slightest. He was getting way too mischievous in his tone for me not to be suspicious.

"Bye," Alfred called over his shoulder, Aaron neatly tucked in the front folds of his jacket. "I'll be back soon."

"Take all the time you need!" Gilbert called out.

Alfred glared at Gilbert one last time before leaving the apartment with a grand slam of the door. "That jerk's just lucky I haven't kicked him out yet!" he swore, his voice muffled by the walls between us.

"I swear, if he looks at Mattie like that again, I'll- I'll – **ARF!** – _Aaron barked_ – Yeah, good idea, buddy. I like what you're thinking…"

The rest of Alfred's cussing was thankfully droned out.

I didn't have to look at Gilbert to know that he would be smirking wickedly. I still looked at him anyway, deadpanning almost immediately.

"Why am I regretting this already?" I groaned. "What are you up to, mister?" I scolded. "You're beginning to worry me with that evil look on your face."

Gilbert stood up from the couch, unwrapping the arm he had around me. My whole right side became cold again.

"Are you kidding me, Mattie? Aren't you happy?! We finally get to be alone! Oh Gott, I thought he'd never leave. Uh, not that I wanted him to, nope, not at all," Gilbert faltered when I narrowed my eyes at him. "Anyway, let's do something fun."

This wasn't a suggestion.

Gilbert was already running over to the kitchen, where his phone was resting on the counter, charging.

"Your fun usually results in us being banned from somewhere," I retorted. "Forgive me for being suspicious, or afraid – actually both," I stammered, "but I'm still not liking how you're acting. Seriously, you're cackling like an evil super villain."

Gilbert grabbed his phone, holding it up to the air like a trophy, crimson eyes flashing. "We have the whole apartment to ourselves; you know what that means?"

"What?" I sighed, grabbing my forehead to ease my oncoming headache. Too bad Gilbert was a headache personified.

"We get to have a rap battle!" Gilbert declared.

"A…what?"

"You, me, rap battle, now. We're doing this, no objections."

I paled. He couldn't be serious. "We already listened to all the songs, Gil. And you know how I feel about singing in front of people! It makes me nervous… I stammer and can barely raise my voice. It's just so nerve-wracking!"

Gilbert wasn't fazed at all by my protests. He had an infuriating talent for always getting his way. "Hush, my dear maple liebling. I'll be the only one hearing you, so you don't have to worry; we're _rapping not_ singing may I remind you. This is going to be so much fun, promise! I'll even let you be Hamilton. You don't have to be perfect. The point of this is to goof off as much as possible, a hilarious clusterfuck if you will – with my adorable boyfriend, of course."

I pointedly looked away from Gilbert's puppy eyes.

"Please, Matthew?"

"No."

"Bitte?"

"Non!"

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

"I said no, you– ack!"

Suddenly, I was hoisted onto my feet. With the hand that wasn't holding his phone, Gilbert grabbed my wrist.

"Gil, I'm still not doing this!" I struggled, blushing furiously.

Gilbert bent down to peck my forehead, sending shivers up my spine. "Too bad, the music's already playing. If you want to lose, that's fine by me," he teased.

I jolted, freeing myself from Gilbert's grip. That asshole! He knew exactly how to tease out my competitive side, deeply hidden as it was.

I stood, paralyzed with both fear and determination as I faced my boyfriend, just like we were in a wrestling match.

"Wait!" I called out, prompting Gilbert to give me a confused stare as he paused the song.

"What?"

I ran over to the light switch. At the very least, if _he_ was going to do this, he had to do it right. "You need proper lighting."

Gilbert smirked, acknowledging that he was already beginning to win me over.

I turned off the lights, waiting until he had started up the song again before I began to flicker them on and off, pretending they were stage lights.

"You better watch how it's done, son," Gilbert provoked, earning himself an irritated eye twitch from me.

I didn't say anything, as Gilbert had already pressed play again.

 _"[Washington] Ladies and gentlemen, you coulda been anywhere in the world tonight, but you're here with us in New York City. Are you ready for a cabinet meeting?"_

 _(Imaginary crowd cheering; Gilbert joins in with an unnecessary cackle and wheeze.)_

 _"The issue on the table: Secretary Hamilton's plan to assume state debt and establish a national bank. Secretary Jefferson [Gilbert] you have the floor, sir."_

Gilbert acted as if he were accepting the phone – aka, the mic – from an imaginary George Washington. I continued to flicker the lights, grinning and shaking my head at his idiocy.

Puffing up his chest, Gilbert belted out the lyrics like he owned them, glaring at me as I was his rival in this, after all.

[Gilbert as Jefferson]: _"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We fought for these ideals; we shouldn't settle for less. These are wise words, enterprising men quote 'em. Don't act surprised you guys cuz I wrote em'_

 _"OWW!"_ Gilbert paused to glare snidely at me.

 _"But Hamilton [Matthew] forgets! His plan would have the government assume state's debts. Now, place your bets as to who that benefits, the very seat of government where Hamilton sits."_

" _NOT TRUE!"_ I called out, signalling my fate; I was taking part in this whether I liked it or not. I couldn't back out now.

Gilbert continued to parade about the living room, standing on the couch and dancing across the coffee table, waving his hands with an air of overexaggerated arrogance – far more than his usual person, which was saying a lot.

Eventually, he got to the end of his spiel, huffing and puffing as we switched places. It was his turn to be the lights person.

"You can still back out," Gilbert panted, handing me the phone as Washington introduced Hamilton into the rap battle. "It's not too late to be a **pussy**."

"Like hell I will," I growled.

Gilbert raised his eyebrows in praise. "Atta boy," he commended, but I ignored him.

"Secretary Hamilton, your response?"

I took a deep breath.

 _"[Matthew as Hamilton] Thomas [Gilbert] that was a real nice declaration. Welcome to the present, we're running a real nation. Would you like to join us, or stay mellow doin' whatever the hell it is you do in Monticello? If we assume the debts, the union gets a new line of credit, a financial diuretic; how do you not get it? If we're aggressive and competitive, the union gets a boost. You'd rather give it a sedative? A civics lesson from a slaver. Hey neighbor, your debts are paid cuz you don't pay for labor._

 _"'We plant seeds in the south we create.' Yeah keep ranting, we know who's really doing the planting!"_

 _"[Crowd jeers] OHHHHHHH!"_

Next thing I knew, I lost myself in the song, occasionally jabbing fingers at a laughing Gilbert to emphasize our rivalry.

Like Gilbert, I was standing on top of the coffee table to deliver my last line. It was unfortunate that I only possessed a sense of balance when I was on ice. " _Hey turn around, we'll see where my shoe fits…_ Ah!"

I stumbled.

Having spotted the potential of this catastrophe, Gilbert rushed forward, catching me before I could injure myself too badly.

We fell on the floor in a messy tangle of limbs. I was on top of Gilbert; he had broken the fall, having smacked his head lightly. He seemed okay though, judging by the wide smile on his face.

I bent down to kiss him just in case, ignoring the remnants of the song that continued to blast from his phone. "You okay?" I asked, giggling.

God, we were such dorks. We had just had a historical rap battle on Christmas day in hand-knitted jumpers. It couldn't get any worse – _or should I say better?–_ than that.

"Yup, couldn't be any better," Gilbert reciprocated the kiss, nuzzling his nose against mine.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't finish. I kinda suck like that… half-ass things, I mean," I explained in a rambling tone.

"LALALA!" Gilbert bellowed. "I can't hear you over the awesomeness of what just happened!"

He then lowered his voice. "You were amazing, babe."

I blushed. "If you say so, bub."

I sighed, grabbing his hand to help him onto his feet. "Come on, it's _my_ turn to choose something for us to do."

"Oh, and what is that?" Gilbert mused.

"Something _I'm_ actually good at; skating."

The look of horror on Gilbert's face was enough to make my entire week.

…

 **Lovino's POV** (December 26th)

Reading glasses perched on my nose, with a Spaniard's head resting in my lap, an ungrateful melodramatic furbag curled up in a ball at my feet, and a laptop close by, I did some online shopping.

We were all still full from last night's dinner, lying in bed.

It was a lazy afternoon. Antonio was napping on and off while I purchased things and absently ran my hands through his hair. The bastard could use some new shirts; he always wore the same thing. He needed more color in his wardrobe, something other than reds or yellows.

Antonio turned to look up at me, batting his lashes. In a slow, languid motion, he closed my laptop, causing me to splutter with anger. "Excuse you!" I reprimanded him. "I was getting you clothes, you ungrateful bastard!"

"Shhh!" Antonio pressed a hand over my mouth, squishing my lips together with thin fingers. "It's time to cuddle now. You've shopped enough."

"Fine," I relented, taking off my glasses. I rubbed at my tired eyes. "I think I need a nap too."

"Good, I'm glad you realize that," Antonio smiled sleepily. "C'mere, you grump."

"OOMHPH!" I gasped when Antonio scuttled upwards, wrapping an arm around my body before pressing me close to his chest.

"Ugh, this isn't working," I groaned.

We shifted positions. I yelped. "Ahahaha!" I giggled without much of a choice over the matter. I don't know when or how, but Jowltito was now part of our cuddling party; his whiskers and wet nose were tickling my collarbone and neck. "Tito, stop it, you cute fucker. I can't sleep with you panting and slobbering all over me."

We shifted positions again, still a tangle of limbs, but it was the best we could manage.

I didn't remember falling asleep.

…

Feliciano crept into Lovino's bedroom, one finger over his lips as he beckoned Ludwig forward. "Oh!" he cooed in a quiet whisper. "Nonno is going to _love_ this."

Feliciano proceeded to snap a picture of the cuddling pyramid of limbs and fur currently snoring away in blissful peace.

Ludwig furrowed his brows. "Does your grandfather not know about Antonio?" he said, poking his head into the room, only to blush for the lack of privacy.

"No, no, he does," Feliciano replied, shameless. "They speak on the phone, but Nonno doesn't know what he looks like. Lovi's very possessive and shy of his amore," he fondly remarked.

"You might want to reconsider sending him that photo then," Ludwig tried to scold Feliciano, but was unable to, not when his lover gave him that pout where it was literally impossible to say no.

"Fine," Ludwig sighed. "Do what you want, just don't get me involved."

 _RIP Feliciano – Chapters 1-15_

 **To be continued…**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** **Hey guys! My apologies for the long updates, but as most of you know, I do have quite a bit of stories to rotate through. I'm working to finish off a few, so updates between this story and others will be much faster.**

 **Okay, so awks. I have no recommendations this time since no one sent me any :( Which is actually kind of surprising? As such, I've begun recommending blogs and fic writers on my tumblr, which has like 4x the amount of followers since last time (omg). Anyways, if you guys do decide to drop a fic rec, this time, please make sure they're decent length. School is crazy, so I'm VERY busy.**

 **Thanks again, take care, and enjoy~!**

 **-Ella**

* * *

 **Valentine's Day Event:**

 **Lovino's POV:**

The first part of second semester always goes by in a blur. Students come back from a month of relaxing and partying, only to be thrust right back into the swing of syllabus week, midterms, and constant evaluations.

The holidays were wonderful to spend with Antonio, even if Feliciano had ruined the end of it by showing Nonno a picture of him. Now Nonno wouldn't shut up about meeting Antonio, and Antonio wouldn't either about meeting Nonno.

I swear, sometimes I wonder if I was secretly on a reality show.

Anyways, mid-terms had just ended for me, so thankfully I didn't have to worry about homework once I got home from this event. Just like at Christmas, the café was hosting a Valentine's day party. This time, however, Liza _really_ went all out.

Us male employees were decked out in black tuxes save for Feliks, while the ladies were wearing fishnets, heels of their choice, and a red one-piece playboy corset – bunny ears and tail accessories included.

Things were a little different than before, though.

First, Vlad didn't bother to compete against us this time, as he realized that he had actually lost money going through with that route. The Romanian had overspent by gearing up for customers that never came.

Second, Roderich was here. Although I don't see why he wouldn't be on such a special day, considering he was fucking engaged to the person organizing this whole thing.

Third, and perhaps the saddest difference of all, was that the puppies weren't here. They were close to five months old now and were in their teething stage. Having this many people around them would make them extremely hyper and overwhelmed, so they were only here to serve their guard function on normal, less busier days. As of now, Jowltito was at home, likely curled up on top of the many socks he had stolen from me… _that not-so-little-anymore_ _fucker_ …

If possible, this event was even bigger than the last one. This was likely because of the café's infamous reputation for promoting love of all shapes and forms.

Anticipating this ahead of time, I had celebrated Valentine's day with Antonio yesterday. It was really silly and stupid – we had spent the night like best friends, drinking wine, and holding the flowers we had given to each other close to our chests. It wasn't overly romantic, but it was still very much enjoyable. I was used to Antonio spoiling me with affection all the time, so there really wasn't a need for either of us to go over the top in our celebration of the special holiday.

I think the real celebration was the fact that Antonio was officially the longest relationship I've ever been in. I wasn't used to having someone care about me so deeply, nor was I used to reciprocating this sentiment. Still, it was nice not to be only sought after for my physical appearance. Antonio wanted me for me, sour attitude and all.

Before, I was pursued for my looks, and was later ignored for my personality. Now, I had every detail of myself under constant and irrational positive scrutiny, annoying as it could be sometimes. More than that, I wasn't leading on people either.

A healthy relationship with someone could do wonders for your self-esteem; it affects everything you do: how you interact with others, how you treat them, and how you trust them.

Lesson is, don't give up on finding the right person. It'll happen eventually. I just so happened to be 20 when I found mine.

Now, if only I could find him in this chaos.

People were drinking heavily, shouting, kissing, and snapping photos. Around every corner, there was a bright flash of a camera going off – Kiku really did have ninja-like reflexes if he was able to rush around the café this fast without bumping into anyone.

There were several stations for couples to participate in games, such as a bobbin' for heart apples, pin the tail on your OTP, water shooting competitions, and skee ball.

Sailing above the excited chatter, Roderich played piano in a remote corner. He was only heard thanks to Gilbert's AV skills. Liza was happily sitting next to her fiancé on the piano bench. Her eyes were dreamy and affectionately glazed over as she watched Roderich's long fingers stroke a soft, comforting melody.

"Darling," Roderich chided, halting his playing as Liza rested her head against his shoulder. "You know I can't play when you're this close to me."

"Oh, and why not?" Liza mused, batting her lashes.

"I am unable to think straight," Roderich blushed. "Your beauty has a habit of overwhelming my muse. It is and will always be my only focus from now on. I simply cannot look away and neglect you; I've learned from my past mistakes, and don't intend to make them again," he said and reached out to fondly caress Liza's beer-flushed cheek.

"You're so silly," Liza laughed. "I know better now. You have no problem playing when I'm around at home. Why now?"

"We're in front of people, darling," Roderich replied with ease. "When I see you now, looking so positively stunning, it takes a lot of restraint not to hold you even closer. Besides," he purred. "You have many things to do, and I also wouldn't mind having a better look at that outfit you're wearing. You know how much I love to be teased... leave me something to look forward to, don't give it all at once or I just may be ungrateful when I really do get to have you all to myself."

Liza took the hint. She cocked her head and kissed Roderich, a slow and sensual contact of the lips. "That I can do," she hummed, grinning devilishly.

The kiss was interrupted when the event's co-caterer cleared her throat impatiently. "Liz, I'm going to need your help running this event, you know. As nice as it is to have a boytoy to coddle, money isn't going to make itself."

Bella, one of Liza's good friends, clicked a sharp heel against the ground, waiting for the Hungarian to acknowledge her presence. She had short blonde hair that was styled in a bob, lime-green eyes, a strange cat-like smile, and was slender and short despite having a fairly large upper chest.

The Belgian was in her fourth and final year of the business school, running a chocolate shop just down the street. The two friends often worked together; Liza sold many of Bella's sweets here at the café.

Today, Bella was providing most of the sweets, ingredients, and machinery for Feliciano and Ludwig to experiment more in the kitchen. As such, the two would be splitting the profits for the night. Like Liza, Bella also had a stingy funder/investor for her business, that being her older brother.

I had known Bella for a while now, but it still struck me as odd how I hadn't met Antonio until this year, as the Spaniard and Belgian were good friends. I suppose it had a lot to do with the fact that Antonio was also in his final year of university– he wasn't partying as much, and came to the café more to do his homework.

Liza looked at Bella's shrewd expression and sighed. "Yes, Bels. I'm coming, hun," she replied politely, albeit rolling her eyes.

Roderich went back to playing his piano, stiffer in his posture than usual. He was unnerved by being referred to as a boytoy.

Bella and Liza began hauling boxes filled with sweets and ingredients into the kitchen. Before I could offer my help, Alfred had already stepped in, flashing them with his award-winning smile.

"Need some help, ladies?" Alfred hummed, accepting a box from a very grateful Bella. "Can't have you gals doing all the work, especially when you're wearing heels! It just ain't right!"

"Aren't you supposed to be in the kitchen, Al?" Liza smirked.

"Yeah, but you try getting anything done when your two other co-workers are too busy fawning over each other," Alfred groaned, bashfully rubbing at his neck. "Say, how about you two go back to worrying about running the events, and I'll carry the rest myself? I need something to do without staying in the kitchen too long anyway. Yeesh, talk about awkward."

Liza glanced back at the large pile of boxes sitting in a stalled cart at the front of the restaurant. The event was only just starting, so we weren't even at full capacity yet. "I don't know," she paused. "I wouldn't want you to strain your back. I could get in a lot of trouble with the board of advisers if something happened to you."

Bella glared at Liza, urging her to take the hint. Both girls were small in stature. Still, Liza was probably the strongest person I knew.

"Nah, it's fine," Alfred waved a hand. "Ivan will help me, right?"

Ivan poked his head out of a nearby booth. He was sitting with Toris and Natalia, and despite the cozy black turtle neck he was wearing, he couldn't have looked any more uncomfortable. "What is it now, Fedya?" he asked.

"These ladies could use some help carrying these boxes into the kitchen. I was wondering if you would like to help?" Alfred winked. He was always happy to put on his self-proclaimed hero façade.

"Okay!" Ivan exclaimed, happy to get away from the sharp, gruelling atmosphere of sitting so close to his sister. "I'd love to."

Natalia and Alfred exchanged looks, nodding in approval unbeknownst to everyone around them.

Bella smiled and shook hands with Ivan before handing over several boxes to him. "Aren't you just the cutest thing ever?" she gushed. She had to glance up several heads to smile at the Russian. "Thank you so much, sweetie. The help is _so_ _very_ appreciated. The name's Bella, nice to meet you!"

"I-Ivan," Ivan stammered, blushing from the praise. "It is… always a pleasure to help."

"Such a gentleman," Bella cooed before hooking her arm around Liza's. "I'll make sure to catch up with you later. The sweets are on the house! Come, Liz, we still have a lot to do."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Liza deadpanned. "I'm on it."

Ivan's eyes widened. "S-spasibo!" he stuttered. When Bella was out of hearing range, he let out a deep breath and then turned to Alfred in question. "Are people here always this nice?"

Alfred furrowed his brows. "Dude, you practically come here every day, and you're telling me you haven't had one nice encounter? Like, I know we argue a lot, but we still have good times together…right?"

"I suppose," Ivan shrugged and followed after Alfred as they head towards kitchen. "It's just, most people here are faking niceness to get tips. They're scared of who I am. That girl was the first person who genuinely smiled at me. She wasn't intimidated by my height, it's very strange," he remarked.

"That's cuz she has a brute of an older brother," Alfred reassured Ivan. "And I'm sure you're just exaggerating. Feliks likes ya, doesn't he?"

"He likes Toris, who sits next to me," Ivan corrected.

"Whatevs man, same thing. You're overthinking things again."

I was standing by the front counter, watching this encounter with pursed lips.

"Perhaps," Ivan sighed. He bent over to place the boxes at the foot of the kitchen door. No one dared to enter the kitchen, mainly because Feliciano and Ludwig were likely drunk and all over each other.

"Come, dude, let's get wasted," Alfred proposed. He draped a friendly arm over Ivan's shoulder despite being the shorter of the two.

"Da, that sounds good," Ivan agreed. He politely shrugged out of Alfred's grip; it was fast enough for it to be suspicious and seen as jittery. "I just have to go to the washroom first," he blurted out. "Excuse me."

"What did I do wrong?" Alfred muttered to himself as he walked back into the main area of the café. "Ah, well, I'll find us a good table. He just needs to unwind a little. Yeah, that's probably it…"

Confused but not wanting to pry, I resumed making coffee art. Feliciano was too busy in the kitchen, – in more ways than one – so I was the only one somewhat capable of replacing his position. I was nowhere near as good as he was, but I had had enough practice. Besides, I was mostly just drawing hearts today; nothing too complicated.

Customers were just starting to pour in faster, so I had to work quickly. Bella and Liza were running all over the place, checking in with each station/ activity and their respective manned employee.

Unfortunately, the Belgian had lost her footing on an uneven roll in the carpet and stumbled forward.

I cried out in alarm. Thankfully Natalia of all people was there to catch Bella – I'm guessing she had been walking around the café looking for Ivan. Either way, she was in the right place at the right time.

Natalia straightened Bella as she still had stable grip around the latter's waist.

"Are you all right?" Natalia asked Bella. Her much longer blonde hair tickled and dangled over the Belgian's face. "You almost took a serious fall. It's those heels you're wearing, dangerous, pesky little things. They're useless if you ask me."

My jaw dropped. Was Natalia…nervous?

"O-oui, I'm fine, thanks to you," Bella said, wide-eyed and panting. She visibly relaxed, which prompted Natalia to let go of her. "Thank you, again. Mon dieu, you really saved me," she giggled. "I agree, these things are pure torture, but that's the dress code for tonight, so what can you do? The name's Bella, and you are?"

"Natalia, ah, but you may call me Nat if you wish," Natalia said, looking at Bella's forehead rather than her eyes. "W-well I must get going. I seemed to have lost my brother…"

"Oh, I thought you looked familiar. You're Ivan's sister, aren't you? You guys have the same eyes; a beautiful blue-violet. I've never seen anything like it before!" Bella complimented.

Natalia fidgeted with her hands. "D-da, I am."

Bella wasn't fazed by Natalia's shyness towards her compliment. "Well, if you're looking for him, I think I saw him head over to the restroom."

Natalia blushed. "Spasibo," she muttered. She meekly ducked her head and abruptly walked away.

Bella gave me a puzzled look. I shrugged as if to say 'what-can-you-do?'

Natalia sure was a strange woman. Turns out she wasn't as crazy as she had led other people to believe. Alfred had actually told me this. Apparently, she acted this way to try and provoke some reaction out of her brother – she's been doing this ever since last year. It's true, though. I distinctly remember Ivan being a lot more jovial and social than what he was now.

My only complaint is that I wish Natalia hadn't gone as far as she had with her psycho role. I mean, do you know how many countless hours I've spent wiping her fingerprints off the windows? It was only until recently that Liza's let her back into the café again too...

Oh well.

I didn't have much time to think about this.

Feliciano poked out his head through the kitchen doors. "Fratello, your orders are ready!" he informed me.

"Got it," I said, putting down the steam wand in my hand. "I'll be right there. You two _better_ be decent."

"We are~!" Feliciano giggled. "We're doing our jobs, just like you, promise!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Another hour and a half passed until the real party began. Everyone was drunk off their minds, so there wasn't much orders going around.

I finally had a chance to sit down and enjoy myself. Many of the other employees were doing the same thing. Most events went like this; the first part was working, then later in the night we usually resorted to playing board games or charades.

Exhausted, I walked over to the biggest commotion in the room. Three booths had been shoved together so that it formed an open circle. I found a seat next to Antonio, who immediately began to rattle off about how cute I was.

"My handsome tomatito has finally arrived," Antonio slurred. Thankfully, he wasn't drunk, but only tipsy. A drunk Antonio was not someone you wanted to be around. He became violent and aggressive, both in words and actions. New Year's Eve was spent avoiding him; he became even needier than usual.

"I mean, look at him. Isn't he cute? Tell me he's cute. I want to pinch his cheeks and never let go," Antonio sang.

I sighed and let him drape an arm over my shoulders. "Shut it, grandma. I think they get the point," I snapped, eliciting the group gathered around us to laugh.

Matthew and Gilbert were also sharing the cushioned booth Antonio and I were sitting on. Alfred, Ivan, Natalia, and Bella were sitting on the booth closest to the window; Arthur and Francis were sitting on the booth parallel to us; and Liza, Roderich, Mei, and Kiku were sitting at the table in the middle of the artificial circle.

Meanwhile, others stood near the open booth area, eagerly watching the game that was about to unfold. Vlad and Boris were there, likely taking notes on how to entertain their customers properly, ahem.

"All right, how about we play a game of Truth or Kiss?" Liza proposed, narrowing her eyes evilly at the prospect of victims before her. Even odder than this statement was that she had her fiancé's head resting in her lap. After having several beers, he had passed out, and wasn't about to move any time soon. To protect him from view, Liza had placed a newspaper over his head. I don't know why. I had learned better than to ask questions here.

"Sounds like a plan!" Mei squealed, cupping a hand over her nose. You know _exactly_ fucking why.

Kiku prepared his camera.

No one argued with Liza. She already had an empty beer bottle lying on the table she was sitting at.

"Buckle up, my lovely lovers, because things are about to get even hotter!" Liza cackled as she gave the bottle a good spin. "We can't have an event without drama, now can we?"

The bottle stopped at Arthur, who was more than drunk. He was completely wasted; shit-faced. His tie was hanging the wrong way from his blouse, and his messy tufts of blond hair made him look like a baby bird. The fact that he was hugging Francis's waist didn't exactly erase this disturbing image from my mind either.

Francis, stunned by Arthur's unusual behavior (even if they were dating now), was clutching onto a wine glass for dear life. He was taking large gulps to hide the embarrassed expression on his face.

"Arthur!" Liza bellowed. "Truth or Kiss."

"Kiss!" Arthur huffed with a confidence I had never seen in him before. "You don't scare me, ha! I've dealt with you shipping harpies before."

"Oh boo, you're no fun. Fine, make out with Francis," Liza said dismissively.

Arthur didn't make-out with Francis. He tackled the French, which caused the latter to spill wine over both of their blouses.

Francis didn't even have time to let out a mournful wail for his ruined shirt, as Arthur was occupied with attacking his face. "A-angleterre!" he stammered. "At least let me sit upright!"

"No, you're mine, you hear me? I'm done with having harlots flirt with you left and right. I want the entire world to know that you belong to me, and that I belong to you!" Arthur growled and furiously grabbed Francis by the collar of his shirt.

Antonio nudged my ribcage, blowing hot air into my ear just to bug me since I had been ignoring his earlier advances. "Arthur caught a woman flirting with Francis in France," he explained. "Francis didn't think anything of it, and Arthur pretended that it didn't bother him either, but I guess it really did. He's been a lot more possessive lately."

"Ah," I nodded in understanding. "That would explain a lot."

It's bizarre how I had normalized this craziness as part of my daily routine.

"You were hit on too, you imbecile! Ah!" Francis whined as he struggled to compose himself. "I knew I shouldn't have let you have that extra beer."

"Shut up, will you?" Arthur snarled. He was mad that Francis was pulling away from him.

Francis, resigned to his fate, sat in between Arthur's legs. He let the Brit hug him from behind, but only after patting down the stains from their shirts.

"None of you twats are to touch this masterpiece," Arthur warned the crowd.

"You're so needy," Francis, the masterpiece, deadpanned.

"You know you love me."

"I do, but this is too much. You don't have to feel so insecure all the time. I wouldn't be with you, if I didn't think you were attractive. I can't count how many times I've told you that it doesn't matter who flirts with me; if I'm with you, then I'm truly _with_ you," Francis chided, brushing his thumb over the back of Arthur's hand.

"Fine," Arthur pouted, resting his head on Francis's shoulders. "I'm still mad, though."

"When aren't you?" Francis sighed.

Liza clapped her hands together, satisfied with the photos Kiku had taken of the moment. "Next!" she declared.

The bottle stopped at Gilbert.

"Ohhhh, how very interesting," Liza's voice cracked, her tone taking on a hint of rivalry. She was still a bit salty about Gilbert flirting with Roderich from time to time, even if it meant nothing to him. "Truth or Kiss, Gilbert. Actually, you know what? Since you still owe me money like the total bum you are, I'll pick. Truth!"

Gilbert shrugged and unconsciously leaned against Matthew for support. He was a bit sluggish from the alcohol, but still nonetheless had an infuriating shit-eating grin on his face. "Bring it, Lizbitch," he taunted.

"Fine, if you're going to be an ass, then I'm afraid I'll spare you no mercy," Liza straightened. "Are you in love with Matthew. Yes or no?"

Silence.

Matthew tensed under Gilbert's shoulder, afraid of what he would say. Gilbert was his first real boyfriend, whereas Matthew was Gilbert's first real relationship as opposed to a non-committal fling.

Damn.

Liza was not backing out on her savagery tonight.

Was it weird that I admired her for this?

"That's easy," Gilbert chuckled. "Of course I love him. Gilbird loves him, which is a first. Why wouldn't I? He's awesome."

Silence.

"But," Gilbert added, acknowledging the incredulous stares he was receiving. Matthew was shaking like a leaf under him, refusing to establish eye-contact. Alfred was full-on glaring at Gilbert, daring the pale German to say something wrong, _wanting_ an excuse to tear right into him.

"That's not all," Gilbert continued. "I love him because he's sweet, and caring, and just really adorable, ya know? I can be a total idiot in front of him, and even better, he joins me. Isn't that right, liebling? We like binging on our own dorkiness, ja?"

Gilbert bent down to press a kiss on top of Matthew's head.

"Yes, you silly oaf," Matthew sighed, his anxiety long-diminished. "I want to grow old and die with you. I need a healthy does of daily reference-making, and I think I've already found my cure," he purred and reached up to kiss Gilbert's jawline.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww."

Alfred didn't take part in this group aw, growling despite Ivan's attempts to cheer him.

The Russian ended up patting Alfred's back just a bit too hard. and Alfred choked because of it.

"Why can't we do that in front of people?" Antonio whispered to me, jealous at this open display of affection.

"We can, but I know that if I do, you're just going to get impatient," I lectured and then promptly turned my head away from him.

When Liza spun the bottle again, much to everyone's mild horror, it landed on Natalia.

"N-Natalia!" Liza smiled nervously. Kiku swiftly put his camera away.

"Da, what is it. Truth or Kiss?" Natalia said, bored as she cupped her face with one hand, ankles stiffly crossed.

"Relax, Nat," Bella chided from beside the Belarusian. "It's just a game. Have fun, unwind a little."

Natalia blushed in response.

"Um, how about truth?" Liza proposed, going for the safe option, even if what Natalia decided to reveal would likely be super weird and creepy.

"Don't be a pussy," Natalia snarled in warning. "I don't want to be pitied just because I'm alone and barely have any friends. Give me what you'd give to everyone else."

So she _was_ self-aware…

Liza's fake smile faded. "Okay… then kiss?"

"So you're saying you don't want to know any of my dirty secrets?" Natalia retorted.

"My God, just pick something already!" a random male voice in the crowd shouted.

"Who ever said that, I'll cut off your dick if I ever find out who you are," Natalia threatened with a hiss. "Anyway, I pick neither. I'll hold hands with someone instead. My family believes in courtship, not this horny, fanservice lovefest that was likely inspired by the ideas of a lonely fangirl who knows nothing about love and hides in her basement all the time…"

"Uh, okay girl, you do you," Liza squeaked.

Clearing her throat, Natalia turned to look at Bella. "May I hold your hand?" she asked the Belgian. "It would be an honour to protect you from all the single male pigs in this room."

Bella shrugged. "Sure, why not?" she chimed. "If it's any consolation, my brother would totally approve of you as a potential spouse," she blurted out, likely from the effects of all the wine she had been drinking. "He doesn't usually like the guys I bring home, but never has a problem with the girls. You protecting me tonight would, ah, definitely put you on his good side…" she flushed.

"You drank too much," Natalia chided. She gently reached over to grab Bella's hand. "Here, rest your head on my shoulder. It'll make you feel less dizzy."

"Y-you're so nice," Bella admitted, doing what the Belarusian had instructed her to. "What's that smell on you? It's nice."

"My brother's cologne."

Ivan yelped.

"Ah…"

Natalia snapped her fingers impatiently. "Someone get a water for this girl."

Toris scurried off in the blink of an eye.

In utter disbelief, I turned to Antonio, who didn't look worried at all about his friend sitting so close to Natalia.

Indifferent to the situation, I let myself relax as well. If anything, Bella was probably safest with Natalia, judging by how much the Belarusian had taken to her. I mean, they were cute (?) together, but it was still very odd seeing this side of Natalia.

What the fuck ever. It was none of my business anyway.

"Alfred!" Liza declared when the bottle stopped before him.

"TRUTH!" Alfred bellowed without giving Liza a chance to choose for him.

"Lame," everyone booed.

"Diabetic git," Arthur muttered. "His blood sugar must have spiked again."

"Hmmm," Liza pondered. "Do you have a recent crush? It's been a while since I've last seen you with anyone."

Alfred chuckled nervously, avoiding the smug glares of everyone in the room. Last year, he had dated a Vietnamese girl on and off before she had finally broken up with him. They just didn't click. There was no good or bad guy over their relationship's end; it simply just wasn't meant to be. From what I knew, they were still great friends, actually.

"Ah, well…" Aflred faltered before biting his lip, determined to give a straight answer. "Actually, I do."

"I need a hint! Give _us_ a hint, damn it!" Liza exploded, revving up the crowd as she deviously rubbed her hands together.

 _Double double toil and trouble, love prevails, let the homo bubble._

"Um, he's super kind and fun to be around, he just doesn't realize it. Perhaps he's a bit too strong for his own good too. Oh! He has this totally soft side of him that not a lot of people get to see. I just think it's precious, even if he does get on my nerves most of the time."

"My God," Matthew whispered to Gilbert. "He's finally realized it. Took him long enough."

Everyone knew who Alfred was talking about.

It was likely that said person did too, but they didn't acknowledge it.

To make up for the awkward silence that followed, Liza moved on.

Meanwhile, Ivan got up from his seat and said his goodbyes.

"I'm tired, and it's getting late. Natya, am I walking you home too, or are you all right?" Ivan asked Natalia.

Natalia didn't even look at him as she replied. She was more focused on stroking Bella's hair. "Nyet. I will stay here. When I get home, I'll make sure to call you."

Ivan nodded his head. He turned and left the booth area shrugging on his favourite tan trench coat. Before he could, Alfred grabbed his wrist, perhaps a bit harder than he intended because the Russian winced from the contact.

"Sorry!" Alfred bluntly apologized. "Going home so soon? That's not like you, dude. Usually you stay until the party's over."

"I'm not feeling well," Ivan replied, indeed looking pale. "Good night, Alfred. I'll see you later."

"Yeah man, sure. Take care I guess…"

Alfred pouted, reseating himself and stuffing his face with truffles while the game of Truth or Kiss resumed.

Vlad, and Boris left after Ivan, followed by Mei and Kiku – Kiku had insisted on getting Mei home so that she could get enough rest to begin preparing for her mid-term on Monday.

As it got later, the crowd standing by the booths dispersed, so it was only our friend group who had stayed back.

The event was over, but the party sure wasn't.

Meanwhile, Feliciano and Ludwig had yet to leave the kitchen…ew…

It was a miracle that the bottle hadn't landed on either Antonio or myself.

That is, until now. I should have kept my fat inner-dialogue shut.

"Lovino!" Liza grinned with triumph.

"Kiss, please, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss," Antonio begged, making me wonder just how tipsy he was. Again, he wasn't drunk. It took him a while before he got to that point.

Liza's facial expression lifted. "Do whatever you want with him."

I didn't even have time to protest, let alone squeak as Antonio crashed shoulders with me, emitting the strength of a full-grown bull.

Next thing I knew, I was thrown over his shoulders and we were heading towards the back room. Our friends erupted in obnoxious cheers and catcalls.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, YOU CAN AT LEAST PUT ME DOWN!" I scolded. "I WOULD HAVE GONE WITH YOU ANYWAY."

"Fusososo! But it's not nearly as much fun that way," Antonio countered.

In response, I grabbed a good section of his hair and pulled. "Fucker."

"Watch yourself. I'll pull that curl of yours if you're not good," Antonio smirked.

I yelped when Antonio smacked my butt instead. I would have reprimanded him for it, but my head was starting to feel heavy from having too much to drink – hanging upside down didn't exactly help.

"Ugh, at least tell me where we're going."

Antonio answered me by recklessly kicking open the door to the backroom, only to back away just as fast when he found Feliciano straddling Ludwig on a leather swivel chair.

"Oh for the love of fuck, I didn't need to see that!" I wailed and began to sob. Okay, I was definitely drunk.

"Shhh! It's just a minor setback!" Antonio panted. He began to jog to god knows where.

Okay, maybe I had been eating too much bread and pasta lately too...

 **SLAM!**

"Could you stop kicking doors open?!" I screeched as Antonio…kicked open a bathroom stall.

"I said shhh! Let me be the sexy one this time!"

"You always were the sexy one! I'm the emotionally unstable love interest!"

Blood rushed to my head as Antonio placed me back on my feet. The next moment was hot and delirious, a mess of limbs, teeth, and hands raking through hair.

 _Well, it was hot until this happened._

Antonio pulled away from me. His eyes were unnaturally wide.

I heaved a large breath. "Ah… are you all right there, bastard?"

We were both intoxicated, making out in a bathroom stall while our friends screamed at the top of their lungs outside. Nothing was all right.

"Si…I think so…ay! Never mind!" Antonio pushed me to the side.

While he bent over and hurled out the contents of his stomach, I pinched the bridge of my nose and held back his hair with my free hand.

I wouldn't have had to hold back his hair if he had just listened to me for once and agreed to cut it.

Regardless, the mood was ruined.

It was a good thing we had celebrated Valentine's day beforehand.

…

The next morning…

I woke up, groggy and grumpy as I had to be up before ten to clean up the café along with the rest of the employees. Antonio, the lucky fucker, got to sleep in. Dragging myself out of bed was hard, especially since he sleep-gripped. Si, he literally refused to let me leave the bed, conscious or unconscious.

It was a struggle all right.

Two coffees later and I was still a hungover mess.

I grumpily trudged through the empty campus, hardly spotting anyone. Jowltito was trotting alongside me, wearing little booties since his pads were sensitive to the salt and snow on the ground. In one hand, I held his leash, and in the other, I was working on my third cup of coffee.

It was still relatively early. I thought I would get to work before everyone else. That way I could leave sooner. The café wouldn't be opening today; it was just a simple clean up from last night's event.

As I approached the café, Jowltito stiffened, the shackles on his back raising. "Tito?" I sleepily questioned. "What's wrong, vita mia?"

I followed Jowltito's gaze, accidentally dropping my coffee from the shock of the sight lying before me.

Someone had vandalized the café's front windows with bright red spray paint.

Worst of all was what it said:

 **Go to hell where you all belong**

 **...**

 **To be continued...**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** Hey guys! First of all thank you so much for the fic recommendations. Unfortunately, school has prevented me from getting to them all (it's exam time for me) so I'll have to delay the recommendations for now. I've been contributing to the fandom more actively on tumblr by recommending blogs and such :)

Initially, I wasn't going to upload today, as this is unedited, but it's been too long. Again, school has prevented me from editing the loads of pre-written chapters that I have in my docs folder :( I'm organized, I just don't have time! Anyways, here ya go! Best of luck to those entering finals season. Have a good day/ night :D

Also, quick side note. USERNAME CHANGE! I'm now known as **Ellawritesficssometimes!** It matches my tumblr name, since I receive far more interaction with other Hetalia fans! I post a lot of theories there if you're interested in checking it out!

-Ella

* * *

 **Lovino's POV:**

There was an unnerving and unsettling mood lingering in the air. The café was unusually quiet. Hell, I can't remember the last time it was this empty either. Only the regulars had showed up today, brave in their will to give us employees some well-needed solidarity. It had been two days since the Valentine's Day incident, and none of us were quite able to remove ourselves from the horror of it.

I've never felt so…betrayed? I mean, I know that not everyone is necessarily accepting of our community, but this… this was just so malicious and cruel. You could hold an opinion, hateful as it is, without having to express it with the intent to hurt others.

Being the first one to see the discriminatory act of vandalism, I was and still am more affected than what I would like to admit. I'm angry, and yet, I've never felt so defeated in my life. I'm completely drained, but also fearful and in high alert should something like this happen again.

We were all fearful that something like this would happen again, except we didn't voice these concerns. Like wilful automatons, everyone set about their duties and tried to carry on as normal, no matter how hard it was to ease ourselves back into a routine.

Ludwig was taking the dogs around the front in the hopes that they could pick up the scent of the vandalizer. Since two days had passed, and winter was in full-swing with strong gusts of wind, I didn't expect him to find anything incriminating. Still, Ludwig was adamant on trying. He carried our hopes for justice on his shoulders, and more importantly to him, Feliciano's.

Feliciano scared me the most. He was awfully quiet at home, and spent most of his time here in the kitchen. He always did this when he was upset. He would busy himself with as many tasks as possible, anything that would help him forget about what was troubling him.

The others weren't faring much better. Gilbert sat with a murderous, wild expression on his face. Several balls of scrunched up paper littered his booth. He had spent the good part of the afternoon trying to come up with potential suspects. Matthew swept in every now and then to give Gilbert something to eat or drink, but never stayed for long. Like Feliciano, Matthew kept to himself when he was upset.

For once, Francis and Arthur weren't arguing. They sat solemnly together, miraculously on the same side of the booth they shared. Francis rubbed Arthur's knuckles while Arthur brainstormed and poured over possible subjects given the evidence he had collected. The Brit had taken several photos of the crime scene, and was now closely analyzing them on his laptop.

The camera feeds showed that the person who had vandalized the café was tall and had cleverly worn a large hood to cover their face. The lighting was mediocre. Unfortunately, all the other restaurants in the strip had closed down for the night at the time of the incident.

Liza had been religiously re-watching the tapes non-stop these past couple of days. Not only was she furious, but she was also devastated. Several times already she had broken down crying, from both sleep-deprivation and frustration.

"Agh!" she groaned, and then moved to rub at her eyes with the insides of her palms. She did this to stop any tears that dared to well. It was really hard to see her like this. This wasn't the Liza I was familiar with, and honestly, it terrified me.

"The figure is too blurry! This is no help at all! I've looked at it how many times now, and still…nothing! For the love of God, _please!_ Give me a sign!" she said and looked up to the ceiling as if searching for answers. "I refuse to allow this to go unpunished."

"Beta," Roderich chided quietly at her side. "I'm sure we'll find out who it is eventually. Shouting at the ceiling isn't going to help with anything."

"Neither is not letting me vent either, Roderich!" Liza snapped. Roderich flinched, but held his ground. Two seconds afterwards, she sighed, slumped her shoulders, and gently placed her hand on Roderich's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "Crap! I'm sorry," she repeated. It wasn't long before sniffs turned into sobs and she had her head resting against Roderich's chest.

Roderich tucked his chin over Liza's head and began to hum to her softly. His hands delicately rubbed up and down her back. "That's quite all right, dear. I know how much things like this bother you. Perhaps this is horrible timing, but did I not warn you that something like this would eventually happen when we first opened this establishment?"

Liza grabbed Roderich's blouse tightly, balling and wrinkling the fabric much to his disdain. He chose not to say anything, and prioritized comforting his fiancée instead. It showed a lot of progress in their relationship. Roderich had actually been quite selfish before he had begun dating Liza, but now he allowed for plenty of compromises between the two of them.

"That's far from the point, and you know that!" Liza said. "It doesn't change the fact that what happened is wrong and disgusting. I shouldn't have to live my life or run my business dancing around the fear of something that shouldn't have even happened in the first place. We've argued over this many times, and my answer will always be the same. I'm not shutting this place down, no matter what."

"And that's where we'll always disagree," Roderich murmured. "If you're put in any sort of danger, I'm afraid that I'll have to take over. I hate using this over you, but please remember that this is my business just as much as it is yours. I will not allow you to compromise yours, let alone anyone's safety here."

"Don't you dare threaten me with that!" Liza squeaked. "I can take care of myself, all right?!"

"Shhhh," Roderich said. "Take a deep breath. We're in no rush. And yes, I'm well aware of the fact that you can take care of yourself, more so than I will ever be able to. All that I'm suggesting is that you think rationally here. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. You've already proven that you're competent as a business owner. Maybe it's time to move on…"

"I can't! I would be letting everyone down, and I won't let that happen. This isn't a time to give up. It's time to stand up for what's right. I'm not going to let one douchebag ruin this place for everyone."

Roderich pursed his lips and pondered for a moment. He was now accustomed to her use of 'foul' language, and had long given up on correcting her for it – not that he needed too. "I see that there will be no changing your mind over this. Fine. But, if things get worse, I will have to take extra measures. It would destroy my conscience if you got hurt just because of that stubborn pride of yours."

"You don't get it," Liza said. "Like you said, we've overcame this before, and we'll do it again. I don't care how, but the minute I find out who this person is, they're dead. I'll spare them no mercy! I'll… I'll… I'll show them what love means, no matter the shape or form. I'll make them understand, even if I have to use force to do it."

Oh yeah, that's right. This isn't the first time that something like this has happened at the café. I hadn't started working here until a few months after its initial opening. Rumour has it that she had received several anonymous threats. Once the café's popularity took off, and she had a large number of allies on her side, no one bothered to mess with her. That is, until now.

"Oh my. Please, think things through more. I know you can be rash sometimes, but this is really pushing the limits. It'd be awfully embarrassing to have a wife with a criminal record."

Liza pulled away from Roderich to glare up at him.

"That was a joke, schatz," Roderich's lips curled into a hint of a smirk, a rare occurrence.

"Oh," Liza smiled faintly. "Oh, ha," she said again as a single tear streaked down her cheek.

"What am I going to do with you?" Roderich teased as he stood up from the booth, but not before wiping at her cheek with his thumb. "All right, I won't make any hasty decisions just yet. I'll also probably have to invest in security guards. Something other than those…canines," he remarked with disdain.

"Good, because you'll have to pry this business away from my cold, dead hands," Liza giggled lightly. It was the first time she had laughed since the incident.

"Mhmmm. We'll see about that. I'll be right back. You appear to be in desperate need of a tissue." Roderich turned on his heels and set off towards the bathroom. Since his sense of direction was shit, he somehow ended up at the front entrance.

"The bathroom is in the opposite direction," I called out.

"Yes, you fool," Roderich growled. The blush on his face betrayed his embarrassment. "I know that!"

"Indignant jackass," I muttered under my breath.

Roderich promptly turned on his heels and accidentally headed into the kitchen before being redirected by Alfred.

Clumsily, Alfred slid into Liza's booth when he was sure that Roderich wasn't going to get lost again. "Hey, gal. Any luck finding out who that criminal is?" he asked her.

Liza wrung her hands nervously. "No such luck, Al. I was thinking of maybe getting that Estonian kid to help me increase the clarity of the frame. Otherwise, I have no clue what else to do."

"That's actually a pretty good idea," Alfred admitted. His eyes ominously clouded over as he bent forward to whisper to her. "I'll freaking kill them for even thinking about touching this place. You've given us all a space to be ourselves, and have helped a lot of people get through some really tough times. I'd be happy to return the favour by punching that son of a bitch's face in."

Liza nodded her head. "I'd hold up on that last part until we figure out what the person's motive is. We don't know who they are or what their circumstances are either. But thank you, I really appreciate how dedicated you are to this. And don't think that I haven't noticed you and Matthew playing detective when I'm not looking. I have ears like a hawk, in case you didn't know."

Alfred shrugged. "Hey, we grew up with Arthur reading us Sherlock Holmes as bedtime stories. Figured we'd set out our skills to use. And yeah, you have a scary talent for figuring out people's secrets."

"I'm glad," Liza said gratefully. "Just be sure to tell me anything you find out."

"Of course!" Alfred said eagerly. "I want justice just as much as the next guy. It doesn't help that campus security is doing next to nothing. Geez, you'd think they'd be less obvious about their homophobia."

"Some world we live in, huh," Liza said, sadly.

"Yep."

Alfred leaned forward. "Anyways, I think you should go home and get some rest. By the looks of it, I don't think you've slept all that much lately. The rest of us can take care of things from here. Maybe some alone time with Roderich will help keep your mind off things too," he suggested.

"The sleep sounds nice, but I don't want to leave you guys here. It'd seem selfish to take time off while everyone is worried sick."

"Nope, none of that now, ya hear?" Alfred lectured. He helped Liza to her feet and politely, albeit firmly, began placing her in her parka. "You're going home for a nap. Feel free to come back later, but you're no use if you're tired. Roderich agrees with me, don't ya?"

Liza was too fatigued to protest, and let Alfred move her arms for her.

Having come back from the washroom, Roderich dabbed at Liza's face while Alfred zipped up her coat. "Oh yes, quite," Roderich replied.

"Fine," Liza grumbled. "I'll be back before six."

Liza and Roderich left the café soon afterwards with the latter fretting to the former like a squawking mother goose.

It was my turn to become maternal when Feliciano exited the kitchen with a grand sigh. Silently, he shuffled up to me and put his head on my shoulder.

I instinctively wrapped my arm around him and began petting his hair. "What's up with you lately?" I asked. "You're so quiet. It's beginning to scare me."

Feliciano gave another noncommittal hum and closed his eyes.

"Seriously, Feli. You're really beginning to scare me."

No response.

Unsure of what to do, I nervously babbled on.

"Your boyfriend is useless, you know that? He hasn't found anything."

No response again.

"Oh come here, you big baby." I murmured and brought Feliciano into a full hug. "It's okay, you're all right. You're safe, and everyone else is safe too. We'll find that fucker who did this, and they'll receive hell for it, believe me. I'll make sure of it, and so will…so will _Ludwig_."

"I'm scared, Lovi," Feliciano finally spoke. "Not for me, but for everyone else. What if there's someone out there, someone here, who hasn't come out yet? How are they going to feel seeing this? How is those who have already come out going to feel having to walk around this campus in constant fear of being attacked. It's not…it's not fair, and I hate it."

My eyes widened. "I don't know. I wish I had an answer for that. Of course, it's unfair. Life never is, but this is something that we can and will fix. I promise."

"You can't promise that. Don't lie to me," Feliciano said.

"What is with you today?!" I spluttered. I had no idea how to react to my brother being so depressing. This was worse than Liza. Sure, Feliciano was a bit insecure about what others thought of him and had a bad habit of blaming himself for unrelated incidents, but this was seriously beginning to become concerning.

"I could ask the same question about you," Antonio said. He had just come back from his evening class judging by the rosiness of his cheeks and thin layer of snow crusting the top of his head. He placed a gloved hand on the counter, patiently drumming his fingers as he waited for me to respond. I didn't.

"Lovino," Antonio said sternly. "You've been unusually calm about what happened, and whenever I ask you about it, you always brush me off. It's okay if you want to talk about it. The same goes for you, Feli. We're all supposed to be here for each other, especially in times like this."

"You're right. I just... need more time to process this. I can't even think of where to begin, but I will talk to you about it eventually. I think we all need to," I admitted and reached out to place my free hand over Antonio's.

"Good, that's all I needed to hear," Antonio smiled. We were still working on communicating better, but he appreciated my effort. "Because, when we do find out who the person is, and we will, I'll personally make them pay for it. They made my boys upset, and absolutely no one messes with my family without suffering greatly."

A sheen as a sharp as an ax flickered across Antonio's eyes.

I almost pitied the vandalizer, almost.

…

When Liza got back from her nap, we held a staff meeting. She seemed a lot more alert and focused than she was before. Seeing that definitely gave me some relief. Crazy aunt figure or not, I still cared dearly about that homicidal demon.

We pushed several tables together, and there were plenty of snacks and plates being handed out. Knowing how argumentative everyone was, it would take a long time before we had all reached an unanimous decision.

Liza cleared her throat. When that didn't work, Ludwig banged his fist against the table. That sure shut everyone up. And no, I didn't flinch. Okay, maybe a little.

When he was sure that everyone had their full attention on Liza, Ludwig went back to stroking his thumb over the back of Feliciano's hand. Feliciano was slowly coming to, but he had to a tendency to feel a lot more deeply than other people. He never thought about himself, though. It made me proud to call him my brother, affectionate dumbass and all.

"So, I'm sure those of you all know that we can't let this incident go unpunished," Liza started.

Everyone nodded their heads, snorted, and gave angry hums of agreement.

"I've gone over the footage, and it looks like whoever we're dealing with knows what they're doing. They knew the exact angles where to stand without being too close to the cameras. It didn't help that they were wearing a hooded coat, or that all the lights on outside had been turned off. The only thing we do know is that they're very large in size. Has anyone else found something new?"

Ludwig raised his hand.

"Yes, actually. The dogs picked up the scent for two blocks before it went cold. It looked like they were either heading for or heading from the Arts building," he stiffly informed us.

"Thank you, Ludwig. That's very helpful. Anyone else have something to add before we decide what to do? Right now, I'm working on clearing up the picture quality of the tapes… How about any potential suspects?"

Gilbert spoke up. "I wouldn't have figured this out without Mattie's help," he paused to aim a proud glance at the Canadian before continuing, "but I think it would be smart to assume that whoever this person is, they've been here before. Or, at the very least, they've been watching the café and scoping out the outside area. This was deliberately planned. I don't think it was a spur of the moment type of thing."

"It was a team effort, actually," Matthew said softly.

Roderich crossed his arms and muttered to himself. "If only he focused this much on his studies…"

"OI!"

"Agreed," Natalia said. "They would have had to have seen everyone leave the party. Doing something as atrocious as this would require a lot of time. My best guess is that this person is an artist of some sort. I mean, just look at the photos Arthur took. You honestly can't tell me that that isn't calligraphy. The letters are all so carefully crafted."

The whole group but Bella jumped due to Natalia's unprecedented appearance. Since Bella and Natalia were dating, it made sense for Natalia to come for support. No one had seen her enter the café, but then again, when did anyone ever?

Either way, Bella's business had a stake in finding out who this person was too, and it wasn't just because she and Liza were good friends. Her bakery was also friendly to our community.

Arthur rustled through a stack of papers, licked the tip of his finger, and then procured a single sheet. On it, he had drawn a messy, near-unreadable diagram.

"To add to that, I've compiled a list of suspects. Shall we go over them?" he asked.

"Yes, please," Liza said.

"Now, I'm not accusing anyone of anything," he started, hands raised. "In times like this, it's best to assume that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Still, we should also be considering everyone at the same time, just in case."

"Isn't it guilty until proven innocent?" Francis chimed in.

"No, that's how continental European courts proceed. This is Common Law," Arthur said bluntly and rolled his eyes, as if this was obvious. "Anyways, whatever, that's not the point. Let's go through the names now…"

For the most part, it was easy to deny those here as guilty. It would make no sense not to, but Arthur was very much a tedious, process-driven person. He wanted to eliminate all possibilities.

"I already know this one can't be true, but what about Vlad?" Arthur proposed. "Or any one of his employees?"

"NO!" Ivan burst out.

Everyone turned to him in question.

"I mean," Ivan fiddled with his hand, ignoring the concerned glance Alfred spared him. "I may not know Vlad personally, but Eduard and Raivis do. I know they wouldn't be associated with someone like this. They both have very good hearts."

Toris silently nodded to himself, grateful that Ivan, his older cousin, was protecting their younger cousins so adamantly.

"Correct as that may very well be, it's irrelevant if you're unable to prove it," Arthur stated. "Either way, I know Vlad, and grating and cocky as he is, he wouldn't pull off something as petty and morally reprehensible as this. Moreover, it's easy to want to blame your rival, but it's important that I remind you all that he's part of our community as well."

"Arthur, chill! You don't have to be so dismissive. He was only giving his opinion!" Alfred growled.

"Why, I am chill," Arthur leered. "You're the one sending spittle everywhere, throwing a tantrum. If you can't be rational and have a composed conversation, then feel free to leave. I for one intend to crack this case."

"Angleterre?"

"What?"

"You have something on your face."

"Huh?"

And that was the end of Arthur's speech, as Francis had covered a napkin over the Brit's mouth, holding him at cloth-point. Alfred smugly snapchatted this with the intent to cheer up Ivan, but Ivan was more interested in picking at a button on his shirt.

"I still say that we check in with Vlad," I suggested. "He might have seen something. He was one of the first people to leave the party. Maybe he saw someone weird standing outside?"

"I agree!" Antonio grinned.

"You agree with everything I say," I deadpanned.

"No! If you wanted to jump off a cliff, I wouldn't be stupid enough to join you," Antonio countered, eyebrows waggling in challenge.

"But you would be stupid enough to film your precious tomatito in his last moments if it was too late to save him."

Don't ask me why I was speaking in third person.

"…"

"That's what I thought," I said, proudly.

"Ahem!" Liza piped up. "I like that idea. Lovino, you'll come with me to Vlad's café tomorrow. I'm going to need the sassy, emotionally unstable support as an extra edge. I need to ask that Eduard guy for help anyway. Kiku, Mei, I'll also need you guys to do reconnaissance beforehand."

"Hai!"

"Sure thing!"

"WAIT WHAT?!" I spluttered.

Liza ignored me and clapped her hands.

"All right, I guess that's it, everyone. Please remember to pair up if you're closing tonight, and to never let your guard down. Roderich should be hiring security guards soon, but we can never be too careful. If you find out anything more, come straight to me. Let's find out who this asshole is, yeah?"

"YEAH!"

"Dismissed!"

…

Feliciano and Ludwig had left five minutes ago, so it was just Antonio and I left in the café to lock up.

"You know, you could have gone to the apartment already," I sighed, knowing full well that his eyes would be glued on me until we were safe at home.

Tito was curled around my leg, short, stubby tail nervously wagging. He was totally aware of what was going on, even if he couldn't fully understand it.

"Nope, not going to happen. I'm not leaving you alone again. Remember what happened last time?" Antonio countered. "No one's going to be touching a hair on your grumpy little head."

I walked home with Antonio's arm draped over my shoulder, and when that wasn't good enough for him, he carried me the rest of the way. The bastard was just lucky his parka insulated him from my fists. Even so, it was nice to have moments of humour during stressful times like this.

It's why I loved him so much.

…

 **Alfred's POV:**

With Liza's meeting done and over with, Ivan and I headed for our late evening Poli-Sci lecture. This was a mandatory class for my program, whereas Ivan was taking it as an elective.

We always sat together, which worried a lot of people, especially since we were now learning about the Cold War and were comfortable debating with each other. Usually said debating involved screaming, but hey, that's just how we functioned sometimes. Okay, _I_ screamed and he had an infuriating smug grin on his face, same thing.

On the trip here, he was unusually quiet, and kinda pale now that I think of it. Mid-lecture, he had left for the washroom. He hasn't come back since.

Concerned, I slipped out of the auditorium to check up on him. I quietly entered the washroom and found Ivan hunched over the counter. He had the sleeves of his black turtleneck rolled up pretty far to wash his hands, but rather than doing so, he was just staring at himself in the mirror. The water from the tap was still running.

Even without the fluorescent light, he did have some noticeably dark purple bags under his eyes. Like a true artist, he had weird sparks of spontaneity, and they often happened in the late hours of the night. It was kind of cute, if you ask me.

"Uh, Ivan? Are you all right there, big guy? You've been here for a while."

Ivan gave a small yelp and immediately rolled down his sleeves, accidentally getting most of his forearms wet. "Fedya?" he whispered coarsely.

"Yeah, buddy, it's me. I just came in to check up on you. We're missing some pretty important stuff back there. The prof's supposed to go over what's on the midterm soon."

"Oh, da. I guess I'm just tired, and forgot where I was…" Ivan chuckled at his absent-mindedness. While he dried his hands with a paper towel, I leaned against a nearby wall and stared at him, biting my lip in thought.

It was strange not seeing him wear his beloved tan trench coat, but at the same time, I'm glad that he didn't. I was pretty envious of how muscular he was, not going to lie. No matter how much I worked out at the gym, I just wasn't built to be _that_ broad. Oddly enough, he never departed with his white scarf. That was something he _always_ had wrapped around his neck.

Honestly, he looked really hot right now. And man, _how easy it was_ to get lost in those gorgeous violet eyes of his, like a field of lavender. Looking at him made it effortless to forget about everything else that was going on, the stress; school; bills; everything.

OH SNAP, ALFRED! AWAY WITH THESE TOTALLY GAY THOUGHTS! NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO GET HORNY. YOU STILL HAVE HALF A LECTURE TO GET THROUGH. DARN! DARN! DARN!

"Thanks for coming to get me," Ivan said. "That was really thoughtful of you."

"…"

"Alfred? What are you staring at? And why are you biting your lip? You're drooling too? Did you not eat something before you came here? Nyet, that can't be it. You ate a lot of snacks before we got here…"

"Yummy…" I mumbled, vaguely.

I wanted to touch his hair. To cup his cheek. To get him to speak to me and look me in the eye instead of avoiding me half of the time.

 _Speak to me, please. I'm right here._

"Has your blood sugar dropped?"

"Mmm candy."

(I had meant to say man candy. I'm really glad that I didn't.)

Next thing I knew, Ivan had towed me over to a vending machine, and was buying snacks for me that he really couldn't afford. By the time I had realized this, I felt horrible, and even though I wasn't hungry, I still forced them down.

Ivan gave them to me, damn it. And that made them taste all the more better…

 **Lovino's POV:**

Shoulders squared, teeth gritted, and firm, menacing grimaces in place, Liza and I stood in front of Vlad's Maiden and Cosplay café. I had never actually entered it before, and it had been a while since Liza had visited the place herself. Sometimes her program held get togethers, and they would rotate which business to host them at.

The front sign had two large neon fangs protruding from it. The windows were blocked off with black curtains, and the faint glows of candles and other shadows ominously shot through the fabric. The front door was painted a shiny steel colour, reminding me of the iron maiden torturing devices that priests used to interrogate and torture witches with during the Middle Ages. As if that wasn't unnerving enough, I could hear the muffled sounds of rock metal playing.

"Ready?" I exhaled, a little puff of vapour escaping into the dry winter afternoon air. The hairs on the back of my neck pricked in anticipation, like a dog whose instincts were telling them to run far away.

Liza nodded her head and then reached up to ruffle my hair. There was a determined gleam in her eyes, shinier than the large banks of snow clumped around us. "Yep, let's get those bastards to spill everything they know," she faltered.

"I, uh, sorry. What Arthur said was right. We shouldn't be accusing people so easily. Let's just go in there and see if we can find out anything useful. I honestly doubt that Vlad would do something like this. It'll also be good to have more eyes around campus, seeing as how security isn't taking this incident seriously…"

I looked down at Liza, proudly. "Aw," I teased. "Mi bella crazy psycho is finally growing up. Last year, you would have broken Vlad's nose before stopping to ask him any questions. Bah, we don't need security anyway. Your pan is a deadly enough weapon."

Liza teasingly sent me a warning glare. "I'm a year older than you. Gay or not, I won't let another man patronize me."

"Zip it, missy," I snorted. "Oh, and there's something on your face."

"Well get it off then!" Liza said, indignantly.

I bent forward, and surprised her by softly pecking her cheek. "We'll find out who's doing this, Liza. I promise. Now, let's get this the hell over with. Literally," I scowled, aiming a disgruntled glance at the fake spikes glued on the handles of the front door.

Liza and I exchanged meaningful looks.

"Thanks, Lovi. I know I can always rely on you."

"Mmhmmm."

Wordlessly, I opened the door for Liza and let her go in first. The door swung shut with a heavy thud. I blinked, but was still blinded as my eyes failed to adjust to the darkness of the room. The air was hot and stuffy. I felt padded carpet underneath my feet. Just in case, I reached out for Liza until I found her arm, and then towed her along.

Just as our eyes began to adjust, a large creak echoed in the front waiting room. There was a wooden podium to seat guests, but no one was there.

It all made sense when a hidden coffin opened up from the wall to our right. "Velcome to my maiden and cosplay café! How many bloodlings vill I be seating today?"

Vlad received no coherent response, as Liza and I were too busy shrieking our heads off. Somehow, I had ended up in her arms, bridal style. I must have jumped into the air, although I don't remember doing so.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I spluttered.

"DON'T TOUCH MY DELICATE TSUNDERE BABY!" Liza bellowed. She protectively tightened her arms around me.

Vlad casually hopped out of his coffin, and it wasn't long before he doubled over with laughter. "Oh man, I knew the coffin thing was a good idea. It gets the customers every time!"

He was wearing a large black cloak that was red on the inside. His equally red eyes looked even more devilish under the UV rays that lit up the café from the waiting room onwards. As always, he was wearing a fake set of fangs to complement his already unnaturally sharp canines.

Liza set me on my feet. Like a coward, I grabbed her arm and half hid myself behind her.

"You didn't pull that trick the last time I came here!" she shrieked. "No wonder your numbers aren't all that great. People want to come to have a good time, not to be attacked, you lunatic!"

"Tsk! Tsk! Is that really all that you came here to do? To yell at me and insult my business?" Vlad puffed out with an obnoxious sigh. He must have had a lot of time to practice his lines.

His act would have been a lot smoother had he not have had to kick the smoke machine several times to get it to work. "Come on," Vlad grunted under his breath. "Ah! There we go! Wonderful~!"

"No, we came here to ask you if you saw anything suspicious before you left the party Saturday night," Liza asked, only to break down into a fitful cough. My eyes watered. The smoke machine spluttered and began to release too much smoke. Soon, we were all coughing.

"Fucking hell, turn it off!" I bellowed.

"Oh, Lovino, my love! I didn't see you there – _cough_ – Were you hiding behind Elizahag this whole time?"

"JUST TURN IT OFF DAMN IT!"

"Yes, that's definitely him… I'd recognize that perpetually pissed-off voice anywhere…"

It was Liza who ended up kicking the smoke machine hard enough to make it stop. We made quite the sight as we all came pouring out of the waiting room, hacking and rubbing at our eyes as grey mist billowed into the rest of the café.

Boris looked up from the front counter and shook his head, as if he were used to Vlad fucking things up. He must not have been that concerned because he returned to serving Natalia (?!) a strange martini that had several olives in it and a deep crimson liquid. She was seated on a bar stool, slim nylon-covered legs dangling several feet from the air.

Strangely, the front counter had been combined into a bar area, as Boris then set off to decorate a cupcake that had been dyed black. He squeezed frosting onto a plate in the shape of a spiderweb. When it hardened, he peeled it off and spread it over the cupcake – I had heard about their edible frosting before. It was one of the only good things they were known for.

"Boris, dear, we have guests!" Vlad called out.

"We won't for long if you keep suffocating them," Boris replied dryly.

This must have triggered a hostile reaction in Vlad, for his pride wouldn't allow it. He straightened, flicked his cape over his shoulder, and then stretched out his right arm. "Right this way, my lovelies…ah,.. lovely."

He ignored Liza's glare and led us to the front counter. Natalia turned away, not in the mood for conversation. I respected her wishes and sat three seats away from her. Since we weren't staying for long, we didn't ask for a table.

Liza heaved herself onto a stool beside me. Her eyes were still red from coughing. "You good?" I asked her.

"I'm fine!" she panted. "He's doing this on purpose just to manipulate you and get inside your head. Don't let down your guard!"

"Okay, now you're just being dramatic," I smirked.

Vlad joined Boris behind the front counter. "So, what can I do for you two?" he asked, comfortably draping an arm over Boris's shoulders. His cape nearly swallowed Boris. "Other than charging you for the broken smoke machine," he continued.

"Were you not listening to us?" Liza deadpanned. "And don't give me that bullshit. We both know that that machine was already broken well before we came here."

"He was probably too busy listening to the sound of his own voice," Natalia said slyly before tuning out of the conversation again.

"N-no! Well, maybe, but that's not the point! And who even asked you, Nat?! Some loyal customer you are!" Vlad fumed. Natalia had already shifted her attention elsewhere.

Boris shrugged out of Vlad's grip, rubbing at the dust and smoke stains that now coated the arms of his leather jacket. "If I heard correctly, they're here about that vandalism incident."

Vlad's expression softened. "Oh. Yes, I was very sorry when news reached us about that. I thought about going over for a quick visit to send my condolences, but haven't gotten around to it yet. Now that you're here, I guess I don't have to."

I inhaled sharply. This guy was the epitome of an asshole.

Liza didn't say anything, and I followed her lead. She was up to something, all right.

Mercilessly, Liza stared at Vlad, unblinking.

"Aren't you…going to say anything?"

Silence.

"My devil, woman, stop staring at me like that."

Silence.

"If you're here to accuse me of anything, save it!" Vlad stammered. "I don't care for that look on your face. You're only adding to my suspicions that you descend from a line of witches."

Having received the response she wanted, Liza leaned over and cupped her chin with gloved hands. "He's clear, Lovi. Vlad always bites his lip when he lies. He also looked me straight in the eye. He's telling the truth. They're not the ones we're looking for."

Boris raised his eyebrows, shocked, but also a bit perturbed. "Did you really suspect us of doing something as awful as that? Vlad may not like you, nor I to be honest, but we would never engage in such appalling behaviour, ever!"

Liza flicked her hair over the hood of her parka. "I thought so too, but you can never be too sure. Actually, I came here for two things. One, I was wondering if I could have the footage from your own cameras outside. I also wanted to see if Eduard was around. I could really use him to help strengthen the clarity of the frames."

"That's certainly asking for a lot," Vlad said, crossing his arms. "And what do we receive in return?"

"Or, maybe you two can be decent human beings and help us out without expecting something. This affects you guys too, whether you like it or not. Our whole community here is under attack if you haven't noticed," I growled.

"He's right," Boris admitted reluctantly. "Would you guys like something to eat? It's on the house. I have a feeling we'll all be here for a while."

Without Vlad's approval, Boris left and entered the kitchen anyway.

"Wait up just a minute!" Vlad exclaimed, waggling an index finger at Liza. "We'll help, for free, but I still want you to do something for me. I don't think it's out of my place to ask."

Liza groaned. "Yes?"

Vlad fidgeted with the edge of his sleeve. "I want our cafés to do a coordinated event. Once upon a time, you used to work at this café too. As much as I hate saying this, I could really use some help. Anything really. I'd even take suggestions. I still…consider us to be friends, even if we are rivals now. Perhaps we could even get back to what we used to be… before we went our separate ways."

Liza flinched in memory of her past as a tarot reader here. She had worked as his assistant, but since they were both hard-headed, stubborn, and very opinionated, things hadn't ended very well between them.

Come last year, she opened her own business, and her success had put another large wedge in their relationship. What surprised both of us just now was that Vlad had referred to her as a friend. Their fight last year has been pretty brutal.

Liza took off one of her gloves and reached over the counter to shake hands with Vlad. "You bastard," she smiled. "It took you a year, but you finally said it. That's all I've been waiting for. Of course, I'll do an event with you. Heck, I'll even help you change up a few things around here. You're really behind on the trends, you know."

Vlad sniffed in disdain. It took him a solid minute before he pulled off his own glove and shook hands with Liza. "Yeah, well, people change."

"Not really, you're still an asshole," Liza laughed. "But! It's what I used to love about you. Correction, what I love about you. This is your last six months here before you graduate, I'd hate for us to be fighting _all_ the time."

"Agreed. We'll help you with anything you need."

Liza narrowed her eyes at me after letting go of Vlad's hand. "Are you seriously snapchatting this right now?" she asked, incredulously.

"No would believe me otherwise," I laughed.

"Oh fine, whatever," Liza grumbled, blushing. She gratefully accepted the martini Vlad offered her and took a sloppy chug from it. I left them to catch up with each other.

I needed to find that Eduard guy.

I found the Estonian taking a break in a booth near the back. He had his laptop and several calculus textbooks in front of him. His work cape was draped across the back padding of the seat. I could see how easy it would be for it to get in the way. Although, given how dim the lighting of the chandelier dangling above the table was, this wasn't exactly a prime place to get some schoolwork done.

"Hey," I greeted and neatly swung into the opposite side of the booth.

Eduard glanced up from his books. "Oh, hello. You're that waiter from Liza's place, right?"

I nodded.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked.

"We came to ask for your help. I'm sure you heard about, you know," I replied and waved my hand to fill in the blanks.

The uncomfortable expression on Eduard's face told me that he understood what I was referring to.

"Yes, I'm very sorry about that."

"Don't be," I said evenly. "Your boss just agreed to help us out."

"Really? They're not…fighting or anything?"

"Nope," I smirked. "I'm surprised too."

"I see. So, what can I do for you? I still feel bad about that whole spying incident, and would like to make up for it," Eduard admitted. He nervously pushed up the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.

"That's actually why I came to see you. Liza needs you to do two things. First, we need you to pull out your own security footage from Saturday night. You don't have to give us the original tapes, a copy would be just fine. Also, are you able to increase the clarity of the footage? Our own tapes are too blurry for us to make out the face of the suspect."

I pulled out the tapes from my coat and laid them out onto the table.

"Yes," Eduard said almost immediately. "That's not a problem. I can have those back to you tomorrow morning." Even though he was shy, I picked up on a slight hint of pride in his voice.

"Great. Thanks so much. I'll leave you to your studies then. It looks like mid-term season isn't sparing you any mercy, damn."

"It's really no problem at all. And I'll survive, but my sleep schedule sure won't," Eduard joked. "Thanks for being so forgiving by the way. I really am sorry about what I did. I just didn't want to get fired."

"No worries, I understand. Take care."

"Good luck on your mid-terms too!"

I grunted non-committedly, and left Eduard feeling proud and accomplished myself.

When I found Liza and Vlad again, Liza was already tipsy. How did I know this, might you ask? Well, her cupping poor Raivis's cheeks and tucking him under her armpit was a pretty good indication.

Vlad sheepishly made eye-contact with me. "She drank four of them before I could stop her. She's always been a heavy drinker, I should have known…"

Raivis struggled to free himself. "I'm not cute!" He wailed. "I'm a vampire! I could kill you if I wanted to right now….rawr!" He bared his fake fangs and made a failed attempt to hiss.

I coughed to hide my laughter.

…

I stumbled to drag Liza back to our own café. "Honestly, what's Roderich going to say when you come back to him piss drunk? What would you have done if I wasn't here, huh? You need to be more careful."

"Honey, I can only stand Vlad when I have a shit-ton of alcohol in me. This was no accident. And I'm not drunk, just a little…loopy. And relax, we got what we wanted, didn't we?"

Sighing, I ignored her as she broke out into another fit of giggles.

"You're drinking two bottles of water when we get back, no excuses. I'm not letting you embarrass yourself. It's Monday afternoon for fuck's sakes."

"Mmm fine," Liza wriggled her hand free.

"Cup my ass, and I'm abandoning you right here," I threatened.

Liza pouted, but didn't say another word.

…

Later that night.

 **Alfred's POV:**

It was Matthew and I's turn to close tonight. Ludwig and Feliciano had just left, so there wasn't anyone else left in the café. Sunday, the café had been closed, and thinking along the same lines, we were both worried that the vandalizer would come back for a second round.

We agreed on staying back to investigate this for ourselves. After doing our routine clean-up, we turned off all the lights and hid ourselves from view. The dim street lights outside allowed us to see; well, somewhat.

I was behind the front counter, while Matthew was hiding at the side of the café, situated underneath a booth. I lit up my phone for a quick moment, which caused Matthew to hiss and snap at me to turn it off.

"All right, all right," I relented, whispering. "I'm just making sure that you still want to go through with this. Man, I hate to bring up the guy, but Gilbert isn't going to like it if he ever finds out about this."

"Gilbert and I aren't attached to the hip," Matthew retorted. "I don't need his permission to do things. And don't you dare tell him about this, Al. If we don't catch the guy, it'd go better unspoken."

"Fine," I said. "Your call. So, do you think the guy is going to come or what?"

"He's not going to if you keep flapping your fat mouth."

"Hey!" I protested. "I'm just saying… If he does come, I'm going to try and catch him. You in?"

"I don't know… what if he has a weapon?"

I had to crane my ear to hear Matthew. He was being too cautious, as always.

"Nah," I said, more confidently than how I truly felt. "It's just some hateful idiot. I don't think they'd have a weapon on them. They're doing this when they think that no one will be around."

"That's true. Okay, yeah. Let's put a stop to this."

We fell into an unnerving silence. A half hour passed, and just when we were about to call it a night, Matthew sent me a text. He was slowly poking his head above the booth to get a better view.

Matt: There's someone standing outside the front.

Matt: He's large too. At least I think it's a he.

Matt: Don't make it obvious, but try to see for yourself.

I glanced across the room and saw Matthew pointing upwards. Slowly, I rose above the front counter, careful not to make my movements too obvious to spot.

I deliberately held my breath and tried not to panic when I found the large figure Matthew was looking at. Quickly, I ducked back into hiding. I fumbled to reply back to Matthew.

Alfred: WTF?! They're huge.

Alfred: What do we do?

Matt: Wait until they do something. We need proof.

Alfred: Gotcha.

We waited in baited silence. I was too scared that if I showed myself again, then the person would see me. This hesitation ended up costing our chances of catching them.

 **CRASH!**

My head whipped in Matthew's direction when I heard him scream. A rock came skidding across the tiled floor and stopped just before my knees. The window Matthew had been sitting near had just been broken. Glass was everywhere and a cold chill swept into the café.

"MATT!" I yelled.

My limbs became numb as I scrambled to my feet. "I'M FINE, AH!" Matthew grunted. "GO! CATCH THEM BEFORE THEY GET AWAY!"

"Matt, I…"

"I SAID GO, I'M FINE!"

Next thing I knew, I had pushed open the café's front doors and was in hot pursuit of the person. There were too far away, and were surprisingly quick for their size. My vision blurred as the freezing cold wind tore at my face.

I swore and said all kinds of things I never thought I had in me. It soon became clear that I wasn't going to catch the person, as they had ducked behind a building a couple of blocks ahead. I slowed to a stop, heaving in fury.

"YOU HATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT! YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL, JUST YOU WAIT. AND ONCE YOU DO, I'll PERSONALLY BE THE ONE TO KICK YOUR ROTTEN FACE IN."

"Shit…" My eyes widened with realization. "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! MATT!"

I skidded into the café two minutes later and found that Matthew had already turned the lights back on. He was holding a bloodied towel to his face. His hand was shaking.

"Matt!" I said hoarsely.

Matthew smiled weakly. "It's fine, I already told you. It's a shallow cut at best. It won't scar. I'm more worried about that."

I followed his gaze and inhaled sharply at the sight of the broken window. Whoever had thrown that rock was _strong_ ; there was hardly any glass paneling left.

"I'm guessing you didn't get the guy?" Matthew asked.

"No, but forget that. Let me see your cut."

Gently, I lifted the towel from his face. The cut wasn't bad like he said, but I was still livid about it.

Matthew must have sensed this. "Al, calm down. It's all right. We just… uh… we should probably call the cops." His voice trailed off. He was still in shock from what had just happened.

"No, IT'S NOT OKAY!" I exploded. "STUFF LIKE THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. IT'S 2017, DAMN IT!"

Frustrated, I kicked over a nearby garbage can.

"Al…"

I kicked the garbage can again.

"AL STOP!" Matthew shouted.

I froze when Matthew wrapped his arms around my waist.

"You need to calm down. Getting angry isn't going to help, valid reason or not. Go, sit down. I'll call the cops and then Liza."

"I'll calm down, but it's scaring me how you're dismissing this so easily. We're all in danger now. Who knows what they'll do next."

Defeated, I flipped over a chair resting upside down on a nearby table, straightened it to ground level, and sat in it.

Matthew walked over to place a hand on my shoulder. It should have been _me_ comforting him.

"Al, I want to catch this guy just as much as you do. I know it's hard, but be patient, please. Sooner or later, we'll find something. I think we know better now than to do this on our own. We need more numbers if we're going to put this to an end."

"You make it seem so easy," I sighed.

"Don't put words in my mouth. I didn't say that."

"Fine. I'll call the cops. You should wash out that cut. It's still deep enough to get infected."

Matt nodded and headed for the backroom.

After calling the cops and Liza, I raked a fist through my hair. Uncertainty and fear lingered in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't remember the last time I had ever felt this miserable or helpless.

 **To be continued...**


	18. Chapter 18

**Fic Recommendations:**

 **Drovenich** : _They have a lot of apocalyptic, parallel AU, and America war-centric fics. An older author with an excellent and reliable track-record of completing their works_.

 **Love has no Recipe** by **Sillypandalover91** : _An ongoing Gerita focused crime/romance fanfiction, what more could you ask for? Although, shipping isn't the main focus. It has plot_ 😉

 **A Worthwhile Companion** by **Arlia'Devi:** _What?! A person actually shares the idea that Germany keeps Prussia alive as a "pet" and allows his immmortality to rub off on his older brother? (This is also an older author.)_

 **The STEAM Team** by **Inky-Paws:** _Huzzah! An active Hetalia author. I've spoken with them a few times, and they're super sweet. They have a serious writing palate for anything to do with angst and intense emotions._

* * *

 **Trigger warnings: Explicit mentions of self-harm.**

Wowee, it's been a while hasn't it?! No worries, I haven't lost interest in the fandom. If anything, my interest has grown, I've just switched platforms. For those of you who have tumblr, you'd know that I've become very active on there (I post daily content), which explains my lacking presence here. It's hard to juggle both :P But, if you like fan theories, you can find me there under the same name!

Either way, I do intend to be finished with this story by the end of spring. I want to start new ones, damn it! Since Uni + job applications has me pressed for time, I will no longer be able to read the stories until I'm done. But, I'll still be accepting and posting recommendations made by you guys, both here and on my blog. Self recommendations are always welcomed too.

That said, enjoy this massive chapter. I'll make the remaining two chapters extra long too 😉 Also, I'm sorry if there's a few grammar mistakes that my eyes were too tired to pick up on. My lovely Beta reader is busy with school.

Thank you for your patience and support, and have a great day/night.

 **-Ella**

* * *

 **Lovino's POV:**

What was once a bright, vibrant and conversational space, had now become a gloomy and restricting prison. We all dreaded coming back to the café in the fear that something horrible would happen, again. After the incident with Alfred and Matthew, the café had shortened its hours and had tightened up security. There were bag-checks at the front doors, and Ludwig always had the dogs close by just in case they sniffed out something suspicious.

The only thing that gave us hope was the fact that our customers still showed up, in larger numbers than before, to enforce the solidarity we all so desperately needed. Campus security was still refusing to do anything about the incidents, so on top of filing insurance claims, Liza was also busy preparing to make a formal complaint to the Dean. Those haughty bastards only acted on the things that threatened to tarnish their reputation.

Arthur and I had even taken the liberty to write an editorial to the school newspaper…we needed as many allies as we could get. This was especially true since the vandalism had opened the floodgates for hate. These incidents had revealed the Achilles heel of the café. Only one incident was enough to give the motivation and courage to cowardly, bigoted individuals to speak out and voice their discriminatory opinions.

Thankfully, the majority of students were taking this matter seriously. Bella and Vlad's businesses helped chip in for the costs of installing a better security system, and the Student Foot Patrol Association volunteered to walk everyone who left the café at night, including us employees.

The café was a prison, sure, but there was also a notable stirring in the crowds, an appetite for retaliation that simply couldn't be curbed. Antonio and Gilbert in particular were beginning to scare me, as the two were huddled together in a booth, discussing plans of revenge with uncharacteristic scowls on their faces. Gilbert was admittedly the angrier of the two, as he had now taken to wearing gloves with spikes on the knuckles, and like Antonio does with me, he refuses to let Matthew finish a shift and walk home alone.

I'll give the pasty shitstain credit where it was deserved. Gilbert was more shaken up about Matthew's injury (which was actually very minor) than Matthew was. Of course, none of Matthew's reassurances or placating could calm down Gilbert, nor did either of these tactics work with Alfred.

When he was truly angry, Alfred became silent. Silence from him was terrifying because it meant that he was actually taking time to think, something he doesn't do very often, but when he does, he _always_ produces results. Currently, he was sitting with Ivan and Eduard in a booth, pouring over his laptop in an attempt to clear up some security footage.

Ivan was sitting on the other end from the two techies, embodying the awkward and uncomfortable posture of someone who felt excluded from a conversation they didn't have the means to take part in. What I immediately noticed that struck me as odd was that Ivan and Alfred's knees were brushing up against each other underneath the booth. It was a simple, asinine gesture, but as far as I were concerned, they had only recently become close friends that regularly watched movies and studied together. This was something new, and if I didn't have so much shit on my mind, I would have lent more attention to it.

"Ah!" I gave a soft cry when something poked at my knees from behind. Correction, a snout with prickly whiskers and a wet nose prodded at me. I turned around and smiled when Tito began wagging his stubby little tail. His entire butt shook from the movements, and I couldn't help but bend over to scratch his ears.

"Did you try to sneak into the kitchen again?" I scolded. Tito huffed impatiently, prompting me to roll my eyes as I pulled out a treat from my apron. "Well, that answers my question. I have to give you props, you little sneak."

"Here, you go. You must be hungry since the last ten minutes you pined and guilt-tripped me. And ugh! Stop slobbering everywhere! There's a reason we had to put a bar on the doors. It's to keep your greedy ass out. The café's already on the verge of being shut-down, the last thing we need is a health-code violation," I rambled.

Talking to Tito as if he could understand me was oddly therapeutic. Don't ask me why.

"You're getting huge, you know that? Why the fuck is your breed so muscular? I feel like I own a tank, not a pet," I continued to talk nonsense to a very receptive Tito. Geez, he easily must be forty pounds now.

Disinterested now that I didn't have any more food to offer, Tito sniffed my hand, elicited the equivalent of a human scoff, and then trotted off.

"Ungrateful little shit!" I called after him. "Don't come crying to me tonight if you're cold. I'm not lying either! I won't let you under the covers anymore!"

Tito briefly turned around, an uncanny intelligence flickering in his bloodshot eyes. The dog knew how to play me like a fiddle and I let him. As if to say "yeah right!", Tito snorted and stuck up his butt as he continued to trot away.

"We'll see about that attitude once you're put up for adoption again," I muttered to myself as I stood up and brushed off the hair from my apron and pants. Despite being short-haired, Tito still shed a significant amount.

Smirking to reclaim my stomped-on pride, I leaned against my residual spot at the front counter, keenly watching in amusement as Tito tried to pawn off food from people in exchange for his temporary affection. This joyful little distraction came to an abrupt end at the sound of dishes clattering against the ground.

Feliciano gave a sharp yelp and frighteningly backed away as the stack of plates he had dropped shattered and scattered in all directions. His face reddened in embarrassment and he refused to look anyone in the eyes as he apologized softly in a mumble.

"I'll go get the broom," Feliciano said dejectedly, and then slumped his shoulders. This wasn't the first time he had broken dishes today. I looked at Feliciano, imploring him to return my concerned gaze, but there was no getting through to him when he was like this.

The entire café grew silent with pity, knowing that Feliciano wasn't typically one to make mistakes in this business. In fact, he hardly ever did, but the stress of what's been going on lately must have really gotten to him.

It's not like I could do anything either. I've tried talking to him at home, but we've never really been all that close, you know? I wasn't the first person he went to when he was feeling down.

Ludwig was. Unfortunately, that bastard wasn't the most emotionally available person when he was also experiencing stress–or at all for that matter.

The kitchen doors swung open with a slam. It only took Ludwig three seconds to assess the scene before he let out an irritated sigh and immediately began reprimanding Feliciano.

"Feli!" Ludwig scolded, taking great lengths to stifle his anger. It was all pointless. Feliciano was good at reading people's body language, and was very sensitive and perceptive to it. You could be saying one thing, and yet be communicating something entirely different.

"This is the third time you've broken something today! I told you that if you need to go home and rest, then go and do so! It's no help staying here being a fumbling idio-" Ludwig caught himself, but it was already too late.

I opened my mouth to say something, but Feliciano cut me to the chase. He waved his hands exaggeratedly in apology, long fingers fumbling to untie the strings of his cooking apron but to no avail.

"Y-you're right, Luddy. I'm sorry that I've been so useless today. I'll just clean up this mess and then I'll be off." Feliciano attempted to push past Ludwig, only to be stopped when Ludwig lowered his voice and spoke in a gentler tone.

Ludwig swallowed, pondering over his words as if he were crafting a peace treaty. You had to be very careful with Feliciano, being as sensitive and dependent on other people's perceptions of him as he was. "I'm…sorry," he sighed.

It was always a struggle for Ludwig to adequately express himself. If you think he's scary now, you should have seen him when the two had first met at the beginning of last year. Apparently small talk for him meant reading from pre-prepared cue cards. He also hadn't quite shaken his tendency to come off as angry to others. He had a resting constipated face, and always embodied the posture of a guarded drill sergeant.

It was beyond me why Feliciano had ever been attracted to him in the first place.

…

 _"Lovi! Lovi! That Luddy guy is cute, isn't he?! I'm going to go talk to him!"_

 _"Che! Leave that poor bastard alone! He's not going to get any work done with you blabbing his ear ear off. He probably doesn't want anything to do with you anyway."_

 _"…That's what I thought at first too. But, you see… he always makes sure to leave me a slice of that chocolate cake I like, even when it's not in popular demand. How else would he know that I like it if he wasn't paying attention to me? Maybe…maybe he feels the same way."_

 _"That was a grand fucking leap of a conclusion if I've ever seen one. Okay, so you two both like chocolate cake, but that doesn't mean anything."_

 _"You don't get it, Lovi. He and I, we understand each other. He doesn't have to talk at all for me to get what he means. He's not angry all the time like everyone thinks he is. If anything, he's the sweetest most considerate person I've ever met!"_

 _"[Taken aback]. I don't know what else to say, Feli. If you feel so strongly about him, then take the chance…I guess. I think you could really use a friend here. The last month has been tough, we're both homesick, but unlike you, I don't need to be around others to avoid feeling lonely. I don't know why you always come to me for permission about things like this, but for God's sake, just detach yourself from my hip and go make friends with that constipated oaf! S-see if I care. I won't stop you."_

 _"Lovi…"_

 _"Vamoosh! Go! Seduce and pester that bastard! Just stop pestering me! I'm trying to do my work damn it!"_

 _"Oh Lovi…"_

 _"WHAT?!"_

 _"That mop has no water in it."_

 _"YEAH, SO?! HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF DRY MOPPING A FLOOR FIRST? IT T-TAKES UP ALL THE DUST!"_

 _"You mean a broom?"_

 _"OH, SO NOW YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, HUH?! W-WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!"_

 _"It's nothing."_

 _"Well, it's obviously something. Spill, you socializing heathen of a little brother."_

 _"One day, when you find someone who understands you other than me, they'll be laughing at you too. And Lovi?"_

 _"Huh?"_

 _"Thanks. I really think I have a chance with this guy. He gets me. I feel like I can be myself with him without having to put on the act that I do out here. When I smile with him I really mean it."_

 _"I…uh… just be careful, eh? That guy has an explosive temper."_

 _[I hadn't wanted to admit that I had also seen through Ludwig and secretly trusted him too, albeit bitterly. Emphasis on bitterly.]_

…

Feliciano's hands tightened into fists as Ludwig bent down to place both hands on his shoulders. He glanced down so that they were eye-to-eye. He swallowed again, eyes darting until he grunted awkwardly and finally mustered the willpower to ignore that they were in a public area.

"I shouldn't have lost my temper like that," Ludwig bashfully apologized. "It was uncalled for."

Feliciano blinked owlishly. "It's okay," he mechanically responded. "I _was_ being an idiot. You don't have to apologize for being honest. Really, it's okay! I'll just go home, sleep, and make some dinner for when you get back. I'll be more useful there anyways."

Hurt flashed across Ludwig's face, but it wasn't directed at himself. "You're being too hard on yourself, s-schatz," he stammered. "It's not your fault that you're affected by these things. You feel more deeply than most people. It's something I've always admired in you. I'm not mad at you. You're not useless. You're more resilient than anyone else I know. I wish I had your patience in not getting angered so easily," he rambled, taking great care to endue more emotion in what he was saying despite how choppy and methodically structured it was.

"Maybe…maybe you can just help taking orders for now if you're still feeling shaky. You haven't had anything to eat since morning, have you? How about, uh, you and I take a break together. I think we could both use that, ja?"

Feliciano smiled, genuinely this time. "Wow, commander. You're actually taking a break when you're not on a scheduled vacation? I'm impressed. Sure, I'd love to have that lunch date with you. What's on the menu?"

A minimal wisp of a grin spread onto Ludwig's face as he popped the suggestion. "Chocolate cake?"

I stuck a finger in my mouth and pretended to gag. Feliciano huffed, gave me a side-glare, and then resumed entrancing Ludwig with his "Nala" face.

"Why, sure I'd love to have some of that, grazie!"

"HEY! Are you guys just going to leave this mess here?!" I deadpanned. No answer.

"Fine! I'll clean it, but you two should be grateful! I'm only doing this because I don't want Tito to step on the glass by the way!" I moved to grab the broom, but was stopped when a whirlwind of blond hair came rushing forward.

"Oh mon dieu!" Francis, crossing the café with a rack of black jump suits, whined as he skirted around the broken dish pieces. He then peered up to criticize the nearest employee, which just so happened to be me.

"Aren't you going to clean this?" Francis demanded. "What would have happened if I had stepped on that and cut my foot? Non! I'll tell you what! I would have quit being the fashion designer for this place, and you could all be wearing fruit-de-loom aprons for all I care!"

"You go on strike every second day asking for more pay from Liza, so I really don't think there would be much of a difference if you left," I retorted. "I was just getting to cleaning the mess."

"Hmmph! I'll have my revenge by making your spy outfit extra tight!" Francis threatened with a mischievous smirk on his face.

I dismissively waved my hand at Francis. "Just go already. You're causing a scene. I'll show you fruit de loom, you fruit de douche," I said, and gestured for Francis to move his rack along.

"What's got into you lately?" Francis remarked, dropping all hints of mock grumpiness. Of course, telling him to go away was an invitation for him to pry for more information.

"Nothing, I'm just tired with everything. I can't wait for it all to be over tonight." I really didn't want to talk to Francis of all people about this. Self-proclaimed big brother of the café or not, I could only stand him for so long.

"Ah oui," Francis's expression softened. "Don't we all feel that way. We'll catch that brute, big brother will make sure of it!"

I gagged again, except this time it was real. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

"There, there, everything will work out," Francis sobered. "It's so strange to see you so well-tamed like this!"

I had already tuned out Francis. Regardless, he had no problem maintaining the conversation just by talking to himself.

He attempted to pat my back as I worked on sweeping up nearby pieces of glass, but I was careful to maintain a wide circumference between us.

"Are you even listening to me?" Francis sighed.

My headphones were already in.

"Fine, you anti-social mongrel! I can see where I am not wanted," Francis exclaimed with a damaged, self-important huff.

"Francis! What's taking you so long? I need to inspect those garments!"

"Oui! I'm coming!"

Francis put on an obnoxious whistle, pretending that he wasn't hurt by me ignoring him as he pushed his cart towards the booth he and Arthur were sharing. Arthur had dedicated himself to directing the upcoming espionage mission tonight.

Even through my headphones, I could hear Arthur and Francis arguing about Francis's choice of fabric. The practicality vs fashionable argument was something they always fought about in all avenues of life; what clothes they wore, what furniture they owned, how the food they ate was presented, whether they took a taxi or an uber… you name it.

Arthur immediately erupted into a tangent. "What do you take Liza for, a millionaire? Who gives a damn about the quality of the fabric if it's only to be used once! This needs to be returned, all of it! You self-absorbed tit! Not only have you exceeded our budget, but you've just created a two-month deficit!"

"And so the powerless little caterpillar evolves into a tyrannical butterfly! These clothes will last for years to come! Ah! I don't even know why I ever listen to you! You, who eats microwaved potatoes for dinner and idolizes absurd fictional doctors!"

"Newsflash! You have to listen to me…L-Liza said so! And how dare you insult my–"

The arguing drowned into the background as I absorbed myself in cleaning Feliciano's mess and mopping the floor afterwards. Although, I forgot to put soap in the bucket. Ah, it's not like anyone would notice. Water did the job well enough, right?

Just as I was backing up the mop and bucket in the direction of the supply room, I hit something hard. Cold, steady, and pale bear-like hands stabilized my position before joltingly letting go. Even through the fabric of my shirt, I could still feel the cold permeating from this person's body. It was unnatural.

It was the sight of a long scarf through my peripherals that immediately gave the person away. I froze, unsure as to what to do. I didn't bother to take out my headphones, nor did I make any attempt to rouse myself into turning and facing the person.

"Sorry, little one," Ivan apologized, and skirted around me. "You should really be more careful listening to music like that. I did try to warn you that I was coming from behind."

I turned my head and looked over my shoulder. Ivan smiled, eyes folding into overly kind crescents as he gave me a small wave. "I see that you're busy. Sorry for intruding. I'll be leaving now."

Ivan opened the front door, letting in the moist, earthy March wind brush into the café. It was cold, but there was a promising warmth to it that the Italian in me desperately longed for.

"Take care!" I blurted out. "Come back soon!"

Ivan's smile widened, as if he were surprised that I had said anything to him at all. "Thank you! I will!"

As he walked away outside, Ivan cast a large shadow through the front windows. The sun was just beginning to set, thankfully later than it did in the winter. I couldn't stand it getting dark as early as 4PM and eagerly welcomed the upcoming prospect of longer days.

"That was weird, no?" Antonio flanked at my side. I placed the mop back in its bucket and flicked my bangs out of my face.

"Nah," I shrugged. "Ivan's just like that. A bit weird and scary, but good intentions are still there. He'll always creep the shit out of me, though. I can't really help it with how large he is. So… are you and Gilbert done planning your murder?"

Antonio chuckled. He took hold of the bucket's handle, despite my protests, and I followed him as he wheeled it towards the cleaning closet in the backroom. "We were getting a lot done until Matthew came. They're still bickering over the same thing."

I rolled my eyes. "God, will Gilbert give that pride of his a rest? The cut isn't even that bad."

"Lovi," Antonio's tone became stern. "I agree with Gilbert. Matthew's lucky. He could have been injured a lot more seriously should he have been sitting even just a few inches closer to that window. Who we're dealing with is dangerous. Gilbert, as well as everyone else here, has every right to be concerned."

"I think you're missing the point," I replied. "Gilbert needs to get over himself and listen to what Matthew's saying. He's too reckless, and so are you. You both need someone to hold your impulsive tempers in check."

Antonio scoffed. "I suppose I'll need you and Feli then considering how much of a temper you have," he teased.

"OI!"

Antonio laughed as I playfully whipped his butt with a dish towel.

By the time we came back into the café, the rest of the employees were preparing to close-up early. Liza had come out from plotting in the backroom and had taken the helm at the front counter. _That was my spot._

"Chop-chop everyone! We've got a busy night ahead of us," she barked. She presided over the room with a strong, authoritative presence. Just by looking at her, I felt my morale raise tenfold. We were heading into a battle, one that we all knew was in our favor given our numbers.

Roderich was standing beside Liza, long nose buried into a map of the campus. "Where are the surveillance vans going to be located again? I don't want them to be too close. If anyone gets injured, that means spending more money that we simply don't have."

"It's the road over, parallel from here," Liza said patiently, albeit gritting her teeth in irritation. She must have repeated this same spiel to Roderich at least fifty times. "And forget about the money. We have more than enough people helping us out with that. Speaking of which…"

Eduard, Vlad, Boris, and Raivis entered the café, carrying various electronic equipment.

"Is everything working all right?" Liza asked them.

Eduard nodded proudly, eyes gleaming behind his glasses. "Yes, ma'am. The vans and cameras are all set up. We're ready whenever you are, we're just putting the extras back."

"Good," Liza's eyes hardened. She then pressed a hand over the ear with a Bluetooth piece attached to it. "Ludwig, Feliciano? Have you found a good spot for you and the dogs?"

Liza nodded in approval. "Good."

"Alfred?"

Alfred shrugged on his coat, exiting the kitchen. He didn't need Liza to tell him, already knowing what he had to do. "On it. I'll be back with my laptop soon. I'll meet y'all in the vans."

Before Alfred left, he spotted Antonio and I. "There you two are! Here," he handed us our 'spy' uniforms. "We were looking for you." There was a teasing, accusatory look in his eyes, but he was gracious enough to let us off the hook, that arrogant bastard.

Antonio and I sheepishly headed for the backroom, but I stopped and paused in the hallway, wanting to catch up and hear what we had missed. Antonio did the same.

Okay…so maybe I lied a bit and skipped over some things in the narrative. Antonio and I had actually made out for quite some time before coming back from the supply closet. Don't fucking judge me. You've all had more than enough fanservice at this point, and it just didn't seem appropriate to elaborate on. NO, I'M NOT BEING HYPOCRITICAL.

"Francis?"

"Everyone else is changing in the backroom."

"Good."

"All right!" Liza clapped her hands together. "Things are going as planned. And you, mister," she paused to grab Roderich's hand. "You're not leaving my sight. Knowing you, you'd get lost on the walk out of here."

Roderich sighed. "Yes, yes, I know. I'm also not to converse with Gilbert while in the vans."

"Mhmmm. I'm glad you understand. You guys can go at each other's throats once this is all over. I'll even happily join you. But, none of that can happen until we catch this culprit. I'll stay up all night if I have to. I trust my intuition, and my gut's telling me that they're going to strike tonight."

"I always did say that you've had the sight," Vlad remarked. "You were a natural fortune-teller."

"Absolute nonsense," Roderich muttered to himself.

This didn't go unheard by Liza. "Nonsense or not, things will end here tonight. Now, let's get this spy mission on the road. The café has to be empty for some time, otherwise that jackass isn't going to come knocking."

Perhaps this was my own intuition, or I had just gotten really good at reading the crazy levels radiating off Liza, but something told me that she wanted to do some knocking [out] of her own.

…

"Are you guys stationed all right?" Arthur spoke into our earpieces. "Do you see anything yet?"

"No Arthur," I deadpanned. "Nothing's changed in the thirty seconds since you've last asked us that."

Antonio, who was perched on the branch parallel to me, reached out his spare hand for a fist bump. Of course, I went for it. Antonio and Arthur had never really cared for each other.

I pretended to ignore Antonio's "That's my tomatito!" praise.

"Lovino," Liza cut in, her voice cracking slightly from the earpiece. I could just imagine the electricity building in the air around her. The rest of the lot staying in the surveillance vans had been texting back and forth on a group chat, complaining about how tense and snappy she was, Roderich included.

"Arthur's just doing what I asked him to. Now, report in."

I gave a long sigh before peering down. Due to our relatively short heights, Antonio and I were asked to hide-out in the tree just outside the café. We were the first line of defense on the front, Mei and Kiku were sitting out on top of the roof of Bella's bakery, and Ludwig and Feliciano were just around the corner with Tito and the rest of the dogs.

It was a good thing there was a full street between us, because boy, when Liza gave that chirping sigh, you knew there was trouble soon to come. The cheerier she got, the more imminent your death became.

Dryly, I reported that I saw nothing, going over all five senses just to sooth Liza's nerves. Man, I don't know. There's no rationalizing with that crazy bitch, especially when you're an equally crazy irrational bastard like myself. If telling her that the sunset was a calming romantic pink placated her stubbornness, then I'd just have to suck it up and do it.

"No one's going to come for a while, you know," Antonio yawned and stretched his arms. Damn. That spy outfit did a hell of a lot of favours in toning his body. "We still have about half an hour before it gets dark. That's when the person usually attacks, no? Would you guys mind if I took a nap? Lovi will make sure I don't fall, won't you Lovi?"

"I was actually going to ask you if I could take a nap…" I muttered.

"See!" Gilbert spluttered. "I told you it was a mistake to let those lazy bums be our eyes and ears! It should have been Mattie and I out there." He was still sour that Liza had banned him from wearing his spiked gloves.

"Don't humour us, Gilbert. You'd probably break the tree in half with that fat head of yours. It wouldn't be able to bear your stupidity," Roderich sniffed with a sense of finality.

"Would you quit provoking him?!" Liza demanded. Roderich, of course, had a smug nasally rebuttal to that.

A scuffle erupted where I could hear Francis holding back and preventing Gilbert from leaving the van he was stationed in. It was a great call on Liza's part to separate Gilbert and Roderich. Those two had a knack for deriving pleasure from making the other mad, only to play victim when it came time to the chastising.

"What he means to say is that you're too impulsive. You have a personal stake and vendetta in this. Knowing you, you'd charge in and assault the person without thinking. I know it's hard to believe, but we actually care about you, Gilbert, and don't want you getting hurt," Liza said.

"She's right, you know," Matthew added. "Get over yourself. Being frustrated isn't going to help with anything. We'll get our revenge, Gil, you just have to trust us. We've been planning this for how long now? Two weeks? There's no way it's not going to work out. Lovino and Antonio aren't our only eyes and ears either."

Gilbert sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry. I just…can't wait until this is all over."

"Translation: you're a stubborn child who always wants to have control over the situation and can't own up to the fact that he doesn't always get what he wants," Roderich countered.

WHACK!

"Will you shut up!?"

"Mein gott, fine. Don't allow me to finish, why don't you?" Roderich whined. "I was going to say that he cares too much. If you excuse me, I will now play this piano app to express my frustration at being ostracized."

"You did it to yourself, you lunatic," Gilbert chuckled. "But thank you. Anyways, where's Alfred at?"

Eduard cleared his throat. "He left to get a baseball bat from the sports office. Just him, though," he paused, knowing that Gilbert had something to say about this. "It's only for defensive purposes. He knows how to take care of a weapon."

"SO do I!"

"ENOUGH ALREADY!" Pretty much everyone exploded. Gilbert fell silent without much resistance.

Raivis took this moment of silence to speak up. "If this GPS is accurate, Alfred should just be getting back now."

That's yet another unnecessary thing Liza had us do. For the mission, she had Eduard and Alfred bug our phones so that someone knew where we were at all times.

"Correct me if I'm mistaken, but it doesn't look like Alfred is close to us at all. His dot is all the way over….here."

"That dot is the van, Roderich," Liza smirked.

"Oh."

"Still haven't changed, have you, Roddy old boy? I've seen fruit flies with a better sense of direction than you. It's a good thing you and Liza are getting married. She'll keep you in line as you follow after her like a helpless little coward."

It was Matthew's turn to whack Gilbert, using the loose sleeve of his hoodie. Unfortunately, that only led to Gilbert making suggestive comments towards Matthew.

Meanwhile, Roderich turned up the volume of his phone and began to furiously tap his fingers on the touchscreen keyboard, playing Chopin. He didn't seem to care that everyone got irritated with him for this. Roderich was the type of person who would put his phone on speaker in the middle of a quiet study room and not give a single damn.

"It's a wonder why I ever say anything," Roderich snapped, abandoning his ongoing game. "We'll see who has the last laugh when I ban you from drinking alcohol during the wedding."

Gilbert, catching on to the fact that Roderich was attempting to break the ice in his own stubborn way, laughed. "Now that's unheard of. I wasn't even expecting to have that luxury, knowing how stingy you are. Ya know, usually when you go the wedding, you go there to see the beautiful couple."

"Don't you get all mature on me, Gilbert. That's what your brother's for," Roderich said, almost teasingly but not quite there yet.

"And what are Ludwig and I there for? To clean up after both of your messes?"

"Thank you, Elizabeta, I was just about to say that," Ludwig chuckled, yes chuckled. What in the snip-snap-fuckity-fracking-fuck was going on here? "Don't even get me started on what future Christmases are going to be like."

"It'll be so much fun, don't you think?" Feliciano cooed. "A big happy chaotic family~!"

The sound of a car door echoed as Alfred entered Liza's van. "Yo! I'm back…hey why is everyone laughing and smilin'? Is my hair sticking up?"

Laughter.

Alfred shrugged and took up a seat next to Eduard, who handed him a set of headgear. "Ah, whatever. Less work for me. I expected to come back to a warzone, not whatever this is ya freaking sentimental weirdos."

Alfred then began helping Eduard go through a quick rundown of the cameras, as well as checking in with Mei and Kiku. They had the best views of anyone else here.

"Geez Liza, you sure got a tight-knit group of workers," Vlad complimented. He and Boris were staked out in their own café with all the lights turned off. You couldn't pay me enough to spend time in that creepy place [again] with the lights on.

Before Liza could retaliate that Vlad was insinuating something, he finished. "I mean, I wouldn't expect anything less from you. Sorry, I know you guys were having a moment, I just wanted to join in."

"Is anyone even paying attention to the mission anymore?" Boris said.

"Oh hush, Bor, you bore."

"Unoriginal as always."

"MOVING ON," Vlad swiftly changed the subject. "There doesn't seem to be much people in the area anymore."

"I can confirm," I added, uselessly.

"I guess we just wait now," Liza replied. "Is anyone hungry? I brought snacks."

"Actually, I, uh, ordered a pizza for the occasion," Alfred said sheepishly.

"Of course you did," Matthew deadpanned. "Did you order enough for everybody?"

"Of course I did!" Alfred mocked Matthew. "What was I? Raised by animals? I may eat like one, but I'm not a complete prick."

"So he's self-aware, after all," Arthur half-said, half-sung in a tutting, patronizing manner.

Either Alfred didn't hear Arthur or he completely discounted him. Sometimes he deliberately ignored the latter when he had stuff to do and couldn't be bothered. "I even ordered from that place Toris works at for his second job, so he'll be getting the tip. There'll be plenty of leftovers for those not here."

Arthur seemed a bit put off by going unacknowledged and began to overcompensate by snapping orders at, you guessed it, Antonio and I. None of Francis's comforting could sooth his massive ego.

Unsurprisingly, Antonio had scuttled onto my branch and had his arms wrapped around me. We were sitting fairly low in the tree, obscured from view by the leaves. A person hadn't walked by for the last twenty minutes.

Normally, the restaurant strip would be open by now, but the campus' security had put a curfew on how late businesses could run for. They wanted to avoid a lawsuit, so don't think this minimal measure was taken in our best interest. It was the only thing they had done for us. If they knew what we were doing right now, it would have been called off immediately.

"Alfred, who are you texting?" Matthew asked.

"No one," Alfred answered, suspiciously, and then loudly clapped his hands. "It doesn't matter anyway, 'cause they're not answering."

"How yummy. He's pining," Liza swooned. "You better give us all the deets when we're done with this, Al, no excuses."

"Aha," Alfred laughed nervously. "There isn't really much to say. It's all one-sided…"

"What's with the self-deprecation all of a sudden? Only I'm allowed to criticize you," Arthur spoke softly, still too stubborn to be honest with how much he actually cared about his younger cousin.

Alfred elicited a pity laugh in response to Arthur's joke. "Nah, I'm a bit stressed. Don't worry about it, dude. It'll pass. I don't even know what I'm saying half of the time anyway…"

Suddenly taking pity on Alfred, I decided to help him out a little by diverting the spotlight. I removed my head from Antonio's collarbone and placed my face right before his, eyes gleaming.

"Lovi…?"

Poor sucker didn't stand a chance. "Shut up," I snapped. "My lips are cold and I'm bored. Do something."

Antonio took the hint and teasingly rubbed his nose against mine before going in for the full kiss.

"You two are so not making out right now!" Gilbert whined. Silence. "Gross guys! We can all hear you, you know!"

"Uhhh! Antonio!" I exaggerated a moan. "There! Yes! Yes!"

Obviously, people don't make these sounds when you make out.

"Listen you cocky pricks, if you don't do your job I'll–"

"Bruder, enough," Ludwig chastised. "They're just doing it to bug you. They want you to react like this."

Gilbert was actually quite a hardass when he took something seriously. Che, serves him right for the remaining 90% of the time that his obnoxious ass "graces our presence."

"Damn right we do~! Oh~!" If you would have shown my present self to the me from the beginning of the year he wouldn't believe how comfortable I've grown… with this handsome goon of a boyfriend.

I felt like I was finally able to share my weird sense of humour with others, void from the fear of being rejected for it. We were all a group of freaks when it came down to it.

"You fools! You're going to make Liza pass out," Roderich fretted.

"I'm steady as a rock, boys. Please, do carry on," Liza sang, yes sang. "Kiku and Mei have things under control. I could use some entertainment."

Kiku cleared his throat, speaking up for the first time. "I'm afraid we're going to have to put off that entertainment for the time being. It looks like someone's coming from where we are."

Instantly, I climbed off Antonio and turned to look up at Mei and Kiku's spot on the roof of Bella's café. Just as I met their gaze, they ducked so that only their heads were visible.

"Ah man! My pizza didn't come yet!" Alfred simpered. This went ignored by everyone else.

"Shit," I cursed. "I see them too. They're coming in from the dorms, just like Ludwig suspected."

The figure was still too far away to find any identifying details.

"Lovi, up you go." Antonio offered me a hand as we climbed onto a higher branch. We would have been in view should we have stayed where we were.

"Ludwig, do you have the dogs ready?" Liza asked.

"Yes, Feli and I are waiting. Lovino, Antonio. You're the ones closest to the potential culprit. We're here for you the minute anything goes wrong. Be safe and don't take any risks."

I sighed. Now wasn't the time for arguing. "Got it."

"I have a bat just in case too," Alfred added. "Ready to pop that knucklehead's head off, if ya know what I mean."

"No one wants to know what you mean, Al," Matthew groaned. "At least I sure don't."

With baited breaths, we watched as the hooded figure approached. Except, it became clear that the person wasn't hooded when they came into closer view. Instead, they wore a ski mask over their face. They were broad in stature, wore heavy boots that crunched against the gravel, and most noticeable of all was the large trench coat that they wore.

It was hard to make out the colors, as the area was pitch-black for the most part. Antonio and I didn't bother to pull out our phones in fear. Mei and Kiku had also turned off the flashers that had previously alerted us of their presence.

Only the persons in the van were able to speak.

"This is our guy," Alfred concluded through gritted teeth. "Only a psycho would wear a ski mask in March."

"Or how about any other day of the year?" Arthur grumbled. "That's odd. They keep turning their face away from the cameras…"

"You're right," Eduard said. "It's like they know where they're stationed. Here, I'll try to zoom in a little."

"W-what if they have a weapon of their own?" Raivis said.

"Don't worry, little guy," Alfred reassured Raivis. He had taken on the brotherly role given that Raivis was only sixteen years old. Lord help the Latvian should Alfred ever become his role model. "You don't have to leave the van if you don't want to. If you do, I have your back."

"Doesn't look like anyone I know," Liza whispered. "They're huge, aren't they?"

"Thanks, that makes me feel so much better," I snapped.

The potential culprit paused three stores down, likely having heard my outburst. Antonio yelped and clasped a hand over my mouth. I had no protests to that. Jesus fuck, did it get colder outside or was it just me?

"That person is well over six feet," Vlad informed us. "Seems to be a guy. I haven't seen a lady with shoulders as broad as that. Well, maybe Liza back when she used to be on the swim team, but that's another story…"

"Do you want me to use you as bait?" Liza threatened Vlad.

"No?"

"Then I suggest you shut up before I make you sever your tongue with your own fangs."

"The dogs are acting up," Ludwig spoke firmly. "They're sensing that something isn't right too. We're heading over."

"Wait!" I whispered as lowly as I could. "They just stopped in front of the café."

Slowly, Antonio and I peered around the tree trunk. The stranger's back was facing us as they looked through the front window of the café, still and calmly in place. They then looked over at the right-most (broken) window, where wood had been boarded up to fill the space where the panes had used to be.

"What should we do?" Antonio turned to me in question. He paused when the stranger heavily dropped to their knees and let out a guttural cry. I had no answer for him, too confused myself.

"What in the world…?" Kiku muttered.

The stranger rubbed at their eyes through their ski mask, roughly scuffing at it with their palms. It really did look like they were crying. I had to crane my neck, as they had done a good job at muffling these sounds.

"I think they're crying," Liza remarked in a tone mixed with sympathy, fear, and confusion. "Oh dear. This doesn't look good at all."

"Fuck it, I'm going in." I scooted away from Antonio. "Someone has to do something."

"Lovi! No!" Antonio hissed, wildly motioning for me to come back.

"Absolutely not!" Roderich barked at me, agreeing with Antonio. "We're calling the cops this instant."

Too late, I had already hopped down onto the ground. "Relax, I can run away if I need to. I won't get too close," I said in a low voice.

THUMP!

Antonio had already followed suit, that bastard.

We hadn't even gotten within five meters of the person before they noticed us. They didn't bother to turn around as they spoke. "I came…to turn myself in. Please, just don't come any closer for now. I need some time to think to myself before I'm ready to tell you everything."

Well shit. I sure as hell hadn't been expecting that.

"Okay…" I sucked in a breath. My stomach dropped, and I felt a sense of dread fill in its place. This person sounded familiar, sure, but that wasn't what I was paying attention to. The tone in which they spoke had been sapped of all hope and life. I felt like I was approaching the predecessor of a corpse; someone who had long died on the inside but was trapped in a costume of skin and bones, animated by action as opposed to motivation.

"How can we trust you?" Antonio asked, posture stiff and jaw clenched. He was on guard and ready at any moment's notice to defend us if need be.

"I don't think it matters if you trust me," the person replied, voice deep. Their hands fell at their sides as they absently brushed a glove against the gravel. They made no indication of getting up from their seated position. "I already know that there are plenty of others watching. Let them, I want them all to know how disgusting and cowardly I am."

"That's not an answer," Antonio growled.

"Antonio, relax," I whispered only so he could hear me.

"Okay, here's how things are going to go down. You're right. We do have people watching all this, but we're willing to hear you out if you promise no funny business. Now, we're going to stand over there and wait for everyone else to come. If you try to run, I have a friend who's ready to sick three dogs on you at a moment's notice."

"There's no need. I will wait. It should give me enough time," they answered, cryptically.

Antonio and I exchanged glances, still uncertain.

"You guys heard that, right?" I asked. My voice was noticeably unsteady. This all felt so surreal. We had hyped up this confrontation for weeks now, only for it to culminate into something far more anti-climactic than imagined.

"I still don't trust them," Antonio grumbled. "There's no excuse for what they did." While I agreed with Antonio's skepticism, nothing about the stranger set off any warning bells in my head. There really was something familiar about them, but I couldn't quite place what it was. I was more unnerved than scared.

"We're coming out. Stay where you are," Alfred said.

"No one call the cops just yet," Liza warned. "We're going to try to resolve this first."

"They're coming," I told the stranger for no reason in particular. They gave a slight nod in acknowledgement. I immediately looked away. The fact that they were just…sitting there, as if they had nothing to live for was disturbing. This wasn't the monster I had been expecting.

Ludwig and Feliciano were the first to arrive. The dogs tensed and their shackles were raised, but they didn't bear their teeth or growl. This surprised Ludwig for a moment before he regained his composure and sent out his own barking command. Tito glanced at me, gave a quick, nervous wag of the tail, and then resumed his guard.

"Stay where you are and don't you dare think about moving," Ludwig said, holding up the dog leashes in warning. "Failure to cooperate will not end well for you. Answer our questions openly and honestly. Any bigotry will not be tolerated. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes," the stranger whispered.

Ludwig grit his teeth. "All right then."

Feliciano, who had followed Ludwig's orders and had flanked behind him, waved forward at Kiku and Mei as they also came down to join us. Ludwig relaxed a tad, taking relief in the fact that the couple was well-equipped to defend against any possible assaults.

"Hey!" Liza called out awkwardly as she Roderich, Gilbert, Matthew, and Alfred came out. The others must have stayed back in the van. We needed the look out just in case the stranger was lying and had a partner lurking about.

Alfred tightly gripped onto his back, knuckles white and bulging.

"Can someone please explain to me why we haven't called the police?" Roderich asked. "Don't even get me started on how many risks we're taking right now."

"I want to hear their side of the story first before we do anything," Liza impatiently replied. "You hear that, you bastard? Stand up and look me in the eye. I want to know why you terrorized this place."

The stranger didn't budge and let out a strangled choking sound.

"You heard the woman! Stand up, you punk!" Gilbert screamed. "Or I'll damn well make you!"

"Can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Gilbert," Alfred said. "Listen, man. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is you taking off that mask and apologizing for what you did. The hard way is us calling the cops and forcing the information out of you."

"Nothing is easy here, but I will comply." The stranger stood up, brushed off the dirt from their pants, and finally turned to face us.

Alfred faltered with recognition, eyes wide. His suspicions were confirmed when the stranger pulled off his ski mask, revealing white-blonde hair and pitted violet eyes.

Ivan.

"I-Ivan?!" Alfred blurted out. "Why?! Why would you do something like this?" His voice had raised several octaves. "I thought we were friends!"

Ivan shook his head silently, tears pooling. "I think everyone is my friend, don't you see? And then I ruin and destroy everything that I like. It's all I know how to do."

If it was summer, you'd hear crickets chirping. I felt like I had just intruded on a private moment. No one else bothered to say anything as Alfred took a hesitant step forward. Almost immediately, Ivan stepped back and hoarsely cried out.

"Alfred, please! Don't! Don't look at me! Don't touch me! I don't deserve you!"

"Nonsense!" Alfred cut in. "Don't give me that _nonsense_ when everything already doesn't make sense as it is, darn it! How do you know that you don't deserve me? Please, just let me understand why you did this. I want to know!"

"I already told you," Ivan whispered. He melancholically looked past Alfred's shoulders, staring into nothing. "I grew up with destruction. I would move from home to home and get attached, only to have my heart broken all over again. This café became my home until I realized something. I had found another home. I had found a friend."

"Ivan, buddy. I'm not following," Alfred said, remaining in place when he noticed how antsy Ivan was getting.

"Oh," Alfred muttered, and dropped his bat to the ground with a clang. He took another two steps forward, but didn't push any further.

"I wouldn't have done that," Roderich tutted. "Who knows what that lunatic is capable of."

"I don't think he's going to do anything…" Liza said, solemnly. "I've never really understood Ivan, but now I think I'm beginning to."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just listen."

"I'm used to being hated and feared. I experienced it for my whole life. Then I met you, Alfred. You may have hated me at one point, but you never feared me. You looked at me like I was a person rather and not the monster I've kept contained all this time. I frighten people because I'm scared myself. I know how to be around others. What I don't know how to do is let them in without destroying this attachment. Why wait and suffer from the anxiety when you can just end it all yourself, right? Why…why bother? Why bother if you know they're not going to return your affection anyway?"

A tear splashed onto the ground before Ivan's feet. "Why would I let myself get attached and set myself up for failure? If… if I ruined the home I got attached to, then I wouldn't want to come there anymore. I wouldn't want to come home to the one person who's ever made me want to keep my heart where it is now. I didn't want things to come to this. I…didn't see any other…"

"Option?" Alfred finished for Ivan. "Are you telling me you didn't see any other option?"

Ivan miserably nodded his head.

"I'm sorry, but that's not a good excuse, Ivan. I've been there for you all this time. Help's always been available."

"I couldn't. If I opened myself up to you, who knows what I'd say. The Ivan you know isn't even a fraction of my true self. I'm pitiful to look at, ugly inside and out."

"Now, who said anything about that?" Alfred's tone softened.

"I did!" Ivan snapped. "Are you even listening to me?! I'm telling you that I'm a horrible person. Why aren't you berating me? You should hate me! How dare you look at me like that, as if I've earned your compassion. I'm not worth it!"

"I don't know that yet!" Alfred grit his teeth. "I still don't understand why you did all this."

Ivan rubbed at his arm with a gloved hand, methodically as if he were soothing some sort of tension.

"Of course you don't understand. You're oblivious until I spoon-feed the information into that big oblivious mouth of yours," Ivan chuckled bitterly. "I'm fucked up, all right? I fell in love with you, Alfred. I didn't want to but I did. That's why I had to destroy the café. I had to ruin any associations or ties that I had. I wanted to ruin my image of you."

"I…you still came back Ivan. After all this time, you…came back," Alfred muttered awkwardly, the cogs in his mind struggling with a confused splutter.

I don't think Alfred had properly taken in Ivan's confession. He was too stunned.

"I know! I had to! I couldn't stop thinking about you."

"You love me…" Alfred said, more as if it were a question. He cocked his head to the side, eyes wide.

"Da, I do," Ivan gave Alfred an imploring look, desperately wanting to meet Alfred's eyes and yet silently begging him to look away.

Gilbert had seen enough, eyes incredulous at the sheer ridiculousness of the scene playing out before him. "Are you trying to tell me that you fell in love with Alfred and your only solution was to commit hate crimes and terrorize innocent people?"

Ivan's head sunk.

"YOU BASTARD!"

Gilbert leapt forward. Chaos unfolded as Matthew attempted to hold Gilbert back. Gilbert had managed to land a punch to Ivan's face, grabbing at the Russian's scarf that had previously been tucked into his jacket before Matthew was able to pull him away.

Alfred had rushed forward, furiously standing in between Matthew and Gilbert and Ivan. During this, I had gravitated towards Antonio's side, watching silently in horror.

Ludwig could only shout as he struggled to keep the dogs at bay. They had begun to react violently to the scuffle, growling lowly in their throats.

One side of Ivan's scarf was now touching the ground. He hadn't bothered to put up a fight.

"That was uncalled for, Beilschmidt!" Alfred snarled.

"Oh, so now you're taking that psycho's side?"

"He's not a psycho!"

"He's right you know," Ivan smiled through his tears. "I am a psycho. Why don't you call the police and lock me up? It'd do me a lot of good."

"Ivan?"

"Yes?"

"Stop talking, and now _you_ listen. I love you too, but not like this. This is just too much," Alfred raked a hand through his hair.

"I know you do," Ivan said. "That's what made it so hard to turn myself in. I knew I wouldn't be able to stand your disappointment."

Alfred ignored this. "You're bleeding," he said pointedly. Alarm crept in. "Ivan, your neck! _It's bleeding."_

Ivan cupped a glove over his neck. "So I am. The wounds are not as shallow as I had thought."

"Ivan!" Alfred just about wailed. "Please! Please, I can't do this. Here, for God's sakes!" He reached into his coat and pulled out a wad of tissue. "Hold this, we'll have to get you a towel or something."

"Stop what? Stop being around you?"

"No! I just…you need help," Alfred concluded, swallowing heavily.

"I know I do," Ivan agreed. "I wanted to see you before that happens, though. Even if you hate me."

"I don't hate you, Ivan," Alfred whispered. "I never have."

Ivan perked up slightly. "Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better. I'm only just learning to come to terms with these feelings, but now I know for sure that I'm happy with them. I was always happy with you…"

"Are you uncomfortable with homosexuality, Ivan?" Alfred's voice cracked. "Is that it?"

Ivan's silence was more than enough.

"Geez," Alfred muttered to himself. "I honestly don't know what to do."

"I don't know, maybe call the cops?" Gilbert said sorely as Matthew continued to glare at him.

"NO," Liza exclaimed. "This isn't what this café stands for. I have a lot of conditions, believe me, but I think we'll be able to work something out. I can see now that you never really hated us for who we are. It was yourself that you hated, and my heart breaks for you as much as I'm angered by what you did. If you're willing to work and pay restitution, all will be forgiven."

Ivan stood there, flabbergasted as Liza walked over to place a hand on his forearm. Alfred looked up at Ivan, eyes shimmering.

"Liza!" Roderich flung forward to stand at her side. "You're being reckless. If you got hurt, I don't know what I'd do with myself."

Understanding the insinuation, but at the same time being wounded by the sting of it, Ivan sadly pressed his lips together.

"Not at all," Liza said as she reached into her jeans to pull out the store keys. "I don't foresee anything like that happening. Well, we have the whole night ahead of us. I'm giving you the chance to make things right, Ivan. I would be very grateful if I were you."

"What do you say, buddy? That sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me," Alfred asked Ivan.

"Thank you…Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yes," Ivan finally said in response to Alfred, chuckling in disbelief as he reached up to wipe at his face. "It is. I almost don't believe it."

"Neither can I!" Gilbert and Roderich snapped in harmony. Both of their faces reddened in embarrassment as they forced themselves to look away.

"Enough, haven't you two learned to trust my gut?"

Gilbert sent Liza a hard glare. "You've mentioned gut so much in this chapter that it can easily be mistaken for an Activia commercial."

Matthew smiled at this, and it took a strong effort on his part not to laugh.

It didn't go unnoticed by the rest of us when Alfred kept a good distance away from Ivan as we all walked back into the café. The pressure of our worries had been lifted, but the bulk of the burden still remained.

…

While not everything had been aired out and disclosed, we all knew this. Liza had agreed not to press charges. In return, Ivan had to work to pay off the windows. Everyone began pitching in from there.

Matthew helped rebandage Ivan's neck. Turns out Matthew had long known about Ivan's cutting habits, as he had seen some evidence of it back in the change rooms during their hockey season. Roderich had also agreed, albeit reluctantly, to get into contact with his cousin therapist and refer them to Ivan.

Liza had called in Ivan's older sister to come pick him up, respecting Ivan's wishes not to inform Natalia of what had happened right away. He had gone through enough for one night judging by his haggard appearance. I sort of felt sorry for him, but there was still a considerably bitter taste in my mouth when I thought back to how much fear and hatred he had caused.

Most had already gone home for the night. While Liza and Roderich deliberated back and forth, with Roderich still attempting to remain firm in his desire to give Ivan a harsher punishment, Ivan and Alfred sat off in a sequestered booth on opposite sides from one another. Five full pizza boxes were pushed up against the booth's window.

Alfred made no move to eat the food.

"Give them time," Antonio told me, reaching over the booth we were sitting at to squeeze my hand in comfort. "They're both shocked and hurt. It'll take a while to process it all, but I believe they'll make it out all right. Honesty is what helped us."

"Yeah, well we don't have a shit ton of problems like they do," I retorted.

"That's true… at least Ivan's showing some desire to get help?" His statement sounded more like a suggestion.

I sighed. "We'll see. The guy has a big heart, but it's beyond me how fucked up he is. And here I thought I needed counselling."

Tito whined in my arms, angrily nudging his nose into my chest as if to command me to stop talking. He was snuggled up in my jacket with the zipper closed. It was well past both of our bedtimes.

"Who knows what he's been through," Antonio remarked. "Especially with that sister of his," he shuddered.

"Still," I asserted. "Even if he couldn't come to terms with his feelings for Alfred, it didn't warrant all this. Normal people don't do that."

"No, no they don't," Antonio agreed.

A healthy wave of silence passed by.

"We've come a long way, eh, you bastard?"

"Hmmm?"

I reached over the table to squeeze his own hand. "I still may not be comfortable with public affection, but it has nothing to with my sexuality anymore. That's just me. You've helped me find myself, shy and anti-social as I may be..."

Crap, this wasn't coming out right. "Maybe, maybe if we set an example and show people who used to be just like me that it's okay…they'll…"

Antonio didn't need me to finish. As we left the café, holding hands with Tito sluggishly trudging after us, we deliberately made a motion to pass by Alfred and Ivan's booth.

Antonio dipping me into a kiss at the front door initially wasn't part of the plan, but at this point, you'd know that I'd long learnt to just roll with it.

 **To be continued...**


End file.
